Everything Feels Like Abandonment

they need to invent a running away & never coming back that doesn’t affect your life

BEETLE

singing alone in my own home at night is such a fun experience no one here to call me out when i miss a lyric!! no one to tell me i sound like shit!!!

i love singing it's such a fun way of stimming for me tbh

In my imagination, we are dancing in the kitchen after midnight while cooking a late-night snack with giggles and kisses.

thought a little too hard about it and now i have tears in my eyes and i feel physically ill

I love pretending to be normal in social settings bc it’s like how long will it take until they find out a screw is absolutely loose. how long can I keep this going for

christmas is coming so heres a reminder:

if ur stuck with abusive or shitty family...

u are always allowed to step away. i opt to go for a walk because "the fresh air is nice and its a little crowded in here right now" [using a light happy tone is key here, so hopefully theyre less likely to take it negatively]. u have autonomy over urself even if u dont feel like it

u can go to ur room and say ur just "grabbing something" [say its ur phone or a phone charger, something like that] and take a quick breather

u dont have to listen to the conversations. if theyre being bigotted u dont have to listen or say anything. loads of ppl have started a "if u dont say anything about ur familys bigotry ur part of the problem". u arent. ur keeping urself safe. u can zone out, tune it out, etc [u can even hide an earbud in ur ear for music if that helps]

keep a comfort item on u. i keep fidgets in my pockets.

u dont have to drink. no matter the pressure put on u.

if presents are involved and u feel overwhelmed by ppl trying to force u to give a positive reaction i usually say "wow thank u all so much! im putting these in my room real quick to keep them safe, thank u theyre lovely" [i struggle with this one a lot given im autistic as well so forcing the reaction is hard. i always use a script]

longing and jealousy are going to be the death of me chat

there's a stage in sandwich consumption where it's falling to pieces & you're desperately cupping it in your hands & it's like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die