Atomiccgoth - Atomiccgoth

Very very rare

One of the reasons I believed I couldn’t be autistic for so long was due to a fundamental misunderstanding of my social struggles. This being that I am not by any means incapable of memorizing social rules. Through observation and direction I can construct a broad framework of ‘socially acceptable or not.’ For example, I’m well aware that making physical contact with someone without consent isn’t acceptable. Or that stating blunt facts in a way that implicates someone negatively isn’t allowed. I know to avoid interrupting others if they’re already talking, to not walk away when I’m in the middle of a conversation. Crying, being unusually quiet and frowning indicates sadness. Someone smiling at laughing at what you’re saying means they probably are enjoying their time with you. An increase in speaking volume indicates excitement- either positive or negative. Sarcasm is often indicated by someone saying something absurd that you know they would never say, or you know to be factually wrong.

The fact that I had learned these broad rules made me think autism wasn’t a possibility for me. But being autistic doesn’t stop you from obtaining and applying information. (I mean that’s why so many interventions that ‘treat’ autism do result in the autistic person being able to pass as neurotypical.)

The difference comes from lacking the subconscious nuances and exceptions that come with those broader rules. For example- when is it okay to actually be honest? Some people will not be bothered by physical intimacy- but how would I know this? How can you tell if a group wants you to join in with their conversation? How to tell if this person is smiling and laughing politely or genuinely? How to tell if someone who you know very little about is being sarcastic?

There are not direct, easy to apply ‘rules’ for this, and yet clearly there are ‘right’ options. When the appropriate reaction must be determined by subtle body language or small shifts in tone of voice, ones that are near impossible to teach- I become completely lost.

That’s something I always find lacking with the general social skills advice given. It’s helpful to a point, but the truth is everyone is an individual. People express themselves differently, and react to your same actions differently due to past circumstances or temperaments. There is no one set of rules you can use for everyone, unfortunately. The majority of neurotypicals, while of course having miscommunications and the like, can rely on their subconscious to parse out any subtle changes they might need to make to their demeanor for a particular situation. My brain is much less adept at focusing down broader experience/rules into unique circumstances. (This is actually something that extends past social cues for me and I might make another post talking about it because I think it’s interesting)

Anyway rant over but yeah this was a huge mental barrier to seeking out a diagnosis for a while because at some level I ( ironically enough) took struggling to understand social cues too literally…

So what I learned about myself by researching these topics about abuse, collected from experts and therapists who work with complex trauma patients:

Betrayal Trauma is the name of what I went through in my household

Scapegoats are often betrayed by parents and I fit the scapegoat role

Scapegoats are often “truth tellers” and fight the family narrative

Scapegoats can be betrayed by one family member OR they can be betrayed by the whole family in which the family narrative is “we are all okay and right, and you (the scapegoat) is the crazy/wrong one.”

Scapegoats often have DARVO used against them (when the abusers in the family call the scapegoat the abuser, and the real abusers/parents call themselves the victims)

Scapegoat may feel betrayed, rejected, shamed, become a people pleaser, overly forgiving, may avoid relationships and end up isolating yourself from others

Some become dependent on the abusive family as an adult, slow to get ahead in life

Toxic shame is not just feeling ashamed, but YOU ARE shame (not really true, your brain lies to you). You think You Are Shame walking around on 2 legs. (How I feel and doing my research I understand it’s the trauma brain talking but I genuinely believe the lies). “I feel humiliated when I speak in front of others” “I feel humiliated for existing and taking space”

You could have had a fight response, challenge the abusers distorted, twisted view of reality. It causes exhaustion from challenging the family false narrative growing up. You may identify with being the “fighter.”

Family Systems expert Rebecca C. Mandeville explains adult survivors of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA) are impacted by Betrayal Trauma. She also explains the consequences of being rejected, shamed, and blamed by the people who were supposed to love and care for you the most.

Dr. Erin Watson’s article: The Duel Layers of Betrayal Trauma for Survivors of Family Scapegoating Abuse.

Resources

Hello lovely followers! This page is a collection of resources to help you with your questions. These are all resources that are frequently referenced on this blog. They are broken down into categories based on the subject matter. As always, if you have any questions, send us an ask!

General Autism Resources

What is Autism?

Another What is Autism?

What is Autism? (ASAN)

What is Autism? In Plain Language

Dictionary of Autism-related Concepts

Inclusive Autistic Traits

Myths About Autism

Autism FAQ

ASAN’s About Autism

Ask an Autistic (videos about autism by an autistic)

Don’t Mourn For Us

Autism Resources

Autism Masterpost

Autism 101

Self-Diagnosis Resources

DSM-V Criteria

ICD-10 Criteria

A Self-Diagnosis Masterpost

Autism Self-Diagnosis Masterpost

A Diagnosis Checklist Masterpost (contains checklists for many neurodivergencies not just autism)

Autism Does Not Reside in a Medical Report

My Stance On Self-Diagnosis

Positively Autistic: A List of (Positive) Autistic Traits

Adult Diagnosis

DSM Criteria for Autism Explained

Simplified Diagnostic Criteria

Autism Quizzes

Adult Diagnosis Series

ASD Paper Diagnosis vs. Self-Diagnosis

I Think I’m Autistic

Autism versus…

Autism vs. PTSD

Autism vs. BPD

Autism vs. ASPD

Autism vs. StPD

Autism vs. SzPD (follow-up)

Autism vs. Schizophrenia

Autism vs. Psychosis

Autism vs Social Anxiety

Shutdown/Meltdown vs. Sensory Overload vs. Panic Attack

Autism and ADHD

What is the differences between autism and ADD/ADHD?

Autism With a Side of ADHD

Differences between autism and ADHD

ADHD Self Diagnosis

Sensory Processing Topics

What Is Sensory Processing Disorder? (video)

SPD Checklist

SPD Resource Center

Understanding Sensory Processing Issues

Masterpost Sensory Differences

Sensory Sensitivities and Atypical Sensory Processing

How to Reduce Sensory Overload

Processing a Sensory Overload

Autism A-Z: I is for Interoception

Sensory Processing Disorder Resource List

Meltdowns and Shutdowns

What Does a Meltdown Feel Like?

“Shutdown” What It Is and What It Isn’t

Where I Go When I Shutdown

Anatomy of a Meltdown

Shutdown: A Specific Type of Meltdown

Autism A-Z: M is for Meltdowns

Autistic Burnout

Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation

“Help! I Seem to Be Getting More Autistic!”

Autistic Burnout

What is Autistic Burnout?

Autism A-Z: B is for Burnout

What is Autistic Burnout? Infograph

Echolalia

The Naked Mechanisms of Echolalia

Echolalia: That’s What She Said

Alexithymia

What is Alexithymia? (video)

Alexithymia Question

Emotional Dysfunction: Alexithymia and ASD

What Alexithymia Feels Like for This Autistic

Hyper-Empathy

Hyper-Empathy In Autistic Individuals

On Emotions, Hyperempathy, and Hypersensitivity

Hyperempathy Feels FAQ

The Intense World Syndrome- An Alternative Hypothesis for Autism

Executive Dysfunction

Executive Dysfunction

Executive Function Series

The “Joys” of Executive Dysfunction

So What Is Executive Dysfunction?

How to Live Better With Executive Dysfunction

Special Interests

What’s So Special About a Special Interest?

Special Interests

How Do I Know for Sure What My Special Interests Are?

Autism A-Z: S is for Special Interests

Stimming

Stimming 101, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Stim

What Is Stimming?

Types of Stimming

What is Stimming?

The Stimming Checklist

The High Cost of Self-Censoring (Or Why Stimming Is a Good Thing)

Where to Buy Stim Toys

Stimtastic

A Sense of Self

Fuzzwumpet

Weird Faeles

SpacerobotStudio

Ruthdoodle

Autistic Rabbit (weighted blankets)

Fidgetopia

The Fidget Shop

Fat Brain Toys

Neurodivergent Creators

The following are people from our community who create products that are helpful for autistic people such as stim toys, communication tools, and more! Check out their shops as a way to support neurodivergent creators!

PangeaMea by Francis Mark (autism, OCD, ADHD, anxiety, depression) sells stim toys, sensory friendly clothing, noise muffling beanies and headbands, padded arm protectors, and skin picking simulators.

StimForTheWin by Exo (autism and ADHD) sells tangles and fidget cubes with silicone spikes on them for maximum stimming, communication necklaces (also with silicone spikes), and marble mazes/ donuts.

StrangerDarkerBetter by Mod Sabrina (autism, ADHD, schizoaffective, PTSD, depression, anxiety) sells visual schedules and communication cards.

PieFanArt by Pie (autistic) sells mostly plush toys, art and jewelry but also weighted plushies and scented plushies!

WagglesStudio by Dailyspeal sells stim toys

Identity First Language

Identity First Language

I Am Disabled: On Identity-First Versus People-First Language

I is For Identity First Language

Why I Dislike “Person First” Language

Autism A-Z: P is for Person First

Autistic In the Workplace

Autistic in the Workplace Inforgraph

Autistic in the Workplace: Autism and Interviews

Autistic in the Workplace: Change

Autistic in the Workplace: Professional Dress

Autistic in the Workplace: Hallway Conversations

Neurodiversity and Autism Acceptance

Why Acceptance

Neurodiversity: Some Basic Terms and Definitions

Autistic Pride and What You Need to Know

Autistic Community

Welcome to the Autistic Community

Autistic Culture

A Love Letter to the Autistic Community

Defending and (Re)defining Self-Advocacy

The Social Model of Disability

Disabled Not Disordered: Autism and the Social Model

Social Model of Disability Animation (video)

Understanding Disability Models

A Social Model of Disability Analogy

What’s Wrong With Functioning Labels?

Functioning Labels Masterpost

Functioning Labels 101

Decoding the High Functioning Label

Functioning Labels Comic

On Functioning and “Functioning”

F*%$ Your Functioning Labels

More Problems With Functioning Labels

Fluctuating Functionality

Asperger’s and Autism

Why Autism $peaks is Bad

What’s Wrong With Autism Speaks

Why I am Against Autism Speaks (and you should be, too)

Updated Autism Speaks Masterpost

Boycott Autism Speaks

I Resign My Roles With Autism Speaks

A Few Selected Autism Speaks Quotes

How the “Autism Speaks” Charity Failed the Community It Set Out to Serve

What’s Wrong With ABA?

ABA Masterpost

Why I Oppose ABA as a Method of Instruction

ABA 101

Trauma and Autism

What ABA Is Like From the Point of View of a Former Therapist

Why I Left ABA

Anti-Anti-Vaccination

On Vaccines, Autism and Systemic Bigotry (masterpost)

Vaccines Don’t Cause Autism, but That’s Not the Point

Vaccines Don’t Cause Autism, but So What if They Did?

Everything Wrong With Vaxxed (video)

“It’s never too late to start over again and to be happy.”

— Anurag Prakash Ray

Stick and poke I just finished on myself. By far the biggest piece I've done. Really happy with the result!

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it has gotten better before

and it will again ☆

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ppl will say “i hate being seen with you in public because you stand funny and wear your headphones all the time and talk too loud” and then get all defensive when you say thats ableist