Ashadonis - Ash

You watch him walk away, still waiting for him to turn around and say this was all a joke. That he still loves you. That he still wants you. But he keeps walking. Step after step, another kick to your shattered heart. You were going to break down in the middle of this whole room. The tears blur your eyes until you can’t see the gaping faces around you. Everything hurts. Is this what death felt like? Nothing seems to function like it’s supposed to anymore and your knees give out. Strong hands suddenly take a hold of you, supporting all your weight and bringing shivers to your skin. You’re not sure what pathetic noise you make because suddenly his lips are at your ear whispering “shhh angel, you’re ok. I’ve got you. I’m going to lead you outside now.” The familiar voice shocks you enough to look up and you see your enemy look down at you with a suspiciously gentle look. Too tired and broken to care, you let him move you until you feel him sit down and pull you into his lap, cradling you.  You weren’t sure if this was some cruel joke for him but you figure there’s nothing left of you for him to break. So, you sit there with him, face buried in his neck, devastation tearing through your soul. “I’ll kill him for hurting you.” Surprised, you lift your head to see if he’s joking, but all you find is fire and dark promise in his eyes, one that shouldn’t reassure you so much but does anyways. His thumb comes up to swipe your tears and he leans forward to press a soft kiss on your brow. “Don’t waste your tears on him, Angel. He doesn’t deserve them. Let alone your heart.” You let out a broken laugh and whisper, voice cracking, “well its too fucking late for that isn’t it. I gave it to him and he caged it. Ruined it.” A flicker of wrath crossed his face, a look that could bring gods to their knees. “I’ll steal it back for you my love,” he replied so softly that you barely heard him. “I’ll steal it back for you and then rip his out of his chest for every time he clipped your beautiful angel wings.” Kissing my tear-stained cheek, he tells me, “You’re free now baby. Free for me to take.” Your eyes widen at his last statement and terror shoots through you as you start to feel drowsy. The last thing you see before slipping into oblivion is his cunning smirk and cold eyes.

She's a 10 but she falls in love with every fictional man that raises her expectations for love

Ben Barnes | Francesco Carrozzini | Salvatore Ferragamo

Creative writing inspired by this painting ^^ __________________________________

The creature was beautiful. The way it flew around the mountain tops was more majestic than anything the explorer had ever seen It’s pearl white scales seemed to shimmer in the moon light, and the stars were reflected clearly in its violet eyes, a feat that was visible even from the ground. The sight was mesmerising. The creature flew around the mountain tops looking like it hadn’t a care in the world, so unlike the people back at his home village. If it wasn’t for those people, the traveller wouldn’t have found this marvellous thing. Before, there had been no knowledge of this beast, but then one day, when the traveller was about ten years of age, a rumour spread about this beast with sapphire eyes, massive claws that could rip you to shreds in one blow, and a beast that could breathe blue fire. Those rumours spread quickly, but the traveller knew that the description was false, and so he set his life to find this creature, and now that he had, he knew that the rumours were false, and that this beast was one of cruelty and not one of cruelty. Oh, how he wished to go back and tell them how wrong they had been. But now, as he stood at the bottom of one of the mountains, the beast clashed eyes with him, and he knew he was ready to go to the next life. Maybe there will be more adventures awaiting me there, he thought as he laid down and floated into oblivion, content with how his life had turned out.

— Arthur Miller, The Crucible

Stay with me entirely, dearest,

stay for me as you are;

just thinking about neil perry.

The Queer Symbolism of Dead Poets Society

that’s right y’all i actually did it. tw/cw for mentions of Neil’s death, homophobia, reclaiming queer

Dead Poets Society; a beloved, slightly problematic staple of dark academic films. Since its release in 1989, it has gained a strong following over the years, and even more speculation. Fans of the film have long believed that the central characters, Todd and Neil, were in love. Furthermore, there are theories that not only were the main characters lovers, but major plotlines and themes possess metaphors of queerness. Debate has been made over the reality of these theories, and it’s pretty believable. This essay has no intention to change any thoughts on the matter, more like reading into the content and considering what the general opinion is. 

Anyone who has seen the movie or even read a brief summary should be aware of the major theme of the story; tradition versus nonconformity. Mr. Keating made a point to challenge tradition, which, considering the patriarchal, conservative setting, was quite risky. It’s almost like queer people have been challenging tradition for centuries. ‘Tradition,’ or heteronormativity, against the ‘nonconventional’ is instead celebrated. The Dead Poets Society was all about defiance from societal norms and living authentically, in other words not having to hide.

“We all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are your own, unique, even though others may think them odd or unpopular. Even though the herd may go ‘that’s bad.’” - Keating

Deviating from tradition not only takes form in the Dead Poets Society being revived, but in the confrontation of supposed gender roles. A deep passion for theatre is connected with homosexuals and has roots in queer culture since at least the early 20th century, from the author’s knowledge. The group had taken a keen interest in poetry, as well being long associated with femininity or homosexuality, by reasons of toxic masculinity. With harmful intentions or not, poetry is still a staple of queer culture. Infamous queer poets like Sappho, Emily Dickinson, Oscar Wilde, and Walt Whitman have been influential in their works since the sixth century. Walt Whitman specifically is mentioned many times in this film. One of his more well-known poems, “Oh Captain, My Captain” is referenced various times. Out of all the poems to choose, why go with the poem written by a hypothesized gay man about a president who also may have been gay? To add to this, during the scene in which Todd chases Neil around while the latter reads his poetry, Neil has the gall to say “I’m being chased by Walt Whitman.” As if that scene wasn’t already one of their more emotionally charged moments that lead to this essay’s creation.

That is not where the references to queer culture stops. During the audience’s first introduction to English teacher John Keating, he is whistling the tune of ‘1812 Overture,’ composed by notoriously homosexual composer Tchaikovsky. In the cave, Charlie Dalton recites a line from Shakespeare’s ‘Sonnet 18,’ famously written about a feminine man, recognizable from the line: “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” That sonnet created much skepticism over Shakespeare’s sexuality and some consider him to have been queer.

The thing with queer people indulging in these interests are both fine points in the queer identity and culture, as well as stereotypes against queer people in that aspect. What a fun time.

The symbolism and references are not the only evidence of this being a queer movie. There are the characters themselves. Most frequently discussed, is the case of Neil and Todd. Although Todd is new to the school and riddled with anxiety, he ends up quite close to Neil. Did it help that they were roommates? Certainly, but there is quite a bit more to it than that. Neil had developed the habit of being in Todd’s space quickly, and Todd got rather comfortable with Neil by the time the play auditions rolled around. Even more, Neil is very frequently seen looking at Todd in a way that friends don’t typically do. When Todd performed the improvised poem for the class, it had cut to Neil, looking positively enamored at Todd. The aforementioned Walt Whitman reference to Todd is to be taken into consideration as well. Todd’s reaction to Neil’s death too made quite the difference. It is normal to mourn for a lost friend, but was there a reason to show Todd in such a state of despair? Charlie had known Neil much longer, yet all seen in the final film, Todd showed the most aggravated grief. Yes, in the original script, Charlie had had a grieving moment, but why keep Todd’s? It might have been for character development, or it could have been much, much more personal.

Because of the fandom’s hope for canonical queer characters, former cast member Gale Hansen has graciously supplied some answers via Twitter on several occasions. He has said that he ships Todd and Neil and confirmed that Charlie could’ve been portrayed as nonbinary. 

Besides the many references, metaphors, and instances of symbolism, there is still one more area that needs to be covered; the relation between the Dead Poets Society and being a queer person. Considering a very queer individual is writing this, this part may get a little long and personal. Throughout the film, Neil feels the worst pressure to conform to the life his father wants for him and struggles with it immensely. He feels hopeless and drained from every short conversation with his father, and it did end up killing him slowly. He despaired over who he was. He knew what he was, he enjoyed who he was, but faced criticism over being himself. Neil’s father hated the parts of Neil he couldn’t control and suppressed his son’s identity. Seeing Neil on stage was a turning part in the movie, as if Mr. Perry is seeing his son for the first time how he really is. He wasn’t hiding, he was out. 

Yes, it is quite true that people just couldn’t live if their passion was taken away for a bleak existence. That could’ve been the case for Neil. Or, as this whole thing is about finding how this film mirrors queerness, he could not live knowing that he would be despised by his own father. It might just be the queer existence at it’s saddest state, but it certainly is understandable. 

Taking in all of the reasons why this movie could be a piece of inexplicably queer media, there is just the fact that it might not be. It’s subjective some look at it and think ‘yeah, they are definitely gay’ whereas someone else might not look at it that way. This essay was just a way of proving some points, really. I analyzed the content based on my own view and took my thoughts into account. Keating did say that the reader’s opinion is one that matters.

want that indie movie, rainy days, reading 4 fun, kate bush, tired smiles, i am not okay with this, music playing, cool girl, lipgloss, doc martens, thrifting, effortless beauty, wlw, mazzy star, chipped nail polish, doodling, dim lighting, end of the f***ing world, quiet, baggy clothes, wind blowing ur hair out of ur face, carolina by taylor swift, record shops, leather jackets, red, messy hair, sunset walks, polaroid photos, crystal rings, smudged eyeliner, fairy lights, playing guitar kind of life i think thats what i deserve

Nikita Gill, from Fierce Fairytales Poems & Stories to Stir Your Soul; "Seven,"