Rb And Put In Tags How Many Ppl Your Tumblr Icon Has Killed

*very emblematic of disney sanitizing the fuck out of stitch.

TIME TO RANDOMIZE YOUR GENITALS

Based on this post. Reblog and tag what you got on the wheel! In the event this breaches containment; I'm a monsterfucker so be warned that a good chunk of these reflect that.

if you are reading this then, here’s a fun fact: fifteen minutes of laughing can have the same effect as getting a few extra hours of sleep.

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

Rosebird Parents Theory Masterpost

aka; Raven Branwen is Ruby’s real Daddy, aka; Ruby is actually Summer’s and Raven’s magic lesbian lovechild.

So I thought it was about time I actually compiled a proper consolidated list of the numerous discussions, explorations, ruminations and half-crazed rants I’ve done on this theory. In case anyone wants to see the full… scope of it all.

(Assembled in chronological order of original posting)

The shitpost that got me started down this rabbit hole.

“Raven the Deadbeat Dad” (first proper theory-post I ever did on the subject)

“When a Crazy Theory just keeps seeming more crazily plausible…” (holy shit I found actual EVIDENCE to this?!)

“Back on this Hot bit of Crazy…” (analyzing the ONE time Ruby and Raven have spoken on screen. Plus some musings on Cinder.)

Reading Between the Lines of just how LITTLE Yang and Ruby actually KNOW about their family (Remember how Summer, Qrow and Tai didn’t even TELL Yang that Raven was her mother until AFTER Summer ‘died’?)

A Rant about realizing that Character Designs are NOT accidental. (Holy shit, CRWBY had to have CHOSEN to make Raven look like she does…)

Why Taiyang is still Ruby’s Father (hey remember how we all agree that Summer is ALSO Yang’s mom?)

Reading Between the Lines of The Warrior in the Woods (has anyone ever thought about how much we ACTUALLY KNOW about the relationship between Summer, Raven and Tai?)

Yes, I do in fact know this all sounds crazy. (It’s not my fault is KEEPS MAKING SO MUCH SENSE!)

A funny little detail about Ruby, Summer and Raven… (Hey remember how this show is so obsessed with color-theory that just about EVERY character is named for a color in some way?)

A theory on how Raven could have knocked up Summer (AKA how it would actually be pretty fitting for Ruby to be a Rosebird magical lesbian lovechild…)

A short rambling/reaction to Summer’s official design (REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT ‘SAME THREE COLORS’?!!!)

Another brief rambling/reaction to the show giving us Summer and Raven mysteriously running off together before cutting back to Ruby.

Why Taiyang is STILL Ruby’s Father (and why it’s kind of hilariously irrelevant as an argument/point against Raven being Ruby’s secret deadbeat dad)

Why Tai and Qrow would hide Raven being Ruby’s dad (AKA, You know how adults in RWBY have a BAD HABIT of hiding really important shit from their kids?)

An In-Depth Analysis of the Interpersonal Relationships of Team STRQ (and why Rosebird is DEFINITELY a thing)

Why Rosebird Parents actually plays in a LOT of classic fantasy tropes (and how Raven has a surprising amount in common with a certain Star Wars character…)

A long overdue look at the foreshadowing potential of the Cotta-Arcs (and how Adrian could totally be the proverbial Smoking Gun for this whole theory)

A brief consideration on why Qrow wouldn’t have revealed Ruby’s true parentage (and why this reinforce Qrow as the closest thing Ruby has to a functional father figure)

What’s the point of all this? (AKA; Yes, Raven being Ruby’s real dad DOES in fact add something to the narrative)

Thoughts on how we might actually GET a Rosebird Parents Reveal in Volume 10 (It’s not a climax to a narrative arc, but an INCITING INCIDENT.)

A Brief Observation on something that makes Ruby different from Summer (and happens to make her SIMILAR to Raven)

Possible Rosebird Parents Foreshadowing in the Big Volume 9 Loredump (I swear I wasn’t even LOOKING for this one XD)

(Supplementary Material not directly about Rosebird but related nonetheless)

Summer and the Crown (a theory on just WHY Summer went after Salem alone, and how Raven knows so much.)

The Disappearance of Raven SadEdgyBirdMom (theorizing on the REAL reason Raven left and why the reasons she’s given are probably bullshit)

Not the Bird You’re Thinking of… (analyzing the parallels between Team STRQ and Team RWBY and why Raven ISN’T her teams equivalent to Blake)

NtBYTo supplemental (Team STRQ is the ‘Disaster Team RWBY’)

Why the Vacuo arc is going to be VERY important to Ruby and Yang (or why the STRQ family reunion is going to be MESSY…)

The Ravens’ Odin (aka; how Ruby possibly/probably being an allusion to the norse god Odin can tie into all this)

An observation on the fact that only RUBY got to see the vision of Summer leaving with Raven… (hey look, a plot hook for RUBY to track down RAVEN)

Analyzing the fandom’s perception of the Summer-Raven-Tai relationship (and why we should probably be questioning just about EVERYTHING we learned about them from Yang…)

How and Why QrowTai is the REAL parallel to Bumbleby on Team STRQ (and how Rosebird parallels White Rose)

A trio of posts that I am collectively calling ‘Theories on upcoming STRQ-family epic fucked-up drama funtimes’ that a Rosebird Parents Reveal would fit PERFECTLY into:

Everything we Assume about Team STRQ (and why it’s actually EVERYTHING)

Taiyang Xiao Long: The Latest in a LONG Line of Fuckups

Ruby’s and Yang’s Family Reckoning (AKA: Team STRQ is the most dysfunctional hot fucking mess of a family in RWBY)

(Additional material to be added.)

guys. please

ROASTED GARLIC MASHED POTATOES

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Is this how you roll?