I think people, women and girls especially, need to know that if you have a good thing going with another female friend, roomate, a cousin, a siblings, etc–then you don’t have to feel like marriage is like and endgame or something (if that makes sense). Ya know, lemme just make this girl centric.
Let me clarify. I see a lot of girls having happy relationships with their sisters, cousins,best friends, roommates to the point where they’ve been living together for years and are comfortable with it. And becuase of that comfort with the girls they’re living with, a lot of women just end up wanting to live/stay with their roommates, best friends, sisters/cousins, etc., for the foreseeable future.
And when a lot of girls bring this up, they’re met with “well one of you is gonna get married” or “no boy friend in the picture” or “well you can’t stay together forever/you can’t plan your lives around each other” or “what about if one of you gets a husband”
and like–seriously, just stop. when girls mention wanting to spend their lives with their boyfriends and shit, people don’t give them this much flack. girls are expected to pack up their lives to move with their boy friends/husbands.
but god forbid, two girls are just happy with each other, are in a place of comfort with the other that they wanna live together and spend their lives together (either romantic, familial or platonic), then people start to criticize them. So my point is, girls if you’re living with another girl and have been for years and you two are comfortable staying with each other and have basically spoken about just wanting to stay with each other, then do that. if this person makes you comfortable, makes you feel safe and happy, and supports you (whether romantic or not!) then do not let people ruin that bond or shame you for not getting married or being with a man or anything like that. like if you have something good going, then keep the good going.
and this doesn’t have to be romantic (if it is that’s fine too!!).
this goes out to mothers everywhere: please try not to become deeply emotionally invested in your daughter's hair
I love people.
I always hire my guests to help me with ‘chores’ (if they’re willing!), the kind of task that’s fun at first but less fun when you have to keep going for hours (burning all the broom bushes in the pasture, picking many kg of berries to make syrup, carrying a mountain of logs into the wood shed and building stable log piles so they don’t come cascading down later…) And every time I’m amazed by the way humans can make the most tedious tasks genuinely fun through… group dynamics? just the way people start interacting and bonding with each other when everyone is focused on the same repetitive physical activity. It’s hard to find examples because it’s always so specific to each situation; but I mean things like
people spontaneously specialising and developing a feeling of expertise and pride in their subtrade, no matter how silly (putting away firewood involved one Log Selecter outside going back and forth delivering logs to two Pile Builders who piled them up in the shed, and each rapidly created their own well-oiled System and became convinced it would be hard to replace them now that they had mastered their craft)
new vocabulary being coined and immediately adopted (the Pile Builders came up with nicknames for logs of different lengths and shapes so they could ‘order’ them from the Log Selecter more efficiently—”I’ve got a One-Armed Bandit here, I need another one to fit next to it, but with an ‘arm’ on the other side” “Here” “The arm is on the same side!” “Just turn it around and the arm will be on the other side”)
songs emerging almost by themselves (a song about fishing mussels was repurposed into a song about picking plums; a whole new song was invented to encourage weirdly-shaped logs to fit in with the others as we tried to fill all the gaps)
stories being told. Weaving a trivial task into a complex imaginary plot and context to make it more entertaining and meaningful
the extremely human compulsion to write down our knowledge to share it with future generations (I was told to take note of the best & quickest knot to tie up foliage when making tree hay, for the benefit of whoever does it next summer)
beliefs as to the Right Way To Do Things quickly solidifying into myths or superstitions, as we forget what drove us to do things this way in the first place, but trust that we had good reasons so now it’s the Way It’s Done
I always tell people to help only if they feel like it and we can stop anytime and I’ll finish later by myself, but what usually happens instead is that they want to come back at the same time next year to do this exact chore again because of how they’ve made it theirs in just a few days (or in one afternoon!) Give a group of humans a banal task and while they’re at it they will come up with a whole new inside slang, a few work songs and a handful of founding texts and myths, until it feels special and important. I love seeing the way these miniature folklores just emanate from people doing things together.
Uh. bro what's with the diagonal red lines on your face. wait a minute. Oh shit are you anime blushing cuz you're in love w me bro????? Its ok dude u can tell me
Please remember that almost everyone around you is traumatized. I didn’t understand this when I was younger. I wondered why people acted so strangely and irrationally. Maybe all children wonder this. The author Robert Anton Wilson said (paraphrasing), “We have never seen a completely sane adult human.” No one makes it out of this life alive. It’s not their fault. Mercy, kindness, forgiving — these are what makes one human. They are other names for love. People break in the strangest of ways.
Pro tip for adulting: being late isn’t a death sentence for 95% of things. All you gotta do is call the moment you realize you’re gonna be late, apologize, and then give another small apology when you get there. The thing people really don’t like about lateness is that it seems like the other person doesn’t value their time, and since calling shows that you value their time, that leaves only the mild inconvenience of waiting a bit for them to deal with
Not sure how this works. I'll figure things out as I go. But for now, I hope what I have isn't difficult to navigate.
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