Things I Love About Etho, A List From Sleep Deprived

every time i draw oskar he looks different because i draw him so much im esentially speedrunning the design to lore to design changes pipeline

Sorry for the second rb but I drew them!!

wing anatomy probably scuffed asf but its fine

ive been having uh. a lot of thoughts about winged Lew. specifically a kinda phantom hybrid lew.

Why phantom hybrid you ask? well this started because I wanted to give them bone wings. and then I thought well why would they have these. and how would they function. And they would function with probably some kinda magic membrane like phantom wings have, that maybe they could turn off in life serieses and other places they can't be used. ALSO in tibby art they've just got a skeleton mask, which leads in further to just a bone MOTIF not being a skeleton actually.

im putting the rest under a read more cuz I feel like there's a lot

ANYWAYS yeah. lew is also just. So watchery. he is mr grian third life himself, which feels like watcher behavior being so knowledgeable on the games and grian "former watcher" minecraft. they've also been in ten games I believe they said which is a very large number, one probably only achieved if they have something to do with the games in the first place. lew also has the mask which ik isn't technically canon but I'm viewing it as such here. play in this space with me. watchers, in a lot of fanfic/fanart, cover their real eyes for one reason or another. and lew does this. not like, fully, maybe not to give their identity away or smth, but you also can't actually see his eyes. just the dark void created by the mask.

at the end of tibbys autumn life as well, when he's coming out of his "dream" and nobody else remembers anything, Jinx and West are kinda off to the slide and lew turns to tibby and says "You lost the game." I know this is probably a reference that I don't get because lew says it other times too in much less climactic places but we're ignoring that okay. if I could draw there would be a flash of purple in lew's eyes as he smirks at tibby, west and jinx blissfully unaware (or so it seems?? maybe?)

theres. there's other evidence too i feel like that I found. but I can't remember rn. anyways yeah phantom hybrid watcher lew this is a normal amount to write about this minecraft man who doesn't even make videos I don't think and is just featured in others

my reblogs are so nice to me im gonna cry i love you guys :')

Autumn life doodles! I still gotta draw the rest of the autumn lifers but i binged Tibby's entire pov today and i just had to doodle the guys!! the lovelies!!

okay so i just caught up on uu finally and i have become somehow even less normal about parrot. specifically about how he is incapable of working in a team anymore. and i. i'm sure someone has pointed this out before but i can't stop talking about it so

okay his first video was mostly him on his own but he was not at all opposed to teaming. he actually actively tried to get people to work with him. he would do shit alone if he had to and still always believed he was right, but he was reasonably quick to trust people and more than willing to team if he could. not at all... whatever he is now.

second video is wifies we all know how that went

they are dating

how is parfies actually not canon i'm. they're so.

anyway, importantly, parrot can always trust wifies 100% of the time from now on. except when they break up but like we'll get there ok

okay hold on this is a long post sorry i am hiding the rest under the cut

then wifies chunkban uhoh!!! parrot tries to break wifies out alone because he's gay and stupid but when that doesn't work he immediately tries to assemble a team. it's specifically people he knows he can trust on this mission, but still. he recruits people, breaks them out of prisons, trusts them to help in the process. and it works. this is important. the team works. (a couple people don't want to join and fantst chunkbans himself, but the team works.)

then we have the brief (two 3 hour long videos) interlude where he's getting hunted down by clownpierce and i haven't actually rewatched that bit so i don't really have thoughts about it? but. there's the reverse prison bit. where his team is supposed to protect him but they just leave him there to die the moment it gets difficult. wifies is the only one who sticks by him because again, they're gay. but parrot lets himself get used as bait for this trap and the team essentially betrays him. he puts his trust in them and they break it. this is important actually.

i remember more of this bit than i thought

parrot almost kills branzy. that's probably relevant but i haven't quite figured out why yet. probably something about wifies. it's always something about wifies.

then we get proton. i love proton i think i've actually rewatched it twice?? proton is one of the last instances of parrot successfully executing a plan as part of a team. even then, it's rocky. ken almost betrays, egg is missing, they don't have enough elytra, they have to leave ken behind. proton barely works.

parrot's abnormal amounts of trust issues and paranoia lead him to Thousands (Millions? I Forgor) Of Blocks Out In The End. end civ! does not fucking work. it all falls apart and people are trying to tear it apart the whole time anyway. they put in so much effort for nothing. also they know about invis mafia now soooooo that does not help anything

mining civ or whatever?? uh???? look i was Not paying attention during that one i think i was literally dying my hair and told my irl (who was watching with me) to tell me if anything important happened while i wasn't looking.

important part is that luigi fucking died. parrot keeps caring about people and terrible things keep happening to them. aha

BUT THEN THE SEARCH FOR FARLANDS CIV AND THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING STARTS REALLY FALLING APART

wifies not wanting to trust dean really fucks with parrot i think. because these are the two people he cares the most about and they do not seem to want to cooperate ever. wifies is actually weirdly sus for the entire video, i remember that. wifies and dean both. but parrot wants to trust dean. he really wants to. so he ignores wifies warnings until it is far too late.

dean betrays them and i think that shattered parrot's ability to fully trust anyone ever again. he leaves wifies behind and everything. he is having a certified Horrible Time.

actual farlands civ is. bad. bad for parrot. very. it gives him a reason to not trust teams anymore. like yeah he has to be the main character of divergent or something and Unite The Farmers And Warriors! but every single one of the warriors is stupid and they keep sending him out on suicide missions. parrot thinks he's better than them, that his plans are better than theirs, and he's right. this does not help any issues. he's completely right, in this situation, to be paranoid and untrusting and to go against their plans. and then they try to kill him about it so that does NOT help.

and i didn't even MENTION horace. how horace didn't even want to let parrot join because parrot keeps getting horace's builds blown up. how horace said that to his face. how that just contributed to parrot thinking that everything he touches will fall apart.

first war and doomsday uh um. yeah. district 13... doesn't go well. farlands civ also didn't go well but we've been over that. district 13 is what matters here.

the moment things start going wrong, everyone leaves him. parrot places his trust in spoke for one second and spoke doesn't deliver on his promise to find the stasis chambers and every single person leaves him for the mafia. (except wifies. wifies is always the exception.)

ok chat i have to go to bed i'll finish this in the morning (let's see if i leave this in. probably will.)

i'm back. wow i left off at such a moment.

wifies fucking dies.

the one person parrot could always trust. the one person who always had his back. the one person parrot could work with. did they have a perfect relationship? not by any means. but they trusted each other. and wifies died for him. and it's really like the second time this has happened because the chunkban was essentially the same thing, but this time parrot can't do anything about it. he can't save wifies this time.

and yeah he... sort of manages to work with wemmbu, spoke, and co. to take down the mafia. but he mostly just leaves that to them.

parrot's first season 2 episode fucking destroyed me as a person 😁

it's the culmination of everything that has ever gone wrong. all this shit has been happening to him; friends dying, teammates betraying, having to leave people behind, teams falling apart. and now every person that has supported him thus far is gone. not just gone, dead. any semblance of a support system he once had is shattered.

and parrot's never been good at... listening to people, valuing other opinions, admitting when he's wrong, caring about people (especially in a non destructive way), trusting anyone. wifies was the only thing keeping him in check. (we all know how dysfunctional their relationship is and this is the one moment i will admit that part of canon is real. i prefer to pretend parfies is good and happy fjgshbshs)

so now wifies is gone and parrot just goes. fully solo. he's on his batman arc or something he works alone he does not need anyone he can do everything on his own. he's just full paranoia and distrusting everything. that chest that detects when people enter his base was fucking insane he's so far gone at this point

and then leo. leo and co. show up and save parrot and make him join their team, they give him a room, they make him feel valued... and in standard main character fashion, parrot doesn't know how to deal with that. he doesn't know how to let people care about him, he doesn't want to because only bad things ever happen to the people he's close to.

he self destructs so bad. like yeah going behind their backs to modify the trap is pretty bad but to be fair he thinks he's doing the right thing there. he just is currently incapable of trust so he doesn't tell anyone and it makes everything go to shit, which gives him more reasons to think he can't trust anyone else to be competent... but that's not the worst of it

bat gets mad at him, justifiably, but parrot is so fucking deep in his paranoia and untrusting behavior that he just fucking. shuts them out. he doesn't even remotely realize why his actions were wrong and instead thinks that bat are in the wrong here. they try to contact him and instead he breaks his inbox and shuts the blinds on his room.

side note, the shot of just his room covered in lava is really sad but also kind of hilarious i keep thinking about it

at this point the only thing that can make parrot come back to his senses (well. that implies he ever had them.) is a miracle. and this miracle comes in the form of itz trying to kill him. because parrot CANNOT HAVE NICE THINGS??????

but unfortunately this is like the only thing that could fix him at this point. he needs to see that he cannot work alone. he keeps trying to work alone and then people (rightfully) don't let him but then he gets all "ugh it would've gone better if you weren't here" because he's stupid, but no one can disprove that idea because they never let him be alone in stuff. so itz attacking him while he's completely alone in the base is exactly what he needed.

i'm never gonna be normal about parrot trapped alone in a box he put himself in, less than 10 blocks from escaping the airlock, even fewer from dying to itz, whispering a plea for help.

he realizes he can't do this shit alone. and he doesn't have to. because jumper's spies saw his situation and called for backup, and derapchu gets him out and then all of bat shows up and now parrot knows that he needs them, but more importantly that they are always there for him.

ignore his third episode it is not real and cannot hurt me

okay his second s2 episode though?? with mr cube hunting him down??? parrot and derap's friendship means so much to me. where's that fucking quote... "if you want people to see you differently, you have to see yourself differently." it means so much to me. parrot is making connections and forming relationships again, he's trusting and helping people and it's just. so incredible.

parrot's third episode is not real and cannot hurt me.

(... although the fact that parrot is at all willing to trust jumper after everyone tried to kill him, and after she sort of betrayed him once, is crazy. the old parrot would've immediately given up on bat after that, but this time he's actually trying to prove himself to them and get back on the team.)

(also parchu friendship is so good, derapchu was so obviously not on board with killing parrot for the entire video, they mean so much to me)

so like. parrot's never been good at trust. or teams. but he's clearly making an active effort to be better now. he's still very much not perfect, but he's better.

okay yeah that is um. about all. ahahahahahhahaha yeah parrot's season 2 so far has destroyed me i'm kind of insane about it. if you made it to the end of my incomprehensible ramble i love you thank you and you are awesome

#PEAK

pov: they’re trapped in etho desktop background limbo forever

this ask is mostly about twitter people, who might never see this, but i genuinely hope they do. this may help a few on tumblr to open their eyes as well, so i will send this message.

a lot of people are being extremely hateful to zam, consciously and unconsciously.

consciously is by assuming he's white, cis, straight, and all of those privileged labels apply to them. he's not white. and if you can read subtext, or look up some clips, you can assume he might not be straight, and maybe not even cis. has zam ever said to the camera "i am a cis straight man and wish to be represented as such"? no. please, stop assuming when you don't know someone.

when you read an anon here, what do you assume? who do you think *I* am? am i cis? trans? maybe i'm straight. maybe i'm pan. maybe i'm aro. maybe i'm a white woman living in the us suburbs, maybe i'm some poor college student living in malaysia. you do not know shit about anyone, and this includes streamers.

a lot of people, unknowingly, or i'd rather think they don't know it, are extremely transphobic about zam. not just in thinking he's cis (what if he's questioning? what if, hear me out, he's trans and doesn't want to come out? what if zam CANNOT come out?) but also by laughing about his attire.

zam, on the realm, wears a dress. zam says "i am the princess of yellow kingdom!". zam has long hair. zam, in presentation, is a woman- a princess. in stream, when asked for pronouns, zam said "any tbh, like i mostly use he/him but i dont really care" (paraphrased).

and people are confused- a man in a dress? everyone says he's foolish's son, and yet, zam proclaims proudly to be a princess. and for some reason, a lot of people's reactions are to ridicule him.

"Get a better wig" Owen wrote. Now, I don't think Owen understood what he wrote there. But this is transmisogyny. There is no debate about it. You tell someone you perceive to be a man in a dress to get a better wig, because this "disguise" just doesn't fit right. Imagine if Zam came out as a trans woman right now. How the fuck would you imagine she'd react? Imagine now that zam might be going through gender stuff. How do you imagine zam took this?

And people on twitter are the worst about it. Why the fuck do you need to wear a fucking suit to be "locked in on lore"? Why is a dress seen as silly and frivolous? Is it because anything "girly" is unserious? Are all women unserious? Or is it because Zam is perceived as a man, and therefore, a man in a dress isn't serious? Is it just misogyny or transmisogyny? Spoilers, it's both.

Zam constantly refers to herself on the realm (and beyond it) as a "single mother", the "princess of yellow", or had a title like Busy Woman (changed later to Busy Princezam - likely because her family knows her youtube account and would ask questions that she cannot answer safely).

I recommend to everyone to read this article, of a trans woman talking about her experience being a trans woman, growing up as such, and why she stays in the closet.

https://medium.com/@jencoates/i-am-a-transwoman-i-am-in-the-closet-i-am-not-coming-out-4c2dd1907e42

And if you can't read all that, here's to me, the most impactful lines of this article:

"What I look like is this: a boy. A boy who has inherited a little more body hair than he can fight back, even in the places where he’s allowed to. A boy many ciswomen look at and say “you look like you like Mac DeMarco, ha ha.” (I do.) “I bet you read Jonathan Franzen.” (I don’t.) “I bet you like Breaking Bad.” (It was pretty good.) “I bet you are a self-proclaimed male feminist ally but don’t read women authors.” (Fuck right the fuck off.)

These women have explained to me, with self-righteous anger, with smug superciliousness, what a transwoman is.

Part of me wants them to go through my books—wants them to see where the raised, blurred stipples are, which pages of which books are warped by tears going back over a decade.

Most of me wants them nowhere near my books or anything else of mine.

I am twenty-four years old and I don’t know what to do. Without reservation, I embrace the theory of intersectional feminism. I need it — we all do. But do I want to join social circles that won’t have me until I disclose my most private experiences? That will leave me on permanent probation or tell me to shut up until I lay bare every year of dissociation and dysmorphia and dysphoria?

Do I need to be inspected and dissected by the people who laughed at me in order to receive my credential?"

Think before you say shit. Also, to anyone feeling attacked: be better. If you have said transphobic things, if you have done these kinds of actions, you can change. You are not set in stone. You can learn from this. It sucks to think you did bad, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

What makes you a bad person is doubling down on harmful words and beliefs, upholding them to save whatever misplaced pride you hold, thinking admitting you were wrong is humiliating. It's not. Apologizing and trying to do better next time, opening your mind and heart to others and their struggles, listening and learning - this is important. Especially when you are young. Don't take the path of terfism, accept you were and did wrong, and try to not let it happen again.

We all slip in the mud sometimes. You just gotta get up and go wash yourself instead of wallowing in it.

.

Pearlescentmoon and Grian woke up this season and decided to become government worker (affectionate) and government worker (derogatory). Both have the potential to cause server-wide reign of terror.

COMMISSION - DEADSPACE AU

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