20riley25

Latest Posts by 20riley25

Curious bc I was going to wear a skirt to an event and got told the old men were not used to the culture without corsets so they would stare at my legs. Also an old man was checking me out recently when I was wearing a skirt and a tank top (keep in mind that I am sixteen years old + look young for my age). I fucking hate men (not all of them, but a good portion of them) and by God if the world was all-female, I would dress a whole lot sluttier than the baggy T-shirts and jeans I usually wear. Btw “slutty” is a stupid word in my opinion, by standards of certain ppl I am slutty or a whore, and in others I’m a prude, so I use it bc it’s just so comical in my head lmao. Also SA rates do not increase in Summer when people show more skin, when I saw SA’d I was wearing Winter SCHOOL UNIFORM.

Me when I talk about my trichotillomania in therapy and my therapist looks down at my knees and goes “ah yes” 😭💅🏻💋

omg we are both fucked in the head wanna make out

women are genuinely the greatest thing ever created, you’d be crazy not to adore them with your whole being

My sons, Balding and Bleeding

Can’t stop pulling my eyebrow hair out (๑˃̥̩̥̥̥̥̆ಐ˂̩̩̥̥̩̥̆৭)

How I look like, shortly after finding an ingrown hair

Always funny to me when people complain about having to pluck their brows or whatever. like how do i explain that i do that recreationally. Just for fun

there is something called trichotillomania, and i hate that i know it by heart.

there is something called trichotillomania, which refers to the act of pulling out hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes due to stress, nervousness, or pleasure.

you can’t help it and sometimes don’t even realize when it’s happening. i have a lot of weird issues, as everyone does. i can’t help but pull out my eyelashes because it feels like i’m cleaning my eyes, discarding the old, weak ones.

“i am dirty, Milena, endlessly dirty, that is why i make such a fuss about cleanliness,” said Kafka. and, speaking of being clean, i was almost diagnosed with OCD. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, for being too hygienic.

people with OCD take medication because their fixation doesn’t let them live normal lives. it disturbs their social lives—friends don’t get it. it interferes with their jobs—bosses don’t care. that’s the thing with obsessive people: they care an awful lot.

you see, i don’t have OCD. but before coming to france, i was “too hygienic,” some would comment.

there is a word in Spanish that i had to use to introduce myself. an excuse. an apology.

melindrosa

it encapsulates the idea of almost having OCD, but not quite. “too hygienic,” maybe. in English, we can say “picky” or “fussy,” “squeamish,” but that’s not it. so now i just say, hi, i am anaïs. i am a germophobe. i am sorry.

i don’t really like sharing, sorry.

because i am. deeply ashamed of not being able to give when i’m asked to.

as i said, it got better when i moved to france. i had to grow up out of it, i guess.

do i feel relieved about it?

i miss it. it was something so me. people associated being “picky” with me, and i felt proud. it was my thing. like Rachel’s thing is being pretty and Ross’ is being smart, Chandler’s sarcastic, Monica’s clean, Joey’s silly, and Phoebe’s whacky.

i was the “studious, smart, hygienic friend.”

so what am i without it? my friends got so used to me, they wouldn’t ask me to share my food or drinks because they knew i. just. couldn’t.

so now i feel like a hypocrite when a new person, unaware of my past habits, asks me to share something and i concede, since i don’t have a problem with it anymore.

i have this urge to explain to them that yes, of course you can have some, but i wouldn’t have said yes a year ago because i was squeamish. however, i see now that it was too hard to live like that. fortunately, the issue is vanishing— sorry, yes, of course you can have some.

losing a flaw feels like losing proof that you were once something else. it feels like a huge loss.

it’s bizarre when someone from my past—say, my parents—acts surprised:

oh, i didn’t know you’d be okay sharing a drink.

and i’m like: yeah, well.

it’s too much. sure, i care about being neat, but before, i wouldn’t even breathe the same air as someone who just coughed without covering their mouth.

and now i barely flinch.

not because i don’t care, but because i don’t care as much.

it drains you—flinching, covering, moving away, holding your breath…

it’s not about hygiene. it’s about identity. at some point, it just became exhausting to keep up. OCD isn't about being clean. it's about control. about needing the world to move a certain way, or else.

i believe i would go back to that trait if i had the chance, although i won’t.

i hate to admit it, but Mother was right when she told me off:

you can’t live in the real world acting like that.

Hey trichotillomania can you leave me alone I’m sick of my eyebrows having bald spots

❤️‍🩹

one of the first times I ever cried while I was online was when I went on the trichotillomania tag and saw I wasn’t fucking alone and I wasn’t disgusting and it wasn’t as gross as people react to it

Currently crying my eyes out because all of mine is gone and I’m trying not to move onto my scalp and eyebrows 😭

surely I will feel better if I yank out all this knee hair

Involuntary Self Destruction

💞

thinking about a time when i was worried about being judged for my scabbed cuticles and my mum told me it wasn't dirty or gross.

so for everyone with a bfrb. you are not dirty. you are not gross. you are not ugly because of your bfrb.

If hair pulling bad why so addictive?

I am a normal person who can be trusted with Having Skin

"Just stop pulling your hair."

Thanks, you're so helpful. I really did not think of that at all :|

I hate it so much when people say "I'm so ocd" like I LOST MY EYEBROWS TO OCD let's be real for a sec here-

Yeah you support mentally ill people, but are you normal about bfrbs?

Never really studied the female body

I hate needing to see new doctors because I never know what could make them dismiss me.

I am to vague: obviously don't have an issue.

To spesific: hypochondriac.

Too knowledgeable about my own conditions: Has a suspicious extent of knowledge about spesific condition possible faker

Haven't heard of somthing like what they describe before: not real and if it is then it's clearly not important

Over explain to try and avoid the above: obsessed with being sick and looking for validation that they are. let them know you see through their evil gaslighting

Sometimes you spend the money you were saving for a new tattoo on handmade corsets because they were on sale and they are cheaper than a functional medical back brace but work about the same for you.

Sometimes you need to find ways to deal with your own medical issues because shit sucks and buying pretty corsets works for me.

And sometimes you get to walk up to your friend group welding your wizard staff (cane) and say "Whats up sluts, guess who just spent over 400$ on corsets"

Having five pairs of tweezers to myself + knowing where my mum keeps hers has been making me do some silly things 😍. Jokes aside sending love to anyone else going through a trichotillomania frenzy, you can get through this <3

Release of Shar

Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Me: *Is super stressed over life.*

Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.

Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.

Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.

Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.

Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.

Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*

Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...

Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL

obsessive compulsive

used the shower to relieve the sick

from the intrusive thoughts i get

washed the dirt off of my skin

it’s soiled from what lies within

i ripped hair straight from the follicle

and thought of going to the hospital

during sex i squeeze my eyes shut

and pray my mind keeps itself put

not even safe with my own touch

the things i think are a little too much

it’s hard to interact with others

when i’m thinking of harming another

how do i explain to someone else

that what i’m scared of most is myself?

- @homvlily (2024)

What’s the point in having hair if you don’t rip it out at every minor inconvenience

They should invent hair pulling that doesn't remove hair

🩷💕

Shoutout to people with trichotillomania. People with bald spots. People with patchy or no eyebrows. People with thin or no lashes. People with sores on their faces, their scalps, their legs, their arms, or everywhere. People who pull consciously, subconsciously, or both. People who can't swim or wear certain clothes because of trichotillomania. People whose trichotillomania causes them pain. People's whose trichotillomania doesn't. People who pull 24/7, people who don't or barely pull anymore. People who want to get better and people who don't. People who visibly have it and people who don't. People who are open about their trichotillomania, and people who aren't. You're doing amazing however you handle it. You are beautiful regardless of your hair and how you feel about it. You are beautiful regardless your urges. You are beautiful and worthy of love. I'm proud of you.

encourage LESBIANISM