Tutoring

Please Don't Do It || Steve Rogers

Summary: It was the end, you couldn’t take it anymore, you decided to end your life. Until a certain handsome 97 year old finds you and tries to change your mind…

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicide, Depression, Reader Near-Death If you’re depressed or suicidal then, please please please ask for help. Ending your life is not worth it. You can talk to me ANYTIME, I don’t bite.

*Requests are open*

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You were alone in your bedroom, laying on the bed as tears were rolling down your cheeks. You’ve been holding it in all day. Seeing all those people smiling an happily living made you want to die. You felt like you were drowning, expect you could see everyone else around you breathe. That’s what depression felt like.

That was it for you. No one understood your pain. No one wants to help. No one.

You made your way to the bathroom, making sure to stop by the mirror, wanting to take one last look at yourself. You hated what you became, you used to be such a happy person, but now it was too late. That joy and desire to live you used to carry has been robbed from you. But then Steve came, and for a while, everything seemed to be better… but it didn’t last, unfortunatly. Not wanting him to abandon you, you never told your lover about your depression. You felt like you were a burden to him, and expressing to him how you felt would just add more weight on his shoulder. You didn’t feel like you mattered.

But what you didn’t know, is none of that was true, you did matter. You did have people who cared about you, you just needed to be brave enough to ask for help, because you deserved someone to be there for you, and help you get through those difficulties. But it didn’t really matter anymore now, did it?

Sighing for what would maybe be the last time, you opened the cap of the bottle, pourring a part of its content in your hand.

Ready to swallow the pills, you shakingly brought the pills close to your mouth when you heard a familiar voice shout.

“Don’t do it, please don’t do it (Y/N) .” No, you told yourself, what is he doing doing here?

“Baby, please don’t do it. I can’t lose you too. Please just put those pills down, love.” He gently whispered.

“You don’t get it Steve, you just don’t. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep putting a fake smile on my face and pretend I’m okay when I’m not. I can’t live with those people who pretend to be my friends while they actually hate me. This world is cruel and I can’t live in it anymore. You can’t understand my pain, no one can Steven. You’re better off without me, you’ll find someone better, there’s so many pretty girls out there who would kill to be with you. Please just let me die Steve.”

You whispered the last sentence, not finding enough strengh to use your voice. Steve was fighting back his own tears, blaming himself for not noticing sooner, all the signs were there, if only he just paid more attention to you.

“(Y/N) Look at me.” At first you ignored him, feeling too ashamed to face him. “Baby, hey, look at me. You don’t have to pretend anymore, okay? From now on, I want you to be honest with me. I want to help you fight this, I want to help you. Do you know why? Because I love you, because you’re the only one I want, those other girls mean nothing to me. (Y/N) please, just let me spend the rest of my life showing you how important you are to me.”

As he went on with his speech, he slowly took the pills from your hands, and hid them in his pockets, you didn’t take any actions to try to stop him. You were just exhausted, all you wanted was someone to hold you and tell you everything would be okay.

Steve wrapped his arms around your fragile body. He then tightened his grip around you, never wanting to witness an event like this ever again.

“Please don’t let me go…” You desperately asked as you wrapped your arms around his neck, starting to sob once again.

He kissed your hair and your forehead multiple times as you both sat down on the floor.

“I’m not letting you go anywhere, baby. Everything will be okay.  We’ll get through this together love, we’ll get trough this together.”

You weren’t alone anymore, everything was finally going to get better.

i will not ask you why you were creeping (in some sad way i already know)

this is part three to this azriel and his best friend fic :)

azriel x reader

word count: 5.8k

warnings: mentions of bad family dynamics and childhood trauma, mentions of canon typical violence

summary: starfall has passed, but the revelations of the night keep her anxious and a little embarrassed. there's nothing like having a best friend to ease all your worries - until he goes on a mission, that is

a/n: here it is finally!! I hope you enjoy it and make sure to let me know what you think :) all feedback is welcome! if you want to be added to the taglist let me know here

“Oh, he did not say that!”

“I swear to the Mother, Az! And he looked so pompous too!” a rare laugh bubbled out of the shadowsinger’s lips. He was sitting up over the navy blue covers of his bed, almost doubled over, his stomach hurting from laughter.

“I cannot believe you kept this story from me for a full week” she giggled in response.

The pair of best friends were currently locked inside Azriel’s bedchambers, after she came running into his room about an hour earlier with one groaned out in exasperation explanation - “Cassian and Nesta,” she had practically growled out while throwing herself head first into his pillows “again! It’s the fifth time this week!”

The cause for her visit in his chambers may have been out of a need to escape the sounds that the mated pair made, but Azriel welcomed her with open arms and a big smile, as always. That was one thing about her best friend - there was always some form of smile on his face, each time he saw her.

It was special, that he reserved those moments for her only - and their other family members too - sweet, even.

“You got any other recent stories from your studio for me?” Azriel asked with a quirked eyebrow as he settled back against his bed, biting on one of the freshly baked cookies she had brought with her.

“Not really, you know. Starfall season is over so there’s not that many customers now” she had opened up a dressmaker studio a few decades earlier, despite Azriel’s insistence that she did not have to work, that Rhysand had enough money to support her.

But she had wanted to work.

She never had the chance to before and even though it initially came as another piece of defiance against her parents - she had a need for many of those when she first fled her hometown - it quickly became a great passion of hers.

Dresses were one of the few things from her old life that she did really love, despite how poorly she used to make them for the first few years. She’s pretty sure Rhysand had spent more money to keep it open than the shop actually made. He would never admit it to her though. Now, however, she was one of the most renowned dressmakers in Velaris.

She still pictured her parents' faces if they found out she was a working female now. This was one of the few things they couldn’t bring her down about.

Yes, it was outrageous that a highborn female like her chose to work - with her hands too - but she was successful at what she did. They could insult her about it all they liked, but they couldn’t take her skills away from her.

Sometimes it felt like a sole proof that she could do well in life without them, without their money and prospects and marriage and the golden cage she had spent her youth in.

Sometimes it felt like a lifeline to hold onto, when anxiety and guilt wrecked her guts.

She was still, so, so embarrassed about starfall. She woke up the morning after already dreading seeing Azriel again after he saw her fall apart like that.

Despite it not being the first time. Despite it likely not being the last time either.

But he acted as though nothing had happened - took her out to breakfast before helping her tidy up the studio for opening in a few days.

She knew that the good weeks now were like sunlight before the storm. She could feel the unease already brewing deep inside her. The two months mark would be here soon and- she didn’t even want to think about the mess that would follow.

Azriel knew. Of course he did.

He acted calmly, though, maybe so she could anchor herself to him, try and mirror his behaviour. He made sure she knew he was there for her, offering more long flights over the Velaris skyline than usual or bringing her new fruit flavoured pastries from a bakery down the street to her studio.

Only he could act like that and make it not feel like pity.

She didn’t know how to express gratitude, so she resolved to baking. Example: the cookies they were both currently snacking on.

She had just finished hers and now she lay flat on her stomach, playing with the shadows curling around her fingers.

“They’re so cute” Azriel visibly stopped in his tracks, the hand holding his cookie up to his mouth freezing

“Excuse me?” she glanced up at him

“Your shadows. They’re cute” her eyes momentarily gained focus after sensing Az’s startled reaction, a hint of sharp amusement awakening in them. He opened his mouth to argue, but before he could say anything, his shadows just about tripled in quantity. Curling and brushing around her whole body, twining around her fingers and lifting individual strands of her hair into the air.

Her eyes widened and she let out a giggle.

“Stop this. Right now.”

“I’m not even doing anything!”

“You know exactly what you’re doing” she burst out laughing at that, genuine joy shining off her eyes

“I’m not doing shit, it’s them!” and Azriel was shaking his head, nothing but fondness in his eyes as he looked at her, laying there in his sheets and blankets, catered to by his shadows. Something akin to a string pulled at his rib.

Eventually, Azriel spoke “Fine” he shrugged his shoulders and brought the cookie back up to his mouth to bite. t was intimate to see him so at ease. Laying in bed, posture and body fully relaxed shadows leisurely curling around the entirety of the room. It was vulnerable how safe they both were in each other’s presence.

“Fine?”

“You’re their favorite. Can’t argue with that” he said between chews.

She gasped, quirking up, legs bent and kicking in the air. “You really think so?” Azriel laughed softly.

“Of course I do”

She pursed her lips, and poked her cheek with her tongue in contemplation. Finally, she huffed “You’re making me blush so we’re changing the subject,” he was shaking his head again, smiling softly at her, arms bent behind his head, resting against the headboard.

“Any missions this week?”

“Yeah. One in the continent. Tomorrow” a bit of loaded silence followed, and then

“What? Really?” his eyes softened when he noticed how she visibly deflated. She stopped kicking her legs, the fingers playing with his shadows stilling their movement too.

“I just found out today, sweetheart. But it should only last one day”

“Yeah, okay then” she moved up the bed to sit next to him, moonlight reflecting against her nightgown “Promise you’ll be careful?”

Azriel could swear something even the Mother herself could not explain was happening to his heart.

His fingers clenched and unclenched as he fought the urge to do something. Gods, he was barely able to breathe when the sweet scent of her shampoo hit his nose and there she was kneeling next to him like it was nothing.

Green eyes wide, hopeful and waiting looking up at him and golden-brown curls cascading down her shoulders and over her breasts.

She was in his bed, covered in his scent, shadows and blankets, clad in nothing but a nightgown after bringing him godsdamned cookies to eat.

How was he expected to function properly?

Her full lips parted when he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Of course I promise, angel,” Azriel replied with a raspy voice. And with that, the night went on.

After a while, her movements started to become slower, sluggish even. Sleepy girl.

“Tired?” she only nodded.

He sometimes wondered whether the reason behind how often she became sleepy when next to him was because she felt safe.

Mother, he hoped it was.

The alternative was far more daunting and sent a spike of alarm through his mind - was she overworking herself at the studio? No, surely his shadows would have informed him of that.

“Want me to walk you to your room?” his heart clenched awaiting her response, before immediately warming up when she said:

“What, you won't let me sleep here? No sympathetic cuddle for your best friend?” her smile was sheepish as she already lowered herself onto the pillow he usually slept on.

Azriel chuckled, laying down next to her, bringing the covers and a wing to keep her ever chilly body warm.

“All the cuddles my best friend wants, she gets”

“Wake up,” there was a voice disturbing her sleep. Azriel’s voice. “Sweetheart. Wake up”

“Leave me alone”

A chuckle escaped Azriel’s lips as he crouched in front of his bed. He let her sleep in when he sneaked out of bed earlier to get ready for his mission.

Partially because he had wanted to let her sleep in, and partially because she turned into a demon whenever someone tried to wake her up.

“Come on, angel,” he brushed a hand down her hair. She was laying on her side, facing him, features relaxed.

A familiar feeling warmed his chest to see her like that. And he hated that he had to leave, that he couldn’t get under the covers next to her and-. He has work to do.

Azriel tried again in a soft, warm tone “Open your eyes”

The groan she let out was bordering on growling “Seriously Azriel if you don’t-”

“I have to go”

A bit of silence ensued, her brow furrowed and then she was groaning again, turning onto her back. “Your mission wouldn’t get ruined if you slept for an extra hour, for Mother’s sake”

He didn’t say anything, waiting for her to open her eyes.

After a few seconds she scooted closer to him, but stayed on the bed. She draped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder, barely awake.

Sleepy, grumpy girl.

The movement made him sway and spread out his wings to balance himself. Absent-mindedly, he buried his nose in her hair.

“Be careful. And come back to me quickly, alright?”

“Alright. I promise”

She slowly raised herself up onto her elbows, eyes lidded, still half asleep, movements slow. “M’ sorry if I was mean”

“You were actually quite nice. For your standards”

“Hmph”

“Go back to sleep. I’ll be back for dinner” before his sentence was out, she had already laid back on the bed and snuggled her face into his pillow.

“M-” she yawned, eyes drifting close “Mkay”

After sparing one lengthy glance at her soundly sleeping form in his sheets, Azriel was out the door to meet Rhysand who would give him some final instructions.

He would also give him shit for making him wait for the extra fifteen minutes that the spymaster spent trying to coax his best friend awake.

He wouldn’t pay it any mind.

The day at the studio was incredibly boring, as she had expected. The post-starfall lull came every year without fail.

At one point she had considered closing shop for the day, but working seemed to be good on her mind.

Working meant she didn’t worry about her parents, and about Azriel. Who hadn’t even told her what his mission was about. Or where exactly it was.

Was it because she had talked over him so much that he hadn’t even had the chance? Gods, she hoped not. And she hoped he wasn’t offended she fell asleep on him mid-conversation, again.

It kept happening and she wanted to stay awake for longer to spend more time with him, the Mother knew she did, but her eyes always closed on their own accord. Which was especially strange considering that for most of her youth, she had huge trouble with sleep.

Whether it was waking up in terror in the dead of night, or being unable to fall asleep at all - she had dreaded almost every nightfall back in her family estate. Even though it was the only time she could ever really be herself - unjudged and unguarded.

She shook her head - those years were well past her.

Well, she hoped so, at least.

The day passed quickly - she spent it starting up on some projects that she may or may not finish just in time for spring to arrive.

Except for when a few customers came in, the quiet of the shop had been filled with her soft humming. And a little bit of talking to herself.

Well, not entirely to herself. She spoke to the shadow that Azriel always left with her when he left on missions. Or the shadow stayed behind on its own whim, as her best friend never mentioned leaving it with her.

Either way, with Azriel away, it was the sole subject of her babbling. Up until afternoon, that is, when Elain Archeron came into the shop.

She was alerted with the presence of a new customer, courtesy of the bell hanging over the door.

“Just a second! I’ll be right there!” she squealed out from the backroom. She hadn’t expected any more customers today, especially so near closing.

“Oh, it’s alright!” came a soft voice from the main room of the shop “Take your time”

“Oh, hi Elain!” she said walking to greet her friend “What brings you here?”

“I was just running some errands and wanted to check up on you” if even Elain of all people resorted to this gentle handling and coddling her, then she didn’t even want to imagine what would go down on dinner tonight.

They all still talked about starfall, then.

She appreciated the worry, she really did, but frankly there was nothing for them to do. And she couldn’t ask a High Lord to send out a letter telling her father to frankly, fuck off. Even though he probably would, if it came to it. But she did not want to let someone else handle her life for her, ever again.

She would be fine. Even if dismissing the whole situation probably didn't prove that she could, in fact, fix all of her problems on her own.

The female must have noticed her lack of response and opened her mouth to say something, but she was quickly cut off “I’m fine, Elain, really” she told her friend with a tight lipped smile.

“Are you sure?” something about the look in the middle Archeron sister’s eyes told her she didn’t entirely believe her. Elain gripped both of her hands in hers and continued on “Because if you’re not-”

“I’m alright, really” she assured

“Well, if you say so” the female dipped her head sheepishly, words slow and unsure.

“Can we change the subject, please?” she walked toward the counter near the back of the studio “I have these new projects here, maybe you could take a look…”

The two females ended up taking more than just one look at the projects, as they were now, well over an hour later, sitting on the wooden floor of the shop, papers scattered around them.

Elain gasped as she looked at the time, saying she was supposed to meet with Lucien in a few minutes. She left quickly after complimenting her unfinished works.

She stood up from the floor, wiping her hands on the skirts of her dress. She had a bit of time for a general clean up before Cassian came to fly her to the house for family dinner.

She sighed out through her nose and fixed the ribbon holding half of her hair up. If she was perfectly honest with herself, she would say that she’d much rather hide in her bedroom all night than deal with more coddling from her family.

Maybe it was some long-ago built in shame for expressing vulnerability. She was supposed to sit pretty, quiet and pliant. What was scary was how sometimes, when she fell apart or was especially exhausted - that was a form she craved taking.

But she was alright now and it was ridiculous for her to require this much attention from the people around her.

As she went on with tidying up the studio, her mind wandered over to Azriel. She worried for him, as she always did, but she knew how experienced and seasoned he was. The mission wasn’t anything for him to even bat an eye over, she was sure.

And anyway, he was probably already on his way home.

Azriel did not yet appear to be on his way home. Her stomach churned as she squirmed in Cassian’s arms.

“What do you mean ‘he hasn’t reported to Rhys yet?’” she looked up at him, and wide eyes demanding explanation

“I’m sure he’s alright, seriously. I did not mean to worry you” Cassian replied with a light voice as he soared over the city. When she didn’t reply he looked down to find her still staring at him sternly, jaw clenched and eyes squinted. Uneasy in his arms. “If I knew this would be how you’d react, I’d never would have told you”

“Well that’s comforting, Cassian.” he bristled a bit, eyes softening at her worry.

“He probably just got held up somewhere. This has happened before, remember?” Cassian tried to reason “He usually comes home late”

“But he always reports it, no?”

Cassian sighed, adjusting his grip on her.

“I’m just worried, Cass”

“I know. But he’s fine, I’m sure of it”

Her worry had not eased one bit in the next half hour.

After immediately taking notice of Azriel’s absence at dinner, unease started to creep up her chest. It was possibly a bit unreasonable to get overly worried, this soon. This wasn’t the first time he was late from a mission.

But why hasn’t he reported back?

Everyone else at the table seemed to think exactly the same way Cassian did - that everything was fine. But she had a bad feeling about this.

She swore she could feel worry and anxiety in her chest as though someone had tied a string to her rib and actively pulled it. But with some more convincing from the inner circle, she chose to dismiss the worry for a little while.

If he didn’t get back when they were done eating, that’s when she would seriously start worrying.

“So, I heard you and Azriel are going on a trip to Summer Court soon?” Feyre asked in a light tone, a fair try at deflecting the conversation.

“What? Summer?” Cassian gasped at hearing the question. He looked at her, eyes wide with betrayal. “You guys know I can’t go!”

Nesta chuckled, patting her mate’s arm.

“You’ll live, big guy”

“Well,” she looked at Cassian, and smiled sheepishly “that’s because Az and I were planning on going alone”

Cassian just sat there, mouth hanging open, staring at her in disbelief. Nesta was fighting her smirk; Feyre, Elain and their respective mates were chuckling, while Mor was outright laughing in Cassian’s face.

“And you all knew about this?”

Silence, broken by a few giggles, engulfed the dining room of the House of Wind.

“Traitors” Cassian huffed, slumping back in his chair with his arms crossed.

And for a moment, a comforting lightness came over her. Her friends were all laughing, the evening was peaceful and Azriel surely would be home safe and sound soon.

That feeling lasted all but about ten seconds before a sharp voice cut through it like a knife.

“Well, it’s good to know you and Azriel will be gallivanting around another court while we will be left to deal with your family, once they come here” Amren spoke smoothly from her chair at the other end of the table, eyes sharp and focused.

The room was casted in a heavy silence.

Before she could open her mouth to say something, Rhysand was already shaking his head in disapproval. Violet eyes held warning in them as he spoke to the female. “I think that’s enough, Amren”

She scoffed. “What, you make a show of breaking down over this on Starfall and now Azriel is taking you away to have a vacation just when things will get dirty here?”

“I-” she stammered. A doe closed into a corner. “We haven’t decided on when we’re going-”

“Like that’s the issue here” there was a hint of disdain in Amren’s voice as she replied, before bringing her wine glass to her lips.

She looked down at her like she was a bug under her shoe.

This was strange, even for Amren - yes, they were never close friends, but their relationship was also never outright hostile like this. “What exactly is it that you’re planning to do when your father does come here, eventually?”

She didn’t say anything. Shame, so distinct that she could actually feel it cutting into her chest, burned her as she looked around the room.

Wide eyes confused the glances the rest of the inner circles were exchanging as hostile against her, when in reality they were meant against Amren. She felt her breathing become shallow, and more shame licked at her.

Stupid, foolish girl.

“That’s enough.” Rhysand said with finality, at which Amren smirked but sat back and looked away. Nesta glared at her.

She should be fine. She shouldn’t need this defense, all this coddling. She hated that about the matter of her parents so much - the subject left her feeling so defenseless.

Any thought of them was like twisting a knife that had been stabbed through her for her whole life.

The worst thing was that deep down, she knew Amren was right.

She had no plan, no idea what to do, and did in fact hope that her summer court vacation would overlap with her family’s visit. If you could even call it a visit.

The word invasion crossed her mind.

Gods, what a mess this was. She was.

And most of all, she felt stupid for wishing Azriel was here. She shouldn’t need anyone. She usually didn’t need anyone.

She shook her head, not wanting to ruin the evening for herself more. There were things to worry about, now that they were halfway through eating and Azriel was still not here.

With a picked up heart rate and shaky hands, she went on eating her meal. She didn’t look up from her plate once, so she didn’t see the worried glances her friends were exchanging.

Not like it would’ve been better on her mind if she had.

She has been pacing her best friend’s bedroom for half an hour now.

He should be here. Something is wrong, for sure.

More and more nightmarish scenarios passed through her mind as she ran her hands through her hair for the thousandth time.

Just when she was about to step out of the room to find Rhys or Cassian and Nesta, the door opened.

She stopped dead in her tracks as she watched the shadowsinger stumble into his bedroom. Her eyes zeroed in on the hand he was clutching at his stomach. Red stained his fingers.

Her breathing went in and out in short gasps and she didn’t notice the surprise on Azriel’s face when he saw her there.

Her presence alone was enough reason for happiness for Azriel to forget the pain shooting through his abdomen.

The sight of her, however, was not.

Her usually composed hairstyle was a mess, and when she moved to stabilize him when he stumbled in her direction, he noticed the bit through the skin on her fingertips. The look on her face didn’t help either.

She was scared. Worried.

“Are you alright?”

She stopped dead in her tracks, again, and then with a furrowed brow looked down at his abdomen, and then back to his face.

“You’re hurt” her voice was strained, heavy

“I’ll be fine” he went to go inside his room, and she caught him when he almost fell “Just need to-” he gasped “Lay down”

“No, Az, you need help,” she directed him into the bathroom instead and led him to sit on the closed toilet lid. “Here, I’ll get Rhys to call Madja”

“No”

She gave him a stern look. Sweet, caring girl. “Azriel.”

“I can patch myself up,” he laid back against the wall “No healers. And I’ll be fine s’long as you’re here, angel. Been thinking about you all day” he said with closed eyes.

Gods, he must be delirious from the bloodlost, she thought.

If he won’t see Madja she’ll have to heal him herself. A bunch of shadows handed her a medic kit.

Time was a blur as she set everything out and went to start stopping the bleeding and healing the cut. She knelt before Azriel, movements quick, but precise. Her brow was furrowed with concentration, but worry, too.

Why hadn’t he let anyone know that he was hurt? What has happened?

Azriel hissed in pain as she disinfected the already healing wound. He would be fine, she exhaled in relief.

“Sorry,” she grimaced, looking up at him. “I’m almost done”

Azriel looked down at her through lidded eyes, a small smile donning his lips.

After a moment, when he still wouldn’t look away, she continued on her work with pink-tinted cheeks. Azriel’s stupid smile widened.

He could get stabbed everyday if it meant she would take care of him.

Soon, she was done and helped him to bed.

With assistance from his shadows, she had managed to change him into sleeping clothes. The wound was almost healed already, but she still bandaged it up, just in case.

She exhaled for what felt like the first time in hours. Gods, she knew something was wrong. Still, something inside her eased at having him back at her side, even if hurt. At least this way she could personally make sure he would be taken care of.

And she had to admit to herself, as selfish as it was, she was eternally glad to have him here after that cauldron damned dinner. A feeling of safety came back to her chest like a puzzle piece being set in place.

Now that he wasn’t actively losing blood, Azriel could think a little straighter. He sat against his pillows as she fluffed them up for him, brow still furrowed with worry. He lifted a finger to smooth the lines of her forehead.

“You should be better soon, Az. How do you feel?” she gripped his forearm in her hand. Her wide eyes bored into his hazel ones.

“I’m alright”

She let out a sigh in relief that he was at least feeling better. “I’ll tell Cassian that you won’t come to training and I’ll go to Madja for some tonics for you first thing in the morning. I also read somewhere that-”

“Sweetheart” he interrupted her gently “I’m alright, really. No need to do any of those things”

“No, Az, you’re not training tomorrow morning. No way” he straightened up a little when he saw the seriousness in her eyes. The worry, the stress. Gods, she must have really worked herself up over this.

“Alright, okay. I’m not training tomorrow” he murmured gently, reaching up to tuck away a strand of her hair that fell out of the meddled up hairstyle.

She breathed out, nodding.

Sweet girl.

There was an aspect of vulnerability to their relationship that made it quite different from any other ones in their lives.

For example, Azriel was the only one who knew the true details of her past. Of why she acted the way she did when the subject came up, and he knew how to handle her when she got soft and sensitive about it too. And she let him. Only him.

It went the other way around as well.

She knew everything about his childhood and why now so often he kept to the corners and the shadows.

Why he sometimes felt as if he should not touch her with his bare hands. And she knew how to coax out his soft side, too. In fact, after a while it started coming out around her against his own will. And after a while, he started to love it, how safe he felt around her.

But there were corners of his mind that Azriel was still too wary to let even her into. Corners that he visited in his nightmares and in his darkest moments, but ones that somehow felt all too powerful over him.

That’s why when a heavy silence encapsulated Azriel’s darkened bedroom, when the air became heavy and both their breathing shallow, when the pair realized just how close they are to each other and she looked at him wide eyed, so expectantly, as if something groundbreaking were about to happen, lips already opening for him- He pulled away.

That was why he started some meaningless conversation, trying to ignore the way her face fell when he sat back, further away from her.

That was why he hated himself a little more than on his worst days as he told her minor details of the beginning of his mission, eyes not missing the water lining her eyes.

He swore, his shadows had never scolded him as much in his entire life as in that moment. And they were right to.

The conversation went on until Azriel succumbed to the tiredness of being wounded and fell asleep. She watched his breathing even out, and then stared at him for a little while more.

Then, she debated going back to her room to sleep, but quickly rejected that idea. What if something happened to his wound while he was asleep? No, she should stay. But it also felt wrong to lay next to him after he-

No, she must have misinterpreted the situation. Azriel would never try to-

Right?

She tried to dismiss the thoughts from her mind.

Gods, what was wrong with her?

She laid down in an armchair she had dragged to the side of his bed. Her best friend was hurt, and here she was thinking about kissing him. About how she wanted to but-. This is not the time and place.

Sleep wouldn’t claim her for a long time, so she resorted to sitting there and counting her best friend’s breaths. After a while, their steady rhythm pulled her eyelids to close.

The room was still dark when Azriel opened his eyes. Moonlight streamed in through the opened curtains.

Azriel hissed as he turned around. A sharp pain pulled at this stomach and he looked down to see bandages wrapped around his torso. The wound must not have fully healed yet.

His eyes took in his surroundings and the first thing he noticed was that the armchair pulled up to his bedside.

And the person in it.

With a furrowed brow Azriel took in his best friend, still dressed in her work dress, curled in the chair in a position that must have been uncomfortable to fall asleep in.

What was she doing? Why hadn’t she laid down next to him? Possibilities passed through his mind, and finally he landed on the most probable one - that she wanted to watch him while he slept without disturbing him.

He shook his head as he started getting up. Selfless girl.

Too selfless for her own good, if it meant she would have to deal with back or neck pain in the morning.

But her care was a sweet feeling that even after decades of knowing her felt strange to Azriel. Any other member of his family would’ve known he could patch himself up and not worry themselves into madness about one singular stab wound that was nothing new for him.

Because he would’ve been fine. He had no doubt that if something actually life threatening were to happen to him, his family would take care of him.

It was a sweet, strange feeling that she would care over things he discarded as insignificant. That anyone would ever enjoy taking care of him, and willingly take time out of their day to do so.

He breathed out through his nose as he reached down to scoop her into his arms.

He hoped she wouldn’t wake, if only because she would scold him from carrying her when wounded.

And as he laid her on his bed, he thought about how there was one part of her he would probably never understand.

That unfiltered, unprecedented care she had for him. He knew he reciprocated it, that it went both ways, but somehow her care towards him seemed greater.

Maybe it was because he was harder to love. There were many more ugly sides to him that she frankly lacked.

Maybe because sometimes when he touched her he could feel that ugliness actually seep into her skin.

By the Mother, if he were any less of a selfish male he would’ve stopped this a long time ago. But neither did he have the honour to make her aware of his darkness, as cheap as that may sound, nor did he have the guts to make her his fully.

He couldn’t bear to taint her. Not as he looked at her face pressed into his pillow. Not as he thought about how soft her skin was under his fingertips. And certainly not as he thought about the endless streams of tears she let out as she seeked comfort and safety in him because of how badly she was treated by the people meant to love her.

She entrusted herself to him and he was to ruin her with himself, now?

He ran a hand through her hair as he felt his own hatred for himself run deeper and deeper.

Sometimes, in his worst nightmares, he saw something horrible happening to her. Such a tragic incident would make her his match. In his worst nightmares, she always knew that it was all his fault, and still decided to stay. Putting herself on a clear path to destruction, for him.

And, truth be told, he didn’t know what to make of it. What to do. This was one of the only areas in his life, where Azriel felt stuck.

He was hers, for eternity and he has known that for a very long time. But there was a part of him that couldn’t let her do that to herself. That couldn’t let her accept the curse of loving him.

Could he protect her from himself? Did he want to?

He used to think that he could accept this, whatever they had. Whatever form of friendship or relationship she would offer, he would grab handfuls of.

Now, however, he knew there was a problem that made his chest tighten, heart rate pick up and scarred hands clench and unclench when in close distance to her.

The impatience that grew simmering hot in Azriel, waiting to spill over.

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Shake Your Ass, Barnes

Summary: One way to meet the new recruit is to have him think he’s seeing double of the infamous Black Widow, but there is Just Dance too.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier x Reader

Word Count: 812

Warnings: Mild Swearing

A/N: I’ve been really inactive recently because of the shit going down in my friendship group but I’ve decided to make an x reader based of a gif imagine I made. Also, младшая сестра means little sister, and мудак means asshole. I thought I’d say before I caused any confusion. Enjoy!

———————————————————————————————————–

Maybe tinkering with Tony’s cars at 2:30am wasn’t the best idea. Especially when he caught you…

“(Y/N), what are you doing?” He asked, concern in his voice.

You pushed yourself out from under the car and wiped your forehead with a greasy rag. “Fixing this pile of crap. How’d you know it was me?”

“No, I meant what are you doing up at 2:30 in the morning. And to answer your previous question, your sister wouldn’t be under a car, is how I know.”

“Well, I couldn’t sleep so I thought that I’d come down here. I’ve finished all of my projects and the blueprints for my new weapons system haven’t finished downloading yet so the next best thing was to fix up your old car.” You said, lowering yourself back under.

“(Y/N)?” Tony said.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

“(Y/N), it’s not funny. Go to bed, you’ll regret staying up later if you don’t sleep.”

“Fine, but I’ll be back down here after.” You said, pulling yourself up on the large toolbox and dumping the rag on the hood of the car.

-

‘What time is it?’ you thought, rolling over to the bedside cabinet to check your phone.

10:30am

You groaned and let yourself fall back onto the bed for moment, before wrapping your duvet around your body and shuffling to the kitchen for some coffee.

“Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty.” Clint teased.

“Ugh.” You sighed, grabbing a cup and putting it in the coffee machine.

“Aw, what’s wrong? Do you regret being under a car at 2:30am?” Tony smirked. “I told you you would, sweatheart.”

“Shut it Tony.” You said, sitting on a chair.

You heard the soft patter of your twin sister’s trainers entering the kitchen and turned around to great her.

“Hey, младшая сестра.” You smiled.

“You’re only 6 minutes older than me.” Natasha smirked, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl.

“Indeed I am.” You smirked back at her. “What are your plans for today?”

“Training, then off to a mission. I should only be gone 2 days, max. What about you?”

“Take a wild guess.” You tucked your fire-red hair behind your ear. “I’ll be in Tony’s garage tinkering with that pile of metal he calls a car.”

“Don’t be rude.” Tony retorted.

“Sorry, мудак.” You laughed.

Natasha laughed and choked on her apple at what you called Tony.

“Wait, what did she just call me?” He said, curiously. “Should I be insulted?”

“Not at all Tony, not at all.” You smirked, taking a sip from your cup of coffee.

Another set of shoes walked through the halls and into the kitchen. You all turned our heads in the direction of the mystery person and saw one of your new colleagues, Bucky Barnes. You hadn’t had the pleasure to meet him yet, but apparently you were about to.

“Oh shit.” He muttered. “Shit, Steve! What was in that doughnut you gave me? I think I’m seeing double!”

You looked at him confused and then at Natasha.

‘Ohhh, that’s what’s up.’ you thought.

“What, Buck?” Steve said, jogging into the kitchen.

He looked at you, then at Natasha and finally at Bucky.

“Buck, there was nothing in the doughnut. This is Natasha’s twin sister, (Y/N). (Y/N), this is my best friend Bucky Barnes. He’s our newest recruit.”

You stuck out a hand for him to shake. “Hi, Bucky. Nice to meet you.”

He took your hand in his you shook it wearily. “Likewise, (Y/N).”

“Well, now that that is over I’m going to modify baby number 47.” Tony said, rubbing his hands together and walking away.

“And Clint and I have to go and train for this mission. Bye (Y/N).” Natasha said, hugging you before she left with Clint.

“Well, I’m going to get ready but I’ll leave you guys to talk. See you 'round, (Y/N).” Steve said before waving goodbye.

“So I guess it’s just us.”+++ You said, smiling at Bucky.

“I guess.” He said, staring down.

“So, what do you wanna do? We could play the new Mortal Combat if you’d like? Or is Just Dance more your scene?” You smirked.

“Just what?” He asked, confused.

“Come on, I’ll show you.” You said, walking to the living room.

-

“Wait, what am I doing?!” The super solider asked.

When Natasha asked you what you were doing today, you definitely wouldn’t have said dancing to Barbie Girl with The Winter Solider.

“Hands on your hips, Barnes! Shake your ass!” You shouted.

“I would take this over training any day, let’s just hope no one sees us doing this.” He laughed.

However, little did you know Steve was watching you two from the corridor trying his best not to laugh at his best friend shaking his ass to Barbie Girl.

The song finished and you two sat back down on the chair, laughing.

“Okay, next song. How about Charleston?” You suggested.

“So I see you two have hit it off.” Steve laughed walking into the living room.

“Oh, shit. Hey Stevie.” Bucky said. “You didn’t see any of that, did you?”

“Not if you didn’t want me to, bud.” Steve smiled.

He looked at the screen before picking up another remote. “So what song is next, guys?”

Creative photos from mom and her two daughters

Instagram : @allthatisshe

Nightmares. (Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier Imagine)

I haven’t done a Marvel imagine before so bare with me. 

I hope you enjoy!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

You possessed a special ability that let you look into people’s possible futures and pasts. Before meeting the Avengers, you had no control. You’d just touch someone or look into their eyes and see their future or past. You’d feel their pain of a loss or their end. But over the months, you’ve gotten a better grip of your power. Now, all that was needed to activate your powers was a touch.

Except when nightfall came. Your mind would replay all the terrible things you saw. If someone saw their parents getting murdered and you saw that event unfold through their eyes, you would be haunted by the moment at night. You couldn’t control it once your eyes closed and you were sent into a slumber. 

But Tony and Bruce came up with special medicines that would help you sleep aimlessly. It made you feel like a mental patient but if a goodnight’s sleep is the benefit, you were willing to pay the price. 

Bucky would often have night terrors about his days being held in Hydra. He wandered around the tower to calm his nerves until one night he found your bedroom door wide open. Bruce walked out and gave him a small smile before disappearing into his own room. Curiously, Bucky entered your room and found you calmly asleep on your side, clinging onto what seemed like a bear. 

He noticed the bottle of pills that was at your bedside table. He was about to steal some pills, in hopes of helping himself sleep as well, but he found himself entranced by your calmness. He’s seen you walk around the tower in the day time, you were always uptight and careful not to make contact with anyone. To see you calm at night somehow calmed him. 

And so every night Bucky needed to be calmed down, he found himself sitting next to your bed and watching you sleep. 

One day, everything seemed to be alright. You were all discussing random matters. The team were getting into playful arguments and you had muttered something sarcastic that only Wanda caught. She laughed and hit your knee playfully. You were instantly sucked into the moment her brother, Pietro, died. Wanda had actually felt the bullets penetrate through her brother and you felt Wanda’s emotions flood through you. 

Bucky had been watching you carefully. He saw how your eyes widened slightly as they turned a bit glossy and then he nudged Steve and nodded your direction. Steve went up to you and noticed how stiff you became. “Hey, what’s wrong?” You looked into his blue eyes and all you saw was his doomed future. 

He was walking up what seemed like a capital building when a single bullet flies through the air and pierces his heart, leaving him for dead. 

“I’m fine.” You lied. “Just tired. I’ll go to my room and rest.” Before you left, you turned and told him,. “Stay away from capital buildings, Cap.” 

The rest of that afternoon you attempted to calm yourself. Bruce had told you not to say anything about the future because you could cause a ripple in the timeline, but you couldn’t just let Steve die like that. 

That night you were restless, Bruce stayed with you until you fell asleep. It was already 1:56 am and Bucky was already on his way to your room. Bruce was leaving her room. “She’s a little restless and upset.” Bruce informed the soldier. “Might be best if you found a different way to calm yourself for tonight.” 

“I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.” Bruce dismissed Buck and allowed him to stay in there for a little bit. He was no position to argue, he was completely tired. 

Most nights, you were completely still but tonight you were frantically moving around. Your bear had been pushed off the bed and had face planted into the floor. Bucky picked in up and put it by you again. He’d hum a tune of a Russian lullaby in an attempt to calm you. 

As the hours passed, you became more still. Bucky was about to get up and leave, feeling calmed himself until you sat up straight and screamed. You looked at Bucky in surprise. “What are you doing here?” 

“I watch you sleep sometimes when I have a nightmare.” He confessed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nightmares.” You deadpanned and reached for another pill until the Winter Soldier stopped you. “What the hell, Buck?” You snapped, quickly moving your hand away from his. 

“One pill a night. It says it on the label.” Bucky explained. “Wouldn’t want to overdose now would you, doll?” 

“I need to sleep, Buck.” You sighed, putting your head in your hands and then you grabbed your bear. 

“Why do you sleep with a bear? Aren’t you too old?” He joked, cracking a smile. 

“Funny, coming from you.” You laughed. 

“Scoot over.” Bucky said. You shook your head frantically. 

“I don’t want to-I’ll see.. Buck, no!” You panicked and then he held out his wrists to you. You gave him a weird look. “What?” 

“I used to have nightmares about jumping out of planes.” He explained. “Then I did it. Now I’m not afraid. I’ve noticed how you refuse to touch people. I get it. You’re afraid so you have nightmares about your visions. But sometimes, you have to face your fears.”

You gave him an unsure look before grabbing onto his wrists. You were prepared for the war and the Hydra brainwashing sessions but you were unprepared to see a wedding. It was pure and white and gorgeous. Bucky was watching as his soon-to-be wife walked down the aisle and you smiled slightly when you saw that you were the woman in white.

You let go of his arms and smiled at him which he returned. You scooted over and the two of you talked all night long.

The next morning, Bruce would come and wake you up. When he opened your door and saw you snuggled up next to Bucky, he couldn’t help but smile and get the other avengers. 

After that night, you and Bucky would share a bed and just talk then wake up next to each other. Soon, you finally embraced your abilities. You knew that you couldn’t have done it without him. You looked at him while he slept, you were slowly drifting away too. 

“It all started with those damn Nightmares.”

NEW THOR TRAILER IS :O

New Thor trailer is amazing! Hela is badass! This will be awesome! dkldkldkdfwoksdokdsmkcl’svc;kmskvdc’sav;lsal;,sl;,sd

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Eldest sisters r the most oppressed

“You’re dating Peter Parker? How long? Y/f/n we’ve talked about you dating and-” A loud sigh escaped from your lips as your father, Steve Rogers, was preparing for a mile long speech that you weren’t at all in the mood to hear.

Only minutes before your dad had sat you down at the kitchen table, you were wrapped up tightly in a blanket watching a movie with you boyfriend, Peter Parker. The two of you had been together for a short span of two months but you were both keen on keeping it quiet. It was no secret that your father didn’t like the idea of you dating, he even went to the extreme of having a member of the Avengers watch over you at almost all waking moment to make sure the unspoken rule was followed.

Natasha would ‘casually’ tag along on your trips to the mall when Steve suspected you were meeting with a boy. Sometimes Tony would offer to drive you and your friends around because your father was dead set on the idea that a boy would be involved. Bucky and Steve refused to let anyone besides the team train you thinking that one of the male agents would pull something on you. You were beyond thankful and appreciative of your father ( and the rest of the teams) over protectiveness but at times it was overbearing.

You hardly went out to movies with your friends anymore because Wanda’s suspicious eyes made them uncomfortable and Thor could quickly turn your hang outs into awkward learning sessions on Asgardian terms and ways of life. You felt suffocated and smothered twentyfour-seven, well that was you did until you met Peter Parker.

Despite your father having forced you to sit out of the fight between him and Tony a few months back, you still traveled along with him to Germany. Nobody dared involve you in the fight so you kept yourself roaming on the down low in the streets of Munich, Germany with a trusted S.H.I.E.L.D agents watching over you. When the fight was over, Natasha escorted you back to New York and on the plane ride home you were introduced to the one and only Spiderman himself.

It was an odd thing meeting Peter. You quickly found the two of you had a long list of traits in common. You both were total dorks, top of your class, had special abilities, and felt stuck on the outside. When your father and Tony worked everything out and the team became one again, Tony Stark offered Peter a spot on The Avengers, if he earned it.

Peter was ecstatic and trained nonstop with you, soaking all the information you could possible give him up like a sponge. But along the way through all your flirtatious comments and teasing acts, you began to develop feelings for Peter. He was the same age as you and you shared so much in common so how could you not fall for his adorable smile?

When Peter came to you early one Sunday morning with the news that Tony was letting him join in on the next upcoming mission, you couldn’t hold back. You leaped across the room closing the space between the two of you and pressed you lips against his chapped ones without warning. An eruption of butterflies and fireworks exploded inside of you at the embrace. Peter’s hands trailed up your side and stopped at the small of your back pulling you tight against his body. You kept your hands by your side feeling a bit awkward not knowing what to do with them, it was your first kiss after all. You pulled away moments later and grazed your numb lips with your fingertip.

“Wow…” Peter mumbled smiling widely.

‘Yeah…” You responded still glued to a state of shock.

From there on Peter Parker and yourself made a plan and vowed not to tell a single soul of your relationship until your dad eased up. The team never questioned either of you and Steve trusted you with Parker, thinking of him as only your friend. You had no idea how long it would take and for a while you pondered over the possibility of never being able to come public with your relationship. But now as you sat soundlessly in front of your dad the idea of never coming clean to Steve didn’t seem so bad.

“Dad I like him alot and I know you do too. He’s nice to me and he doesn’t make me feel so lonely in this place. I don’t have many friends, dad. Peter had always been there for me and he understands me.” You explained softly staring at the marble countertop. The mesh of greys and white were suddenly the most interesting thing you had seen as your the padding of your finger traced the designs.

“I did like him,Y/n. That was before I knew he was dating you.” He said sternly. After you dad caught you with snuggled up to Peter and demanded an explanation, he rushed you back home to your apartment in Brooklyn that your father shared with your Uncle Bucky.

Bucky was seated on the couch flipping through channels and trying to remain out of the argument. He had had his fair share of wars within the last year and the last thing he wanted was to get between Steve and you.

“We’re still dating, dad.” Your voice was shallow and low. You could feel your throat clenching up and tears building up in your eyes. Peter was your best friend and were quickly developing deeper feelings than you could handle, the last thing you needed was your dad against you.

From the corner of your eye you could see your Uncle Bucky shifting from his seat on the couch to turn and subtly glance at your father and you.

“That’s not the point- Y/n I’m just… I’m just upset you didn’t tell me, alright? I thought you knew you could tell me anything.” He admitted defeatedly. His eyebrows were scrunched together in deep thought as he stared at you from across the table. A bit of guilt washed over you as you took in his words knowing exactly what he was touching on. Your mother, whom was long gone and had no intention of returning, was a very distrustful person after your birth. She betrayed your family and left in the middle of the night without warning leaving your dad in ruins.

The last thing you wanted was to turn into your wariness mom.

Reaching across the tabletop you laid your hand on top of your dad’s giving it a light squeeze. “Dad I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hide anything from you. The only reason I kept it from you was because I knew you would react like this. I really like him, Peter that is, but I was scared you wouldn’t let me be with him and be mad at me.”

Glancing up at you with watery eyes Steve shook his head,

“No sweetheart, I could never be mad at you. You’re my little girl and I love you more than anything. I’m sorry I’ve been so protective of you I just don’t want to lose you like I did your mom. Parker’s a good kid, he’ll take care of you and I’m sorry I embarrassed you, Y/n. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.” A small visible trail of salt tears were skimming down Steve’s cheek making you feel even worse for not telling him in the first place. “You didn’t embarrass me, dad. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Peter and I, I should’ve never tried to hide it from you at all.” Maneuvering around the long island you managed to throw your arms around your father’s broad shoulder hugging him tightly. He returned the gestured immediately and rubbed your back soothingly.

“It’s okay, sweetie. I can understand why you didn’t tell me, but from now on I want you to know you can be honest with me, okay?” He explained. You smiled happily and nodded your head in agreement.

A new presence filled the room as Bucky stood awkwardly by you two. Pulling apart Steve wiped his eyes and turned to your Uncle with curious eyes. Bucky threw his arm around your shoulder and chuckled loudly.

“You know Steve, I’m surprise it took you so long to figure out those two are dating. Natasha and I have caught them millions of time sneaking around the tower together.” Your eyes grew wide at his words. “Wait you knew?” You gaped up at him. James smirked down at you and ruffled your hair. “Of course I did. You guys aren’t exactly the best at keeping secrets.” Bucky teased reaching across the table to grab a purple plum from the bowl. Steve turned in his chair and stared at him in confusion. “Buck, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He questioned. Chewing on the plump fruit Bucky shrugged. “Because I knew you’d freak out, besides they’re cute together and it was pretty amusing watching them think they were slik.” A faint blush painted your pale cheeks red. How had you not known Bucky had caught on to you and Peter? You thought you two were as careful as could be, what sort of slip up had you caused? Before you could push the matter anymore a loud knock on the front door cut you off. You dad excused himself and walked over to the door as you continued your discussion with Bucky who gave you a play by play on the exact moments he caught you and Parker together in the couple form.

A voice from the apartment door drew you away from Bucky and caused you to gaze over in realization. When Steve opened the door he was face to face with the one and only Spiderman who stood with his chest puffed out and a look of determination tracing his perfect features. You tried to signal to him from behind your father that you had worked everything out but he simply ignored you and started his mini rant.

“Hi Mr. Rogers, I’m sorry for dropping by unannounced but I needed to talk to you about Y/n and I. I’m sorry for disrespecting you and not telling you about how I feel for your daughter but I care about her a lot and you sort of intimidate me. Actually you really intimidate me and scare me a bit.  Anyways, I like Y/n a lot. She’s my closest friend and basically the only person I can relate to around here. I promise I have never nor do I plan on ever treating her wrongly, she means alot to me and she is beautiful and smart-” Stepping aside your dad motioned his arm towards the inside of you home and smiled warmly at the young teen.

“Peter would you like to come in for dinner? I was just about to put a pizza in the oven or maybe make some pasta. If it’s alright with your Aunt we would love to have you over.” Buck and you shared a look and snickered quietly watching the sudden mixture of dementedness and revelation. His hands were shoved in his pocket and he once again stumbled along with his words. “I- uh…um… you- well… yeah sure I g-guess. That uh- that sounds really nice.” Peter’s hand worked its way to the back of his neck scratching it uncomfortably. Steve shook his head and pointed his finger towards the kitchen. Peter’s big brown eyes landed on you the second he entered the room and his lips stretched.

“Y/n…” You gave him a small wave slowly making your way to him. Bucky sipped on his water trying to mask his laughter and avoid staring at you and Peter shifting awkwardly in front of each other. Steve bit his lips as he turned on the oven and strained his hearing hoping to catch in on your conversation.

“Hey Peter, what are you doing here?” You whispered grabbing ahold of his upper arm. Peter shrugged his shoulder and looked past you watching your dad pull a pizza out from a brown box.

“Well, uh it’s sort of lame but I came to talk your dad into letting us be together. I thought it would be all dramatic and he’d hate me but I think he took it pretty well.” Peter admitted. You could hear a muffled chuckle from your Uncle Bucky but he managed to replace it with a cough before Peter noticed.

Nodding you wrapped your arms around Peter’s waist and hugged him close. He reacted quickly, his hand reaching up to comb through your hair. With your head resting on his chest you gazed up at your boyfriend with a sweet smile,

“That’s so kind of you, my hero.”

Steve’s heart practically melted at the sound of your loving voice. As much as it hurt to see you growing up, Steve knew it was bound to happen eventually. Besides, he thought, things could’ve turned out much at worse, at least you weren’t seeing Deadpool.

-Daizy x

Bucky - "When You Love Someone, It's Worth Fighting For."

A/N: Some angsty and kinda sad Bucky for you guys! Yet again inspired by the prompt in the title. Featuring an appearance from best friend!steve.

You’d seen Bucky lose control before. The Winter Soldier was a rare occurrence now, the trigger words no longer had any hold over Bucky, but sometimes, in his sleep, when his defences were down, something would happen.

You’d known Bucky’s nightmares were a problem before you’d started dating him. More often than not he’d wake in a sweat, crying about some mission, some innocent he’d hurt. But, occasionally, he’d wake up, his eyes glazed over, Bucky no longer at the forefront and in control.

It had happened a few times. You’d wake to see him just sitting there, staring coldly at nothing in particular. You’d move slowly, softly saying his name, reminding him of little moments you’d shared, stories he’d told you of him and Steve, and eventually you’d have your boyfriend back.

Tonight was different.

You’d woken suddenly to a sharp pain in your ribs. You’d assumed it was simply Bucky struggling in his sleep but next thing you felt was a weight on top of you. Your eyes snapped open as you felt metal close around your neck. You inhaled sharply while you still could.

“Bucky,” you whispered, as calmly as you could. “Buck, it’s me, it’s Y/N. Come back to me.”

When that didn’t seem to work, you forcefully pushed your body into him. In his moments confusion, you jammed your arm up towards his throat working a leg free and kicking him in the stomach before jumping out of bed and backing away from him.

“Bucky?” you asked hesitantly.

You got no response. The man before you simply stared down at his own hands. You edged closer.

“Bucky?”

“No,” he said flinching away from you.

“It’s ok, Bucky, everything’s ok.”

“No it’s not,” his breathing was laboured and he swatted your hand away as you reached out to him. “Don’t touch me.”

“Bucky-”

“No. I promised I’d never hurt you. I said this only worked as long as you were safe, and you’re not.”

“Bucky, stop it. I’m fine,” you tried to assure him. “This never happens, it was a one off, everything is ok.”

You tried reaching out again, hoping to get him back to bed, but he stood up forcefully.

“I could have killed you,” he murmured, his voice breaking as he fled from your room.

The moment he was gone, you broke down. The sobs shook your body as you curled up in a ball on the floor by your bed. The shock of what happened caught up to you as the aching in your ribs suddenly throbbed. You couldn’t get that horrified look on Bucky’s face when he realised what had happened out of you head.

Steve suddenly appeared at your door, probably alerted by the banging of the door, given the force Bucky threw it open with.

“Y/N?” he called rushing to your side. “What happened? Are you ok?”

You sniffed and looked up at him. You saw his eyes widen as he brought his fingertips up to brush your neck.

“That wasn't…” he trailed off, looking at the bruising in horror.

“It was the nightmares again,” you got out between sobs. “It’s never been that bad. And now I don’t know where he is, but he probably won’t come back.”

“Who is he?”

“Bucky. He’s Bucky again. He realised what had happened and ran.”

You broke down again. Steve pulled you into his chest as you tried to calm yourself again. 

“I don’t know what to do,” your voice small behind the sobs.

“You still love him?”

“Of course. That wasn’t him. Bucky would never knowingly hurt me.”

“When you love someone, it’s worth fighting for. No matter the odds,” Steve encouraged you.

“Help me find him, and we’ll see if we can’t get him help. We stopped the trigger, we’ll stop this too.”

You dried your eyes, sniffed a few times and looked up at Steve with new determination. “Let’s find him.”