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Writing Sex

Okay, so I saw a post recently on writing sex, and it got me thinking about some things. What is the best way to incorporate sex scenes into fiction? 

I think it really depends on the mood and tone of the story/poem/novel. Unless you are writing specifically children or teen lit, I think anything sexual is fair game, although the words you use and the amount of detail you go into will shape the tone of your story. A lot of the time, the build-up to sex is much more important to focus on than the actual sex in writing fiction. Focusing on emotions between the two characters, physical sensations they encounter at the thought of sex, and the way the two people fall into bed together will help keep your otherwise serious mystery novel with a side of romance from turning into porn. Describing sex acts in detail and using specific words for genitalia, in my opinion, cheapens the work and can make it tawdry rather than titillating. 

Of course, you’re not always trying to say the same thing, and a lot of how sex scenes function is determined by the plot and characters. I find that when my characters are having a sexual encounter that is awkward, uncomfortable, frightening, traumatic, dangerous, etc., I will go into more specific detail about the actual sex acts, whereas in writing a scene between two people in love, I will be much more vague and focus more on emotions and what the scene means to them. Another instance where describing the sex more specifically can be necessary is if it’s a character’s first time; going through how the character is taking it all in, what he/she doesn’t know about what he/she is doing, what feels new, good, wrong, etc. can be helpful in moving the story along, if it is a virginal scene. 

Most importantly, I think it’s just good to remember to use sex scenes the way you would any other scene: if it’s essential to furthering the plot or the development of the characters, go for it. If it’s not, leave it out. 

What do you other writerly folks think? How/when/why do you write sex scenes? 

Me: *goes to bed super late and wakes up tired* Okay that’s fair

Me: *goes to bed right on time and wakes up tired* Okay I call bullshit