Obanai Is A Sexual Abuse Survivor

*cw: this theory deals with child sexual abuse and has mentions of suicidal ideation and eating disorders.

*If you or anyone you know is going through this, you can find resources here, here and here as well as a list of international hotlines.

Obanai is probably the second most hated character in the fandom, and just like Sanemi, he’s one of the most misunderstood. I think the hate he gets from the fandom is unwarranted; he’s accused of being a dick, a horrible person, a simp and a character who only exists to be Mitsuri’s love interest. All of which is unfair, sure he’s prickly and unapproachable, but he’s not as bad as the fandom makes him out to be.

So, in my quest to draft a defense for our favorite snek boy, I reread his backstory and in doing so, I realized something sad

Unhinged theory

Obanai is a sexual abuse survivor

*cw: This Theory Deals With Child Sexual Abuse And Has Mentions Of Suicidal Ideation And Eating Disorders.

Let me explain:

Obanai’s backstory and aspects of his character mirrors that of someone who’s been through sexual trauma. The evidence I'm going to present is a combination of my own knowledge about these matters and information I got from forums and websites for male survivors of sexual abuse. So let's examine them...um spoilers

The snake demon

I believe that the snake demon is a metaphor for a sexual predator. Her inclusion in the family could also be a metaphor for how these predators insert themselves into family units-or most of the time are family members themselves-and abuse the children for years and even generations. Obanai's relatives sacrificing their babies to her could signify the real life actions of families who are unaware or, turn a blind eye to, or sometimes actively participate in the abuse of their children.

The sacrifice in exchange for wealth speaks of how families in real life ignore the abuse of their children to maintain the wealth and status they obtain from being related to and associated with the abuser.

Even her decision to wait, ordering the cutting of his mouth so he would look like her, could be interpreted as her 'grooming' him in a sense.

Even her design has a certain sexual, predatory aspect to it that's different from the other demons.

His relatives

Obanai describes his family members as being 'disgustingly' affectionate and bringing him lots of 'greasy' food that made him sick. Food in media is often used to depict love, affection, connection and sex, and Demon Slayer is no different.

There are plenty of instances where food and the giving of food has been used to denote friendship (Tanjiro giving Zenitsu, Inosuke and Genya meals in an attempt to bond with them), connection (Giyuu wanting to give Sanemi ohagi), love (Tanjiro's love of cooking and the satisfaction he shows when his meals are enjoyed by others) and pleasure (Mitsuri's large appetite). I'll make a post about this later.

With this context, we can interpret their bringing of rich foods, their overbearing attention and affections as them objectifying and even being sexually inappropriate with him.

The sexual abuse

Non-physical.

The first instance of abuse is non-physical, but that doesn't make it any less important. Being constantly visited by the snake demon in his room at night, Obanai described his feelings of terror, being paralyzed and watched. His body would break out in a sweat, and he would be unable to fall asleep.

His descriptions of the experience and his body's reaction to it reminded me of some survivors' stories I read, where they talked about how in the initial stages of the abuse or when the abuser was first introduced into their lives, their abuser would give them unwanted attention, would stare at them in a way that felt creepy, gross and wrong.

Some had their abusers come in to their rooms, maybe under the guise of 'checking in on them'. They described feeling terrified, freezing up with the hopes that the attacker would leave. Some would take measures such as sleeping with the door locked or with a heavy object against it, sleeping with a sibling or parent, sleeping in a hiding spot that the attacker knows nothing about or not sleeping at all.

Physical.

The specific age that the snake demon plans to 'eat' Obanai is never stated, but from what we've seen so far and in the sexual context, we can assume that she's waiting until he hits puberty. Some studies state that the average age of victims of female sex offenders usually falls around 14 years, but there are cases where the female predator waited until their victim reached sexual maturity before they carried out their abuse, like in the case of Mary Kay Letourneau. Here's a video that breaks down an interview she did before her death.

Obanai was 12 when he was dragged out of his cell to be subjected to what I believe is the first physical abuse. He had his mouth slit from ear to ear, with the blood collected and fed to her. The snake demon decided to have him live a little longer, which again, fits into my theory of her wanting to wait until he reached puberty.

Bodily violation, violence and blood are common allegories for sexual assault used in media and in Obanai's backstory we see it being used when his relatives drag him from his cell, literally pin him down, cut his mouth and feed his blood to the snake demon. The act of feeding on his blood could also be a metaphor for the snake demon sexually abusing him.

His escape and the resulting fallout

Obanai managed to escape, and although he was tracked down by the snake demon, he was saved by Shinjuro Kengoku before she could kill him. His cousin's response was to blame him for all that happened, asked why he ran away, and said that he should have 'allowed' the demon to eat him.

This could represent how some victims are rejected, ostracized and criticized for speaking out against their attacker, exposing the abuse to the public and getting help. Their families would say 'you should have just let it happen', 'you destroyed the family', 'why did you run away, tell people?' and place the blame on the victim.

Obanai's reaction

There are three aspects of his characterization that are similar to the common reactions noticed in adult survivors of sexual assault, especially male survivors.

His appearance.

His behavior.

His beliefs.

His appearance

Obanai has a small frame that he hides with his baggy uniform and haori. I can tell it's baggy compared to that of the other slayers because of the width of his pants vs the width of his lower legs. Desexualization or hypo-sexualization is a common response among some survivors of sexual trauma, this usually involves wearing clothes and taking measures to make themselves look 'unattractive'.

'But this side feels more comfortable for me, like the baggy clothes I wear, which hide my body, and the long sleeves which reach past my wrists. I promised myself no man would ever touch me again, and whether it was a moment of triumph, or a moment of defeat, I still don't know.'

'I'm thin, shy. I seem easy to dominate. I've grown a beard. That's helped a little. I dress in baggy clothes, covering as much of my skin as possible. That makes me feel safe.'

This not only helps regain a sense of control and power over their body but also serves as a protective measure against sexual advances so they don't get abused again.

In Obanai, given his history of receiving unwanted, suffocating and 'disgusting' attention from his female relatives, it would make sense that he would want to dress in a way that makes him unapproachable and hides his body from the opposite sex. We can see his attempts to desexualize himself in the picture below:

His behavior

'Iguro has difficulty with girls. Due to his experiences growing up, he was unable to conquer his fear and animosity. Plus, the firls who joined the Demon Slayer Corps often put on brave faces because of their sad backgrounds, so he felt sorry for them, making him uncomfortable in a different way.' - Taisho Whispers, official English translation.

'Iguro-san isn't good with women. Due to his upbringing he has a fear and disgust towards women. (I couldn't overcome it easily. The women who joined the Demon Slayer Corps have painful stories of determination. I felt sorry for them and I didn't get along with them in a way that was different from the way I got along with my family)' - Taisho Whispers, direct-sort-of-shitty translation via Google Translate.

Male survivors who were victims of childhood abuse by female perpetrators often talk about how the abuse greatly affected their relationships with women or lack thereof. Some going so far as to say that they became afraid of women, being around them and how sometimes being touched by women would trigger panic attacks and remind them of the trauma.

Here are some quotes posted in a thread on the Male Survivor forum. Full thread here.

'Once that happened, my genophobia became more intense. I couldn't ware short trousers in summer, could never go swimming, got paranoid if I touched a woman's arm or even brushed against one, would always stand at a distance from female friends, and would literally leave the room if anything explicit was discussed.'

'I have started to have strange, deep discomforting feelings as I remember some of the assaults and I have gotten to a place where touch from a woman makes my hair stand up, makes me nauseous, and gives me chills and feelings of dread.'

Obanai has similar responses when he finds himself in proximity to women. We're only told about it in the main manga, but it's shown in the Gakuen. I know the Gakuen takes place in an alternate universe, but aside from the events, the behaviors of the characters are based on their actual personalities in the main manga, so we can safely say the reactions he displays in the Gakuen is canon to his character.

His beliefs

Adult survivors of sexual abuse often struggle with feelings of guilt, rage, and shame. In the manga, Obanai talks about being held back by the decaying hands of his family members, which could represent the long-lasting effects of sexual abuse and how some survivors carry these burdens all through adulthood or throughout their lives.

There's also the thoughts about himself that echo the heartbreaking thoughts shared by some male survivors.

Guilt:

"As the member of a filthy family, I too was corrupt. My sins were deep, so I could not live a normal life"

Rage:

"With no other outlet, I turned all my rage on demons in a grudge of intense hatred. By risking my life for others, I felt as if I could in some way become a slightly better person."

Shame:

"Unless I die and come back in a different body in which this filthy blood does not flow, I have no right to be with you."

Suicidal ideation(mild):

"By risking my life for others, I felt as if I could in some way become a slightly better person."

"I want to die defeating Muzan." (He's the only character that I know of that outright says this.)

He also kind-of expresses his feelings of being weak during the fight with Muzan:

"I've accomplished less in this battle than anyone! I wish I could deliver a more effective attack."

While this quote isn't exactly definite, a feeling of being weak, or being 'less of a man' is also a common experience shared by male sexual assault survivors.

The scar and It's symbolism

The scar is a physical manifestation of the lifelong effect that sexual abuse has on its victims and the stigma it carries. For Obanai, it's not just a painful reminder of the trauma he suffered at the hands of his family, but also a reminder to him that he's like his attacker, the snake demon. The bandages he wraps around his mouth symbolizes not just his attempts to hide his trauma, but also his inability to talk about it due to shame and fear, which is unfortunately an all too common experience of male survivors.

Another struggle survivors often experience is with intimacy, romantic relationships and sex. For Obanai, I believe that this struggle is represented by his eating disorder. The link between food and sex is a well established belief in many cultures, people with large appetites can be seen as having equally high sex drives while people with small appetites have little or no sex drive.

As he grows older, his little appetite is basically him curbing his growing sexual desire, which he sees as ugly, like the scar on his mouth. But the thing is Obanai wants love, he wants to love and be loved, to be intimate with another person, but he feels he doesn't deserve it, after all he's filthy, shameful and probably a predator just like the snake demon. So he starves himself, suffering in silence with the belief that he was disgusting, that no one would ever love him, that he was destined to and deserved to be alone.

Then he met Mitsuri.

In Conclusion, Obanai is way more complex than the KnY fandom gives him credit for. This is a man that went through immense suffering, and it's really sad to see people hate on him because he isn't 'nice'.

Well, that's just how life is. Trauma doesn't exactly make nice people. We can't all be like Giyuu or Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤), a lot of us are like Obanai, Sanemi, and even Shinobu, a lot of us are angry, and why shouldn't we be?

...

*Phew, ok so this one has been in the drafts for a while because I was scared to post such a dark subject matter and also I needed to be really sure I wasn't just talking out of my ass but after rereading his backstory and analyzing aspects of his character, I'm more confident about this.

Fic's Background ships

to mmake up the fact I couldn't update I'll list the ships that'll be in the background at some point of the story!

ROMANTIC (BACKGROUND)

Bucky/Steve

Reed/Sue

Betty/Ned

One sided crush of Flash to spider-man (for the crack guys)

FRIENDSHIPS (All bcs I couldn't tag them all)

Peter and:

all the AcaDec team ( -flash before his redemption arc)

Bruce Banner

Steve Rogers

The Hulk

James Barnes

Wanda Maximof

Thor

Loki

Natasha Romanov

Clint Barton

Michelle Jones

Matt Murdock

Wade Wilson

Sam Wilson

Scott Lang

Shuri

Frank Castle

Jessica Jones

Danny Rand

Luke Cage

FF (fantastic 4)

Harry Osborn (childhood mostly)

Mary Jane (childhood mostly)

Aunt May

Ned Leeds

(And more that I'll keep adding bcs I forget)

Tags

fanfic ao3 fanfic spiderman peter parker spideytorch anti tony stark teamred platonic spideypool

13 notes View Post

4shtronomy

5 months ago

If Giyuu and Sanemi actually got together, who do you think falls first? Who confesses first? Do they keep it a secret or are they proud? We all know Sanemi is loud about his dislike of Giyuu. I personally think he probably deals with his crush by lashing out (I think I sent an ask about this once before.) I guarantee he has internalized homophobia. I just want to know your thoughts and what you think would happen because your unhinged posts seriously make my day.

Oh @psyencefaction

Sorry for the long wait!

I feel like Giyuu would be the first one to fall and this is because he's more in touch with his feelings than Sanemi. His fascination with Sanemi started after Sanemi's first Hashira meeting after he lashed out at Kagaya, the unrestrained display of emotions and his ability to express what he felt so clearly reminded him of Sabito, his first love. Then when he discovered that the source of Sanemi's anger was the death of his best friend/aniki Masachika, Giyuu felt a sense of solidarity. Sanemi on the other hand might be a bit weirded out by Giyuu because of his quiet nature and social awkwardness but after a few missions together he would begin to appreciate his strength of character, his skill, and straightforwardness, it also helps that Giyuu is pretty.

I fuck with Sanemi having internalized homophobia especially with his background growing up in the slums of the city where Westernization and Western values had already taken hold of the population and I'm sure he would have gotten flak for his feminine-looking face and his role as the second mom of the family, especially from Kyogo.

Speaking of, Kyogo would also be another reason Sanemi wouldn't want to act on his feelings because growing up as a gayby under the thumb of an abusive father (the first man in his life) would damage his future relationships with men. It could even be the reason Sanemi is so anti-authority and why he projects this aggressive, hypermasculine image which coupled with his size serves not only as a means of protecting himself from getting hurt but also a means to drive people, especially men, away and Giyuu is no exception. This could also be the reason why his friendship with Obanai works so well because Obanai is not threatening physically, and he has a subdued personality compared to the one of someone like say Uzui.

Sanemi would develop a sort of fascination with Giyuu because of his unusually chill and quiet nature, which would develop into full-blown feelings that would creep up on him. Along with Giyuu's positive qualities and his quiet, chill nature, he's also non-threatening; he's not loud, violent, or portrays any other 'toxic' masculine traits that would trigger Sanemi's fight-or-fight response or remind him of his dad. So to curb this growing desire, he lashes out as Giyuu which serves not just as a way to drive the other man away but also as a way to satisfy his confirmation bias that Giyuu is just as toxic as all the other men he's known in his life when Giyuu eventually lashes out.

But my man Giyuu ain't like that. He's level-headed, steadfast, calm, sweet, and unbelievably kind if not a little bit dense. After he learns of Sanemi's love for ohagi to Sanemi's embarrassment, I bet he'd be at Sanemi's estate gate every morning with a package of ohagi, like Tanjiro(bestest boy ❤) did for him, but he doesn't realize its significance and what it means to Sanemi. Ohagi means love, comfort, care, and safety, and Sanemi's regular consumption symbolizes his inner desire to be taken care of.

At first, Sanemi ignores Giyuu's attempts but Giyuu with Tanjiro's encouragement wound persists. Imagine him following Sanemi around with the ohagi gift until Sanemi finally snaps and confronts Giyuu, ready to square up for making fun of him.

Giyuu in an amazing stroke of wisdom would explain to Sanemi that he wasn't and would never make fun of him which would lead to the big confession telling him that he wants to make ohagi for Sanemi forever and stuff. Sanemi would be stunned into silence as his emotional walls begin crumbling down because Giyuu is essentially communicating his desire to take care of Sanemi along with the promise that he would never hurt him and that he would always be safe. Giyuu would tentatively move closer and closer until he was so close that their noses were practically touching, he'll look into Sanemi's eyes asking for permission, and after a small nod from the other man would press his lips against Sanemi's in a passionate kiss.

Their relationship would be gradual because of their demon-slaying duties with only a few secret makeout sessions here and there. The first time they have sex would be a big deal for Sanemi not just because it puts him in a vulnerable position but because he's surprised at how soft Giyuu is with him. Sanemi is used to being treated roughly, by others and especially by himself but never has he been treated with such...care. Not by anyone, not even his mom, and here's Giyuu treating him like he was made of glass. Even though he was physically bigger than Giyuu at that moment he felt small but in a good way and most of all, he felt safe. The overwhelming emotions will make him shed tears that'd make Giyuu worried at first but touched after reassurance from Sanemi. Their lovemaking would be sweet and passionate as they explore each other's bodies.

I love to focus on Sanemi's POV not just because I'm a Nemi-hoe but also because I'm not worried about Giyuu being taken care of. Sanemi is a caretaker by nature so him doting on Giyuu is an undisputed given, the main work is him letting others take care of him. I'd like to think of Sanemi making Giyuu meals, always asking if he's eaten and inviting him to his house for meals. Their relationship would be healing for both of them as Giyuu gets to be a protector of sorts and Sanemi gets to be the protected...of sorts.

Anyway, I think their relationship would be an open secret because let's be real people especially the other Hashira would notice that their arguments have reduced and Obanai has even seen Sanemi smile at Giyuu much to his confusion. The main tea would be spilled by the Kakushi who would see Giyuu leave Sanemi's residence in the early hours of the morning, the both of them eating together with Sanemi lovingly wiping crumbs from Giyuu's face with a shockingly soft expression on his face and on one occasion accidentally heard moans coming from Giyuu's bedroom window when they came to deliver dinner.

Maybe Genya would come over to Sanemi's residence for the usual notice-me-aniki visit and stumble upon Sanemi sleeping with his head in Giyuu's lap. Giyuu would notice him, put a finger to his lips, and smile softly at Genya's shocked expression. He would back out of the house slowly so as not to wake Sanemi 50-parts shocked but 50 parts touched that his Aniki had someone and Sanemi looked so...peaceful. He can come to beg for Aniki crumbs another time.

I made extra content using the Gakuen! Here they slept together after a night patrolling the school, their relationship was found out the next morning while the teachers were cleaning the staff room.

sorry it took so long, I hope you like it! 😖

105 notes View Post

4shtronomy

2 months ago

Calmest Peter Parker Evening (he Dealt With Everything Before This Dw)

calmest peter parker evening (he dealt with everything before this dw)

4K notes View Post

4shtronomy

9 months ago

Kiss kiss redraw

Old version + base colors

Update (9/13/22)

I wanted to link the old post here as well for anyone to see

More Kissing

Commissions open

33 notes View Post

4shtronomy

5 months ago

Oh @psyencefaction

Sorry for the long wait!

I made extra content using the Gakuen! Here they slept together after a night patrolling the school, their relationship was found out the next morning while the teachers were cleaning the staff room.

sorry it took so long, I hope you like it! 😖

105 notes View Post

4shtronomy

9 months ago

petermj loser4loser i love them❗️❗️

1K notes View Post

4shtronomy

8 months ago

Giyuu Tomioka's kindness deserves some more recognition!!

Am I the only one who hates when people interpret Giyuu Tomioka from KNY as some kind of unfeeling and mean person with the personality of a rock when so many scenes with him clearly show how much of a thoughtful, kind, and empathetic character he is??

His introduction scene is already an example of this when he (a person who has been slaying demons for 8 years and has a deep hatred for them) decides to spare a demon just because he saw Tanjiro and Nezuko’s bond and decided to give them a chance. I’m sure most everyone in the KNY fandom recognizes this, but I don’t think some people REALLY understand the implications of this action. The moment he decides to spare Nezuko he essentially becomes a traitor to the demon slayer corps which, by the rules or the corps, qualifies him for execution. Tomioka quite literally gave up his life and pride to spare a pair of siblings he didn't know just to give them a fair chance in a world that is clearly unfair. There's also the fact that after knocking Nezuko out in the first episode, even though he didn't have to, he put Nezuko’s robe back on to keep her warm, wiped the blood off of her face, and gave her a muzzle. Keep in mind though that demons can't get sick from the cold or anything and the cut would have healed itself. Tomioka put the robe on and wiped the blood purely for her comfort.

Going back to the fact that Tomioka put his whole life on the line for these siblings, It’s not like he just abandoned them when they got caught. He fully stood with them when the Kamado siblings were brought before the hashira. Again this moment was actually HUGE even though his status as a ‘traitor’ lasted only two episodes. In the moment of the trial he essentially knew there was a good chance he would be executed but also, he knew that his pride/reputation was gone from his peers. (Pride was very important in Japan during this time period) One could argue that Tomioka already wasn't regarded well among the hashira but at least he was at least a little respected, but, as a traitor, you lose ALL respect. One could also argue that Tomioka didn't really care about his life and honestly, I could agree to that statement but there is one thing that overrules both of these points. His loyalty towards Ubuyashiki. It's well known that the Master is well regarded among the hashira and even the master being disappointed in one of them would be terrible for them. Imagine how bad it must be for one of the Hashira if Ubuyashiki had a full on disdain towards one of them. Tomioka was fully ready to take the chance of being deemed a traitor by Ubuyashiki by coming to the Hashira meeting to vouch for Tanjiro instead of running away or something.

Then there is how Tomioka acted as a child. There isn't much shown about how he was before spiraling into a more isolated lifestyle after sabito’s death but from what we can see, His parents died when he was really young and he grew up with his older sister, Tsukato. His sister hid him from a demon when they were attacked to spare him and overcome by guilt, he blamed himself for her death and believed he should have died. This is one of the first examples of his self-deprecating thoughts after losing a person close to him and we can see them again when Sabito dies and also when Tanjirou ‘dies’. This shows how hard losses hit him to the point of causing himself to devoid himself of emotion because of the sheer amount of sadness his relationship's deaths brought him. The fact that he still wears Sabito and Tsukato’s haoris together as a memento for 8 years just solidifies it for me

There's also a few scenes post war that i’d like to mention such as the scene where Tomioka openly cries over Tanjiros death and exclaims that he’s failed him before apologizing to Nezuko. This scene also shows his tendency to put burdens unto himself in order to let others be happy. He also rejects help from the kakushi to sit beside Tanjiro and only after he confirms Tanjiro is alright does he allow himself to relax. Then there is the mention from the fan book that while Giyuu was in a coma after the war Nezuko fixed Tomioka’s haori that was previously shred to pieces during the war because she knew his haori meant a lot to him. Once he woke up and found out that she had fixed his haori and visited him every night, he was so moved that he sent a large multitude of gifts to her. It is also shown that after the war he allows himself to be happier and smile more. He is VERY clearly not emotionless.

The last thing I want to mention is his relationships over the manga with his fellow hashira. His friendship with shinobu may seem one-sided, Tomioka definitely cares for her wellbeing which can be seen when he asks Tanjiro about her during the Soba scene and in the fanbook where the hashira opinions of each other shows that he notices her fake smile. Tomioka knew shinobu’s sister Kanae so I’m sure he relates to shinobu about their common grief towards their deceased older sisters. Then There is the Uzui family which befriended Tomioka after the war and after Uzui’s first child was born, Giyuu was allowed to hold them. This could mean that after the war Tomioka opened up more, so the Uzui’s were able to notice Tomioka’s thoughtfulness. Then of course there are the Shinazugawa scenes. The infamous ohagi scene, where Giyuu gets so happy that he knows Sanemi’s favorite food so then he can like him rather than hate him that he flashes one of the three smiles he ever shows in the manga. There’s also the small speech he gives Kiriya at the final pillar meeting where he talks about how his father would be proud of him and how grateful they are to the Ubuyashiki family which ended up bringing Kiriya to tears before sharing another smile with Sanemi.

It is very clear that Giyuu Tomioka cares heavily for Justice and for those he is close to the point where his main character story is about his guilt to those he failed and about his feelings and connections with others so please please please stop portraying him as insensitive, mean, and emotionless!!!

Tanjiro, Nezuko, and Giyuu are Siblings fr

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk :)