rest in peace to the father of fun and laughter...William Birkin đ¤˛
Is it possible for you to expand on your overworked series w Leon? I actually loved it sm
first request !! of course lovely, hope you like it! <3
masterlist | first part | previous part
âŽâ§â áľáľ 𧸠â ËâŽ
college student! leon x college student, eldest daughter! reader
summary: things get difficult- they pile up, and the harder things get, the further you start to drift. Luckily, Leon isnât pushed away so easily.
cw: realistic depictions of depression, reader is overwhelmed with everything, abandonment issues if you squint (not that hard tbh) leon being a very good boyfriend :)
a/n: been having a bit of a rough time recently and when this request came in i knew what i had to do
hey!! so this fic deals with realities of depressive episodes and how the room(s) we live in reflect that. i have had depression most of my life, so Iâm drawing on personal experience. That being said, if you are bothered by the mentions of âgrossâ depressive behavior in this fic, i.e not showering, dirty plates/moldy coffee in the bedroom, or not brushing teeth, and plan on leaving a comment about how âdepression is just an excuse to be grossâ just donât. scroll on past, this fic isnât for you :)
âŽâËââ ŕ¨ŕ§ á°.á
Youâre hiding from Leon.
Not a good idea in the long run, because one, he always manages to find you âalwaysâ but two, when he does inevitably sniff you out, heâll be upset for two reasonsâ because youâd let things get bad and because youâre hiding it.
Your room is a disaster. Itâs always the first sign. Well, the first sign is usually the general unwillingness to do anything but get out of bed, sleep, or binge watch tv, but still. Half-empty water bottles litter every available surface, accompanied by papers âboth unimportant and importantâ and dirty dishes. You donât even want to look at the coffee cups.
Itâs disgusting. You know it is. Actually, truly disgusting. Thereâs mold on some of the plates for Christâs sake. And all you have to do is stop whining and just do it. But you canât.
You canât.
Because letting everything else get this bad is the only way youâve managed to keep your grades intact during this episode. Something had to giveâ you didnât have the energy to give to anymore. So your room fell into complete and utter disarray and you havenât been eating well like Leon wants and you donât even want to talk about your shower routine.
Itâs bad. Everything is bad. You hate going home to your dirty, gross room, and youâre tired of being too tired to do nothing but homework, and youâre afraid of how upset Leon is going to be when he finds out.
And youâre so frustrated. Because youâre not that girlâ you canât be the girl with the dirty, messy room and the unkempt hair and the bags under her eyes who doesnât leave the house. You canâtâ youâre more than that. Youâre you. Youâre that girl. The girl. Beauty and brains. You just donât know how you let it get this bad.
And you donât know how to climb your way out.
â
Leon hasnât been by in⌠awhile.
This of course, is not his fault. Over the course of this episode, as things got worse and worse, you got better and better at keeping him away.
At first, you were ashamed. You were doing so good for awhile, before everything got bad again. And then, you started worryingâ youâre pushing him away, hiding everything from him, and once he realizes, heâs not going to be happy. Youâre scared of losing him because you canât keep it together.
You donât dare to admit it outside the safety and comfort of your own mind, but youâve really come to rely on Leon. Heâs always there for comfort when you need want it. Even when you donât know. He knows. He always does.
A hand on your thigh, squeezing to distract you from picking on your hangnails during class. A large, warm arm wrapped around your waist, holding you tight to him. That deep rumble in his chest when heâs telling you something, his voice low and sliding around in your brain, making all your thoughts stick together.
And youâre not allowed to miss him. You pushed him away. You told him he was distracting you. You told him you didnât want him at the apartment.
Youâre not allowed to miss him. But that doesnât stop you from doing it anyway.
Youâre sitting on your bed, staring at the slivers of floor you can see and wishing it would all go away so youâd stop feeling so bad. You hate staring at the mess, hate seeing itâ but you canât bring yourself to look away. The shirt youâre wearing probably smells âyou havenât kept up on your laundry so youâve been cycling through the same three shirts for around the house wearâ and you can practically feel the tangles youâre getting in your hair from not washing it. You havenât showered in awhile either. Your skin feels grimy.
Your gross. This is gross.
A loud knock sounds on your door and you snap your head up, frozen.
Only one person knocks like that on your door.
âShitâ uh, coming!â
You pick your way across the floor, stumbling over clothes and hangers and seriously, how many disposable water bottles can one person drink?
You finally reach the door and crack it open the tiniest sliver.
Leonâs staring back at you, his expression unreadable.
Thatâs not good. You can usually read them, nowadays.
Your eyes catch what heâs wearing- his uni sweatshirt and one of his favorite pairs of old, worn flannel pajama pants.
Thatâs not good either. If heâs wearing his comfortable clothes, it means heâs not leaving for awhile.
You stare at him through the crack in the door for a little while, unable to break the silence. He shifts his stance, rocking back onto his heels and putting his hands in the pockets of his pants.
âYouâve been avoiding me.â
You donât respond. You begin to chew anxiously on your lip, hands going white-knuckled on the door-frame.
âPrincess,â He says, and you canât tell if his voice sounds fondly annoyed or just annoyed when he says it, âYou wanna tell me whatâs been going on?â
You shake your head.
âOh? Not talking today?â He relaxes his stance a bit, âIs the reason youâve been avoiding me the same reason you wonât let me in your room?â
You resolve begins to crack. It always does that when heâs right in front of you, every part of you longing to slot yourself into place next to him, safe and protected.
You stamp down the urge.
âIâm just busy right now Leon. Iâm not avoiding you.â
âSweetheart, I stopped believing that the second you started wearing the same sweatshirt for a week straight. Youâre not well.â
âSo? What does that matter to you?â
âDo you really need me to answer that?â
It becomes a competition then- whoâs gonna look away first. Leonâs staring into your eyes, clearly cataloguing your face, that unreadable expression still in place. You meet his gaze right back, wondering how long it will take to get him to break.
He doesnât. He must find whatever it was he was looking for in your face though, because he smirks, crossing his arms and leaning back.
âYouâre not going to outlast me, princess.â
You sag, frustrated. âI justâŚâ
You suck in a breath, rushing all the words out at once.
âIâm ashamed and I donât want you to see it.â
He blinks. âYour room?â
You nod. âItâs⌠really bad. I let it get really bad.â
âNo,â He starts slowly, taking a step towards the door. âYou donât let things happen, baby. Sometimes we canât help how bad things get.â
âBut Iââ
âNo butâs. Youâre overwhelmed. Of course some stuff is gonna fall through the cracks.â
You scrub a hand over your face and immediately regret it, the feeling of your unwashed skin grating on your already frayed nerves. âItâs gross. I havenât showered and thereâs mold in the coffee cupsââ
âDonât care.â
âBut you should. Itâs disgusting, Leon. Iâmââ
âHey now,â He says, voice hardening. âDonât finish that sentence. Now, answer one question for me: do you want to keep living in your room like this?â
âNo! But I canâtââ
He shrugs. âThen Iâll help you clean it.â
He says it so easily. Like itâs not a gross, hard task that he shouldnât have to do.
You shake your head. âYou donât have to, reallyââ
âI want to.â
The words go straight to your chest. Warmth begins to pool and spread where they struck, tendrils curling around your fingers and throat.
âWhy?â The word is lodged in your throat- you barely manage to get it out.
âBecause youâre my girl,â He says, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your lips, his warm ones brushing your chapped in a kiss so gentle you almost wouldnât feel it, if not for the press and heat of his face. âAnd when my girl needs âor wantsâ something, she gets it. Especially when it comes to help. Okay?â
Tears begin to well unbidden in your eyes. âOkay.â
You open the door wider, stepping back and letting him see into your room. It all feels rawâ youâre like an open, exposed nerve. Letting him see your room is a bit like cracking your chest open and letting him see all the messy, bloody, ugly bits that keep you going.
He steps into the room. Pauses. Looks around. Looks at you.
âYou wanna do this?â
You nod, biting your lip and hunching in on yourself as he takes in the mess.
âBaby,â He says slowly, stepping into your space, sliding his hands across your waist, âWhat do you need from me?â
You press your face into his shoulder, breathing in deeply.
âCome on. Use your words.â
âCan you justââ You step back, âCan you please just⌠sit? On the bed? I just, I just needââ
He strokes a hand over your cheekbone. âYou need me to sit on your bed and tell you youâre doing good?â
You canât help the whine that builds in your throat. Not really.
âMmm. My poor baby.â He presses a light kiss to your forehead then walks away, sitting and immediately making himself comfortable on the sliver of open space on your bed.
He reaches for your bedside table, opening a drawer and pulling out the headphones he knows you keep there.
(You keep them there because he bought them for you. Your old headphones were falling apart but did the job just fine âmost of the timeâ but Leon wouldnât stand for it. The next day, youâd opened your door to a brand new, incredibly expensive pair of headphones youâd brought up wanting maybe once. So when youâre not using them for studying or walking to and from classes on campus, they live there. Safe.)
âYou know listening to music makes you more productive,â He says, extending them out to you, âLeave one side off, so you can hear me.â
You take the headphones, sliding them on and powering them up- though not without leaving one ear uncovered. You put on one of your more upbeat playlists- something to keep you moving.
Itâs slow going at first. Since the trash and dishes are what makes the room feel the grossest, you start with them first. Wrangling the dirty coffee cups and water bottles and other various forms of trash into the trash bag is an arduous promise, and more than once you have to tell Leon he might want to cover his nose.
He remains where he is, scrolling idly on his phone and occasionally putting it down just to watch you clean. After a few moments of staring, heâll pipe up with a comment:
âKeep it up, princess.â
âYou can do it.â
âIâll be right here if you need a anything.â
The last one is by far the most tempting offer.
Once youâve finished getting all the trash and dishes out âthe room not only feels and smells one hundred times better alreadyâ you move on to the bigger part of the project: the clothes. Theyâre everywhere. And they probably all need to be washed, but doing that many loads of laundry isâ
âIâll take them to the washing machine if you sort them.â
You jolt, not noticing him standing next to you.
âYou donâtââ
âStart with that pile over there. Itâs the biggest. Everything else will feel easy once you finish that part.â
While you (begrudgingly) begin tackling the pile, he cues up a t.v show on your laptop, then hooks it up to your monitor so it plays on a bigger screen. Then he leaves the room, giving your shoulder a squeeze as he walks by you.
(Heâd given you the monitor too. Heâd told you that he upgraded and didnât need his old one anymore, but the monitor was in suspiciously good condition. But youâre not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, no matter how guilty the amount of money he spends on you makes you feel.)
You slip your headphones off, putting them back in the drawer and use the ambience of the show youâve seen ten-thousand times and the now available space on the bed to sort clothes in a relatively timely fashion.
Youâre starting to slow down a little, a headache beginning to form behind your eyes right when a delicious smell hits your nose and the door opening signals Leonâs return.
âI bring sustenance for the princess.â
He holds two plates of grilled ham-and-cheese sandwiches. One with ketchup, and one without.
You snatch the plate with ketchup and devour the sandwich in seconds, making a grabby motion for the water bottle tucked under his arm.
He chuckles, but obliges, sitting down at your desk to tuck into his own sandwich. You go back to your folding, headache miraculously waning and energy renewed. Go figure. After a few minutes, Leon disappears with the plates and then reappears with an empty laundry basket.
You wordlessly point to a pile, engrossed in the show he put on as âbackground noiseâ, folding and sorting clothes as you go.
And so bit by bit, your room gets cleaner, and cleaner, until Leonâs taken the last of the loads down to the washing machine and youâre making your bed and youâve got an entire season of the show under your belt.
Itâs long been dark outside, and youâre making your bed now, fluffing your pillows and laying your plushies in their respective spots.
Leon comes up behind you, draping his body over your back, hands over your shoulders and chin resting on your head.
âLooks good in here, princess. I think you deserve a little reward.â
You hum, leaning back into him. âFor what? Needing help to do a basic thing?â
âFor being vulnerable,â He drops his head to your shoulder, burying your face into the crook of your neck, âSo proud of you, baby. You were so brave.â
Your stomach is doing backflips. âYou donât have to baby me.â
âMâ not babying you. You were brave. And I am proud of you.â
He wants to curl up in bed with you and keep watching t.v, but you insist on showering first. Youâre gross and you just washed your sheets.
Feeling happy, you grab one of your nicer, cuter pairs of underwear, taking your time to lather your good smelling body-wash and enjoying the warm spray. Your enjoy the shower once youâre in it. Itâs just getting in thatâs hard.
When you get out of the shower, you notice that the oversized shirt you were going to wear was replaced with Leonâs sweatshirt. The one he spent all day in.
You smile to yourself, throwing the clothes on and rushing out to cuddle up in bed with Leon. The second you touch the bed heâs dragging you to him, face finding the free inch of space between your neck and the top of your sternum. He takes a deep breath, warm air fanning over the soft skin there.
âYou smell so fucking good.â
âMm,â You hum, already growing sleepy in his hold, âYour sweatshirt smells like you.â
âYeah?â
âYeah. Itâs really good. And comfortable. Iâm sleepy.â
He chuckles, pulling the blankets up over the both of you and planting a soft kiss to your forhead.
âGo to sleep. Iâll be here in the morning.â
You fall asleep surrounded by warmth and safety. Itâs the best sleep youâve had in weeks.
Ë . . Ýâ âš . Ý
Re4 but happy and Luis survives and Leon and Krauser make up and Leon and Ada be happy together and everyoneâs best friends and they all go to the mall with Ashley and have the best time ever
Leon found something!!! Will you accept the gift?
RESIDENT EVIL 3 REMAKE - Carlos Oliveira
âHey. I told you I couldnât leave you in a Carlos-less world. That would just be too cruel.â
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