Does Anyone Else Feel Lonesome?

Does anyone else feel lonesome?

Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.

Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.

Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.

Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.

More Posts from Aj-capral and Others

1 year ago

my thirst for Slavic characters in media knows no bounds. And no, I don’t mean some Russian spy or super model or mafia boss. I want normal and interesting characters from smaller Slavic countries who celebrate name days, who live by weird superstitions passed down through their families, who make gulash and sausage and bean stews for dinner. I want Slavic characters with affectionate nicknames given by their family. I want characters who grew up on German fantasy films from the 60s and weird soviet cartoons. I want the societal pressure and the religious guilt and the love for rolling green mountain ranges that remind them of home. I want to see myself in this real personal way that I have so rarely encountered in media or in real life.

Representation of real experiences is so often boiled down into big concepts rather than the small details that matter. Frequently it can feel like checking off boxes instead of communicating substantial themes or reflections of reality. It’s easy for a show to say a character’s family comes from Germany or Senegal or Russia but that’s usually where they draw the line. The more vague they are, the easier it is to turn entire countries or continents into generic set dressing that (in theory) could apply to millions. But it’s the mannerisms, the culture, the language, the folktales, all these things that shape you from the very moment you’re born. It’s the small details that help you connect, that resurrect the small child inside you who once lived in a foreign bubble, who experienced the awful alongside the great. I yearn to see what I am made of staring back at me through a screen. I yearn to connect to my foundations, to the culture that slowly slips from my memory as I continue to age entire oceans away from the place of its origin.

1 year ago

Kouyou's backstory, the old boss, Mori's past, the cat Natsume, Order Of the Clocktower, how the Guild founded, Tanizaki siblings, Fukuchi, Teruko, the Book, Fyodor and many more. Actually if you think about it. Bsd has many questions to be answered and I look forward to seeing them getting the long waited answers. And that's what makes Bsd great to me.

2 years ago
Poles, Podiums, And The Best Of The Rest.

Poles, podiums, and the best of the rest.

Who are all these handsome young men in colorful jumpsuits that seem to have taken over your dashboard this year? And where exactly are they going in those really fast cars????? 

Over the past few years, Formula 1 has spread into all corners of culture, and Tumblr is no exception. People around the world have learned about F1’s 70 years of history, its international circuits in cities like Monaco and Abu Dhabi, and its Grand Prix schedule of Free Practice, Qualifying, and the races themselves. Tumblr being Tumblr, though, it’s really all about the drivers: 20 of them per year, two for each of the ten official teams. Add in all the other assorted characters that orbit around the current grid, and you have quite the lineup to follow each weekend. 

F1 and its fast boys have been appearing in our Week in Review lists as far back as 2020, and on last year’s Year In Review Athletes list, drivers took up a healthy 6 out of the top 10 spots. This year, the sport’s domination of the dashboard kicked it up a notch: There was an 18% increase in engagement with the Formula 1 tag in 2022 compared with last year, and Lestappen (aka Max Verstappen/Charles Leclerc) became the very first F1 ship to hit a Week In Review ships list on July 10, 2022.

A lot of this might have something to do with the growing popularity of Netflix’s Drive to Survive docuseries, which follows the twists and turns of each F1 season, shining a light on the personal lives of the drivers and their team members. Tumblr’s interest in the sport just feels natural: with all of its drama, excitement, and contained, charismatic, and frequently controversial ensemble cast, it seems tailor-made for Tumblr users who enjoy sports anime and adventure dramas. 

So, what’s the pitch for F1? Whether you root for the underdog or support the champion, there’s a storyline for you. The interweaving backstories of the drivers, many of whom have grown up driving together since they were kids, are like catnip to Tumblr’s love for characters with history. And, of course, there are the races themselves—high-tech cars going hundreds of miles per hour. What’s not to love? 

Or, as @gaslightgirlsummer puts it: these men are all millionaire tax evaders trying to kill each other and/or themselves in the fastest cars on the planet (that are worth more money than most people will ever have in their lifetimes) on a weekly basis.

Whether a longtime fan or newly interested, you’ve probably seen F1 around Tumblr this year, featuring in fan art, GIFsets, and a plentiful amount of very silly memes. But, in case you’ve ever been curious about who Tumblr loves the most, here are the top 35 Formula 1 tags in 2022, featuring not just current drivers but retired drivers, reserve drivers, upcoming drivers, race engineers, and team principals, too. 

Lewis Hamilton

Charles Leclerc

Daniel Ricciardo

Sebastian Vettel

Max Verstappen

Lando Norris

Mick Schumacher

Pierre Gasly

George Russell

Carlos Sainz

Yuki Tsunoda

Valtteri Bottas

Alex Albon

Esteban Ocon

Fernando Alonso

Lance Stroll

Sergio Perez

Toto Wolff

Kevin Magnussen

Zhou Guanyu

Kimi Raikkonen

Oscar Piastri

Antonio Giovinazzi

Nicholas Latifi

Nico Rosberg

Christian Horner

Michael Schumacher

Callum Illott

Jenson Button

Mattia Binotto

Nyck De Vries

Peter Bonnington

Mark Webber

Zak Brown

Nico Hulkenberg

And, because it wouldn’t be Formula 1 without a Constructor’s Championship, here’s the ranking of teams on Tumblr: 

McLaren

Ferrari

Mercedes

Red Bull

Aston Martin 

Haas

Alpine

Alfa Romeo

Williams

AlphaTauri

2 years ago

Fuck personality tests. Who comes to your mind when I say "Michael"

1 year ago

I'm almost 100% sure this is how the agency will stop Fukuchi getting One Order

Aya seemed to recognise the flash of One Order. Why? One Order was made during the war and never used, so there’s no way she’s seen it before. But there is one blinding flash that she would have seen, and that she could never forget

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order
I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

AND GUESS WHO IS RIGHT THERE ON THE BATTLE FIELD!

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

I think Kunikida swapped out One Order for a fake containing a flash bang, Tanizaki is also there and could have used light snow to make them invisible while Fukuzawa distracted Fukuchi. And Fukuchi couldn't stop this by cutting the past, since he would have no way to know where they were at any given moment

But how could they have done it? They are on deaths door, well as Kunikida says here...

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

I thought it was weird that Yosano hasn’t shown up in the airport so far, she is way to central to the ADA to be left out of what seems to be building to the final conflict, this would be a great way to bring her in and call back to Kunikida saving Aya. The ADA is strongest together, and the biggest mistake Fukuchi (someone who does not have a great track record with subordinates) makes is forgetting that.

I thought for ages that Ranpo’s plan with Poes book was incredibly dumb, it was way to straight forward and he had shown Fukuchi what the books could do beforehand. But if it was just to make Fukuchi think he had thwarted him and let his guard down then it makes perfect sense!

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

I also think that Fukuzawa trying to convince Fukuchi to kill him and spare the others was not part of the plan, he feels responsible for everything that happened to the agency, and feels like Fukuchi only targeted them to get revenge on him.

So I still think there is a good chance of him potentially dying

Overall I'm really confident about the flashbang thing, since otherwise Aya's line makes no sense. but the rest also fits very well! They could use Annes room to escape afterward and Fukuchi would have no way to follow them, Ranpo is not stupid enough to leave room for error in such an important moment.

IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW THIS ENDS

1 year ago

I want someone to take me to a better life, where I don’t have to worry about anything

3 months ago

I SWEAR THAT THIS IS LITERALLY CANON.

I SWEAR THAT THIS IS LITERALLY CANON.

Love them😭

And still want to write fic..

4 years ago
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon
Vanitas Shitpost Dump And A Headcanon

vanitas shitpost dump and a headcanon

1 year ago
Did YOU KNOW I Cant Draw Cats
Did YOU KNOW I Cant Draw Cats

did YOU KNOW i cant draw cats

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aj-capral - 光

shitpost mostly • gaming • and some other things....The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.

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