Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 5:

Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 5:

Friday Nov 26 - Fix-It Friday // Poetry

I wait in Stiles’ room, knowing how creepy it is, but I know it’s the only way to get him to talk to me. I know I need his help but I doubt he’ll give it. I have to try though. I’ll lose my Pack if I don’t convince him to help. I know it’s a long shot, but he did well with Scott and he held me up in the pool for over two hours while I was paralyzed. He never let go besides trying to get Scott to come help even when it was clear we were both going down. He still didn’t give up on me. And I fucking made the mistake of going against them and failed, not only that I was wrong as well. Stiles might be my only hope. As much as I loathe to admit it, but I refuse to lose my Pack again. Stiles finally gets home and comes upstairs to his room. He again fails to notice me and I begin to question how he doesn’t. He sits on his desk chair before turning around to face me, proving me wrong. Maybe he’s just not afraid of me anymore. He just looks at me for a minute and I feel small under his stare.

I flinch and say “I need your help. I know what we did was fucked up and I shouldn’t have done it. But I need your help training the betas. I’m abusing them. Well Issac and Erica. I can’t seem to train them myself so I need your help, you did well with Scott. And yeah you might not be able to physically handle teaching them how to fight, but you can teach them strategy. Which is not my strong suit. Please, Stiles. I can’t lose another Pack and I feel them pulling away from me and I can’t do it alone. I know your loyalty is to Scott but you held me in that pool for over two hours and Scott only came when it was nearly too late.”

He nods and says “I did and I know. You also only got paralyzed because you were pushing me to safety. You turned your back to a serious threat to make sure I wasn’t going to die. If I help you, you will have to do better and also make sure your betas will not hurt me on purpose anymore. Erica hit me over the head with my own damn starter and Issac threw my ass across the house into a wall. Boyd is the only one that hasn’t done me any harm. But he’s also the one that has less to prove since it’s pretty clear he’s your second.”

I stare at him and say “Are you actually considering it? And how could you tell about Boyd? I will do what you think I need to do as long as it’s reasonable.”

He smiles softly and says “Yes I’m considering it. I don’t trust your betas but I do trust you. He’s the one who is closest to you, also he is the best option for it. He’s strong mentally as well as physically. He’s a great choice, though with care the other two can thrive as well. So I’ll be your advisor and you’ll actually listen to me?”

I slide down the wall and say “You trust me? Boyd isn’t ruled by emotion like the other two or me honestly. I will do my best to listen but I can be an idiot I will admit that. So sometimes you might have to beat it into my head. But overall I’ll do my best to listen to your advice.”

He nods and says “Yes, I do. Do you think I would have done what I did for you otherwise? I was willing to die with you rather than leave you on your own. Also I am sorry for when I made you strip for Danny to do what we needed him to. Boyd will be a great second with a little training for both of you. I understand. If I do this I can’t tell Scott or he’ll lose his shit. But I think this might be the better decision for me if I’m being honest. Working with your Pack is better than being forced to go against you, especially since I think something is going on with Scott that isn’t about Allison. He’s pulling away worse than normal. And I’m unsure what he’s planning but if he isn’t telling me I feel like it couldn’t be anything good. I think we need to explain things to Lydia because she’s kinda losing her mind and I worry that it’s related to Peter.”

I stare at him in shock and say “I did not expect that. I guess it makes sense when you say it like that. Thank you, you never did anything like that again, so we’re even. Since I hurt you for it. Do you think I can be a good alpha? Okay we can keep it from Scott if you want. I don’t know how well that is going to go though. We might not be able to keep it from him for too long, but we’ll do our best. What do you think is going on with Scott? And if you really think that’s the right decision I’ll agree with you. Her being in the know might be for the best.”

He smirks and says “You can be an idiot sometimes. I wish I hadn’t done it from the beginning, you didn’t deserve that. I deserved that for doing that to you. I believe with a little training and care you could be a good Alpha. I can actually help you there. I think it won’t be as hard as you think, honestly. I fear it has something to do with Gerard, considering he is showing a little too much interest in Scott. I do think it’s in our best interest for her to know. We should have told her before now. She’s going to be pissed, but I’ll blame it on the fear of Gerard and Victoria. That too many people knowing caused us fear.”

I look up at him and say “You have thought about this a lot, haven’t you? You have already considered working with me and the Pack, haven’t you? I’ll trust you with her and maybe figuring out Scott’s thing with Gerard. How can you help me become a better Alpha? Not that I doubt you, honestly, just wondering how.”

He chuckles and says “I have, honestly, more than I’d like to admit. I found a poem that explained my feelings about it honestly. I can show you a few things to build up the bonds you have with them. I’ve done a lot of research since the beginning of this. You need to scent your betas and that will do the most good, and coming to me for help was definitely a good decision. I can balance you out pretty well.”

I nod and say “How should I scent them? What is the poem? I think you’re right that you could balance me out, which is why I came to you in the first place.”

He smiles and says “The poem says, The low lands call

I am tempted to answer

They are offering me a free dwelling

Without having to conquer

The massive mountain makes its move

Beckoning me to ascend

A much more difficult path

To get up the slippery bend

I cannot choose both

I have a choice to make

I must be wise

This will determine my fate

I choose, I choose the mountain

With all its stress and strain

Because only by climbing

Can I rise above the plain

I choose the mountain

And I will never stop climbing

I choose the mountain

And I shall forever be ascending

I choose the mountain”

(By Howard Simon)

I look him in the eye and say “Are me and the Pack the mountain?”

He chuckles and says “You are. I was already leaning heavy towards you. You are more dependable than Scotty honestly. I’m going to need dependability to survive I think. And to scent them run your fingers down the side of their neck. It’s the best place for an Alpha to scent their Pack. It’ll also help them submit to you properly. They’ll have to learn to trust you, especially Issac. You’ll have to scent him more and give him more support. Due to his past, especially since he probably feels like he just went from one abusive father to another one. Which according to you, he really did. Which will need to be worked on, Derek. I know it’ll take time and effort, but I believe you can do it.”

I curl into myself slightly and say “Can I ask you a question? Well two actually. One, do you think it’s my fault that my family was killed? And two, do you think my family deserved what happened?”

He kneels in front of me, sighing and says “Kate is the one at fault, it’s not your fault. At all, you were a kid, Derek. You were targeted and taken advantage of. You’re just as not guilty as the rest of your family. Also absolutely not. They did not deserve what happened to them and neither did you. Why would you ask me that? How could you even slightly think I could feel that way?”

I look down and say “Scott did. He said it and he meant it. He looked me in the eye in front of Peter and said that the Argents had reason to do what they did to my family. His heartbeat didn’t waver, he believed that. I just needed to know you didn’t agree with him.”

He collapses into himself and says “Oh my god. How the fuck could he say that to you? How could he honestly believe that? I’m so sorry. I’m surprised you or Peter didn’t attack him for that. I would have. I’m not sure I recognize him anymore and I don’t think I can blame the bite for it. Despite how much I wish I could, I know better than that.”

I sigh and say “I don’t know, Stiles. I’m sorry for telling you, this probably makes things harder for you. Sadly I agree that you can’t blame it on the bite, even a non consensual one.”

He shakes his head and says “No you just made my decision easier. Thank you for telling me. Gerard has cancer and I’m worried he’s using Scott to get you to give him the bite. I didn’t want to tell you, but it didn’t feel right to hold back after you told me that. I know and what makes it worse is the fact that my dad wishes Scott was his son instead of me and says it more often than not. Even though Scott is kind of a piece of shit. I wish it didn’t affect me as much as it does, since I definitely don’t want it exploited.”

I frown and say “Your dad is kind of a piece of shit too. A good man, but a shit father. You’re brilliant, resourceful, and strong. All Scott has going for him are his puppy dog eyes that make you want to believe him. You’re so much more than he is.”

He smiles, baring his neck to me and says “Thank you. That means more to me than you know. I will help you become the Alpha you need to be and keep your betas with you.”

I run my fingers down the side of his neck and say “Thank you. I’ll need the help and I’m grateful you’re willing to help me.”

He smiles softly and says “I’m glad you finally asked me for help. I was worried you weren’t going to. I knew offering would have offended you, so I’m glad you came to me for help.”

I chuckle and say “You’re probably right.”

He smirks and says “I typically am, Derek. Glad you’re realizing it. Another thing you can do to help with the Betas is grab the back of their neck lightly when they’re upset or need to relax. It will help more than you know. Trust me.”

I shake my head and say “Okay. Good to know. Did I do the scenting thing right? How I did it to you is the right way right?”

He chuckles and says “Yes just not as long as you’ve been doing it to me. Since your hand is still on my neck currently and the betas would be very uncomfortable for prolonged contact to their neck. But short brushes down their necks every hour or so when they're around you is good for them and you.”

I pull my hand away quickly and say “I honestly didn’t notice I still had my hand on your neck. I’m sorry.”

He laughs and says “I would have told you to remove it if I wasn’t okay with it. I told you I trust you and I meant it. You don’t have to apologize.”

I frown and say “Why? I’ve threatened you so many times, especially about ripping your throat out. So how are you comfortable with me having my hand on your neck for so long?”

He smirks and says “Technically you’ve always said you would rip my throat out with your teeth, not your hands. And I trust you with my safety. You turned your back on a serious threat to make sure I got to safety, completely ignoring your instincts purely for my safety. That showed more than you’d probably ever be comfortable enough to say. So I trust you enough to let you close to me, something I’m not very good at.”

I gape at him and say “You mean that? I’m not sure I deserve that much trust. Everything I touch breaks.”

He smirks and says “I’m pretty sure I get to decide that, Derek. And I trust you despite what you think. Good thing I’m pretty unbreakable.”

I stare at him and say “Are you meaning this how I think you do? Or are you just saying in general? I feel like I’m missing something.”

He smiles softly and says “I'm meaning it however you’re most comfortable taking it.”

I smirk at him and say “So if I was comfortable with it meaning a love confession, it would mean a love confession?”

He blushes and says “If you were comfortable with it, it just might.”

I sit up straight and say “Are you joking or are you being serious? I kind of need to know.”

He blushes deeper and says “I’m not joking. Unless you want me to be joking, then I totally am. But in all honesty I’m not joking.”

I smile at him shyly and say “I don’t want you to be joking. Do you actually have feelings for me? Romantic feelings?”

He nods and says “I do, but it doesn’t have to matter. We don’t have to talk about it again. We can pretend you don’t know.”

I shake my head and say “What if I didn’t want to forget it? What if I wanted to talk about it? What if I want it to matter?”

He frowns slightly and says “What do you mean, Derek?”

I make eye contact and say “What if you weren’t the only one with feelings?”

His eyes go wide and says “I’d be shocked.”

I smirk and say “I’m surprised you didn’t know honestly. You’re smart enough and know enough about werewolves to make an assumption, probably a correct one, about why keeping you safe was enough for me to ignore my instincts. Especially when it came to the kind of threat we were facing.”

His eyes go even wider and says “No way. I wrote it off of you being a self sacrificing asshole like normal. There is no way it means what you’re hinting at.”

I frown and say “That’s rude, just in case you didn’t know. Would that be such a bad thing? If it means what I’m hinting at?”

He frowns and says “Oh shit. No it wouldn’t be. I just never considered it as a possibility.”

I lean back against the wall and say “Would you be receptive to it?”

He pulls his knees to his chest and says “Is that a serious question? If I’d be receptive to being your mate? Because that’s what we’re talking about right now, correct?”

I nod, looking away and say “Yes it’s a serious question. And yes that is what we’re talking about.”

He says “Derek, look at me. Please.”

I look at him and say “Can you answer the question please?”

He smiles brightly and says “Of course I’d be receptive to being your mate. Fuck Derek. That’d be a dream come true if we’re being honest here.”

I smile shyly and say “You really mean that?”

He nods and says “Listen to my heartbeat if you need to. Being your mate would be a dream come true. I’d be more than receptive to being your mate.”

I surprise him by baring my throat to him, I hear him gasp. He understood, which is what I was hoping for. I wait for him to touch my neck, accepting what I’m offering. He lightly runs his fingers down my neck and I shiver slightly. I wonder if he fully understood what I was offering, but I’m kind of afraid to know.

He sighs and says “I do know what this means, Der. Fully aware. You’re safe with me, I promise you that. I won't hurt you. I won't take advantage of the trust you’re putting into me.”

I smile slightly and say “I trust you.”

He says “I will take care of you, Derek. I will treasure you. And I will respect you.”

I pull him towards me and say “I know, Stiles. If I had any doubts about you I wouldn’t have offered. I trust you. But we need to take things slow, cause you’re young. A minor, whose father is the sheriff and hates me enough as it is.”

He sits next to me and says “Don’t worry about it. I won’t push you for anything, Derek. I turn 17 next month so it’s not as long as you think it’ll be. Also we have other priorities right now. It can wait or even not ever happen and I’d be okay with either.”

I lean into him and say “I didn’t know that. I appreciate you not trying to push me. I don’t want to be like Kate. Do you really mean that? That we could never have sex and you’d be okay with it?”

He chuckles and says “You could never be like Kate. She lied about who she was, she took advantage of your suffering, she used and abused you. You wouldn’t do any of that, especially not to me. It’s a completely different thing, but I understand where you’re coming from. You were a minor and so am I. I get it. Yes I really mean it. Do I want to have sex, totally, but if you weren’t comfortable with it ever I’d be okay with that. Because I care about you more than I care about sex.”

I lean my head on his shoulder and say “You actually mean that and I honestly can’t even fathom how you care about me enough for that.”

He rests his head against mine and says “I love and respect you idiot. I’m not going to hurt you in any way if I can help it. So if sex is off limits than it is and that’d be just fine.”

I say “You said love.”

He chuckles and says “I did say love. And I meant it. I do love you, Derek.”

I say “Why? How?”

He sighs and says “Derek you are a mess, but you’re a beautiful mess. You’ve been hurt but you’re not broken, not really. You’re stronger than you know. You’re still standing despite everything. You are incredible, truly. I know you better than you think I do.”

I say “I’ve hurt you and been nothing but awful since we met. I don’t understand how you can love me. I don’t deserve it.”

He growls fairly well for a human and says “You deserve to be loved, Derek. Never say you don’t again. Seriously I don’t care if you question my love, but stop questioning your worth. What she did does not define you or your worth. What happened was her fault, not yours.”

I say “How are you so sure of that? I gave her the information.”

He growls again and says “Not intentionally and she would have gotten it without you.”

I say “What do you mean, Stiles? How else would she have gotten the information? If not from me?”

He sighs and says “Do you remember Claudia from when you were young? She was one of your mother’s friends. Was training under your emissary to work with him.”

I flinch and say “Yes I do. What about her? How do you know her?”

He flinches and says “She was my mother. Do you know what happened to her?”

I gasp and say “She got sick and had to stop coming around. I don’t remember much since it was right before Paige. What does this have to do with anything Stiles?”

He sighs and says “She had frontotemporal dementia. It wasn’t too bad at first but it got really bad and she would mix up people and talk about things she never would have before. Kate would come to the hospital sometimes and I never knew why. Kate was using my mother’s disease against her to betray your mother the same way she used you. My mother also had all of the same information. For some reason those things she remembered until nearly the end. She shared bits with me as well. But I think my mother gave her the information as well. So you weren’t the only one that gave her the information. My mother did as well.”

I tense and say “Oh god. How do you even know that, Stiles? Kate wouldn’t have been sloppy enough to do it in front of you.”

He flinches and says “I would prefer not to talk about it, but I would leave an audio recorder in her room whenever I wasn’t there. Once people I didn’t know were visiting her. I didn’t trust these people I didn’t know with my mother in her weakened state. Especially since I would be forced to leave the room. One of them was your mother and the other was Kate Argent. Your mom I recognized as a friend, but Kate I hated on sight. My mom didn’t realize they weren’t the same person. So she shared things with Kate she was not supposed to. I knew something was really wrong when I saw Kate talking to you one time but by the time I put the pieces together it was too late. And I couldn’t tell dad since he didn’t know anything about this world so I shut down pretty hard, then my mother died right in front of me. I gave up on life after that pretty hard. I felt at fault for the fire, my mother’s death and my father’s drinking problem. But it’s neither of our faults. It’s Kate’s.”

I say “Oh fuck. That’s awful. I’m so sorry. You met my mom?”

He sighs and says “Yeah I did. She was beautiful and kind to me. But she still would kick me out of the room, so I didn’t spend much time with her.”

I frown and say “I don’t understand why she would kick you out of the room.”

He says “I’m not sure. She brought Laura with her one time so I met her too. I was friends with Cora and I used to see you around which is how I was able to recognize you from the beginning.”

I say “Now that I think about it, you used to go by Mischief didn’t you? You do look like Claudia slightly. I don’t remember if I ever saw you back then.”

He flinches and says “Yes I did. I know, trust me, my father made that very clear. I’m not sure if you did, I was scared to meet you back then.”

I sigh and say “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Why were you scared to meet me?”

He tenses and says “I can’t explain it. It just felt like it wasn’t time to meet you. There was a feeling in my gut that told me to wait until it was time. Then you were gone and I tried to forget it. But you were on my mind more than I like to admit.”

I nod slightly and say “Okay. I guess your gut wasn’t exactly wrong. I was curious how you recognized me that day, but couldn’t really bring myself to care all that much.”

He laughs and says “Definitely understandable. I’m really sorry we got you arrested and announced you to the hunters. Scott played me like a fiddle and I fell for it.”

I smile slightly and say “I don’t blame you. You didn’t really know me and he’s your brother. Of course you would side with him, I’m still surprised you’re willing to side with me now.”

He chuckles and says “Thank you. I’m not siding with him anymore because I know he’s wrong.”

I say “Thank you for hearing me out. And telling me everything you have. I appreciate you opening up to me like this.”

He says “No need to thank me for anything. I owed you that much. You’re the only person who could understand.”

I smile and say “I get that.”

He sighs and says “You should probably get back to your betas but we can talk again later.”

I sigh and say “You’re right. I’ll tell them you’re going to be helping with them so they know. Also I’ll tell them not to tell Scott about it yet.”

He laughs and says “Okay, Derek. I’ll talk to you soon. Let me know when to come help with the puppies.”

I sigh and say “Oh god. I should have known you would call them that eventually.”

He laughs and says “You really should have seen it coming. One day when I don’t think they’ll kill me for it I’ll call them that to their face.”

I pull away and say “They wouldn’t kill you for it. I wouldn’t let them. But definitely don’t call them that in the beginning they’d rebel against it.”

He laughs and says “No worries. I’ll wait to call them puppies until they like me.”

I stand up and pull him up with me. He smirks at me and I chuckle softly at him. He pulls me into a hug and I melt into it. I smile into his shoulder, glad he was willing to make the move when I was scared to. He chuckles and holds me tighter to him. We stand in the embrace for a little while longer than he pulls away and pushes me to the window. I laugh softly and shake my head at him.

I say “I’ll let you know when to come help with the betas. We’ll talk later about us as well. But we both should probably digest the conversation first.”

He chuckles and says “Okay. No worries. We’ll talk later.”

I jump out of his window and head to the train depot to talk with the betas. I feel much more secure having Stiles on my side. I’m glad he was willing to help and hear me out.

@softranswolves