IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO END THIS WAY.

“I've learned to love abuse.”

— Show Me What I'm Looking For, Carolina Liar

i deserve all kinds of pain.

sketches for out of lust, out of love (2018)

bevin macutay

you’re everywhere and i can’t get rid of you. A.M//

tryna get back into the comic zone but gotta crawl out of my emotion hole first

“Every morning I sit at the kitchen table over a tall glass of water swallowing pills. (So my hands won’t shake.) (So my heart won’t race.) (So my face won’t thaw.) (So my blood won’t mold.) (So the voices don’t scream.) (So I don’t reach for knives.) (So I keep out of the oven.) (So I eat every morsel.) (So the wine goes bitter.) (So I remember the laundry.) (So I remember to call.) (So I remember the name of each pill.) (So I remember the name of each sickness.) (So I keep my hands inside my hands.) (So the city won’t rattle.) (So I don’t weep on the bus.) (So I don’t wander the guardrail.) (So the flashbacks go quiet.) (So the insomnia sleeps.) (So I don’t jump at car horns.) (So I don’t jump at cat-calls.) (So I don’t jump a bridge.) (So I don’t twitch.) (So I don’t riot.) (So I don’t slit a strange man’s throat.)”

— Jeanann Verlee, “Good Girl,” Said the Manic to the Muse

i hit rock bottom like every 2 weeks