Tom And Myrtle: An IdeaTM

2004 Batman + Rogues Kids Universe

Joker: Look Batsy we have a Robin too!

Harley: We're a happy family, Batman!

Duela: Hiya!

Batman: Are you alright kiddo?

Duela: Sure. Yesterday I had no family. Now I have parents. *picks a malet* AND WE HAVE FUN! *hits Batman* HAHAHAHA

Batman: I hope this does not become a trend.

-/-

Batman: Penguin, let the hostage go! What's going on with you? Kidnnaping kids isn't really your style.

Penguin: I didn't kidnnaped no one. I was just thinking what is the point of restoring the Cooblepot name if I'm the last Cooblepot? We need to have someone behind, legacy and all. But them it hit me. Did ya know, Batman, that is not uncommon for Penguins to adopt lost chicks.

Batman: You didn't adopt. How could you with your criminal record? You kidnapped him, the boy must be terrifield.

Martin: *writing in his little notebook-necklace* I'm not scared.

Penguin: Wack wack see the lad isn't scared.

Martin: *writing in his notebook* I'm happy. : ) they said I woudn't be adoped but we showed them, right dad?

Penguin: Right on point, little bird.

Batman: I understand you want a family, kid, but someone can't just go to an orphanage and take you.

Martin: *writing* why not? it works

Batman: I'm sorry, kid. But I have to rescue you.

Oswald: You're not taking Martin alway Batman. I'm his dad! *opens his umbrella and flys alway with Martin hugging him*

Martin: *throws a notebook page on Batman's* it says "wack wack".

Batman: That doesn't mean is a trend. It may be a coincidence.

-/-

Riddler: Riddle me this, Batman-

Batman: Not you too.

Riddler: What?

Batman: *points to the kid dressed in question marks who is fighting Dick*

Riddler: What's the problem with Enigma?

Batman: How did you even got that kid? Street kid? Kidnapped from an orphanage because they solved one of your riddles? Their parents weren't good?

Riddler: I'm the one who does the questions here, Batman. But just so you know. None of the above.

Enigma: *they pretend to lose so Dick went to surprise attack Riddler and was surprise attacked, he is now tied to a broken heavy robot he destroyed sulking* I saw that the rogues were getting kids so when I saw Riddler grocery shopping I followed him home and kept asking him to adopt me until he said yes.

Riddler: They were very insistent.

Robin: Wow that's real Arkham behavior of you.

Enigma: Thanks.

Robin: You're welcome. You are really loony.

Batman: I shouldn't try but why?

Enigma: I like riddles and his hair is great.

Riddler: Thank you, your hair is also amazing, sweetie.

Batman: Is someone looking for you?

Enigma: Don't think so.

Batman: Sure. That's my life now.

-/-

Batman: Oh great. Another evil kid and this one is five.

Cluemaster: You see Batman, I couldn't avoid following the trend.

Batman: So you kidnapped a child?

Cluemaster: No. She is my biological kid.

Robin: YOU procreated? How?

Cluemaster: That's suppose to be Batman's job, but since you asked when a man and a woman like each other very much...

Batman: Stop. Let's just go with it.

Cluemaster: Okay. Steph go fight the Boy Wonder, will ya?

Robin: I'm not gonna punch a baby!

Spoiler: *at the same time* Don't wanna.

Cluemaster: Steph we went over it.

Spoiler: Nu-uh.

Cluemaster: Okay, let's start again. Steph tell Batman what you want to be when you grow up.

Spoiler: *smilling* I wanna be a hero like batgirl.

Cluemaster: NOOO.

Batman: *super happy this is actually not another evil kid* I'm sure Batgirl will be really happy that she inspired such a cool hero.

Spoiler: She will?

Batman: Uh-hu.

Cluemaster: Don't encorage her. We are EVIL, Steph. E-V-I-L! Because that's what smart people are and you are smart.

Spoiler: But smart people win and mean guys lose.

Cluemaster: You are grounded!

Spoiler: *cries* 'm not. Batman his stupid puzzle is red. Press the button and instead of going boom everyone goes yay.

Robin: *presses the red button* *the hostages are free* God one, kiddo.

Cluemaster: NOOO. *pulls Steph by the hair* I'm taking you to your room. You are grounded forever.

Batman: Hell no. Robin.

Robin: Yes, Batman?

Batman: Maybe the other rogues were right.

Robin: Gotcha. *they kidnap-adopt Steph*

A mouth-watering fuck-ton of hand angle references.

By Shadowcross on DA.

take it.

You said in another post you don’t believe the Knights of Walpurgis (aka Death Eaters 1.0) were all that plausible. Why is that?

Oof, this is a larger ask than I think you intend that gets into a lot of controversial things. Though, I suppose that’s what this blog has become.

Remember when I just talked about my weird fanfiction? Remember those days? I remember those days.

I guess to start out we need to go at a high level and acknowledge a few things.

For all we know about Tom Riddle’s life we know very little that came from himself. Most of what we know came to us via The Halfblood Prince, in Dumbledore’s lessons to Harry.

Think what you will about Dumbledore, benign or evil, but we can all acknowledge that the man had a clear goal and agenda in Halfblood Prince. Dumbledore was facing his imminent death, suddenly he no longer was looking at years but a few months to accomplish everything he needed to. He knows Harry is a horcrux, knows he himself no longer has time to hunt down Tom’s horcruxes himself, and instead must leave all his work to Severus and, partly, to Harry Potter.

Specifically, he has to groom Harry for suicide.

By the time Severus relays the truth to Harry (never mind that this very nearly didn’t happen in canon and what would Dumbledore do then) Harry must be prepared to sacrifice his own life to stop Voldemort. That, or Severus will have to murder the shit out of him, and that was probably plan B but Dumbledore would prefer it if Harry went along willingly so that the whole thing’s a little less shady. Dumbledore’s not murdering children if the children murder themselves!

This means, in part, convincing Harry that Voldemort is such a monstrous evil that his presence on this earth cannot be tolerated. Voldemort cannot be allowed to survive, even if Harry’s death does not guarantee Voldemort’s destruction, Harry must do it because Voldemort is that bad. There must be no hope, no recourse, and the only action Harry can take is martyrdom. 

And so, that is essentially what Dumbledore does. 

He gives Harry a series of lessons, hand selecting memories of Tom Riddle’s past (often shockingly innocuous), and then narrates them to tell Harry exactly why Tom Riddle is so evil today. The flimsy excuse of Harry wheedling information out of Slughorn is nice, but not necessary, as Dumbledore has no reason to believe this memory contains information he himself doesn’t already know (indeed, that Tom actually did make six horcruxes as he told Slughorn is a very strange coincidence as we rarely end up doing what we thought or being where we thought we would when we were sixteen). 

Per Dumbledore, Tom Riddle was born evil by his very conception, is doomed to be a lowly miserable creature, and that murdering him is effectively putting him out of his misery.

Right, how does this relate to this post?

Well, neverminding what JKR says outside of canon, we learn about the Knights of Walpurgis/Tom’s schoolboy syncophants from Dumbledore. Per Dumbledore, Tom Riddle, while a highly respected and charming student was Evil McEvil who had junior cultists galore. So, you see Harry, the man must die (ergo you must kill yourself).

However, this is frankly ridiculous and not in any way believable.

First, the Hogwarts era when Tom’s in school.

Personally, I believe Tom was regarded 100% as muggleborn. Tom went into Hogwarts with the last name Riddle coming from the muggle world. When he gets sorted into Slytherin he can point to know family members at all (and even if he could would, at best, be considered a low class halfblood). Tom doesn’t know the significance of parseltongue and likely tells no one (I’ll get into this in a few paragraphs). Tom may insist that he could be a halfblood, he knows nothing of his father, but given his origins he himself probably believes he’s muggleborn until he stumbles across the hereditary nature of parseltongue.

Regardless, Tom is impoverished, comes from lower class muggle London, has the last name Riddle, no relatives to vouch for him, and you want me to think that the purebloods sign up to be his cult members?

Even though Tom is terrifyingly talented and brilliant, he will be fighting for respect every inch of the way. At best, I see the Slytherin’s tolerating his presence. Riddle’s tolerable, for a muggleborn, it’s a shame that he has such dirty blood but they’ll admit he’s a talented sort.

However, as soon as he’s out of Hogwarts they’ll drop him like it’s hot.

This is evidenced by a few things. Upon graduation, Tom Riddle struggles to secure employment. He tries for the Defense position but is unvested and a recent graduate, and so is rejected (and when he later tries again Dumbledore laughs in his place and says, “Bitch please, I will never hire you, I just accepted your application so I could spend this interview laughing in your face!”) He does not enter the ministry, which would likely have been far more beneficial to getting him a leg up in society.

No, Tom instead secures employment as a clerk and purchaser at Borgin and Burke’s the wizarding world’s shadiest pawn shop equivalent where he spends his time miserably wooing older women so they’ll sell him their fine goods. Dumbledore tries to convince us this was Tom’s plan, that he somehow knew about the locket beforehand, but this is bullshit. How the hell would Tom know that the heirloom undoubtedly locked away under safe and key had been sold to Borgin and Burkes? And even if he did, why would Tom take up this miserable position doing nothing he wanted to do? 

Whatever minions Tom is supposed to have, whatever friends, they dropped him completely, pretended they never knew him, and did nothing to secure Tom’s future.

Now, back to the parseltongue bit since I made a promise. I believe Tom told no one. Had Tom told the Slytherins he was the Heir of Slytherin, this would have spread like wild fire not only across the house but the school. All the staff would remember Tom as Tom Slytherin, Tom would likely have changed his name, and frankly Tom probably would have been able to get into the ministry with a name like that. Tom Riddle’s life would have looked very different.

More, had the Chamber of Secrets episode happened in a world where Tom proves his heritage, he would have immediately been caught. Someone in Slytherin, even if only a few dormmates knew, would have narked on him. Someone would have been jealous, scared, etc. and would have turned him easily over to the authorities. A secret like that simply cannot be kept, it would spread, and there would be no needing to frame Hagrid and none of Tom getting off. 

More, I always got the feeling very few knew that Voldemort had once been Tom Riddle. First, it would make recruiting very difficult. Voldemort is the mysterious, beautiful, heir of Slytherin who has come back from abroad to save their country. Tom Riddle is a dirt poor mudblood who comes from decades of incest and squalor.

Given the wizarding world at large does not know who Tom Riddle is (proved by The Chamber of Secrets) I would suspect the vast majority of Death Eaters and Order members didn’t either. Dumbledore was the one who pieced it together thanks, in part, to a ten-year-old Tom Riddle confessing his parseltongue abilities.

If Tom Riddle had told most people he was a parseltongue, far more would have made the connection, it would be common knowledge. Which means, of course, Tom Riddle has no ability to prove his heritage and is thus muggleborn swine.

More, I think Tom wouldn’t want Tom Riddle to be associated with Voldemort. When he becomes Voldemort, he will transcend his lackluster origins and become far more than an ordinary, mortal, man. He will leave the name Riddle behind and no one will remember that boy. He will eclipse his past.

Not to mention, that if Tom gave them the excuse of his heritage, it means giving himself the easy way out in Hogwarts. They won’t be forced to acknowledge him, acknowledge that he’s better than them despite his roots, but instead given the easy excuse of “oh, it’s because he’s the heir of Slytherin, duh”. And I think Tom would loathe the idea of that.

Tom wanting to eradicate the memory of Tom Riddle is especially why I think Voldemort came out of nowhere in the 70′s.

Tom doesn’t want to be recognized as Tom, he wants to be mysterious and originless, to give the purebloods everything they want to believe in. If it’s people he went to school with, they’ll recognize him, he’ll be just an ordinary mortal to them. If it’s their young, stupid, children well then he has a real chance. 

Voldemort is a figure of myth, something that appears to come out of legend itself, the savior of his country.

He cannot have origin let alone Tom Riddle’s. 

Not to mention the idea that multiple people waited on Tom Riddle for generations, even for decades where we know he went abroad and travelled the world, is utterly ridiculous. Why would they ever do this? What do they even gain from this? And why would it take so long to take over this ridiculously incompetent country THAT ALL OF TOM’S RECRUITS ARE PRACTICALLY SET TO CONTROL (the beauty of the Death Eaters is that they form a good chunk of the Wizengamot, and in using them, Tom Riddle effectively destroys the country from the inside out, which I believe was his true goal the entire time). 

If Tom Riddle is so terrible, so horrifyingly competent, then it can’t have taken him fifty years of constant work to topple the country. 

So, yeah, there were no Death Eaters 1.0.

DPXDC prompt. Field trip.

Some people would call gothamites petty, but given that most of the USA population treated them as scum, they believed that their behavior was justified.

They didn't like tourists, to put it mildly. Therefore, after learning that in their city were people on a field trip from Amity Park who could not leave Gotham for several days due to weekly escape from Arkham, the news channel immediately decided that a short interview from the guests would definitely amuse the locals. The reaction of outsiders never ceases to be ridiculous.

Reporter: ~Good afternoon~ Gotham News! May I ask you to share what you liked most about our wonderful city?

Mr. Lancer*still in a cold sweat and looks at every passerby as a potential villain*: Uh, no, me..It's so unexpected. Well, first of all, people here are very…

Danny *is high after the tasting samples Dr. Crane gave him for free and is extremely eager to share his happiness with others*,* picks a microphone*.

Danny: Gotham is the best city in the world! Like seriously, damn, I'd like to die here. Although there are constant shootings somewhere, half the time people don't even shoot at me! I haven't been this relaxed since middle school! And in the evenings, there is often such a pleasant scent of fear and despair on the streets. This fear toxin of yours is a real miracle! It's sooo good!

Sam *decides to take the initiative in her own hands before Fenton says too much*: Personally, I am very pleased with the number of green spaces you have in your city. It's nice to see that here eco-activists are really being listened to. Also, the fact that most restaurants have a thoughtful menu for vegetarians left a very pleasant impression.

Dash in his favorite T-shirt "it's not gay if he's dead": Four words. Hips of Red Hood. The fact that it is not marked in the guidebook as the main attraction of the Crime Alley is a real crime. This dude clearly never skips leg days. My respect.

Tucker: What can I say? The speed of internet here, even during villains attacks, is absolutely  unbelievable. I don't want to leave this place.

Jazz: I love Gotham! Finally, I was able to buy all the works published by Dr. Harleen Quinzel. *girl picks up an impressive stack of books* For some reason, they are not available online.

The camera points at a red-haired guy with a twitching eye.

Wes: I'm 85% sure Bruce Wayne is Batman. I have a proof and I am ready to provide it.

A girl with a "Good Guess" pin from Riddler enters and takes camera away from conspiracy theorist.

Star: Sorry, he slipped out at night and went to look for problems. Again. Don't pay any attention to him. He's always like this when he drinks more than two energy drinks in a row.

Tom absolutely was missing a tooth or two. He's got a punch-able face and definitely annoyed the other orphans.

Going back to the cockney accent though 👀

This child absolutely learned how to fake a semi-convincing upperclassmen accent by people watching. I like to assume he learned to do this before Hogwarts either to make him a more desirable adoption candidate or just to make himself sound more trustworthy.

Speaking of, Tom 100% used his posh-voice on Dumbledore when they first met so he has never heard Tom's cockney accent.

No wonder Dumbledore thinks Tom was just built different. Tom went through an 💕I'm not like other girls💕 phase and never got a wake up call because he was too busy convincincing everyone else that it was true.

Look me in the fucking eye and tell me Tom Riddle had straight teeth as a child

That boy grew up in 1930's London in a muggle orphanage, his chompers had to have been a wreck

It was probably one of the first things he got bullied for, alongside his clothing and surname (because no decent Pureblood child has crooked teeth and in Slytherin there are only decent Pureblood children, honestly, what is Riddle even doing there?) and was almost certainly one of the first things he sought to change in his life using magic

I can just imagine him trying his best to be charming, learning how to smile without showing his teeth, talking without opening his mouth all the way & never letting anyone see him laugh for real bc any time someone catches a glimpse of his teeth it instantly undoes all his hard work bc at the end of the day- no matter how charming or clever he is- he's still just a mudblood gutter rat and his crooked teeth never let him (or anyone else) forget that

Until one summer (I'm thinking before 5th year, so around the time that he murders his relatives) he sneaks away from the orphanage to see a back alley Healer in Knockturn Alley to finally, finally get his teeth fixed (for a fee, of course, but they don't question where the money's from and Tom certainly isn't telling) and that September he strides into the school with the most winning smile money can buy, and suddenly it's over for everyone who once doubted him

With a Horcrux on his finger, noble blood in his veins, and a freshly winning smile, Tom Marvolo Riddle feels nothing like a gutter rat, not anymore

He's the Heir of Slytherin, Greatest of the Hogwarts Four

Coming out??

at first there were supposed to be only 2 pages with 4 frames where all the gang sits in one room, Alastor passing by and says like, happy pride everyone, and everyone are just yeah to you too, then pause and then they all suddenly relise and are sitting there with big shocked eyes

but i couldn't place all of them in one frame jkdfhljkgvdfloukghl

Masterpost

During the most poor and homeless period of my life, I had a lot of people get angry with me because I spent $25 on Bath and Body Works candles during a sale. They couldn’t comprehend why the hell I would do that when I had been fighting for months to try and get us on our feet, afford food, and have an apartment to live in.

Those candles were placed beside wherever I slept that night. In the morning, I would move them and set them wherever I’d have to hang out. At one point I carried one around in my purse - one of those big honking 3-wick candles. I never lit them, but I’d open them and smell them a lot.

I credit that purchase with a lot of my drive that got me to where I am today. I had been working tirelessly, 15+ hour days with barely any reward, constantly on the phone or trying to deal with organizations and associations to “get help at”. It’d gone on for almost a year by the end of it, and I was so burnt out, to the point that I would shake 24/7. But I could get a bit of relief from my 3-wick “upper middle class lifestyle” candles. They represented my future goals, my home I wanted to decorate, and how I would one day not be in this mess anymore.

When we moved into the apartment, and our financial status improved, I burned those candles every single day. When they were empty, I cleaned them out, stuck labels on them, and they became the starting point of my really cute organization system I had ALWAYS planned to have.

So whenever I hear about someone very poor getting themselves a treat - maybe it’s Starbucks, maybe it’s a home deco item, maybe it’s a video game… I don’t judge them. I get it. I get that you can’t go without anything for that long without it making you go crazy. You need to pull some joy, inspiration, and motivation from somewhere.

When Alastor begrudgingly tells Charlie and Vaggie about the deal he's been tangled up in, they ask him how it had happened.

"Why, I was apparently very desperate in my last life! Now it's me who has to pay the price!"

Charlie gives him a very confused look, "You mean, when you were alive?"

What a hilarious misunderstanding! "Oh no darling, I mean in a past life! Reincarnation! Who knew deals from a past life could follow you into the next? Certainly not me!"

Charlie still looked confused. It was Vaggie, staring at him like he'd said something peculiar, who said, "There's no such thing as reincarnation, that's just a myth humans made."

Well, he had a very irksome leash caging him down that said otherwise.

Eve Reincarnation!AU

*He/she/they pronouns for Eve

Eve was bored. Heaven's wonders could only entertain her for so long. And she was sick of the pity and condescension.

For all that Lucifer was damned to the hell he created for his actions, he at least had Lilith with him to bare the burden.

She was not so lucky. Adam would sooner die a second death than take accountability. And the angels regarded her alone with mixed pity and suspicion.

Adam thrived in heaven, but it stifled her like nothing else. Eternal peace was stagnant; she missed Earth and eagerly watched the planet and her descendents antics with curiosity.

It was her who first put forth the idea of reincarnation. But Sera, bewildered by her desire to leave heaven and wary of having her alive after her first fuckup (honestly, eat one fruit and they never let you forget it!), dismissed her.

It was just her luck that Adam, who ran his mouth faster than his brain could keep up, bragged about getting the Seraphim to agree to his yearly hell extermination where her request had been rejected.

And wasn't it just grand that it was supposed to be a secret? Wouldn't it be a shame for that to get out, right, Sera?

Her reincarnation request was approved. She was the first and only soul to be granted this. Per her request, heaven would be barred from viewing or interfering with her new life.

And it was wonderful! They had a new life, a new name, a new gender! And no one to hold them back and say 'remember the apple, Eve?'

Then they died. And back to heaven they went, unknowing of their past life as Eve. Until Sera accousted them before they'd even made it through the gate.

Sera conjured a glowing white apple and offered it to them. Their curiosity had followed them to this next life so they accepted and the Seraphim smiled sardonically and said, 'Welcome back Eve.'

But they. weren't. EVE! Not anymore. Or at least they were not JUST eve.

But being the only soul to reincarnate, the angels just didn't understand that. Nor would Sera care to, she allowed Adam and Eve's requests only if she could ignore the consequences.

The human who once was Eve, decided to reincarnate again. Anything to escape their dreary eternity in heaven.

And then he died. And Sera offered him the apple, said, 'Welcome back Eve' and on and on the cycle continued.

He tried to lead his next few lifetimes into sin, maybe in hell they'd get at least some of the excitement she'd loved from Earth.

She had no clue how she kept getting into heaven. Over the course of several different lives, they'd committed all sorts of sins. And yet it never stuck.

So they struck a deal, and in his next life, she finally got what she'd been craving.

Eternal Entertainment.

Welcome to hell, Alastor.