The Dumbest Miracles Good Omens Characters Have Performed: AZRIAPHALE EDITION

“But the TARDIS does your hair?”

“It…uh it does”

Something about the doctors delivery there makes me think this is like the time lord equivalent of your mum doing your hair xD

14th doctor headcannons: TARDIS EDITION

When the TARDIS upgraded she made sure there were a bunch of ramps everywhere because the doctor gets the zoomies sometimes and needs to run around in excitement (^_^)

and also because WHEELCHAIR ACCESS yaaas baby

On April fools, she moves all of the ramps exactly one centimetre to the left (the doctor tries to run across them and immediately faceplants) (The TARDIS recorded it and sent it to Donna)

there's technically a bedroom on board but when the doctor does sleep he likes to curl up under the control console because he says he can 'feel her heartbeat'

it became the only way he could fall alseep without nightmares

one time Donna found him there and practically melted

she can play music but only does so for comedic effect (she likes ABBA the most)

The Doctor: Okay, I don't exactly have a plan, per say, but I'm sure I'll come up with something in the moment...

The TARDIS: 🎶 Mama Mia ! Here we go again !

She has a photo she took of Donna, Rose (Noble) and The Doctor all laughing together that she doesn't show anyone but keeps just in case she gets separated from the Doctor again and gets lonely

Even More Good Omens Headcannons:

so we know that Hell has a photo of Crowley and Aziraphale shaking hands in 1941, which they attempted to threaten them with

BUT hear me out:

Beelzebub had known Crowley was 'fraternising' with an angel since Rome...

they didn't usually make time to visit Earth, but that Archangel Gabriel was sent down to observe some human thing or another, and really, they couldn't let an agent of heaven have the run of the place, could they?

and while they were there, totally not spying on the Archangel's activities in fly form, they happened to see the demon Crowley speaking with the angel of the eastern gate, Azifela or whatever his name was

they brushed it aside though, confident that it was just another one of Crowley's elaborate temptation plans (several of which Beelzebub had been forced to sit through tedious presentations of)

They thought nothing of it, until a couple of centuries later, when Beelzebub had just popped over to France to watch the revolution play out (well, to watch the guillotine play out - they didn't much care about sides as long the decapitating got done)

and, of course, sensing an angelic presence in the Bastille, they had to check it out (because what if it was Gabriel??)

...

It turned out to be that Aziraphale fellow, who had somehow gotten himself all tied up in a revolution that had absolutely nothing to do with him at all, and Crowley was there with him! And they were b a n t e r i n g

like they were friends or something

which was ridiculous - an angel and a demon couldn't be friends, no matter how hard they tried

and say what you will about Beelzebub, but they're a demon with professional standards, so they snapped a picture of the pair having crepes together (crepes? really) (side note: cameras were definitely invented during the french revolution no need to look it up no really don't google it)

so, yes, over the centuries, Beelzebub had collected enough evidence of Crowley and Aziraphale's...friendship, arrangement, whatever you wanted to call it, to make sure the both of them were sufficiently...dealt with by their respective head offices

but something stopped them from turning in the photographs

maybe it was the spread of compassion they still had buried deep, deep down within their demonic heart

or maybe it was the fact, the feeling, that if Aziraphale and Crowley could do it, become friends against all odds, maybe Gabriel and Beelzebub had a better chance then they thought

SNEK HATS

this has probably been done before BUT Aziraphale makes these little snake hats for Crowley

you know the ones...

When ur mutuals w/ some cool ass people rb if u agree

Crowley, in Aziraphale's french revolution voice: I hAvE sTanDaRdS

shoutout to Ncuti Gatwa, gotta be one of my favourite genders

doctor who is a show about putting ncuti gatwa in outfits

good omens characters I would trust with my car (if I had one)

Who I would let borrow my car:

Crowley. That demon would take care of my car - I'm talking pristine seats, clean glovebox, the shiniest it's ever been. He would claim that he wasn't doing it to be nice (he's not nice) and complain about how dirty it was before but we all know the truth. All my CD's would probably be mysteriously replaced with Queen (if he has to listen to it all time, so does everybody else.) There would be 17 parking tickets in 5 different languages on the dash. When you get the car back you realise that you gave it to him with a nearly empty tank but for some reason he didn't seem to refill it? And it worked perfectly fine???

Aziraphale. Look we both know when I get it back it'll be bright yellow and probably look like it's off a 60s sitcom but I mean look at his FACE is that the kind of face you could say no to? Yeah, I don't think so. He would be all "pretty please could I borrow your beautiful car" and the keys would be his. I don't blame Crowley for letting him drive the Bentley I would also forfeit all my mortal possessions to this angel.

Anathema. She wouldn't ask she'd just grab my keys and be like "I'll be back at 6:02" and who am I to question it? it would be 6:02 exactly and the car would turn up in my driveway covered in dirt. where did all the dirt come from??? I don't think I want to know. There would be a sticky note on the dashboard with a cryptic prophecy involving an elaborate generation-long ruse and today's wordle answer. would I let her borrow it again? probably.

Who I would not let borrow my car:

Newton Pulsifer. This man would rename my car words that haven't even been invented yet. He would've used my number plate to sign up for a Spanish inquisition fanclub. Heaven forbid that I have a Bluetooth speaker inside (it would turn into a green tooth speaker or something I swear.) The car would end up in a ditch in the neighbour's cornfield. He would offer me toast as an apology.

Sergeant Shadwell. Let's just say he uses the buses for a reason.

Archangel Gabriel. My radio would exclusively play bible stations from now on. The car would glow pure white and float above the ground. He would get pulled over for going 3km on the motorway. His driver's license would say 'human Gabriel who's a completely normal human being. profession: definitely not archangel of heaven. (that'll fool 'em guys) age: human. He would sit and watch the windscreen wipers go back and forward for 5 hours like a cat.

crying about thoschei rn T_T

no but like the song 'Little Talks' by Of Monsters and Men is so thoschei coded

...Now you're gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear, all that's left is the ghost of you. Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, there's nothing we can do, just let me go, we'll meet again soon...

Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around, I'll see you when I fall asleep

Don't listen to a word I say (hey!) The screams all sound the same (hey!) Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore...

things my autocorrect has changed 'Aziraphale' to:

Paleographer

theology

overestimate

cavalierly