Odasaku's Last Words Were Exactly What Dazai Needed To Hear. And Were The ONLY Thing That Could Have

Portal is a horror game.

It posits itself as this fun, quirky puzzle game, but that's so clearly not what it is even 5 minutes in. This supposedly bustling science facility is completely silent. No one is watching through the observation windows, the test chambers are visibly dirtied and worn, and the only voice you hear throughout the entire game is the "Pre-Recorded" GLaDOS, who is consistently glitching and saying things that are slightly ominous. This feeling is only amplified by Kelly Bailey's masterful soundtrack, which similarly to Half-Life 2, creates this feeling of loneliness and abandonment. It all comes to a head in Chamber 16 when you finally see Doug Rattman's writings for the first time and realize "Something is VERY wrong here." Afterwards, you learn more and more about how fucked Aperture really is, like how the water in the test chambers is actually a result of flooding, how the Turrets are very much NOT a testing element, and how the Iconic Cake is in fact, a lie. This all comes to a head in the final chamber when the illusion completely falls away and GLaDOS is revealed as a killer, leading into the game's final act. However, even after the Reveal, Portal still manages to keep its horror elements, as GLaDOS slowly hunts you throughout the facility. Stalking, waiting. It's still quiet, still lonely. But now the danger is real, and it's coming for you.

i deserve nothing. i am nothing. all i do is make things worse.

Thoughts On SaiTeru & Why It Makes Sense To Me

Honestly speaking, I wasn’t too big on this ship but over the time, it has definitely grown a lot on me and I’d actually like if they took that route. Mainly because Saiki ending up with someone other than Kokomi wouldn’t make sense, after all the progression they went through, ending up with each other is natural. Besides, whatever Kokomi wills eventually happens so if I had to guess I’d go with the prior lol. That aside, imo they fit each other the best.

I haven’t done ship analysis posts before so the sequence is pretty messy but I’ll try to keep it as organised as possible so it’s easier to read. Let’s start anyways :

Starting off with the very thing that places Kokomi at the top of the food-chain : her charms. Due to Saiki’s x-ray vision, that ability is rendered completely useless against him. As a result, Saiki recognises her for her true self and knows her inside out. While he’s aware of her flaws, he also witnesses her growth as a person. She makes true friends and starts to enjoy their company and care about them. For Saiki, she stops dreaming about marrying a rich guy and rejects Saiko.

Kokomi even gives up on playing the perfect pretty girl which she has been doing for years, just for his sake.

Likewise, Saiki’s psychic powers have little to no effect on Kokomi because she’s loved by the God himself and she gets whatever she wants. Regardless of how hard Saiki tries to win against her, he always ends up losing instead, all the while her likability with him increases.

Her efforts in her role, her wits and abilities surprise him enough to make him wonder if she’s actually perfect. He even goes as far as to say that they’re invincible together. Saiki goes from being half-scared of her powers to fully acknowledging and admiring her by the end.

Before Kokomi, Saiki has dealt with people who had crush on him- Imu and Chiyo. He made them give up on him with ease which resulted into him believing that it’s easy to move people’s hearts. Kokomi however, breaks that misconception by moving his own and shows him that she loves him just as he is and that won’t change.

And it’s because he’s aware that her feelings are genuine, unlike the other two, he stops resisting her completely and starts avoiding possible misunderstandings. When Kokomi changes herself to suit his tastes, Saiki doesn’t actively try to make her give up on him instead tries to revert her back to her usual self. He isn’t bothered by her feelings for him anymore, rather prefers her the way she is.

There are only a few times in the show when Saiki gets nervous. Even Nendou and Kusuke who he can’t use his telepathy on, don’t have that effect on him. Yet being alone with Kokomi makes him nervous. Prior to the mixer event, Saiki has been alone with her on more than one occasion. After that day however, Saiki’s perception of Kokomi changes. He’s aware that she truely loves him and won’t give up on him no matter how indifferent he acts towards her. It’s fairly new to him, accepting the fact that someone loves him despite all the odds and she actually manages to make him happy because of it.

Just like how Kokomi gives up on the most important thing for Saiki, being perfect that is, he does the same for her. Saiki hates drawing attention to himself and he puts a lot of efforts in that. However, he gives up on that without a moment’s thought and catches Kokomi in his arms in front of the entire school and takes her to the infirmary. There couldn’t be any better way to draw attention.

My point remains the same even if I don’t include this because Kokomi’s beauty has always been irrelevant in their relationship and this is the first and only time we see Saiki being attracted to someone. Ironically, Saiki reacts to seeing Kokomi just as any other guy would and he’s too transparent about it. Not to Kokomi but to the readers.

From time to time, Kokomi’s likability with Saiki increases to such point where he subconsciously sees her differently than others. I’m sure there are people who would disagree because Saiki makes exceptions for all his friends and Kokomi shouldn’t be different. There are multiple counter to that arguement.

One of the two is when Saiki turns invisible and shares a drink with Kokomi. Honestly, whatever happened in that chapter doesn’t make sense in the least.

Saiki has gone out of his way to get Kokomi’s valentines chocolates. I can say that’s because he loves sweets. He buys her a birthday gift : the cat mug, I can reason that he even got Chiyo a soft toy back when she was dating Takeru to make their relationship last. Several times he has gone out of his way to check up on his friends such as when Aren received a fake love letter or when Kaido and Chiyo had a misunderstanding and stayed with them the entire time to make sure everything was alright.

However, this time the only thing he has to do is avoid her and go home. Kokomi isn’t in any trouble nor does she need his help for anything. So he succeeds the moment he manages to lose her by getting up in the air. All he needs to do his teleport home.

But he doesn’t. We don’t know why.

He just turns invisible which saves him from the men searching for him, again he can teleport home or even walk home. But he just decides to sit there with her and share her drink for some reason and leaves only when she thinks of doing the same. Which is outright ridiculous because he could just leave the moment Kokomi lost him but he does the opposite and does exactly what Kokomi wanted on his own free will except, differently.

Last but not the least, the most significant moment is when Saiki hears Kokomi’s voice in the end. Having read the manga, it’s clear that Kokomi’s part is supposed to stand out from others but the added scene in the anime makes it more obvious.

I think there’s more to this moment than most talk about. Other than the fact that Saiki reacts to Kokomi’s name, what makes him smile is that even when Kokomi knows that her life is in danger, she still thinks about him. He realises that the girl he finds so troublesome truely does love him. And he knows that in the end, what she wants, will happen. Through him this time. Personally I think this scene acts as the trigger to Saiki realising that he needs his powers and he doesn’t actually hate being a psychic.

All in all, Kokomi is the only one who balances out Saiki perfectly and Saiki is the one who made her develop as a person. They’re compatible with each other and even Saiki believes that. Both have lasting impact on each other even without being able to use their respective powers which solidifies the fact that the progression is genuine. Both have polar opposite nature, Kokomi loves receiving attention while Saiki hates that. However when push comes to shove, Kokomi’s willing to sacrifice her perfect pretty girl role while Saiki’s ready to draw attention to himself despite all the efforts they both put into their respective places.

Kokomi influences Saiki’s thought process despite him being able to read her like an open book. She makes him guess his choices and decisions. She brings surprises and challenges in his life. Saiki does the same since he isn’t affected by her charms, he makes her focus on other things beside looks. And he’s literally the only one who recognises her for herself and not her beauty unlike her own brother. I could go on forever about how they complement each other but that’s for another day.

I may not be the biggest SaiTeru shipper out there but I most definitely think Saiki should either remain single or end up with Kokomi. I prefer the later.

Small tasks

when an entire team of scientists kept chuuya trapped in their lab to experiment on him. when the sheep used chuuya as a weapon and means of protection. when dazai wanted chuuya to be his dog. when he wanted chuuya to be his maid. when rimbaud attempted to turn chuuyas dead body into a puppet to use it as a weapon. when mori had chuuya swear his undying loyalty to him after making sure he had no one else to turn to. when verlaine tried to kill every person who chuuya had an attachment to so he could make chuuya rely on solely him. when professor N brought chuuya back into the lab to continue his experiments. when fyodor had chuuya turned into a mindless vampire to get him on his side. the innate bsd character urge to own chuuya

bc zhongli’s backstory hurts all 3 of my feelings.

full size here!

y'all ever think about this…

them <3

it's hilarious being self aware. i'm watching a clown performance, for real.

I wonder how this event went down but I hope it was dramatic and gay