Systober I Guess?

Tw: suicide attempt-hospitalization-mental health

Continue at your own expense

So, we’ve been gone for a bit. Our depressive episode came to a head, and we downed a months worth of our antidepressants and ended up on a ventilator in the ICU. We were in the hospital for 6 days before getting transferred to a psych unit where we spent another 8 days.

Everything before the OD is incredibly blurry. All of our memories feel farther away than they are and we keep getting confused on what happened when, not too far from the norm but much worse than usual. That mixed with the chronic back pain from lying in bed for six days means we are far from recovered.

That being said, I want to thank those who have supported me thus far. Even though most of them will never see this, I want everyone to know that none of them have given up on me, and they have all gone above and beyond to help me in anyway they can. I am so beyond appreciative for those who have stood by me despite my stupid decision making.

One of the reasons I’m posting this is to have a timeline of when things happened to look back on, but also so I don’t forget how many people have helped me.

-Apollo

I hate it when the host wears a skirt and then I switch in and have to deal with it. Like come on, I don’t want to see my legs, what do you take me as?

-Hunter

Our friend is so good at telling us apart, sometimes he catches on before we even realize we’re switching.

We have the right to pretend to be the host don’t take that from us.

-Angelo

I never like it when people make blanket statements about DID, this is such a complex disorder and in making blanket statements for everyone with DID you're probably going to be wrong.

DID is mostly covert but there are overt presentations of the disorder. Some alters have similar personalities, some have very different personalities. Sometimes alters feel close together and like there's not a lot of separation between them. Sometimes alters feel completely different from each other and like their own people. Some switches may not be noticeable and other switches may be very obvious.

There are so many different ways of experiencing this disorder and they're all valid.

why endos dni? /nm/genq

(Sorry for the delay in responding)

As previously mentioned on this blog, I want my blog to be a purely traumagenic system space. As a traumagenic system myself I believe I have every right to ask for a space that does not include those who have different fundamentals than me. I have seen so many people attacked for believing that trauma is the only way to form a system (this is what I believe as well) by self labeled endogenic systems who say they accept everyone. I have no problem with speaking civilly and being kind to those who disagree with me, as long as we can both agree that bullying from the safety of a screen is not okay.

The same way LGTBQAI+ individuals may want a community without straights to help them feel safe, this doesn’t mean I’m labeling all individuals who identify as endogenic a bully, I’m simply trying to eliminate the possibility of ever making this space hostile.

If you are an endogenic reading this, know that I have no right to tell you you are invalid. You may very well be experiencing the same things as I am with a different label on it. That being said, if you are an endogenic I ask that you steer clear of my blog to help those who don’t trust your community, that has repeatedly attacked them.

Thanks for the question/gen

-Apollo

Glad I could help 😊-Apollo

One of the most validating things you can do as a system is try to act like one of your alters, you will very quickly realize you can’t, because it’s just not you. So whenever you need a validation boost, turn on a camera so you can look back on it, and then pick one of your alters and pretend to be them for a few minutes. It’ll look stiff and awkward and not quite right. Because it’s not them.

This tip has been from Apollo. Goodnight people’s

That system feeling when you can’t tell if you’re finally coming out of week long depressive episode, or if it’s just the caffeine you drank, or if someone else with more self confidence is fronting…..

Love from whoever the heck this is ❤️❤️❤️❤️ it’s probably not Apollo though

When you’re a fictive with a tragic hero to villain to hero arc and you have a ton of source trauma that you don’t feel is valid and now you’re just homesick and guilt ridden and you can’t sleep cause SOMEONE drank a monster at 7 PM….

Anyways have a nice night guys

-Varian

Okay, hear me out.

Maybe excluding people can be a good thing?

NOT ALL THE TIME FOR ANY STUPID REASON!! THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO EXCLUDE OR HATE ANYONE FOR ANY REASON CAUSE YOU DONT LIKE/UNDERSTAND THEM!!

I’m just saying, there’s a reason they don’t let non addicts into recovery meetings (except for therapists)

There’s a reason they separate grades by age

There’s a reason I don’t like posts saying that no one should ever be excluded, because that denies the fact that people are complex, imperfect, and that they vary dramatically. There are allowed to be spaces for specific people to feel safe.

I understand that the whole world shouldn’t be this way. But I want to hear anything about why my blog has to be tolerant of anything. This includes but is not limited to:

-Hate and bigotry of any kind

-Political beliefs

-Your stance on syscourse

That’s literally it. Now that doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to hear anyone out. But I reserve the right to block anyone I please, because I want this blog to be a safe space for people like me.

Do you want this power? Great. Make your own blog and block whoever the fuck you choose. But this one’s mine.

It’s okay to put boundaries down with people who make you uncomfortable, the same way it’s okay to tell someone they haven’t experienced the same thing as you and because of that they aren’t allowed in your safe space.

It’s okay to be a bit selective of those you tolerate for your and others safety.

But before I go I repeat

THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO EXCLUDE OR HATE ANYONE FOR ANY REASON CAUSE YOU DONT LIKE/UNDERSTAND THEM!!

Anyways, I’ll be up for a while if you want to tell me off

Night -be/apollo

Not to mention that a huge part of DID and other dissociative disorders is the constant battle with denial. And that fake claiming someone feeds the imposter syndrome and can seriously set someone back on their fight against it. It can seriously harm the person who’s been trying to hard just to believe themselves.

Fake claiming doesn’t help anyone at all. If you manage to correctly call someone out who doesn’t actually have DID I can guarantee your words will do absolutely nothing to change them. And on the much greater chance that you fake claim someone who ISN’T faking, you are going to very likely do a lot of damage to someone who is already struggling.

If you claim to be ‘calling people out’ for the sake of the community, I promise you that you are doing absolutely nothing for them except attacking a lot of already vulnerable individuals.

So please stop.

"if you really had DID you wouldn't care if you got fakeclaimed"

I'm sorry but people are ALLOWED to feel emotions about being fakeclaimed

If someone who's disabled just so as BREATHES online you guys go "lol fake" no matter what

We are allowed to angry and upset over this

It's not a sign of faking to feel emotions

It's hurtful and sends people into denial spirals

What fakeclaimers do IS HURTING DISABLED PEOPLE and then y'all call us fake for being HURT by what you say??? Your a fucking bully.

If someone is bullying someone they have every fucking right to be upset.