My Life’s Literally Falling Apart

xjdindjsisj the cute guy from the party texted me again and said i was allowed to draw him aaaaaaah

me: *comes home from class and waits for the elevator*

random guy: *quietly says hi as i get in the elevator*

my brain: we know him

me: cool, who is he?

brain: no idea

me: but you just said-

brain: hey look, he's going to the same floor as you

me: oh yeah, maybe that's where i saw him

me: *gets out of the elevator and walks to my apartment only to realize the random guy lives in the apartment right in front of mine*

brain: oh funny, he's your neighbor

me: you bitch

damn this life is getting too good

please, don’t pretend to care about it. you made a mistake? it’s fine. you try to make up for it with excessive kindness, it only feels fake and awkward.

someone please tell me why i thought it’d be a good idea to open my old emails from when i dumped that abusive jerk and he kept sending me emails telling me he’d show up at my place

My little sister (4yo) just asked me “do you wanna be a boy?” and I just stood here like omg what should I tell her

But since it’s my stepmother’s daughter I didn’t answer cause I don’t wanna get in trouble

In the end she only told me she didn’t want me to have a beard because she doesn’t like it

already cried 3 times in 2022, this year gonna be long as hell

Sirius: Nice hands, Moony.

Remus: Uh...thank you?

Sirius: I bet they'd look better wrapped around my-

James: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE. PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN.

My mood about the new tour ♪♪

Harry: I once thought Draco used to be an equestrian

Ron: Why?

Harry: Because he rides my di-

Ron: Nevermind! Don’t finish that sentence, EVER!