SIGN-UP FOR PROMPT 524: MESSAGE

my dad saw ao3 open on my computer and asked if that was like my writing club and just so you know that's what fanfic writers are now, we're all in the same writing club where we all write about the same media and show each other our little stories and that's kind of cool actually

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

IM THE WORST ART TEACHER DONT WATCH THIS

The truth

I’ve always been the type to hide my pain. I struggle silently for the most part. Very few have seen me cry. Though many have seen my scars. I’ve not been the one to hide after the fact. I try my hardest to be honest, but I almost never tell people the truth about my scars. They know that they’re self-inflicted, I’d never try to actually convince them otherwise anymore. Though I never really tell them the truth of the reasons behind them. I always give them basic reasons and they accept that. They don’t push so I don’t offer the real reasons. I doubt I’d tell them even if they did. I would not in a million years post this if I thought there was any chance of anyone I personally know seeing this. I’m not sure if I’d be able to post it if I knew more than like ten people would see this honestly. I feel like if I talk a little more about it, maybe I could help someone else. Or at the very least make sure they know they’re not alone in this fight. Most likely I’m going to regret this, but I’ll go though with it anyway. Let me start of with this, no this isn’t me trying to get attention or be all woe is me. If I wanted attention there are plenty of other places I could do that. Here I’m only ever going to be raw and honest. The same way I was with my first post. So I’ll start from the beginning and build up to the present. So when I was young my parents got divorced, though they still almost have always lived together, which means lots of fights, that my brother and I always witnessed no matter how hard they tried to hide it from us. We weren’t stupid, we saw and heard pretty much everything, or mostly I did. Though that’s probably the least of it if I’m being honest. I’ve always been bullied for one thing or another, sometimes for my weight, sometimes for being half black, sometimes for my parents and other things I honestly couldn’t tell you because I don’t even think they knew why. I had a lot of fake friends throughout my life, they mostly wanted my brother even as a young girl. Mostly I ended up getting adopted by my brother’s friends which was great as long as my brother and I were on good terms. When I was in I think second grade, my absolute best friend who was a year older than me and was completely infatuated with my brother, decided to experiment with my body without my permission to do so. I’d love to say that was the only time something like that happened to me, but that’s not true you’ll get to know what I mean later on in this post. So she raped me for lack of a better word while I was sleeping over at her house. I never told a soul until really recently. If you didn’t gather my brother was everything to me as a kid, he was, honestly still kinda is, but we moved the summer of my third grade year. I don’t know what happened, but after that my brother and my relationship really fell apart for a long time after that, still hasn’t been the same honestly. So I lost my only really friend, which made me very lonely and desperate for friends and a place to fit in. I got that, but I also lost that fairly quickly as well. The bullying continued even with the change of schools, not that I really expected anything different. There was a neighbor that lived across the street from me that worked at my school. He kinda became a family friend. Keep that in mind as I tell you the next part. Almost everyday during lunch for close to six months, he would molest me. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, hell I blamed myself about it, so I didn’t tell anyone about it. My friends noticed what was happening and knew it wasn’t right, so they went to the principal behind my back without my knowledge. The principal didn’t do much of anything about it, I mean the guy got fired, but she didn’t tell my parents or contact the police like she was supposed to. So she reinforced inside my head that it was my fault. Also his mother verbally attacked me for telling her other much younger son about it. So I didn’t tell anyone else for a very long time. Since both made me continue to believe I was in the wrong. Though I know now that isn’t true, it took me so long to get to that point. Three years later I told my mom about it and begged her not to tell anyone, then maybe a year and a half later I told both my brother and father about it. He still lived beside me and I still had to deal with him. He moved away finally maybe a year ago. After I had graduated high school. That was spread around school after I talked about it around the wrong person. Eventually everyone knew some version of the story. My entire middle school knew some small part of the story. I was horrified and that made the bullying worse. For a long time I felt completely alone even with friends, there were only two people that actually really made a difference in my life during that time and they both left me in very different ways. One was Harlee my best friend, she stood up for me or kept me away from the people trying to tear me apart. That was before 8th grade when her and her new best friend started bullying me using things only my friends knew. So it hurt so much more. The other one was the best friend I got after Harlee left me. Her name was Kelly, she was such a bright beautiful soul. She was amazing and really helped me begin to heal for the first time in my life. We had lost touch after 8th grade and the next I had heard about her was that she died. She meant the world to me and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her. She was barely 13 when she died from cancer, I never knew the extreme pain of loss until that day. I couldn’t move for an hour after I’d heard about her passing, besides the sobs ripping through my entire body. I still haven’t gotten over the pain of her passing. That was one of the times I really started to self harm, after that pain. I’d done it a few times before like when my aunt had gotten breast cancer, which she luckily survived, or when I had told someone new about what the guy had done to me. Things were kinda fine for awhile, there was still bullying, but nothing comparable to middle school. I had gotten into a relationship with my best friend and things were serious between us. We had really thought we were gonna get married. We both still live each other, but we’ve both moved on. He got into another amazing relationship, but I didn’t. I wanted to rebel against him which in hindsight made no sense seeing as I broke up with him, but I dated a girl he told me would be no good for me. He was 100% correct, she was terrible to me and for me. That didn’t stop me from staying in that terrible relationship for almost three years. She was abusive to say the least, but it was kinda okay in the beginning. She desperately was trying to buy my love, which I gave to her in a way. She spent a lot of money on me but she was truly awful. Though things never got physical in the beginning. It was over a year into it when she started hurting me. It seems like after we had sex she got so much worse. She would beat me, which I would fight back just as hard, but that I could handle mentally. It wasn’t until she started raping me that I truly knew this wasn’t going to change. I wouldn’t say I was scared of her, since I knew I could take her, but I was so lost by this point I didn’t know who or what I was anymore. I either needed out of that relationship or I was going to end up dead, whether it be her or me I didn’t know. Still it took me a very long time to get outta the relationship. It was the December after graduation I finally stuck to my guns and got out of it. I lost most of my high school years to that girl, but I learned a lot from that experience. I wouldn’t be who I am today without that terrible experience happening. I got a stalker soon after the break up since I almost immediately met a guy online and tried to become fwbs with him. We met up once, did a little bit, but he got almost as crazy as my ex. Eventually I honestly didn’t feel safe anywhere in my neighborhood or town because of them. I needed out, but I didn’t know how. I genuinely hate myself and I felt ugly beyond description. Those external things really destroyed me internally, for a long time throughout most of those things I wanted to die. I hated everything about me and nothing helped. I would self harm and it felt good to me. I know how that sounds, trust me. But for years all I really felt was stress, pain, numb and fake. As bad as it sounds self harm helped temporarily, though I do not at all promote it. You get addicted to it and it’s nearly impossible to quit. It’s not really worth it. Honestly if I could undo it I probably would. Though there isn’t anything I can do now besides fight the urge. Things got better and worse when I moved to the other side of the country. But I think I bore my soul enough for today. Now I’m in an amazing relationship with an even more amazing guy. I wouldn’t change a thing, as long as I get to keep him. He’s helped me heal in ways I never knew possible. I love him with every inch of my body and I wouldn’t trade him for an easier life. I really don’t know how I survived everything, but I promise you the fight to stay alive is always worth it. I’m proof of that. I had almost given up on life and love, then Josh came into my life. My love for him, began the slow process of healing. So I guess the moral is, no matter your history, you have a bright future ahead of you as long as you keep living to get to that point. It’s worth the fight I promise you that. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here for you no matter what. I love you all and I need you to keep fighting, to keep living. Sorry for the long post, but I think it needed to be out there. I mean it, if you need someone to talk to I'm right here, I promise you that. Please feel free to reach out to me.

Adapt to this

SIGN-UP FOR PROMPT 619: SKY

This week's prompt is: SKY.

Welcome to Full Moon Ficlet, the weekly prompt community for Teen Wolf!

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ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

How many words have you written this year?

How many works did you publish this year?

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

What work of yours has the most hits?

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Favorite title you used

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

What work was the quickest to write?

What work took you the longest to write?

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

What’s your longest work of the year?

What’s your shortest work of the year?

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Your favorite character to write this year?

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

Which work has the most comments?

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Did you write any gifts this year?

Did you receive any gifts this year?

What’s your most common category?

What do you listen to while writing?

Favorite work you wrote this year?

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Traditional Egyptian Zodiac Signs

Satet:   (January 1-7, June 19-28, September 1-7, November 18-26)  

Nile people are very determined, passionate, and peaceful people. They are leaded by their dreams and passions and bring harmony wherever they go. They are very analytical and are great with details. Their open-mindness makes them well liked, they treat all walks of life equal and help anyone in need of a helping hand. 

Amun Ra: (January 8-21, February 1-11)

Amun Ra is the god of creation. Those who belong to this sign are strong, firm, athletic, and hard working. Their strengths are strong will-power, courage, and self-confidence. They are also excellent leaders and organizers. Their known weaknesses are intolerance and anger. They can excel in financial related professions. 

Mut: (January 22-31, September 8-22)

If your Egyptian astrological sign is Mut, you have a great vision on how you want to live your life. You are determined and focused on making your dreams come true. Mut people are often sensitive and shy and keep their true feelings hidden from those around them. Only when they get to know someone really well, they will open up and show who they really are. 

Geb: (February 12-29, August 20-31)  

People born under Geb are reliable, honest, and caring with their families and friends. Their personality is friendly, endearing, and authentic which make them well-liked. Geb people trust their intuition and feelings and have strong sense about things. They can by shhy, sensitive, introverted, negative things can get to them easily. 

Osiris: (March 1-10, November 27 to December 18)

Osiris is the god of the underworld. Those who take their birth under this sign are extremely perplexing and misunderstood. Their strengths are dynamism, intelligence, smartness, and enterprising. Their only weakness is that they try to avoid responsibility. These people are good in teaching and selling. Osiris people are optimistic, positive and passionate about their future and therefore excellent with starting new endeavors.  

Isis: (March 11-31, October 18-29, December 19-31)

The goddess Isis is the deity of discipline. People born under this sign are honorable, proud, and idealistic. They’re also very logical and intuitive. People under the influence of Isis are mostly calm, generous, and optimistic. Their strength lies in being active and self-reliant. Isis people are also quite popular among their friends and are very good communicators. Their weaknesses are extreme obsession and withdrawing, when the chips are down. 

Thoth: (April 1-19, November 8-17)

Thoth is the god of wisdom and learning. People born under the sign of the god of divine words are excellent in solving their problems and skilled at organizing things and events. Nevertheless, they can forego anything in exchange for a better offer. Thoth people are seasoned, original, and authentic. At times, they are very rash, impatient and hasty. 

Horus: (April 20 to May 7, August 12-19)

Horus is the God of the Sky and the Shining Sun. The people who are born under this sign are courageous, daring, and aggressive. Horus people are optimistic, social, and extremely motivated to achieve their goals. They want to achieve the best of life. However, they could be unrealistic, stubborn, and extremely reluctant to face others. Family is very important to people under this sign, and they tend to place the needs of their loved one’s before their own. 

Anubis: (May 8-27, June 29 to July 13)

Anubis is the deity of the underworld. It’s probably the most determined and tolerant of all signs. People who are born under this sign are self reliant, self confident, and has the ability to carry out any task. They are extremely sympathetic, generous, loving, affectionate, and caring. Their weakness could be that people may take them for a ride at times. Anubis people are very generous and creative. Their emotions are sometimes intense, authoritative, and unpredictable. 

Seth: (May 28 to June 18, September 28 to October 2)

If you are born under this sign, you are a free spirit that does not like to be held back. You are seeking change and new adventures that offer you new challenges in life. You dislike any kind of routine and like to try new things and go to new places. Seth people are natural leaders and strive to exceed in everything they do. No challenge is too big for a Seth. You are very determined and persistent in pursuing your goals and dreams and will not give up until they are accomplished. 

Bastet: (July 14-28, September 23-27, October 3-17)

You are searching for harmony, peace, and balance in your life and you dislike any kind of confrontations, chaos, and stressful situations. As a Bastet, it is easy for you to put others’ needs above your own and lend a helping hand whenever you see need. You’re not only loyal in romantic relationships but also with family and friends. You can be truly counted on. Bastets can be sensitive, vulnerable and emotional, but at the same time very protective over those they love. 

Sekhmet: (July 29 to August 11, October 30 to November 7)

Sekhmet is the Goddess of War and Vengeance. Those who are born under this Egyptian zodiac sign are mentally brilliant, imaginative and optimistic. They’re extremely jovial and talkative with people. They are witty and accommodating and their strengths lie in their hospitable character. Sekhmet people are honest, sensitive, and good in business. Their weaknesses are anger, impatience, argumentative, and are characterized by their lack of indulgence, their uncompromising side and their sense of values. 

(Credits to and visit Egyptian Witchcraft for more great stuffs about Egyptian Astrology!)

Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 4:

Thursday Nov 25 - Character Study // Favorite Scenes

For the other days I’ve done fanfics, but this is going to be more of an essay with quotes and scenes mentioned. It’s going to be a look into the parallels between Derek’s relationship with Kate and Derek’s relationship with Scott and how each one affects Derek overall. This is not going to be proScott just to warn you. Scott is the Kate in the situation. I have evidence to back my opinion on Scott, I’m not trying to cause issues. Anyway on with the controversial character study.

We’ll start with the parallels to do with hunting. We know that Kate is clearly a hunter and a radical one at that. She doesn’t care about following the code at all. She’s willing to kill anyone supernatural or in relation to anyone supernatural, which we can clearly see based on the Hale fire. She’ll use any means to get who she wants, even exploit minors to get information, specifically Derek and Allison as well. Scott tends to side with the hunters, despite being supernatural himself. Part of it is admittedly because of his relationship with Allison, but he also just hates what he is. He always leans towards the hunter side of things, until the end of the series.

Kate is quick to claim that she had nothing to do with the fire, though she clearly did. She also doesn’t feel the need to take responsibility for her actions. She likes to play little miss innocent when it benefits her. Scott is quick to blame anyone else for his actions or things that happened to him. Like when he betrays Derek for Gerard, or even blaming Derek and Stiles for him getting bit in the first place.

Kate thinks she was right to light the Hale house on fire, killing even human children in doing so. Scott also says to Derek that she clearly had reason to do it since they were werewolves, despite not everyone in the house being a werewolf.

Kate always feels like she’s doing the right thing even when there is ample evidence to the contrary, Scott does this as well. Kate feels like she’s in the right to exploit a minor to get the information she needs to kill his entire family. Scott feels like he has the right to side against Derek all the time, even when they really should be on the same side.

Kate gathers evidence to kill his family and Scott gathers evidence to feed to Gerard. Kate sexually abuses and exploits Derek to gather the information she needs to kill his whole family or at least as many as she can. Scott pretends to be in Derek’s Pack to give information to Gerard.

Kate rapes him, Scott bite rapes him. Kate, even if Derek consented, was raping him throughout their entire ‘relationship’. He was a child and she was a fully grown woman. That’s not even taking into account that she was lying about who she was and was definitely using sex as a weapon against him to get what she wanted from him. Scott forces Derek to bite the father of the woman who burned his family alive, the man who was gunning to kill everyone. He physically forces Derek to bite Gerard. Holds him by the neck while he’s paralyzed and forces him to bite the person who was trying to kill them all.

Kate feels like the end justifies the means, Scott does often as well. Kate feels like killing as many of the Hales is a valid reason to rape and abuse a 15 or 16 year old boy. Scott always feels like taking advantage of Derek or hurting Derek is for the greater good, even when there are better ways to handle things, such as going behind Derek’s back when it came to Gerard and making Derek give him the bite.

Kate gets off on Derek's pain and suffering, Scott feels powerful when he hurts Derek. It’s pretty clear in canon how much Kate gets off on the fact that she killed Derek's whole family. Not to mention she also gets off on taking advantage of him. Also she loved stringing him up half naked to torture and cause him any kind of pain she can. Scott clearly feels a power rush when he forces Derek to bite Gerard and shoves it in his face that he betrayed him. Also he seems to slightly get off on getting Derek arrested and blaming him for Peter’s murders as well.

Kate has a Black and white view of the world, so does Scott (only admittedly a slightly different one). Kate feels like it’s her right to kill anyone who is a supernatural creature and only humans actually have rights. Scott feels like his way is always the right way, no matter how anyone feels, also he feels that somehow being humane is letting people get away with things as long as he doesn’t personally have to kill.

Kate always has an ulterior motive when interacting with Derek, Scott often seems to as well. Kate always has an ulterior motive when dealing with pretty much everyone, but it’s clear that she always has an ulterior motive when having anything to do with Derek. Scott seems to also only have anything to do with Derek with an ulterior motive. Only having something to do with him when he can get something out of it.

Kate betrays his trust in a horrible way and Scott does it as well by siding with the bad guys more often than not. Kate betrays Derek and it ends up with most of his family burning to death. Scott will more often than not side with the bad guys, betraying Derek’s trust along with many others.

Kate always acts like the hero in her story and Scott does the same thing. Kate feels like she is the hero in her story, that she did the right thing and had every right to do what she did to Derek and his family. Scott also feels like he is the hero and has every right to do whatever he wants, no matter who he hurts doing so, more often Derek and Stiles.

Kate only wanted him for what she could get from him and Scott only really cares about Derek when he needs him. Kate used Derek to get what she wanted and threw him away after. Scott will pretty much only pay attention to Derek when he can get something out of it.

Now that I have shown the parallels between Kate and Scott I will get into the canon evidence to do with the Scott side of things, since most of Kate’s canon evidence is in two scenes and we all know what she does. So we’ll focus on Scott for this part. To support the first point I will point out the scene in Magic Bullet where he tells Derek to leave him and Stiles alone or he will go to the Argents. The second point is hard to pin down an exact scene that shows it, but if you think about it you can see it throughout the series. The third point is proven in Magic Bullet when Derek takes Scott to see Peter to tell him about the fire and he looks Derek in the face and says that they had reason to burn his family alive, purely due to some of them being werewolves. There are also many points in canon that proves my fourth point, but I will only choose a few, one being him siding with Gerard, giving information to him while pretending to be on Derek’s side. The second is forcing Derek to bite Gerard and not telling him about the plan ahead of time. The third and last one I will list for this point is him leaving with Deucalion, leaving Derek under the Darach’s influence. The fifth point is pretty clear to see in the season as a whole, so I don’t know how to pick a specific scene to prove it.

The sixth point is shown in the scene where Scott grabs a paralyzed Derek by the neck, opening his mouth and forcing Derek to bite Gerard and then making him watch a body rejecting the bite once again. Which was more than likely double traumatising, since he feels the bite is a gift and also the last time we know he has to fully watch a body rejecting the bite was when he had to kill his first girlfriend. The seventh point is also pretty clear in the scene with Gerard. The eighth point is proven both when he rubs his plan with Gerard in Derek’s face after forcing him to bite Gerard and when he is quick and unapologetic about blaming Derek for the murders Peter commited, multiple times. It’s hard to pick out a specific scene to prove my ninth point, but you can see it throughout the whole series and it is also something Deaton breathes life into. The tenth point is hard to pin down a scene for in specific but Scott never really seems to trust Derek so he will frequently only associate with him when he needs something.

My eleventh point is proven by Scott working with Gerard, leaving them to work with Deucalion and working with Theo. My twelfth point is proven by the fact he likes to act like he is amazing every time he ignores a call for help only to still come in the eleventh hour to save the day. And finally my thirteenth point is proven by how he only really has anything to do with Derek when he needs help.

I think Kate might have desensitized him to getting taken advantage of and Scott thrives in that fact. Derek only truly trusts Stiles in a serious way, but he still continues to give Scott chances to be different. Though he doesn’t possibly do so until the very end. We didn’t get enough information to know for sure though. Derek is constantly used and abused, it’s easy to see that it affects him. He is healing though by the end of the series, after going away for over a year.

@softranswolves