Thank You!

Star Wars AU where everything is the same except Anakin converses with himself when he’s about to do something dark-sidey like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

Just—

Imagine—

Anakin, squatting on the floor while rubbing hands together: The Jedi are wicked, tricksy, false!

Anakin, in softer voice: No, not Master! Not Obi-Wan!

Anakin, growling and getting spit everywhere: Yes, precious… false! Obi-Wan will cheat you, hurt you, lie!

Anakin, whimpering: But Obi-Wan is my friend!

Anakin, growling again: You don’t have any friends! Nobody likes you!

Obi-Wan, yelling in exasperation from the other room: Anakin, dear, I promise I’m not trying to trick you, I just want to know what you want for dinner tonight!

obi wan drops his lightsaber for the millionth time during a battle and cody has to pick it it up again. hes limping badly afterwards but is refusing to go to medical so finally cody breaks and is just like “here general, go fetch” and throws it in the med tent. obi wan, indignant, goes to said med tent to get it and gets sedated 0.2 seconds after walking in

Cody: So I’m sure all of you have noticed by now that General Kenobi has been lurking around the med tent.  Clones: *nod*  Cody: But never getting close enough for us to push him inside.  Boil: I almost got close enough once, but he fled the second he saw me.   Cody: I know, he’s a crafty one. My point is: SHINIES. He will try to talk to you! He will try to gently smile at you! He will try to coax you into getting his lightsaber for him! And I’m sure he’s not above bribing you too! but you know what you have to do, right?   Clones: TACKLE HIM TO THE GROUND AND CALL THE MEDIC, SIR.  Cody: EXACTLY. Also please note that we don’t want to cause more injuries so please be careful when you restrain him. 

Everyone on the Springhawk (and the rest of the ascendancy tbh) found Thrawn to be an anomaly. Because while he was extremely annoying, he was also very hot. But anytime someone asked Thrawn out (or propositioned ;) him), he always turned them down, sometimes politely sometimes not. Everyone eventually just came to the conclusion that Thrawn doesn't do romance.

Cut to twenty years later, a human shows up in the Ascendancy and introduces himself as Thrawn's husband and everyone loses their damn minds.

Because somehow Captain Mitth'raw'nuruodo fucked off to the Empire, found some ridiculously attractive twink twenty years younger than him, married him and then sent him off to the Ascendancy for safe keeping.

Some words to use when writing things:

winking

clenching

pulsing

fluttering

contracting

twitching

sucking

quivering

pulsating

throbbing

beating

thumping

thudding

pounding

humming

palpitate

vibrate

grinding

crushing

hammering

lashing

knocking

driving

thrusting

pushing

force

injecting

filling

dilate

stretching

lingering

expanding

bouncing

reaming

elongate

enlarge

unfolding

yielding

sternly

firmly

tightly 

harshly

thoroughly

consistently

precision

accuracy

carefully

demanding

strictly

restriction

meticulously

scrupulously

rigorously

rim

edge

lip

circle

band

encircling

enclosing

surrounding

piercing

curl

lock

twist

coil

spiral

whorl

dip

wet

soak

madly

wildly

noisily

rowdily

rambunctiously

decadent

degenerate

immoral

indulgent

accept

take

invite

nook

indentation

niche

depression

indent

depress

delay

tossing

writhing

flailing

squirming

rolling

wriggling

wiggling

thrashing

struggling

grappling

striving

straining

"Everyone grew up, don't you think, Songbird? Except Shirou-chan, who's still the shortest." - Lina Kruger

"Funny, Lina. 'm the shortest." - Kurosaki Yukine

The muse came to me. Who was I to say no? 

Dooku at the Opera: A Lineage Tale (A Comedy in 3 Acts)

Featuring: Yan Dooku, Rael Averross, Qui-gon Jinn, and Obi-wan Kenobi

—————————————-

“Here, take this.”

A dented, silver flask was thrust into Qui-gon’s inner pocket, the weight of the object throwing his deep brown dress robe off-kilter. 

“Rael!” Qui-gon hissed, trying to fish the object from his voluminous, velvet-trimmed outwear. By the Force, he hated wearing this thing. “I’m not - “ The fabric tangled, wrapping around Qui-gon’s arm - once, twice - somehow pinning his limb immobile against his side. 

Rael Averross tossed his head back and laughed for a good minute, leaving a scowling Qui-gon half-bound, trapped in the finest Jedi robes the Temple had to offer. Chuckling, he stepped forward to help Qui-gon unfurl from his self-made prison. “Just trust me, kid. You’re gonna need it.”

“I’m not sneaking Rodian liquor into the Coruscant Opera with Master Dooku at my side. He’ll flay me alive if catches me!” Qui-gon shuddered, testing out his freed arm.

“I’m not asking you to drink it,” Rael cocked his head with a small sigh. “That stuff would strip the paint off the side of a Grellan nightclub.” 

“Oh, that’s a relief,” Qui-gon snapped, rolling his eyes. He didn’t want to know how Rael had such intimate knowledge of the infamous Grellan nightclubs.

“All I’m saying, kid,” Rael’s voice softened as he wrapped an arm around Qui-gon’s bony shoulders, leading him to the full-length mirror standing in the corner of his and Dooku’s shared quarters. “Is that Master Dooku has probably forgotten about about this particular escape tactic.” Rael put a finger to his chin, glancing to the ceiling in thought. “It was twelve years ago.”

Qui-gon frowned, his own confused expression staring back at him in the polished glass. The boy - man - seemed a stranger, wrapped in a long, velvet-trimmed robe, his tunics a darker shade of his customary beige, pressed, absent the usual dark soil spots and off-green streaks that so infuriated his Master. He looked…well, respectable. 

He was fifteen now, had been Master Dooku’s Padawan for just over three years. He had also had the dubious honor of keeping Rael Averross’s occasional company for almost as long. 

“Rael, it’s the opera, not the Citadel. Why do I need an escape tactic?” Qui-gon gestured with the flask in his hand, liquid sloshing against its container. “And if I’m not to drink this, then what in Nine Corellian Hells am I supposed to do with it?”

“I don’t know, kid, you’re a Jedi. You’ll figure it out,” Rael shrugged, pushing wavy black hair from his face. He cocked a crooked smile in Qui-gon’s direction, ruffling his short, spiky hair. 

“Make your exit after the first intermission, but not too close to the start of the second act. Did that one too many times and Dooku’s cottoned on to it.” Rael began to push Qui-gon towards the door, ignoring the boy’s stammered protests. “Now get outta here before he gets suspicious.”

Qui-gon gaped from the other side of the threshold. “Rael!”

But the door only closed with a final whoosh, leaving a very confused Qui-gon Jinn in an empty Temple corridor, battered container of Rodian gin in hand. 

What in the galaxy was that all about? It was the opera. Not just opera, but a Serennian opera. Truth be told, Qui-gon wasn’t much one for the more prestigious arts, not like his Master was, at least. But he had learned to keep those opinions secret after spending two weeks dusting and reorganizing Master Dooku’s extensive holoart book collection, a consequence of expressing his opinion at an exhibition of Tuerrilian landscapes that all the paintings “looked like the same smashball field with the goalposts removed.”

But this would be different, this wouldn’t be a bunch of boring green lawns perched atop various boring curved, silver architectures. This was a story about Serenno. Yes, with large-bodied, multiple-lipped Trellian singers in strange, pointed hats and all, but it was a way to get to know his Master better, learn something new about him, about his planet. 

Behind Qui-gon, the door to Dooku’s quarters opened halfway. “Oh, and kid?” Rael called down the hall. “Say hi to Brigindia the Breadthful and Hagvor the Hu - “ Rael clicked his tongue, rubbing the back of his neck, cheeks flushing. “Anyway, tell ’em Rael Averross sends his regards if you happen to leave by the stage door exit,” he finished, sly smile spreading across his face.

—-

Knock knock knock.

Rael looked up from his holobook, tapping the bookmark button as he glanced at his chrono. 

Not bad, kid, he thought, giving his arms a long stretch before leaving the comfort of Dooku’s plush arm chair. He stopped in the pantry before answering the door, pouring two cups of cold, Nemishian tea.

“So you got out,” Rael said as greeting. “Record time, too.”

Qui-gon pushed past the older Jedi, a flurry of wrinkled fabric and frustration, the faint odor of burnt Ceylla wood drifting from his robes. He made a series of aborted half-circles, like a jittery, indecisive Lothcat before Rael took pity on him and led him to the sofa, pushing a glass of the Nemishian tea into his hand.

The young Jedi sat, unmoving, for a good minute, eyes wide as he seemed to replay every last event of the past three hours in excruciating detail. Rael took his own glass, downing half of it in one go, giving a satisfied smack of his lips. Dooku always did have better provisions than the Jedi commissary, a way of enticing wayward Padawans out of mealtime trouble and sometimes extracting an extra hour’s work out of them.

“It was terrible, Rael,” Qui-gon finally spoke, eyes still wide, voice somewhat haunted.

Rael laughed, slapping his thigh as he sat back in Dooku’s armchair, extending his legs long, his ankles crossed. “C’mon. It couldn’t have been that bad,” Rael teased. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Five of them, actually,” Qui-gon murmured, taking a sip of his tea. The drink seemed to restore some of the color to his pallid face. “Each with a thirty-minute aria.”

“Ah, The Fall of the House of Carellic.” Rael grinned. “A classic.”

Qui-gon’s eyes widened, as he nearly dropped his glass. “You mean he’s seen this one before?”

“It cycles in every seven years or so,” Rael answered. “I imagine at this point Master Dooku has it memorized.”

“But then why,” Qui-gon’s voice rose, “did he give me a three-hour running commentary of everything wrong with its portrayal of Serennian culture if he knows it so well?”

“That, my young friend,” Rael drawled, eyes tightening with barely restrained laughter. “Is all part of the experience. Now,” he leaned forward, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “How’d you escape?”

The corner of Qui-gon’s mouth quirked upwards. “Spilled your paint stripper on the mezzanine-level bar. Was a real shame everyone knows the Senator from Gorrusk likes to smoke indoors, although I think both his outfit and pride will recover from the mishap.“

“And being the dutiful Padawan you are,” Rael continued, grinning, “of course you volunteered to accompany the poor Senator to the on-site healer, ensuring your Master would not have his night interrupted.” Rael tutted. “It’s just a damned shame there was so much paperwork to fill out.”

Qui-gon raised his glass in Rael’s direction. “Takes forever, really.”

Rael nodded, raising his own glass in salute. “Not too shabby, kid.”

The two Jedi sat in contented silence for a few moments, the adrenaline rush of Qui-gon’s frantic escape finally waning, the younger man’s head slowly tilting downwards, his eyes closing. A minute later, Rael heard a soft snore emanate from the pile of tunics sprawled on the couch. 

Chuckling, Rael stood, collecting both glasses, pulling Qui-gon’s long legs fully onto the couch, boots and all, covering him with a soft blanket plucked from a nearby closet. Dooku could snipe at Rael later for letting his Padawan desecrate his furniture in such a manner. He wouldn’t be back for at least another five hours anyway.

Qui-gon was going to be one of the good ones, Rael thought. Still needed to loosen up a little bit - Dooku had him scared to rights most of the time, but he’d learn soon enough that his old Master was just as much bark as bite - at least, most of the time. 

Fifteen years and Dooku has never gotten anyone to sit through the entirety of one of those Force-forsaken circuses. Rael had never been sure why he insisted on the charade every year - Dooku had to know full well his Padawans were sneaking off. Hell, even the other Jedi Masters always seemed to find a polite excuse to avoid Dooku’s yearly invitations to the opera, Master Windu going as far as claiming he needed to “shave his head and was busy that night and all the other nights the act was in town.”

Force help all of us the day he finds some kid willing to sit through that schlop. They’d probably end up being more terrifying than Dooku himself.

—-

“Master,” Obi-wan Kenobi gave a series of gentle raps on the door to Qui-gon’s room. 

Qui-gon peered his eyes open, squinting at the bright morning sun shining through the small gap in his curtains. Morning already?

“Obi-wan, come in,” Qui-gon groaned, voice still full of sleep. “How was the opera?” he asked, suddenly remembering where his Padawan had been last night, shuttled away in a familiar velvet-trimmed robe by his old Master. 

Qui-gon felt a pang of disappointment. He had hoped his Padawan would come to him after making his escape, would share in his escapades with Qui-gon over a glass of Nemishian tea, that they would laugh like two younglings as he and Rael had every year until Qui-gon’s Knighting.

But like most other parts of their partnership, this, too, Obi-wan seemed to approach with cool, measured detachment. 

Obi-wan brightened at the question, however, pulling out a crisp holoprogram from his robes. “It was delightful, Master! Master Dooku and I had a splendid time. He even treated me to a Drynarian spiced wine during the second intermission.”

Qui-gon gaped at his student, certain he had heard him incorrectly. His eyes flitted to the cover of the holoprogram - The Fall of the House of Carellic - emblazoned in regal Aurebesh and Serennian script. 

“You - you stayed?”

Obi-wan furrowed his brow. “Of course, Master. Granted, the opera as a whole was a bit bloated, the singers past their prime - Brigindia the Breadthful’s range didn’t quite match up to her alias and Hagvor the Hu - “ Obi-wan hissed, his cheeks flushing red. “Well, Master Dooku said that wasn’t really his name, that it was a ‘improper moniker bestowed upon a great artist for base reasons.’ I didn’t ask after it, but he was alright, as tenors go.”

“But Padawan, the letter-opener I gave you - “ Qui-gon stammered. Not that he had expected Obi-wan to stab anybody with it in an attempt to escape the opera, far from it. But he had thought - Qui-gon let out a breath - hell, he didn’t know - maybe rip a curtain or sabotage some official’s clothing? 

“Oh yes, that was quite useful Master, thank you,” Obi-wan beamed. “The packaging on those meiloorun pastries can rather difficult.”

Qui-gon nodded dumbly at his Padawan. 

“Oh, before I forget, Master, this is for you, from Master Dooku.” Obi-wan held out a flimsi, folded in half, Qui-gon’s name printed in familiar, elegant script. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a shower and a short nap before the day begins.”

“Yes, yes, of course, Padawan,” Qui-gon said, distracted, not bothering to close the door as Obi-wan hopped out of the room.

With no small degree of trepidation, Qui-gon opened the note.

“Qui-gon - 

I would like to thank you for allowing me to borrow your charge for the evening. It is rare to encounter a young mind with such intellect, curiosity, and, shall I say, an inherent sense of taste and propriety. I find myself wanting to repeat the experience, if Obi-wan (and you) should be open to it. 

As for your letter-opener, I am disappointed that you would arm your student with such an unimaginative weapon. I would say that next year you should confer with Rael in the matter, but I do believe that will not be necessary, given Obi-wan’s sincere enthusiasm throughout the evening. Senator Rembran of Gorrusk sends his regards to you, as he does every year. Ever since the incident at the bar, he has been convinced of the Jedi’s importance in the Republic, so I must thank you for the unintended repercussion of your clumsy sabotage those years ago.

Brigindia and Hagvor also send their regards to Rael. I do hope you didn’t share the mortifying origins of Hagvor’s colorful moniker with your student. He has yet to encounter Rael Averross in person, and I would prefer he and Obi-wan to meet without any prurient preconceptions, as Rael is a good, if infuriating man. How he remains my former pupil is still one of the great mysteries of the galaxy.

Finally, I would like to extend an invitation for you to join me (and Obi-wan, again, if it is to be allowed) for next year’s production of The Sentinel’s Progress, which has not been staged in over a millenia. I am told it is a most inaccurate depiction of our ancient Serennian culture and I would be glad to share my thoughts with you and your Padawan. Of course, if you feel the need to come armed with a letter-opener, you need but slip the blade through Madame Tursky’s silver gown-train. Rumor has it she is most protective of her honor and can be seen hovering near the mezzanine-level bar like a drunken hawkbat at most intermissions. 

Until then, Padawan. And may the Force be with you.

             —Best Regards,

                    Yan Dooku”

This person is awesome

"Ya want to stop? Gettin' tired won't help anyone, ya know?" - Kurosaki Yukine

"Again. I'll get it right this time." - Tsurugi Kyousuke

What if time.

Hashirama’s mokuton appears as he goes through puberty. Nobody ever saw anything like this, and he has to learn to control it on his own. Tobirama is beside him every step of the way, observing, experimenting, making questions - but it’s not enough. The mokuton is too wild, to dangerous, they need a sure way to harness it.

Tobirama goes through the records in the Senju library and finds mentions of venerable hermits who mastered nature in order to become Sages: it sounds similar enough to mokuton for the two brothers to beg Butsuma to let them leave for a few months to find a Sage to train them.

In Water Country, they find Yue the Cat Hermit, a kunoichi who achieved Sage mode thanks to her cat summons.

It takes a long time to persuade her, but eventually she agrees to teach them. Neither is compatible with a summon contract, so they’re going to learn to access natural chakra the hard way. Tobirama, thanks to his chakra sensing abilities, manages to reach Sage mode first - but he’s quickly overloaded. Once he can feel nature chakra, he can’t just unfeel it: it overwhelms him, steals his mind from his body.

It messes him up, because it makes him too open: for him, Sage mode is utterly useless, because it makes him too vulnerable to fight. Thus, while Hashirama trains to master Sage mode to harness the mokuton, Tobirama learns to close himself to nature chakra - but he never managed to fully cut himself off, so he’s kind of in Sage mode all the time. The marks on his face? They’re his latent Sage mode. When he slips and reaches out to natura chakra, he gains many more marks on his face and neck.

(On top of that, when he’s overwhelmed by natura chakra, he can’t stand Hashirama’s presence. His brother shines like a sun to his senses, and it’s just too much for Tobirama.)

Bonus scene: the moment where Tobirama managed to feel nature chakra and was overloaded:

[warm warm strong bright come to me come come bright soft great great light bright light it calls calls to Tobirama, calls calls and Tobirama can’t resist it’s so great and bright and warm and he wants it wants it he feels so small small small, it would be end of all strife if only he allowed the light to take him carry him away away become one it calls calls-] A snap like the world cracking and Tobirama is gasping, finds himself on his back, staring out at the blue sky and he’s deaf deaf blind blind where has the light gone is he dead he must be dead why can’t he feel the warmth anymore where is it- The Cat Hermit kneels above Tobirama. A part of him recognizes the paper slip she’s pressing on his heart as a chakra suppressor. “Go away,” she growls and Tobirama doesn’t understand, where could he go? No no he wants to find the warmth again- “What’s wrong with him?” Hashirama wails, and Tobirama sees his brother stepping closer, but the Cat Hermit lashes out at him. “Away! You’re hurting him!” Hurt fear worry flash on Hashirama’s face. “What?” “Go away, or you’ll kill him!” the Cat Hermit snarls - and Hashirama recoils as if stricken. With a choked sound, he turns tail, disappearing in the forest. Tobirama groans, raising one hand weakly. “The light-! Bring it back!” The Cat Hermit smiles a sad smile. “No.”

So this realization came to me like a fucking lightning bolt, and I submit for your approval…

The OT3: [it was impossible to find a picture with Jaskier, Yennefer, and Geralt together I did my best]

The bottom:

The bottom who thinks he’s a top:

And the top: