Being Undiagnosed With Autism For So Long (like Into Your 20s) Is Incredibly Debilitating. Because When

cold

I never know when to look away

"If u got a new fish what would u name it? I once named a fish shoe..." by @/s4rdust.

damn… I’m writing this story about my life and I feel like nobody gets it… like it’s very much about sex and religion and all this stuff and I feel like people just don’t like it but it’s like autofiction so it’s not going to be any different like most of it is based on my real life… like idk it’s autofiction so it’s mutable but people are like “I don’t like the character or how she acts” and I’m like well that’s me and that’s how I do act… it’s fine if you don’t like it… but idk how to write it any other way????? Like I want it to be real……….. even my best friend like knows it’s autofiction and doesn’t want to be mean or harsh but like doesn’t seem to get why the character is traumatized or struggling and I’m like fuck …….. I just want people to understand what’s wrong with me. Hell, I want to understand what’s wrong with me. Like what the fuck. I know it’s not an interesting and enjoyable story for people but it’s my fucking life…. Like my best friend literally said maybe it’s holding me back to be writing about myself but what the fuck else can I say?????? Idk

i hate casual ableism cause if i try to defend myself i just sound like jughead

them: "omg stop [insert nd trait], just act normal"

me: "bitch i cant, im literally not normal. the synapses in my brain are physically different. im weird ok?? im a weirdo. have you ever seen me make eye contact? no, you fucking havent. THATS WEIRD."

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