Hey Kid You Want A Job?

Jason: so uh. I called B dad the other day? It just felt right in the moment? And he got all teary eyed and then hugged me? But I haven't seen him since then???

Dick: hmm. Yeah. Totally unrelated, but how much do you weight?

Jason: Uh. 240-250 ish?? Why??

Dick: give him another week or so, he's getting there.

Meanwhile Bruce in the cave:

the idea of public restrooms as "women's spaces" continues to confound me. you know who I hope is in a public bathroom when I go in?? no one. I would prefer no one else be in the bathroom. and if someone else is in the bathroom I am going to ignore them as much as possible. I did not go into the bathroom to connect with other women. I went into the bathroom to piss and/or shit. it's a toilet's space, not a women's space. shut the fuck up and let trans people piss and shit in peace. let's all continue to avoid eye contact with each other and any and all interaction in the toilet's space.

The super bowl or whatever I'm not american

Everyone is saying that the professor is grinding the Pokémon into candy, but consider the following:

• The professor frantically running around with assistants, inspecting hundreds of thousands of pidgeys a day, getting bitten and screeched at while they try to figure out if this pidgey has been tagged yet so they release them back to track their migration

• Panicked interns trying to scoop the ekanses back into their tank because theyre freaking out the rattatas

• Three caterpies climbed into a vent and evolved into metapods that are too far in to reach so six underpaid college students are trying to dismantle ductwork

• Theres a big door marked “KEEP OUT” because a dozen oddish evolved into a squad of Vileplumes and until they stop releasing stun spores the entire room is just off limits

• Hundreds of researchers running on red bull and determination trying to tag and examine all the Pokemon but having to turn off the machine every once in a while to the discontent of trainers who are all getting a “Sorry, the servers are currently down” message at LEAST twice a day

• “GPS not found” flashes while returning a big group and suddenly Florida has been gifted 6,000 mankeys right in the middle of Epcot

• Someone in the back room up to their waist in stale dog treats with a bunch of little stamps. They sigh deeply at how gullible Pokemon trainers are that they think these things actually do anything other than excite the Pokemon so much they evolve

• Actual science professor surrounded by chaos and interns and a budget just too small

official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

adhd executive dysfunction sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)

"Oh but parents do have a right to control what their children eat. What if they just want to eat candy for every meal?"

Most parents can't even distinguish between random whims and autism dietary limitations and end up saying shit like this and starving their disabled children.

Could you do a tweet about pigs flying and having a Leaguer (maybe Nightwing?) getting confused

I really enjoyed reading these tweets. They’re really good :))))

Thank you!

Bonus:

Submissions and asks are open! If you have any requests or any fake tweets of your own just send them in! I will answer your ask or credit you, if you are anonymous I will credit ‘anonymous’. Any that are uncredited or don’t have an ask attached are my own.

Suggestions for backround characters to reply to tweets are also welcome! Please Include a username, display name, what city they’re in (do I know what superhero they may see in their day to day life) and a general personality like how they’d react to things. Nothing too complicated plz, it’s hard enough to remember the seven or so I made up already but I need a bit more diversity lol.

Posting on here feels like when you impulsively text a friend, but they don't reply right away, so now you're overthinking everithing and debating wether deleting the text is better but before you can they see it.

Or you just forget you ever sent anything and go on with your life untill your friend asks why the fuck you texted them about how 'Voldemort would look if he had a runny nose since he doesn't have one. Like would snot just be running down his face?' at 3 am.

DONT STOP TALKING ABOUT PALESTINE! DONT STOP TAKING ABOUT GAZA!

DONT LET THEM MAKE YOU FORGET!!