Asscrackpandit - Welcome To The Shit Show

thinking about my favorite app ever made. save me wide19

FOR PARENTS OF YOUNG KIDS IN THE US!

Someone over on bluesky posted this and I figured I'd better repost it here. It's the pre-RFK 2025 vaccination schedule for babies and young children, ya know, just in case it mysteriously disappears. Save this and give it to your child's pediatrician; tell them this is the schedule you want your child on.

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

What I want to know is WHY?

Why'd you say it, Jensen? You didn't have to. You were talking about cooking for fuck's sake! COOKING!! You said you like spicy food-- and that your wife often makes you spicy food.

How great.

How wholesome.

Sure, you kinked it up a bit. You went on to say that she knows how to "spice things up in the kitchen."

Ha Ha

*wink wink * nudge nudge*

And Misha of course responded in his very Misha-like-way with -- "Oh yeah she does!"

So you go "Ayye!" in your trademarked Dean-ish, mock-grumpy tone.

And that was fine.

That was all good, Jensen. You could've left it there, son! You could've gone back to the fucking innocuous topic of cooking.

Go on and share Danneel's recipe. Maybe your favorite spice while you're at it. Or even just go back to saying Italian words in your very Mario & Luigi type accent ... any of that would've worked, my guy.

The world is filled with non-implicating topics!

But NOOOOO .... instead you take a fucking eon-long pause, rub your thigh in the universally known nervous-jackles way, and then you say:

"SHE DOES REFER TO MISHA AS HER BOYFRIEND"????

and then

AAANNDDD THEN

ANNNNDDD THEN YOU SAY

"WHICH IS FUNNY 'CAUSE SO DO I????"

YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT COOKING, SIR!!!

COOKING!

MOTHER FUCKING COOKING!

Sooo this happened on tiktok

And the comments are gold

(+Extra)

Are you older than YouTube? (2005)

still floored at how in his famous essay on brothers karamazov, freud decides to diagnose dostoevsky with bisexuality out of nowhere and follows it with "teehee, sorry"

being raised conservative is so funny to look back on. like it’s not but the arguments they made are and finding the holes in them is great. like my old pastor used to talk ab how gay people got divorced more- i guess encouraging ppl to divorce their partners (unbiblical) or to continue being gay w their partners (unbiblical). like dude if u think about that for more than 10 seconds ur gonna shit urself realizing by your own standards you are encouraging people to “sin” either way and both are considered taboo sins within the church. the bible belt is so fucking stupid everything is like this down here

how did i do

happy pride month unfortunately i will have to change my username bc last night i realized that i am pansexual !! i will now be spending the next week coming up with another gay community pun (the tv show but also the gay community i guess)

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.