A Summary Of The Magnus Archives, Written By Someone Who Has Never Listened To It

A Summary of the Magnus Archives, written by someone who has never listened to it

So there’s an archive, and they keep scary stuff in it. The archive is one really long hallway like the one in the penitentiary episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, and I think every door has a monster behind it? It looks like this. The main character is just roaming around with a tape recorder. 

A Summary Of The Magnus Archives, Written By Someone Who Has Never Listened To It

For the first few episodes you aren’t aware there are characters. Then later you meet the archivists. They have names like Peter Lukas, who is a rip-off of Peter Nureyev but also is kind of like Cutter from Wolf 359, Elias Pritchard I think is how you spell it, Basirah, who is a bad-ass I think, Martin, who is very soft and sweet and looks kind of like Aziraphale, and Jonny Sims. The guy who writes the show is also named Jonny Sims, like Night Vale. 

The whole show is kind of a weird mash-up of Night Vale, Wolf 359, The Bright Sessions, and Death by Dying. It takes the oh-no-weird-paranormal elements of WNTV and DBD and the oh-no-Capitalism-is-going-to-kill-us-all elements of TBS and W359. Everyone has a British accent. (I’ve listened to one audio clip and the guy had a British accent so I assume they all do.)

The man that built the archives was named Magnus. I think. Magnus must have been a really f-ed up guy. Then he died. He got eaten by the big crab thing, because apparently there is a big crab thing. Now the archives are run by the Johnny Sims guy, and he has major depression. He’s in denial over the fact that he is gay for Martin. Martin knows he is gay for Johnny but won’t tell anyone. There are lesbians but Elias somebody is lesbophobic. The fandom fights over this a lot. 

Basically, the show tells you about the ways that people have died by the monsters, especially the crab-monster, and some other monster that I think is called the Silencer? I imagine it as looking like the Nightmare from Metroid Fusion. I mean look at this goddamn thing. 

A Summary Of The Magnus Archives, Written By Someone Who Has Never Listened To It

That’s what the archive is hiding. It’s clearly hiding something. I think Elias and Peter are the bad guys? One of them dies, or maybe both. The Silencer eats Peter I think. Elias gets eaten by the crab. All I know is someone gets eaten by the fucking enormous crab. 

I think the show is very diverse, but I see a lot of people yelling at each other about it, so maybe it has issues? Maybe it’s like Voltron. Is this show like Voltron? I used to really like Voltron. Then Season 5 happened and I stopped liking it. I’m not sure how many seasons this show has. Six, I think. 

I think the archives are set somewhere where there is snow, because I see snow in fanart a lot, and big sweaters. Maybe like Northern Ireland. That explains the British Accents. 

More Posts from Afkalways and Others

3 years ago

This is what a sexuality crisis does to you.

Alternative title:The gay agenda is consuming as much queer media as possible in quarantine.(also yes I did call TENET queer media.)

This Is What A Sexuality Crisis Does To You.
This Is What A Sexuality Crisis Does To You.
This Is What A Sexuality Crisis Does To You.
4 years ago

one of my favorite part of the book

(the house in the cerulean sea)

One Of My Favorite Part Of The Book

summarizing in one meme:

One Of My Favorite Part Of The Book
4 years ago

Something I find funny is that there's a large gap in Arthurs life that we know nothing about. Assuming he left the DICOMY school at 18, there's 20 or so years that he could have been doing literally anything.

We know what the other adults did

Linus- worked at DICOMY pretty much forever

Zoe - was on the island being her sapphic self and generally being the Greatest

Helen - everything

Charles Werner - actually we don't know this one but based off what we do know it probably involved him being a selfish prick

So I'm taking it upon myself to compile a list of possible things Arthur could have been doing with his life, (getting increasingly unlikely as the list goes on.)

So far I have

studying philosophy Real Hard because as we know he's a Huge Nerd

babysitting or teaching because yknow he'd be good at it

studying ornithology because I'd personally find that kinda cute and funny

maybe he studied marine life bc that one scene where he said chauncey was a jellyfish and I know he probably did all that research specifically for chauncey but my special interest is the ocean so I deserve this

he could have played Jenga for profit bc in that same scene he startled me and Linus with that trick with the books

maybe he studied the blade because he's gay and has a sword

Feel free to add


Tags
4 years ago

This blog is solely to help me remember funny things I encountered but wtf does this mean

My brothers just had an argument over if our mum is a vegatable

4 years ago

Sharks I respect

All of them

Sharks I don't respect

None of them


Tags
3 years ago

Serial Killer Au

Where Adam has been killing off abusive assholes for years, and the FBI brings in special agent Ronan Lynch to help find the Killer . But (surprise) Ronan and Adam end up falling in love, and Ronan needs to help Adam get away from the FBI

4 years ago
No One: Me: Here’s A Flow Chart Of 41 Lgbtq+ Book Recommendations, Have Fun! Disclaimer: This Is A
No One: Me: Here’s A Flow Chart Of 41 Lgbtq+ Book Recommendations, Have Fun! Disclaimer: This Is A
No One: Me: Here’s A Flow Chart Of 41 Lgbtq+ Book Recommendations, Have Fun! Disclaimer: This Is A
No One: Me: Here’s A Flow Chart Of 41 Lgbtq+ Book Recommendations, Have Fun! Disclaimer: This Is A

no one: me: here’s a flow chart of 41 lgbtq+ book recommendations, have fun! disclaimer: this is a very non-comprehensive list since I’m only including books that I’ve read

3 years ago
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My
Yesterday We Had A Bit Of A Discussion On Whether Adam Did Or Didn’t Murder That Guy So Here’s My

yesterday we had a bit of a discussion on whether adam did or didn’t murder that guy so here’s my final take on it. i don’t know why i spent my entire afternoon on this but i did

(also, i know i didn’t cover every type of homicide in this- i did look into it, but none of that information seemed to be relevant enough)

4 years ago

☆ what to read next if you loved the house in the cerulean sea! ☆

if you... loved the magical setting

• magyk (septimus heap #1) by angie sage. the better, funnier, unproblematic-er harry potter, with an amazing setting and amazing and SO lovable characters

• inkheart (inkworld #1) by cornelia funke. one of my favorite magical settings of all times. also the plot is basically THE dream of all readers aka: what happens when the real world and the world of a book collide? but make it BAD

if you... loved the vibes

• the starless sea by erin morgenstern. do you love ghibli vibes?? do you wish you could permanently live in a bakery next to the ocean??? then fear no more, because this book is the one for you!

if you... are aching for more soft and yearning gays

• novae by kaiju. it's a comic but its so. it's so. GOOD. also sun and moon and star dynamics + amazing art + fantastic historical settings... what more do we need!

• check, please! by ngozi uzaku. YES this is another comic YES I am biased bc mr jack laurent zimmermann is my favorite hockey bro ever. and what about it.

if you... want to meet more weird children

• the emerald atlas by john stephens. vibes similar to a series of unfortunate events but with an actual happy ending!!! and caring adults!!!!! we love to see it

that's all I can think about rn!!! happy reading friends!

3 years ago
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021
QPoC Reads Of 2021

QPoC Reads of 2021

It’s June! Which for me means Pride Month, staying cool with endless smoothies, and posting a round-up of LGBTQ PoC young adult reads. This year, let’s take a look at some YA books centering QPoC characters that came out in 2021 so far… plus a couple launching this summer! Of course, this is by no means a comprehensive list. With that said, here we go!

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo Acclaimed author of Ash Malinda Lo returns with her most personal and ambitious novel yet, a gripping story of love and duty set in San Francisco’s Chinatown during the Red Scare.

The Mirror Season by Anna-Marie McLemore When two teens discover that they were both sexually assaulted at the same party, they develop a cautious friendship through her family’s possibly magical pastelería, his secret forest of otherworldly trees, and the swallows returning to their hometown, in Anna-Marie McLemore’s The Mirror Season… Graciela Cristales’s whole world changes after she and a boy she barely knows are assaulted at the same party. She loses her gift for making enchanted pan dulce. Neighborhood trees vanish overnight, while mirrored glass appears, bringing reckless magic with it. And Ciela is haunted by what happened to her, and what happened to the boy whose name she never learned. But when the boy, Lock, shows up at Ciela’s school, he has no memory of that night, and no clue that a single piece of mirrored glass is taking his life apart. Ciela decides to help him, which means hiding the truth about that night. Because Ciela knows who assaulted her, and him. And she knows that her survival, and his, depend on no one finding out what really happened.

Zara Hossain Is Here by Sabina Khan Zara’s family has waited years for their visa process to be finalized so that they can officially become US citizens. But it only takes one moment for that dream to come crashing down around them.

Hani and Ishu’s Guide to Fake Dating by Adiba Jaigirdar Everyone likes Humaira “Hani” Khan—she’s easy going and one of the most popular girls at school. But when she comes out to her friends as bisexual, they invalidate her identity, saying she can’t be bi if she’s only dated guys. Panicked, Hani blurts out that she’s in a relationship…with a girl her friends absolutely hate—Ishita “Ishu” Dey. Ishu is the complete opposite of Hani. She’s an academic overachiever who hopes that becoming head girl will set her on the right track for college. But Ishita agrees to help Hani, if Hani will help her become more popular so that she stands a chance of being elected head girl.Despite their mutually beneficial pact, they start developing real feelings for each other. But relationships are complicated, and some people will do anything to stop two Bengali girls from achieving happily ever after.

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee Felix Ever After meets Becky Albertalli in this swoon-worthy, heartfelt rom-com about how a transgender teen’s first love challenges his ideas about perfect relationships.

Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé Out now, as of yesterday! (or June 10th in the UK!) Gossip Girl meets Get Out in Ace of Spades, a YA contemporary thriller by debut author Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé about two students, Devon & Chiamaka, and their struggles against an anonymous bully.

Love & Other Natural Disasters by Misa Sugiura Out June 8th! When Nozomi Nagai pictured the ideal summer romance, a fake one wasn’t what she had in mind. That was before she met the perfect girl. Willow is gorgeous, glamorous, and…heartbroken? And when she enlists Nozomi to pose as her new girlfriend to make her ex jealous, Nozomi is a willing volunteer. Because Nozomi has a master plan of her own: one to show Willow she’s better than a stand-in, and turn their fauxmance into something real. But as the lies pile up, it’s not long before Nozomi’s schemes take a turn toward disaster…and maybe a chance at love she didn’t plan for.

Gearbreakers by Zoe Hana Mikuta Out June 29th Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they’re fighting for a common purpose–and falling for each other–in Zoe Hana Mikuta’s high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown’s Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu’s Legend series.

Rise to the Sun by Leah Johnson Out July 6th! Three days. Two girls. One life-changing music festival. Olivia is an expert at falling in love … and at being dumped. But after the fallout from her last breakup has left her an outcast at school and at home, she’s determined to turn over a new leaf. A crush-free weekend at Farmland Music and Arts Festival with her best friend is just what she needs to get her mind off the senior year that awaits her. Toni is one week away from starting college, and it’s the last place she wants to be. Unsure about who she wants to become and still reeling in the wake of the loss of her musician-turned-roadie father, she’s heading back to the music festival that changed his life in hopes that following in his footsteps will help her find her own way forward. When the two arrive at Farmland, the last thing they expect is to realize that they’ll need to join forces in order to get what they’re searching for out of the weekend. As they work together, the festival becomes so much more complicated than they bargained for, and Olivia and Toni will find that they need each other, and music, more than they ever could have imagined.

Note: Images and summaries via Goodreads!

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afkalways - I wish I had even one braincell
I wish I had even one braincell

just one, is that too much to ask? - 19yo he/them

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