When I Was In High School, I Was In The GSA Club And I Was Taught That The A In LGBTQIA Was For Ally.

When I was in high school, I was in the GSA club and I was taught that the A in LGBTQIA was for ally. So I was like “I guess I must be an ally” because I was drawn to the community but didn’t relate to any of the other identities. I have crushes on boys all the time but I finally realized my crushes are a bit different than most people’s. I’m like “aw, wow he’s so cute , I just want to make him smile because his smile is aesthetically pleasing and hang out with him, and maybe we could hold hands.” I never knew people actually really had sexual thoughts about other people. I heard it in songs and all sorts of media but assumed it was all exaggerations. I somehow stumbled across the term asexual and was super confused because I never thought about sexual attraction. Like, what is that?? Apparently a thing most people feel, so as I continued reading on about the ace spectrum, I was astonished there was a word for how I felt. It took me a while to use the label for myself because I never heard of the term before and I didn’t want people to think I was making it up for attention. I knew I didn’t like girls the way I liked boys, so I thought I must be straight. I tried some sexual stuff and I was semi grossed out , semi bored. That’s when I started putting everything together and I was like “there’s no way I’m not ace.”

THIS IS WHY THIS WEEK IS SO IMPORTANT. If I was aware asexuality was a real and valid sexual orientation, I wouldn’t have had to try and be heterosexual. If other people were aware of asexuality, they wouldn’t have to invalidate me when I come out to them by saying things like “You’re not a plant”, “You haven’t met the right person yet,” “You’re still so young,” etc. If I haven’t met the right person yet, that probably makes me demi sexual , first of all, because I’m 19 and have never felt sexual attraction. Second of all, isn’t it funny that you’re never too young to identify as straight?? Anyways, I no longer consider myself straight because I’m aware of my differences and I’m aware that there’s nothing wrong with that.

Normal - nor·mal /ˈnôrməl/adjective

A state of being that fails to create new experiences or opportunities. Normal doesn’t have the capability to change the world. Normality is the absence of variations which create interest.

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ace-with-anxiety

4 years ago

you’re telling me, there are people out there who aren’t constantly overwhelmed by the feeling that they’re not doing enough with their life? everyone’s biggest fear isn’t inadequacy? it’s not a universal experience to be terrified of dying nothing more than a tiny blip on the timeline of the human race, without making a significant contribution to society? wild

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ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

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ace-with-anxiety

8 years ago

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ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago

how I empathise

I have what I would call hyperempathy.

This means, I will empathise with anything and everything and I can’t control it.

In order to understand how someone or something might feel in any given situation, my brain will simulate the situation in myself and create emotions that would most logically stem from that experience.

For example, I empathise most strongly with the feelings of those who are just about to die, kill themselves, or be killed. Death is a funny thing to empathise with. It’s hard for me to understand, in a way, so I suppose that is why I empathise most strongly with it.

So, if I read about someone being violently murdered or a group of people being massacred, I feel what they might have felt. Fear, anger, panic, pain. I can feel it. Sometimes I feel it so strongly, I start to panic or my anxiety will latch onto it and kick me into depression or other low moods.

Sometimes, I’ll feel ill if I empathise too strongly for too long.

Remember how some people will throw up after witnessing something traumatic? I’ll feel like that. I won’t throw up, because my body hasn’t been pushed to that edge, but I’ll feel subtle effects.

This makes it very hard for me to read books or history with great detail on killing. I can’t turn it off.

Another thing I empathise with strongly is the emotions of others, including my family and close friends. Their emotions influence mine very strongly and if they mention feeling anxious or hurt, I’ll feel that as well.

Sometimes, when it’s bad enough, I’ll be able to hold myself together long enough to help calm them down, but then I’ll need someone to help calm me down as well.

Empathy is a strange thing for me. It controls a lot of what I feel and even though I’d like it to stop in some situations, it continues to affect me. I’m not trying to be rude and I’m certainly not attempting to fake my understanding of something that has happened to someone else. I just love and feel so strongly for others, wanting them to be happy or feel alright that when they don’t, I need to understand why and the only way I can is by replicating what I imagine their emotions to be in myself.

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ace-with-anxiety

5 years ago

Trial and Error

Anyone looking to date or meet people in the ace community, there’s a Facebook group called Asexual Singles. You have to be single to join but there’s over 3000+ members.

A girl from said group found an ace on Tinder and I’ve met two demisexuals through OKCupid. I actually began talking to an asexual man through omegle.com of all places and two years later, we’re still very close friends despite never having met in person.

Said friend told me about a dating app for Android users called ACEapp. Coming soon for iOS users!

I know dating is complicated and even moreso for those in the community since not everyone is out and we make up an extremely small amount of the population. Just like dating in general, it’s all about trial and error.

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ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago