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Arabic poetry on top>>
— Mahmoud Darwish, Mural
Another one…when I fail to put my feelings into words, I don’t know whether to be happy or sad that someone else puts it so well. I’m sad someone else knows the feeling but happy I’m not alone.
I don't like using my parents money. It makes me feel dirty. I thought it was because I care about them or something. But I recently realize it's because I dont want to be financially dependent on them than I already am.
When I ask them to buy me something, it feels like I'm giving them an excuse to treat me anyway they want.
When I was younger, I thought they way they treated me was the price of living since they pay for me, so I don't like taking their money now.
But recently, from talking to friends and family, I realize that I shouldnt be hesitant. I should just take their money--let them buy me accessories, food, jewelry, and clothes. I should think of it like compensation for losing my childhood, or compensation for the emotional trauma.
I suppose I still have some hope left, it’s not east to push yourself and ignore what’s you’re feeling. It’s not easy to smile and say that everything is ok when in fact everything is falling apart.
Sometimes you just have to push those feelings down in a glass bottle that buried deep in your soul and forget about them
But let them out slowly
Because the glass bottle can crack or shatter or over flow with these feelings
And it can take a toll on you
☕️
Hugs are actually so underrated especially those hugs that are so tight u can literally feel the other person’s heartbeat n for a moment everything feels so calm and safe like nothing can hurt you
solitude