After A Long Career Passively (but Not Necessarily Bitterly) Hosting Characters' Romantic Moments Under

The NI Series (3): Madame Breakup Is Not Quite a Phantom!

Admin’s Message: After a long break, the noble idiocy trope is put under the microscope again! In this third installment, Vietnamese Canadian Mawiie, a drama reviewer who has also delighted K-drama fans with her clay figurines of popular characters, enthusiastically shares with us how her background has shaped her reaction to variants of the trope involving characters’ closest tribe members.

I need to start off by saying that my opinion comes from a second-generation Vietnamese Canadian who grew up with very liberal parents, but extremely conservative grandparents.

As a child, my grandparents (with whom I spent a lot of time - my grandpa was the one in charge for my education) would constantly talk about filial piety. They were expecting me to get high-paying jobs so I would be providing for them AND my parents. I was the eldest sibling, and also the most motivated for school, so they had extremely high expectations for me to help the whole family out.

So coming from my own experience, when I see family-related noble idiocy issues on the screen, I can believe that they are realistic, especially in a country like Korea where Confucianism is still highly valued, But I also think that, like 0kuo0 has said, the issues have been highly exaggerated in some dramas. I am mostly thinking about those crazy dailies. Are they rooted in some truth? I don't doubt it one bit. But are they always resolved with Niagara Falls level of tears and major life-altering decision sending one character over the Pacific? I sure hope not.

Now, like I have said, while my grandparents were very conservative (”How dare you take a job as a college student? That means that you will quit school! You have to forego a social life and your personal needs for money so you can study to be a doctor and buy us a house where we will ALL live together!"), my parents were pretty cool. I got to do what I wanted, as long as it was reasonable, but my parents would still bend to all the demands of my grandparents.

It was really weird and frustrating to see my parents tell me one thing, but not dare to do it themselves. So I always get super frustrated at characters in drama who can't stand up for themselves when they did no wrong!

TLDR: Growing up with conservative grandparents, I recognize many of the examples in k-dramas. I think that for most part, it's pretty accurate with some exaggeration in dailies. On the other hand, in the West, the Confucian way of thinking kinda decreases with new generations, so while I understand why the characters are acting the way they are, I can't get over the fact that OMG YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN/WOMAN, JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER AND DON'T LET YOUR MOM RULE YOUR LIFE.

How it started 90% of the time: YASSS! Master Soapy T-Rex has only three lines to say about this impossible drama concept. Time guilt suppressed.

How it always ended:

soapver4.tumblr.com

Sentient Jams

Metadrama idea: Fairies and demons ranting against fates repeated across lifetimes, generations and realms — plunging down abysses, unsealin

whalejellycs.github.io

Random Passerby X

Everything is — may be — fated, except love.

The historical and literary reasons the lover in Love Between Fairy and Devil's fate poem is Master Xiao instead of Master Gu or Master Qin. Antireq: Severe dairy allergy. Powered by a US National Security Agency innovation. Have fun comparing answers with besties'.

Jordanian Inspiration, Joseon Incarnation

Jordanian Inspiration, Joseon Incarnation

 詠半月 (영반월) – 황진이 (黃眞伊) 誰斷崑山玉 수단곤산옥 裁成織女梳 재성직녀소 牽牛離別後 견우이별후 謾擲壁空虛 만척벽공허 Translation: Half Moon Poem – Hwang Jin-yi (Joseon poet and gisaeng) Who broke off jade from the mythical Kunlun mountains and fashioned it into a comb for the weaver fairy? After she and her cowherd lover separated, it was thrown haphazardly on the blue sky. It is not unusual to depict scenery through fashion. Clones of…

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A Stranger in the Lee Soo-Yeon Strangeverse

Merch idea: You're a vacationer in mystery mistress Lee Soo-yeon's macrohabitat, where each story so far begins with a lead character running into a corpse: in a store he shops at, at the home he visits for an appointment, along his commute, in a vehicle arriving at his workplace, and right above her on her vehicle. To enjoy your stay with maximal peace in this video game, you must keep the place as safe as possible:

Brave the embarrassment and stigma to report suspicious activities and domestic violence and other wrongdoings before they escalate or occur to more victims

Stop establishment patrons from taking any unconscious person away

Clean up after yourself so that no sign of carelessness or sloppiness suggests an abundance of easy victims to potential criminals

Join a mentoring program for at-risk youths

Join a neighborhood watch

Help out at a soup kitchen

Sign petitions for safer infrastructure and other robust security measures and for legal reforms to hold wrongdoers fully accountable

Pay all your rightful taxes to sustain a well-functioning justice system, including adequate hot spots policing (but with policy safeguards to forestall racial profiling)

Depending on the number of crimes accrued by the end of your stay, you get to collect rewards or penalties. There are two tiers of rewards: (A) a computer-generated, shareable gif of you slurping noodles with ace prosecutor Hwang Si-mok and warm-hearted police lieutenant Han Yeo-jin or having desserts with the dashing emergency medicine specialist and secret change-maker Ye Jin-woo and (B) shareable AI doodle of you in Han Yeo-jin's art style. The penalties? Computer-generated imagery of Lee Soo-yeon's villains cynically pointing weapons at your photo avatar. Sorry, you'll have to do more work to show off this other visual on social media. Naturally, the number of villains increases with the number of crimes.

A leaderboard publicizes all players' rankings. Every few months, active players have virtual access to a debate between socially-driven crime writers like Lee Soo-yeon and Kim Eun-hee and experts on criminal affairs. Physical attendance is possible with ticket purchase. The top 5% of players receive complimentary tickets. Let's keep in mind, though, that virtual virtue does not always translate to real-world virtue. Nonetheless, at a time when apocalyptic news ceaselessly rains down on us, the reminder that we have so much agency to sculpt our surroundings would be empowering, clarifying and inspiring.

The NI Series (1): Noble Idiocy Is Neither Noble Nor Idiotic

Admin’s Message: Hello Tumblr followers, thank you for reading The Asian Drama Philosopher (A-Philosopher)’s Chair all this while!  As a special treat for everyone, the Chair is inviting bloggers from different backgrounds to share their views on the relationship between culture and drama writing. First up is well-known K-drama commentator samsooki, who is of Korean heritage. Enjoy his breezy writing and express your support for him. 

written by samsooki

Well, you know it was coming.  It is episode 12 or 13 of your favorite k-drama romcom, after all.  The other kdrama shoe known as “noble idiocy,” must drop.

The Setup.  It has taken a dozen heart-tugging episodes, and a half of a lifetime from the time they attended the same elementary school, but the protagonists (let’s pick names – Bob and Mary) have defeated both (a) the evil scheming uncle who wants to take over the chaebol board of directors, and (b) the crazy ex-boyfriend/girlfriend who won’t take no for an answer.  After weeks of Wed-Thurs cliffhangers, Bob and Mary have finally become the OTP (One True Pairing) that we always hoped would happen!  Ooooh, but what twist hath fate wrought upon our starstruck couple!  The protagonists suddenly find themselves in a quandary – an unexpected and inexorable something (probably a dormant cancer, orphanage secret, and/or a chaebol proxy fight) is standing in the way of their happiness ever after!  What, if anything, can be done?

The Western Solution.  From a Western structural standpoint, the path toward Bob’s and Mary’s resolution includes:  (1) forthright communication, (2) working together to assuage each other’s fears, (3) gaining mutual strength for the Final Showdown, and (4) ending the cycle of individual misdirection by forgiveness and trust.  Seems pretty self-explanatory, doesn’t it?  All they have to do is work together!

The K-Drama Response. Noooo, we must be far more complicated. Bob and Mary must be cliven asunder by a unilateral and preemptive decision made by one of them as a dramatic score plays in the background, followed by heartbreaking preview scenes of “why isn’t he/she answering my texts” angst.  The first of Bob and Mary to blink away his or her single, pretty tear must leave Korea, forever, or at least a very long time.  Further, there must not be any further communication of any kind for at least a year, perhaps three.  Finally, each must suffer and cry alone while reminiscing through montage clips, wondering if fate will be kinder in future lifetimes.  And in the end, what appeared to be a noble effort to cause less pain, has now caused more, idiotically.  Let the sardonic eye-rolls, the knowing sighs of disbelief and cynical anti-tropist over-reaction commence.  Yes indeed, it is the kdrama trope of noble idiocy.

Surely, the kdrama’s PD (the production director) and the writers can do better? But maybe, what we believe to be a crutch for unoriginal writing isn’t what we think it is at all.  Perhaps the writers are merely introducing and then reinforcing an Asian principle that Koreans have long since internalized.

 What is going on here?  

 a.              Western Perspective – Y’all Are Noble Idiots.  The Western view, of course, is based on perspectives heavily influenced by individualism and discrete ethics.  In the Western view, each person is responsible for his or her actions and no more.  The Westerner would look at Bob’s silly actions and argue that, even if Bob initially believed that his own happiness would be greater if Mary is not burdened by Bob’s problems, how can Bob leaving the country without a word to Mary be the proper method for achieving such happiness?  And if Bob were acting in such a way for Mary’s happiness, surely Bob would not believe that he would be making Mary happier if he left her in a frozen state of uncertainty for years, perhaps forever? Pure madness and counter-productive!

 b.              Korean Perspective – You Don’t Understand Our Worldview. Surely, then, Koreans with their 5,000 year history, would know better by now!  Hmm, perhaps they do, though?  By way of background - the Korean worldview is framed by a Confucian philosophy integrally woven into every part of Korean society.  On whatever level, the general principle is the same – a person’s highest duty is to take responsibility for those who follow such person.  This is true of familial relationships (parent to child, spouse to spouse, sibling to sibling), educational and corporate relationships (seniors to juniors) and political governance (ruler to subjects) as well.  This worldview dominates Korean thinking.  It is the reason why one’s age is so important, and why honorifics are critical to conversation, even between family members.  One must always know who should be taking responsibility for whom, and likewise, who should be following and who should be leading.  It is the reason that students address one another by titles like sunbae (one’s senior) and hoobae (one’s junior) and that words like oppa and noona mean so much more than their literal meaning.  Family, friendships, corporations and even nations are held together by this principle of taking responsibility for those who follow you.  Is it any shock that this principle also applies between lovers as well?

Of course, one can argue that romantic relationships should not necessarily follow the Confucian philosophy, especially not in the post-modern age. My counter is that as true as that argument might be, Bob and Mary are not yet a couple at this stage in the kdrama.  As such, each of Bob and Mary is likely to fall back upon traditional relational notions to deal with the other of them.

Taken to its logical conclusion then, Bob cannot simply ask Mary to (1) share in the burden of the obstacle, and (2) work together to deal with the OTP crisis.  Such a request would be nigh on unthinkable because one of Bob or Mary must take responsibility for the other, and cannot share or delegate such duty.  And this kind of relationship is not unique to Eastern philosophies.  The concept that certain duties cannot be delegated is not just an Eastern concept, but it is part of the bedrock of Western jurisprudence as well.  A fiduciary duty is the highest level of obligation that a person can owe to another – and such obligation cannot be shared.  Just as an agent must act solely for the benefit of the principal, and a trustee cannot halve his liability by delegating half of his duties, Bob cannot breach his obligation to Mary.

It would be alarming then, for Bob, in the face of an obstacle that appears unsolvable without the help of Mary, to confess his burdens to Mary.  If Bob were to share his burdens with Mary, Bob would be abdicating his role as Mary’s protector.  Bob cannot have it both ways – if Bob has any designs on remaining the kind of person that Mary could rely upon, Bob cannot ask for help from Mary. Taken on a macro level, such an action would turn society upside down.  Bob’s only choice, therefore, if indeed Bob is the one who takes responsibility for the problems besetting our OTP of choice, is to remove himself from the situation entirely.  

Note that this is not because Bob thinks any of the problems is insurmountable and will inevitably hurt Mary, but because he believes he is not (yet) strong enough to deal with the issue. Note as well that even if Mary also stepped up and declared responsibility for Bob, each of Bob and Mary would be forced to take action unilaterally because of the impossibility of sharing duties under the Confucian way of thinking.

In Korean thinking, harmony in society, whether on a macro or micro level, depends upon the ability of those who take responsibility for others.  The good leader will cause his or her nation to prosper, and the good parent will cause her children to become good adults. Likewise, the person who capably wears his or her mantle of leadership will permit harmony to exist within the relationship.  And it is within this context of harmony that love can truly exist and flourish.

 Hope that helps quell the anger of anti-tropists out there seeking another noble idiot to skewer!

Vampire Psychologist For Hire

Human recruiter filling position for psychologist:

You left your gender checkbox blank. It's our fault that the system controls were not fully in place, but I do expect meticulousness from my psychologists.

Vampire graduate who majored in human psychology:

My pronouns are they/them.

Human recruiter:

Ah! I really have to tell the technical team to update the form. I have absolutely no problem with your gender identity or your species. But you only have textbook and secondhand insights into human psychology.

Unlike human psychologists, you don't know what it feels on the inside to be human. Observations and textbook knowledge don't tell you everything. Many things are left unspoken.

Vampire graduate:

While I cannot pretend to know exactly how it feels to be a human, I am willing to work as hard as I can to try to understand the complexities of the human mind and heart, perhaps even harder than the average human candidate. Through studying human literature, observing my own relationships with humans, and developing a strong emotional bond with my human friends and classmates, I have already developed a deep appreciation and understanding of the human psyche that goes beyond mere textbook knowledge or casual observations. While there are certain aspects of the human experience that I do not share, I am confident that my empathy and dedication to the field of psychology more than make up for any lack of firsthand experience.

Human recruiter:

Why should I recruit you when I can just recruit a human top scorer with the same grades?

Vampire graduate:

While a human with the same qualifications may also have a great understanding of humans, they are likely to be inherently biased by their own perspective. I, however, also have the advantage of being able to objectively analyze humans' strengths, weaknesses, and motivations from an outsider perspective.

Additionally, as a member of a paranormal race, I have the ability to manipulate human minds and feelings to improve mental well-being.

Human recruiter:

Mind manipulation? By now, you're stark raving bonkers! How do I know you won't put it to bad use?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand the importance of being self-aware and responsible when it comes to my ability to manipulate the emotions and actions of others. I take care to only use this power in situations where it is necessary or beneficial, and to never misuse it for personal gain or at the expense of others. I also make sure to seek consent before using my ability on individuals, and I always prioritize their safety, comfort, and well-being.

Human recruiter:

That's what you'd say of course. I have no reason to trust you.

Vampire graduate:

I understand your skepticism and reticence. In a world dominated by humans, it is often difficult for vampires like myself to be seen as anything other than predators or manipulative. However, while it may be challenging, this does not mean that it is impossible for you to trust me. In the end, trust is built through communication and understanding, which is why I have been open and honest with you about my ability to manipulate minds and my intentions in using this ability.

Trust is also earned over time. I think if you give me a chance to prove myself on the job, with ample supervision at the start, you will be able to put aside your hesitations about working with a vampire by and by. The best way to find out if i'm good at my job is not through urban legends, groundless hearsay or unscientific mob opinion but to give me a shot and see how things work out.

I can even agree to a contract outlining specific guidelines for how I will use my vampire abilities, and what steps we can take to ensure that my mind manipulation is always used in a beneficial way.

Human recruiter:

Hmmm. Excellent pitch. But it sounds too good to be true. For one thing, I need to review the clinical evidence and adverse effects records later. And why should I be the first to hire a vampire as a psychologist? I prefer someone tried and tested.

Vampire graduate:

If you would like to work with experienced practitioners, that is certainly your prerogative. However, it is often beneficial to have a fresh perspective on a problem, and working with a vampire psychologist can provide that. Please consider what I have to offer.

Human recruiter:

It's true. We have clients who remain unyielding to all the therapy regimes out there. Psychology has improved by leaps and bounds but is still an inexact science. We do need fresh ideas.

Vampire graduate:

Please also remember other positive traits of the vampire race. For example, I can live for millennia in the absence of mishaps. During my long lifespan, I can examine numerous times more clients than human colleagues are capable of. The synergistic effect of that extensive experience and my unique perspective will empower me to generate breakthroughs in therapeutic innovations.

Human recruiter:

Cool, but the manner in which you're comparing yourself against your human colleagues before you even start your job is concerning. Psychologists are not melodramatic lone heroes. We often need to engage in teamwork with one another in order to serve clients in a therapeutic setting. This can be in the form of team discussions about a client's treatment plan or case, collaboration on the research of a particular issue or hypothesis, or even simply supporting each other as we help clients through treatment. Are you sure you'll be a good team player?

Vampire graduate:

That is a valid point. I apologize for the misimpression. While professional independence is important, collaboration and teamwork are equally essential. I don't view my vampire heritage as something that makes me better or worse than my colleagues, it's simply a part of who I am and a source of unique strengths and flaws. As a member of the greater psychological community, I am committed to collaborating with my colleagues to help our clients in the best possible way. Thank you for the reminder to be a supportive team player.

Human recruiter:

OK. A critical question: HOW do I know you won't succumb to the temptation of your overworked co-workers' and vulnerable clients' blood? You may have excellent grades for your degrees in human psychology, but what about vampire psychology? I can risk neither the life of whichever assessor I assign for your probationary period nor those of all the appointees you see in the reception area outside, who have entrusted their welfare to our practice.

Vampire graduate:

I can understand that the possibility of a vampire drinking human blood is a concern, especially in a field like psychology that works so closely with humans. However, you have nothing to worry about in that regard. I have testimonials from my professors—

Human recruiter:

Ah, yes. But the academic world is nothing like the messy real world of full-time working adults. Our educational system in Typingland is so infantile it requires hardly any practical experience like internships to earn a PsyD. Your self-control may be stretched to its limits by manipulative patients, vitriolic parents and unsuccessfully forestalled suicides, although I must say most clients in our practice are incredibly sweet in spite of their personal difficulties.

Vampire graduate:

The work of psychologists is indeed strenuous. Nevertheless, my lifestyle has given me a strong foundation for coping with the stress.

Human recruiter:

The lifestyle of a vampire?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand that I have certain physical and psychological needs, but I have taken many steps to ensure that these are met in a safe and ethical way that don't involve living humans. My physical needs can be met through a diet of donated blood, while my emotional needs can be met through strong professional boundaries, self-care practices, and maintaining a strong support network.

I regularly engage in personal wellness practices such as meditation and physical activity to maintain my emotional and mental vitality. I also check in with my psychologist for vampires at least once a month, adjusting the frequency with the stress I experience and the intensity of the blood thirst at any given time. This helps to provide a safe space for me to express and process my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It also gives me the opportunity to practice managing my blood thirst through a variety of behavioral and mindfulness techniques.

If you would like, I can arrange for my psychologist to send you an evaluation report.

Human recruiter:

I'm deeply impressed. (Claps and shakes head in awe.) I must say that I've never met a candidate, human or vampire, with your level of dedication. Quite a number of the psychologists I know have undergone depression themselves in the course of this emotionally draining and underpaid work but were late in seeking professional intervention. They need to learn a thing or two from newbies like you.

Vampire graduate:

Oh, why, thank you!

Human recruiter:

However—I'm afraid our clientele and the public won't share my sentiments.

You may think I've been demanding and prejudiced, but the others? They won't even sit down like this to sift through your personal history or examine your well-crafted arguments. Public attention to the fanciful layers and facets, okay, just layers and facets, to marginalized demographics like yours has been fleeting to start with and pretty much vaporized in a Tiktokified economy. Social media?? It's a wasteland made up of countless virtual enclaves out there. Every phone zombie just scrolls past news and advocacy messages that don't amuse them or address their own problems. And algorithms?? Gawd! Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started. On. Algorithms.

What people out there will get with their precious microseconds for us, though, is that our practice is employing a dangerous and powerful person, if they would even see you as a person at all, to work on fragile humans in despair.

Look, we don't need bloody fangs and the bat wing stuff to further complicate the ongoing uphill battle of getting psychological condition sufferers to walk through our doors.

Welp . . . I'm sorry for my bluntness. I tend to let down my guard when I'm not in front of clients. You're a fine young vampire who deserves better.

Vampire graduate:

(Momentary silence.)

(Soars over to fan human recruiter with their bat wings while slightly frowning to themselves.)

Those are indeed tough challenges. How about this? Let's start by offering virtual sessions for clients who would feel more comfortable initially meeting with me through a video conference. This can help to gradually introduce me to them in a non-threatening environment and allow them to get to know me better before they agree to meet in person.

We can complement that with an on-site "try-out" session for clients who remain hesitant to work with me or lack technological access or digital literacy. A try-out session could involve a brief, low-stakes meeting where clients can meet me, ask questions, and get a sense of my approach before deciding whether to continue with therapy. This can help to build trust and rapport with them, and give them a chance to see that I am interested in helping them and can provide effective treatment.

As we graduate to proper therapy sessions and make good progress on cases, we can highlight statistics, success stories and testimonials from past clients who have worked with me, and emphasize my ability to provide effective treatment. That is, with their consent and proper anonymization of course. Given your practice's reputation for integrity, the credibility of anonymized feedback should not be a problem.

Perhaps, I can even make up for the reputation risk at the beginning by offering fun, one-of-a-kind indoor levitation experiences that are a soother of the nerves and a break from the mundaneness of everyday life. The experiences would also attract potential clients otherwise resistant to treatment because of public perceptions of psychotherapists as rigid doctrine-driven professionals, who they think won't understand their unique struggles and decision rationale, like reasons for investing all their time in an unstable line of work or sticking with a violent spouse. They are stress relievers no one can find in self-help books or chat responses from even the best of AI technology!

Human recruiter:

W—ow. I'm tempted to try that levitation myself. I have to think about your proposals and discuss them with the others.

There's just one last thing that I don't understand, and anyone, whatever the temperature of their blood, can sense this coming from miles away.

Vampire graduate:

Please go ahead.

Human recruiter:

Why a career in human psychology? Wouldn't you face less discrimination and be more at home with vampire psychology?

Vampire graduate:

I've always been fascinated by humans and their unique abilities to adapt and survive without paranormal powers, especially the human capacity for empathy. It's been my dream since I was young to study the human mind, to explore the depths of their emotions and figure out what truly motivates them.

Many people think that clinical counselling is about entering broken minds, but it is simultaneously about tapping the power of the marvelous human stores of mental resilience, mental flexibility and boundless optimism.

The wonders and possibilities of human psychology energize me. They keep me going every day despite the uncertainties of my chosen career path and the suspicion and taunts I get. I am one of those who believe that you can flourish in the long term only if you are emotionally invested in what you do.

Human recruiter:

Even if you don't end up on our team, I have no regrets taking time to interview you. It's been a great pleasure exploring the awe-inspiring sides and possible futures of our field with you. This sounds cliché but I sincerely mean it: I wish you the very best in your psychologist career.

Cast

Human recruiter Human (with two AI -dubbed lines)

Vampire graduate AI (with human stand-ins in various instances)

Ilera's Mink Membrane Network

None upon a time, a clerk named Sunshine was so utterly repulsed by his soul-sucking job, which was barely funding his occasional time travel jaunts, he tried many methods to jazz it up—task gamification, plugging in to groovy music, sprinkling more decorations over his dedicated workspace (before the grand comeback of hot desking). Finally, he wondered if it would help, counterintuitively, to reduce the jarring contrast between his work hours and non-work hours and pioneered the hobby of adminpunk—remaking bureaucratic mouthpieces into pop songs, common email refrains into romantic dance shorts and his best public deliverables into glowwave art pieces. Sunshine became so engrossed with adminpunk he bemoaned he did not have more publicly disclosable material to work with. And so, he started to sieve through history for pinnacles of human success he could reverse-engineer into meteoritins, hyperspread bulletins that marked moments of great dreams or great devastation or both. That was where he became fascinated with the intriguing figure Ilera's legacy. The following was a meteoritin Sunshine typed up:

"The Inter-Time Ethics Agency (hereafter 'the Agency') has imposed temporal ethics courses and non-disclosure agreements in relation to technology transfer on time travelers and tight quotas on time travel journeys to minimize butterfly effects capable of reversing births across generations. These reversals are now regarded as a form of death to otherwise existing individuals. While it is acknowledged that much controversy surrounds the preventive measures, which carry their own downsides such as temporal inequality and epistemic bystanderism, the Agency has come to the consensus that the wipe-offs of existing lives on the timeline is the greatest of all harms.

Nevertheless, heeding the calls of campaigners behind the All-Time Freedom of Movement, the Agency has conducted public consultations to seek a greater balance between birth reversal prevention and mobility rights. One of the outcomes of the consultations is the construction of the Mink Membrane Network, a brainchild of Her Excellency Ilera from the Extratemporal Serenetics Habitat. The commencement of network operation as a mode of time travel is scheduled to take place concomitantly with the abolishment of time travel mechanisms involving moa/antimoa manipulation.

Aspiring time travelers wishing to proceed with their journeys despite exhaustion of quotas for the year shall utilize the network and, in so doing, agree to having their age group and gender swapped to whatever are more disadvantageous at their geotemporal destinations. If their own age group and gender are the relatively disadvantaged demographics at those destinations, the travelers shall have their skin converted to a wood-like appearance on arrival. These changes are excellent learning opportunities and will be undone on return.

Since mental alterations are seen as unacceptably invasive, in the absence of overwhelming neurological need and even with free consent, at the time of this decision, nothing in the network is to modify any time traveler's gender identity (including any pre-existing transgenderness or agenderedness) or religion. Because gender psychologies remain the same such that declared or apparent gender identity can be deceiving, unlike the case of natural transgenderness, physically gender-swapped time travelers must adhere to etiquette codes explained by local culture coaches stationed at their arrival points and enforced by time patrols.

To honor Her Excellency Ilera's triumphs against the many adversities that marked her life as a non-hearing, self-taught slave who escaped from her time to pioneer the field of tempochemical science and engineering as well as the above-mentioned habitat for time refugees, members of organizations which percentages of employees from demographic groups marginalized in their times match or exceed the percentages of these groups among their respective general populations shall enjoy priority in the processing of applications for time travel."

100% Human-written. A lengthy epilogue for Confession 91-02

Alice in the Mart

—A rollercoaster-y reboot

In this AI mashup of Pegasus Market and Alice, a group of misfits at a failing supermarket headed by a ruthless demoted CEO determined to close it down discover in the basement of the supermarket a portal to a future world. This other world is called Alice, a parallel universe where anything is possible. The supermarket employees now have a chance to use Alice to find new products and ideas to save their jobs, whereas the CEO does his best to sabotage their efforts.

In the end, only one side can succeed. Will the employees be able to save their store? Or will the CEO succeed in closing it down?

Alice Promoter Droid (with real-time human dubbing in places):

Hey there, prehistorics, welcome to our hyper-advanced world of mealtime solutions in AL Year 160!

Employees:

We want to upgrade our instant ramyun.

Alice Promoter Droid:

A perfect choice! Allow me to introduce… Hydroponic Instant Ramyun! Simply put this widget in a pot of boiling water and wait 5 seconds! The Hydroponic Instant Ramyun has been infused with hyper-intelligent nanotechnology that turns water into instant noodles! With 13 flavors to choose from, there is something for everyone! A small box filled to the brim with packets of instant ramyun-shaped tools, with cool, futurist packaging. Lots of flashing colors

CEO:

How amusing. No processed food is truly instant. Guys, guys, let's launch a green campaign that gets shoppers to queue up for the ramyun for an hour for the benefit of environmental justice!

(Shoppers curious about the queue end up snaking around the street like noodles coiling around chopsticks. Hydroponic Instant Ramyun goes out of stock due to over-demand. Disappointed shoppers end up buying less processed noodles so that they get something out of the queuing time, and subsequent shoppers start to think that the amazing queue is meant for the less processed noodles. The less processed noodles become a sensation, driving up sales. The CEO receives his Earth Protector of the Year award with the scowl of the year.)

Employees:

We shall ride on the sustainability wave! Give us sustainably raised seafood.

Alice Promoter Droid:

I present to you… The Fish Printer! This amazing device prints out a random fish fillet that uses the fish's DNA as a template. No overfishing in the future, no siree! Enjoy the taste of responsibly-sourced fish! A large tube with lots of buttons

CEO:

What did the saying about giving a man a fish say? Hold pompous talks on every yawn-inducing detail about printer construction and assembly, right in the middle of the fish section.

(The tech speaker from Alice turns out to be a beauty tech-enhanced beauty who gets flocks of men shopping for fish alongside the housewives.)

Employees:

Alice is the Queen! Alice is the Heart of Hearts! Cabbages next.

Alice Promoter Droid:

I bring you… The Cosmic Cabbage! This cabbage is grown in interplanetary conditions, which creates a unique and delicious flavor unlike anything you've ever tried! Be warned, it may not have the same nutritional value as Earth cabbage. Enjoy! A large purple cabbage in a futuristic farm

CEO:

You get the origin of the name? Add cosmic garbage to the promo leaflets.

(The funny results become the talk of the town. Sales obligingly soar.)

Employees:

We're living the ultimate dream. What did we do to earn such a genius boss? What other magic can he pull off? Do you sell only mealtime solutions? We have a boring stationery section.

Alice Promoter Droid:

I am glad you asked! Try Venus-grown pens, made using the special materials found within Venus' thick, toxic soil. They are known for retaining ink for up to 200x longer than ordinary pens. They are also known for causing horrible mutations, cancer, and other life-threatening side-effects. It's a fun gamble either way!

Employees:

…

Alice Promoter Droid:

I can assure you, Venus-grown pens have been extensively tested. In lab conditions, we were able to reduce mutations by a whopping 15%. So come on and gamble your health for a fun little pen!

CEO:

I counter that offer! An Earth-bound vacation, on Jeju island's volcanic soil, for all employees as a reward for their mega sales growth! Why, I see, no one's interested.

Employees:

Me! Me! Me!

(The CEO smirks to himself. Surely the vacation will reverse the sales trajectory?)

Alice Promoter Droid:

I can help! Introducing the Stasis Capsules! Just insert yourself into the pod and select the desired duration, as short as you need, and the capsules will hibernate your body while your mind waves are sent to your selected vacation resort, as immersively as you want! You'll wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Disclaimer: Some users have reported waking up with amnesia or as a different species, but it shouldn't be anything to worry about. Small pods with lots of glowing buttons

CEO:

Take your bodies to Jeju island too, you fools. Me and new temporary staff will cover for you.

(In a heroic shot, the CEO takes off his blazer and quickly rolls up his sleeves to go around peddling noodles, fish and cabbages, cursing himself under his breath. Rapturous applause breaks out among the employees before they thank the droid and disperse.)

Alice Promoter Droid:

(Smiling quietly to itself)

Take this along. I present to you the Stellar Compass! A device displaying an interactive map of all known stars and solar systems, and even calculating the fastest routes to whichever one you desire, wherever your happiness lies. A pocket-sized holographic display of our solar system in AD 2023

Credits

Concept: Bard

CEO's DNA: Pegasus Market

Alice Promoter Droid: Computer scientist Landon S's brilliant 2389 AD Designer + said human dubbing

Top image: WOMBO

whalejellycs.github.io

From Fiction to Life: The Narwhal Boss Poll

Tool for weighted analysis of Extraordinary Attorney Woo poll results

Reminder: The point is not to demonize anyone, but to get a better look at fault lines so that we can mend them and become one. Note also that selection of "None of the above" for the above question does not always reflect stubborn discrimination. The question is after all whether the series has expanded your possibly already wide-ranging knowledge of the subject matter or made you feel more for autistic persons than you already felt.

May the wages, employment rates and mental health indicators of autistic communities around the world soar in the years to come.