I Was Listening To "I Don't Smoke" By Mitski And I Couldn't Help But Think About Thomas Hewitt. There's

I was listening to "I Don't Smoke" by Mitski and I couldn't help but think about Thomas Hewitt. There's something about that song that makes me think of him. Especially the lines:

Just don't leave me alone wondering where you are

I am stronger than you give me credit for

I feel that this can be taken in 2 ways. 1) his fear of losing his family of 2) how he'd feel if he had a S/O.

Thomas has been a victim of bullying and of his own mind. He has insecurities about his face, his mental state, and you could make the argument that he could also be insecure about his size. (Considering he towers over almost everyone he comes across. Its another thing that makes him different from most people.) He has to be strong and he knows he is. He also knows that he is the only able bodied member of his family. He knows they rely on him for a lot of things. If something happened to him the family would suffer. He'd be as strong as he could for them, if they asked him to be stronger then he'd find a way to be stronger for them.

If Thomas had a S/O he'd be terrified of the idea of them leaving. He probably need a lot of reassurance from his partner that he is good enough, that he is worthy of love, that he's not some brute. While I don't know if he'd try to keep his partner in the house locked away in the Hewitt house, assuming that he had met his partner through his job or somewhere in town, I do believe he'd want his partner within his line of sight. Once again, I feel like he would need a lot of reassurance from his partner. He'd need to be both told and shown that he is good enough as he is. I don't think that verbal reassurance would be enough for him. He'd been called all sorts of nasty things both to his face and behind his back. As his partner you'd have to dedicate time to show him that he is worthy of love.

Maybe I'm just relating too much to him and maybe slightly projecting onto him but I feel like over all I'm pretty spot on.

The lines:

If you need to be mean

Be mean to me

I can take it and put it inside of me

This section of the song makes me think about when he was being fired form the slaughter house. When that one guy called him a "dumb animal" he chose not to attack that guy. He seemed to have hesitated and contemplated hurting the man before putting the knife down and walked away. It was only when his boss insulted his family when he acted out violently. He killed the man not because the boss insulted him, but he insulted his family.

I think about Thomas a lot... I'm sure that is obvious with how much Tommy content I have been reposting lately. I see some of myself in him, obviously not the cannibalistic murderer part but in how he interacts with the world and some of his other characteristics.

I'm sorry if this seems disjointed or if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I just needed to get this out of my head. Let me know if ya'll agree with me or if ya'll have any differing opinions in the comments. :)