Čtu Tolkiena For The Plot.

The Secret History could never have taken place in 2024 solely for that one scene in the beginning where Richard goes thrift shopping for more snobbish clothes. Nowadays bro would have walked out with a polyester Shein crop top and a threadbare H&M sweather

čumblristé, toto mi vnuklo do hlavy Účastníci zájezdu AU

(otázkou je, jestli by Jenda s Jindrou byli ten gay pár nebo ti dva řidiči autobusu...)

FUCKS SAKE I never write Modern Au’s but I’m on me fucking holidays; Hansry backpacker au in south east Asia.

Hans and Henry on a group tour of the same place, Henry’s been saving for it for ages with a bunch of gigs, he maybe is still a blacksmith or something and he and his (step-)dad run the forge at like a living history museum or something.

Hans tossed trust fund money at a last minute distraction to keep delaying adulthood. And for fun, Hans is still in some way, technically, ‘Sir Hans’, and when Henry finds this out (and also the kind of school he went to) he calls him ‘Sir Hans’ to piss him off.

Some kinda initial hiccup involving maybe, Hans and Henry being switched out of their 18-30 group tour and moved with a bunch of oldies (The Devil’s Pack, probably.) and so get kind of thrust together as natural travelling companions/roommates but they hate each other.

Maybe there’s like, idk a natural disaster that happens when they land (BASED ON NO RECENT PERSONAL EXPERIENCES) and the travel rep gets them the last hotel room available and it’s an ah oh no only one bed scenario, bc why not take advantage of the trope?

And they’re having kinda different trips; Hans is paying for all the additional extra shit, like he pays 100 baht to take a picture with an iguana in a bar, but Henry’s the one that tells him the man will expect money when he takes a photo because he’s the one pulling him out of trouble and telling him to mark smart choices. And he pays because like, why not, that’s like barely anything in ‘real money,’ live a little Henry!

And at some point they get a bit too stoned together and watch homoerotic fire dancing and have like a. Huh. Moment, and make out in a club on the beach.

Anyway for the rest of their travel group;

Godwin is some old hippie perma-traveller spiritualist who’s been on a semi Buddhist trip of south east Asia for a few years. He’s got a lot of Asian style tattoos and you know he’s rocking the elephant pants too. Also probably taking advantage of the legal weed very heavily. Is definitely still a priest, but more generally ‘spiritual’ than particularly pious.

Zizka, Hynek, Kubyenka, Janosh and Adder are all there on holiday together.

Kubyenka and Hynek are on an absolute weeks-long bender and just indulging in every vice that’s offered, drugs, alcohol, sex, adrenaline, everything. (And Hynek is maybe luring Henry to the dark side a little/peer pressuring slightly sheltered village lad travelling this far his first time into trying hard drugs and getting into danger.)

And the others are there - Adder and Janosh and Zizka have all gone travelling together, they’re something like old army buddies/still actively involved in some shady military shit. Zizka’s like team captain making sure the pack don’t get into too much trouble, but seems to be okay letting them ‘let off steam’ however they like. (He also seems to be surreptitiously recruiting Henry to their shady military shit when he starts recognising his potential from how he reacts to Devil pulling him into shit.)

Katherine seems kind of above it all, and is just trying to relax and sunbathe and shit and it’s not super clear if she’s part of the other group who already know each other or she came by herself? But she keeps disappearing and no one really knows what she gets up to.

Rosa’s maybe there too - she’s like 18 and on her gap year before starting at a very prestigious university to study literature. She’s having a hot girl backpacking trip. She can’t stand Hans bc he’s just like all the other twats she went to school with, but Henry seems like a good shot for a tour fling/entertainment, but annoyingly he’s obsessed with Hans, and having such bad taste has to count for a mark against him. Katherine takes her under her wing and makes her even more terrifying. They start coordinating outfits.

Přátelé, některá vaše doporučení mě svádějí k tomu naučit se na kytaru, abych si je mohla v létě zazpívat u táboráku.

(To, že mám poškozený nervy v prstech a neumím zpívat, je pouhá světská drobnost.)

🤍

Proč mi nikdo neřekl, že Lucie Vondráčková a Michal David spolu uvařili takový bangery?? 🤨

Doporučte mi prosím další český vypalovačky, co nejsou Víno od Chinaski 🥺🙏🏻

(A vypalovačkami jest myšleno cokoliv, co se vám líbí. Zvládnu i český rap 😌)

sejdeme se pod mostem

zrozena psát čtyřprocentní podobenství na ao3.com, nucena psát úkol z fonologie

your "liked your instagram story" won't impress me, I've seen true love before

Me: Yo I got that dawg in me

The ATF agent hiding in the bushes behind my house:

kdykoliv si říkám "vyšší gympl nebyl tak hroznej", vzpomenu si, kolikrát jsem si pozdě v noci pouštěla Řízni, řízni z Lotranda a Zubejdy, abych se po 8 hodinách ve škole donutila k několika dalším hodinám učení doma

(vždycky mě to akorát přesvědčilo v tom, že jakákoliv manuální práce by byla lepší než organická chemie)

rip Walt Whitman, you would've loved EruRi

OP, vždycky můžeš říct, že je to kouzelnická hůl 👀

(ale seriózně, přeju, ať je to brzy dobré, nebo aspoň tolerovatelné :)

Někdy si nemohu pomoci a přemítat, jestli moje celkové fyzické problémy s mým tělem někdy konečně zhorší či třeba budou zaregistrovány někým z mého okolí a identifikovány jako dostatečně velký problém na to, abych mohl začít používat hůl, nebo jestli takovéto přání je samo o sobě dostatečným odůvodněním pro to, abych jí začal nosit s sebou.

Zároveň se mi zdá býti dosti pitomé, jestli takovéto zjednodušení každodenního života stojí za veškerou pozornost, která by mi za to byla věnována a veškeré názory na neslučitelnost mého věku, vzhledu a potřebě pro pomoc, kterou nemohu přeci mít, když ještě nic nevím a neznám.