1x18. A Beautiful Example Of Steve Showing Up For Danny.

Wow! There's some really good illustrations. Specially Percy e Nico. Very good!

completed a portrait series of all the human children of the big three from pjo/hoo 𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚

loved loved loved experimenting with a new style and interpreting these characters with a new design!

commissions | print store ✩

LET ME LIVE MY SAD GAY LIFE WITHOUT FUELING IT (/j please keep us percico fed)

Eat up 🌊☠️

Can't afford art school?

After seeing post like this 👇

And this gem 👇

As well as countless of others from the AI generator community. Just talking about how "inaccessible art" is, I decided why not show how wrong these guys are while also helping anyone who actually wants to learn.

Here is the first one ART TEACHERS! There are plenty online and in places like youtube.

📺Here is my list:

Proko (Free)

Marc Brunet (Free but he does have other classes for a cheap price. Use to work for Blizzard)

Aaron Rutten (free)

BoroCG (free)

Jesse J. Jones (free, talks about animating)

Jesus Conde (free)

Mohammed Agbadi (free, he gives some advice in some videos and talks about art)

Ross Draws (free, he does have other classes for a good price)

SamDoesArts (free, gives good advice and critiques)

Drawfee Show (free, they do give some good advice and great inspiration)

The Art of Aaron Blaise ( useful tips for digital art and animation. Was an animator for Disney)

Bobby Chiu ( useful tips and interviews with artist who are in the industry or making a living as artist)

Second part BOOKS, I have collected some books that have helped me and might help others.

📚Here is my list:

The "how to draw manga" series produced by Graphic-sha. These are for manga artist but they give great advice and information.

"Creating characters with personality" by Tom Bancroft. A great book that can help not just people who draw cartoons but also realistic ones. As it helps you with facial ques and how to make a character interesting.

"Albinus on anatomy" by Robert Beverly Hale and Terence Coyle. Great book to help someone learn basic anatomy.

"Artistic Anatomy" by Dr. Paul Richer and Robert Beverly Hale. A good book if you want to go further in-depth with anatomy.

"Directing the story" by Francis Glebas. A good book if you want to Story board or make comics.

"Animal Anatomy for Artists" by Eliot Goldfinger. A good book for if you want to draw animals or creatures.

"Constructive Anatomy: with almost 500 illustrations" by George B. Bridgman. A great book to help you block out shadows in your figures and see them in a more 3 diamantine way.

"Dynamic Anatomy: Revised and expand" by Burne Hogarth. A book that shows how to block out shapes and easily understand what you are looking out. When it comes to human subjects.

"An Atlas of animal anatomy for artist" by W. Ellenberger and H. Dittrich and H. Baum. This is another good one for people who want to draw animals or creatures.

Etherington Brothers, they make books and have a free blog with art tips.

As for Supplies, I recommend starting out cheap, buying Pencils and art paper at dollar tree or 5 below. For digital art, I recommend not starting with a screen art drawing tablet as they are more expensive.

For the Best art Tablet I recommend either Xp-pen, Bamboo or Huion. Some can range from about 40$ to the thousands.

💻As for art programs here is a list of Free to pay.

Clip Studio paint ( you can choose to pay once or sub and get updates)

Procreate ( pay once for $9.99)

Blender (for 3D modules/sculpting, ect Free)

PaintTool SAI (pay but has a 31 day free trail)

Krita (Free)

mypaint (free)

FireAlpaca (free)

Libresprite (free, for pixel art)

Those are the ones I can recall.

So do with this information as you will but as you can tell there are ways to learn how to become an artist, without breaking the bank. The only thing that might be stopping YOU from using any of these things, is YOU.

I have made time to learn to draw and many artist have too. Either in-between working two jobs or taking care of your family and a job or regular school and chores. YOU just have to take the time or use some time management, it really doesn't take long to practice for like an hour or less. YOU also don't have to do it every day, just once or three times a week is fine.

Hope this was helpful and have a great day.

Weird how the non canon ships in Rick Riordan's books tend to have a better and more interesting history together, better chemistry, healthier dynamics,and feel more natural than the canon couples; plus a lot of wasted potential. Examples are Reyna x Jason, Nico x Percy, Rachel x Percy, Leo x Piper, Jason x Nico or Jason x Leo.

It's like the more Rick wants you to ship something,the more it feels forced and has red flags that are kinda hard to ignore. The only exception being Hazel and Frank

I did a post on religion a while ago, but I can do a better job with it.

Part I: World Building Considerations: Religious Hierarchies

Part II: World Building Considerations: Deities and Mythologies

THE BASICS

Religion is the belief that supernatural or spiritual powers exist.

There are four “branches” of beliefs that form the way a person feels about their religion (or lack of) and other religions. They are:

Theism: A theist believes in a god (or more).

Atheism: An atheist lacks the belief in a god (or more).

Gnosticism: A gnostic believes it is possible to know that a god (or more) does or does not exist.

Agnosticism: An agnostic believes that it is not possible to know that a god (or more) does or does not exist.

These create people who are one of the following (this can change throughout a person’s life):

Gnostic Theist: These characters believe in a god (or more) and are absolutely sure that it exists. Depending on the personality of this character, they might take offense if other people tell them they are wrong or that their religion is false. Others will brush it off and not care.

Agnostic Theist: These characters believe in a god (or more), but do not claim to know for sure if this god exists. These characters might struggle with their religion if this existence is important to them.

Gnostic Atheist: These characters are absolutely sure that there is no god (or more).

Agnostic Atheist: These characters do not believe in a god (or more), but do not claim to know of its existence for sure.

THE BEGINNINGS

Most early religions began with animism. This is when supernatural powers, life, souls, or spirits are attributed to the natural world as well as objects.

Sometimes, deities can be created when certain attributes as parts of the natural world are viewed as more important than others. A population may give a name to a particular spirit (like the sun) and thus make a deity out of it. Over time, this leads to polytheism.

The earliest deities were most likely female because back then, humans believed that women had the ability to create life from nothing. This is why “virgin” deities, goddesses, beings, and religious figures are common. They are seen as being able to make life by themselves, but the concept of virginity has changed to being “clean” or “pure”.

Early monotheistic religions often came from polytheism, but not always. What happens is one deity becomes more important than all the others for whatever reason. Here are some reasons for why monotheism might have come up in your world (with the exception of the spread of religion):

A person claims that one deity is the true deity. All other deities are slowly forgotten or reassigned as lesser religious beings, but not deities.

One deity may be more important than the other deities. Over time, this deity becomes the sole deity. All other deities are slowly forgotten or reassigned as lesser religious beings, but not deities.

A historical figure transforms into a deity over time through myth and legend, thus becoming a major deity.

One deity might “absorb” other deities and their attributes due to its importance, thus becoming a single deity who is a mixture of other deities.

Religion does not always evolve in this order and it does not have to. There is no “ultimate” form of religion. Monotheism is not “civilized” and animism is not “primitive”. They are both valid religions, they just exist in different ways.

One source of conflict for your story could be the switch from one form of religion to another. If polytheism is moving into monotheism, a minority of the population might be trying hard to hold onto old deities.

Of course, there are more types of religion other than animism, polytheism, and monotheism, such as naturalism. Look around at various religions for some inspiration.

NAME

The name! You have to name your religion. The followers of this religion need a name to refer to themselves by. You can also have names for the various branches of a religion or for the followers of a specific religious figure. If you’ve made up a language, you can use that language to create a name. You can also name the religion after a deity, a historical figure, or a religious figure. You can also name it after the founder of the religion.

ORIGINS

Where did this religion originate? With older religions, it might not be clear. Other religions have a clear start, or at least are known to have started in a specific area or with a specific person. If there is a founder of the religion, create this character and their history.

You also need an origin story for the world. A lot of religions have them.

REASON AND APPEAL

There are three general reasons for why people practice religion:

Sociological: Religion is used for cultural conformity. It unites a community through similar morals and values and can be used to control a population or to bring general peace among worldviews. If you can influence a person’s thoughts, you can control their actions.

Cognitive: Religion has been used to explain the unknown and to help people make sense of the world they live in. Myths, legends, and deities have been used to explain why the seasons change or why storms happen. Religion offers an explanation.

Psychological: People turn to religion in times of need or emotional struggle. They might turn to religion because they have a sick family member or they might turn to religion because they need an end to a drought. Having a reason to hold on (religion) can help people get through the hard times.

It’s common that all three reasons exist together, but one reason may outweigh another in an individual or a population. For example, in a time of famine, the majority of a population might turn to religion for reason 2. In a society with little understanding of science, the majority of the population might use religion for reason 1.

When creating a religion, think about why your characters are religious or why they are not religious. Think about situations that would make them approach religion. All characters will differ based on their personal needs, how religious they are, and how they were raised. Some characters might only turn to religion when they are extremely desperate.

SACRED TEXTS

A sacred text is a general term that refers to a text that is important to a religion. The Bible is an example. Sacred texts do not have to exist in a religion. Oral histories can take their place or exist alongside them.

If there is a sacred text, decide how it is supposed to be read. Some religious texts are meant to be read by a religious official, who teaches others what it says (the Bible). Other texts are meant to be ready by everyone and interpreted on an individual level (the Qur’an).

If the sacred text is meant to be read by a religious official and no one else, religious officials will be educated while most of the population will not be (depending on the society, available education, hierarchy, and technology available to spread written texts). Lack of literacy might be used to control the population.

Sacred texts might be a part of the government. If so, create laws carefully and make sure you know all the details about the religion and the government you’ve created.

Another option for a sacred text is one that is created by an individual or by a community. These sacred texts are filled with whatever information a person sees as important to the way they practice their religion. They may collect information through religious officials, oral histories, or their own experiences. These sacred texts can be passed down to another generation.

Here are some things you can put in a sacred text:

Historical Accounts: If a sacred text is just a historical account of a religion, you’ll need to come up with mythologies that fit into this text.

Laws & Guidelines: Sometimes, a sacred text is used to write down laws and guidelines of a religion.

Prayers, Songs, etc.: If prayers, chants, songs, and other spoken words are important to a religion or hold meaning, they might show up in a sacred text.

PLACE OF WORSHIP

Not all religions have a place of worship. However, places of worship can be as grand as the Hagia Sophia or they can be as simple as a personal altar in one’s home.

Within certain religions, such as Catholicism, there can be a hierarchy of places of worship. For example, a Cathedral is a church, but it also acts as the seat of a Bishop for a given area. Places of worship, in times when the majority of the population could not read, used lots of common symbols within the architecture so that people knew it was a place of worship for a certain religion. This is why many medieval religious buildings portray religious stories or figures within the architecture.

If there are places of worship in your world, put them in your story. If they are in a city or near a trading center, they might be more grand than others due to available resources. If a government official commissions one of these buildings, it will likely be large and detailed due to available expenses. Places of worship in isolated areas are likely to be smaller and simpler.

Make these places known in your world. Give them a feel. A lot of religious buildings are meant to give the feeling of grandness and divinity. Some might make a person feel small and insignificant. Give these buildings a demeanor. This will help readers get a feel for this religion while also setting the mood and tone for the scene.

BELIEFS

Create the main beliefs and philosophies of your religion. This will impact your society as a whole. However, there should be differing opinions and beliefs within a religion. People are going to interpret parts of a religion in different ways and will have different opinions on how to approach a religion.

Opposing Forces: Some religions have opposing forces within it, such as good vs evil. Some religions don’t have opposing forces and rather see everything just as it is without attributing morality. Decide how your religion views the world.

Opposing Forces 2: This refers to the opinions of people within the religion. Having differing opinions within a religion can be mild, but it can also be extreme. The latter can cause lots of conflict and even a split in religion, creating two different branches or a new religion altogether.

Common Values: The main values and morals of this religion will affect the way your characters think and behave, even if they are not religious. Being raised around this religion can sway their opinions. This might create conflict for your characters when faced with a decision that goes against what they were raised with.

Afterlife: Everyone, at one point, wonders what happens when we die. As I mentioned above, religion is often used to explain the unknown. What is the afterlife in this religion? If there are no opposing forces of good vs evil, there will probably not be a hell-like place.

Sins: You don’t need to put sins in your religion, but it can help with conflict and character morals. Decide what this religion has outlawed or what it has looked down upon. If you want, sins can become law through the government.

Other Religions: For a post on what happens when other cultures come in contact with each other, look at the lower part of this post. Sometimes, religions can exist peacefully side by side.

Like I said, beliefs will impact your characters and the world they grew up in. People are a part of whatever culture they were raised in and it’s impossible to completely cut off those ties. The morals, values, and beliefs of your world’s religion impacts your characters in a much larger way than you think.

BRANCHES

Lots of religions have different sub-religions, branches, and denominations. If the religion you have created it widespread, it’s likely that this religion will have sub-religions and different forms of worship. If a religion has influence on another religion, those religions might end up combining.

Region: Different branches of a religion tend to be dominant in certain regions, even in multi-cultural places. Decide where certain branches are more common or where they are limited to.

Interaction: Two different branches within a religion might hate each other to such extremities that war can occur. This is another source of conflict for your fictional world.

Difference of Beliefs: If applicable to your story, think up some differences between the branches of religion.

VISIBILITY

Religion should be seen in your story if you make up one. It doesn’t matter if it’s not a huge part or if none of the characters are extremely religious. If you have created a religion, it should  have some visibility. It could influence language, dress, architecture, holidays, and more.

Architecture: This will most likely be places of worship, but religion can appear in all types of buildings and structures. Certain symbols might be seen in windows or on doors. Certain architectural styles might hold symbolic meaning, like how tall buildings are seen as reaching up to the heavens and therefore are seen as divine.

Clothing: Religious clothing can be obvious or subtle, but it still affects fashion. People might mimic the style of a religious figure or they might wear something that shows which deity they worship. If you show this, you can let the reader know what certain characters value. For example, wearing a certain symbol in the form of a pin might show that a person worships the deity of bravery, thus showing that this character values bravery.

Language: People mention parts of their religion in common phrases all the time, sometimes without realizing it. You can come up with exclamations and common phrases in your world through their religion.

Calendars: A lot of calendars surround important dates in religion. If you’re looking where to put year zero, go to religion. Did someone important die in that year? Were they born? Did something else important happen?

SYMBOL

Most religions have some kind of symbol. This symbol is often important to that religion (like the cross for Christianity). Creating a symbol can add depth to your world while also bringing reality to this religion. You can put this symbol in various places to help show readers where this religion has spread.

It’s not necessary to have a symbol.

POPULARITY

Decide how far this religion has spread and what people think about it. Religions, if small, are sometimes viewed as cults. If they gain popularity and start overcoming another dominant religion, they might be seen as threats.

Region: Know the region that your religion has spread to. There can be small regions within larger regions that resist this religion. If your characters are traveling, knowing the boundaries of this religion can help you create scenes and cultures that have this religious influence.

Subscribers: Decide how many people subscribe to this religion. If this is the dominant religion in a region, this religion will be more visible in your world.

Influence: Religion has massive influence on culture. If you are writing a world where religion is important, it will greatly influence your characters’ lives and worlds.

Spread: Does this religion have a goal to spread to other places? If so, your religious characters might try to convert others or there might be conflict with the spread of religion.

JOINING

Is there a certain way to join this religion? Many religions have rituals, ceremonies, and initiations that are used to accept a person into that religion.

Invitation: A few religions are invitation-only. This can be rigid or more free. A rigid invitation means that only a certain person can invite others into this religion. For example, if a person wants to bring a friend into their religion, they might have to bring their friend to a religious official to get permission. Less rigid invitations can be as simple as allowing any member of a religion to bring in others.

Open: An open religion allows anyone to join whether they were invited or not. These religions can spread fast while invitation-only religions are able to stay small and private for a longer period of time.

The Initiator: Who performs the ceremony? Most often, it is a religious official, but it doesn’t have to be.

The Ceremony: How they are brought into a religion? What happens during the ceremony? How long does it take? Are there any preparations that need to be made? Does it have to happen at a certain age? If so, your characters might have to go through this.

Birth: Most people are born into a religion. Sometimes, they are given the choice to leave this religion at a certain age or they can be officially initiated (like within some Amish communities). This might cause stress for characters if they come of this age and if their parents or guardians are expecting them to turn a certain way.

Forced: Sometimes, people are forced to join a religion.

RELIGIONS IN YOUR WORLD

It’s realistic to have more than one religion present. They don’t have to exist equally and probably won’t.

Outlawed: An outlawed religion is one that is not allowed to be practiced. What are the punishments for practicing an outlawed religion? Why are they outlawed?

Minority: A minority religion is simply one that has a lesser amount of followers than a dominant religion. They do not have to be oppressed religions.

Oppressed: An oppressed religion is one that may or may not have been outlawed and one that is rejected by society as a whole. Practitioners experience discrimination. What this discrimination is depends on you.

Dominant: The dominant religion is the one that is most common in a given region. It does not have to be oppressive to other religions.

Secret: Secret religions are unknown to the general population and are invitation-only.

Mythical: Mythical religions are secret religions that may or may not exist. The general population might have conspiracies about the existence, but they have no hard proof.

Dead: These religions are no longer practiced.

Revived: These are religions that were previously dead, but revived by a population. The practices in the revival will not be the same as the original religion.

GENERAL QUESTIONS

What is the dominant religion in your character’s region? How do they feel about it? Is it their religion? Do they agree with the dominant opinions?

How much power does religion have? Are government rulers considered divine or close to divinity? Is religion above the law? Does it dictate your character’s world?

What is the most well known story? What does this story explain? Does it give morals or does it explain a natural occurrence? Or something else? How does this story affect your characters and their world?

How important is religion to your character? Do they turn to religion in times of need? Do they take offense if someone puts down their religion? Do they try to spread their religion?

Why do people follow this religion? Did it appear in a time of need? Or is it used as an explanation? Does it bring a community together? Is there a reward (like in the afterlife)? Were they forced to convert?

What sacred days are there? Are there any at all? If so, how are these days viewed? How often do they come along? What do they celebrate?

How did this religion spread? Some religions spread unintentionally, as do languages and other cultures. The Phoenicians never had the intention of conquest, only trade. Their trade led to widespread cultural exchange. Was your religion spread on purpose? Is it actively spread? Was it forced upon a population?

How does the environment affect religion? Available resource might determine what is used for places of worship. Weather might create deities. Positions of the sun might create holidays. Geography in general might impact the origin story of the world.

How does this religion feel about various topics like marriage, death, sex, sexuality, drugs, magic, incest, and murder? What this religion says about such topics will determine what is considered “the norm” in your world and how your characters act. If incest is considered a sin rather than just taboo, people might be afraid to get too close to their sibling.

What conflict does this religion create? Does it create internal conflict for your character? Does it create wars or fights between people? Is it dangerous for your character to travel in a certain area because of their religion?

How does this religion impact your character’s outlook on life? Religion shapes the way a person perceives the world. It impacts whether they see a person as a villain or as a hero and how they feel about everything in general.

Yet another AO3 bot situation - please spread the word!

Hi, it's me again, the person who wrote that viral post about fanfiction plagiarism! Today I'm here to warn you about abuse perpetrated by bots who have stolen AO3 usernames.

There's currently an epidemic of bots going around leaving (apparently random) horrible, hateful comments on people's fics. This isn't the first time bots have invaded AO3, but the big problem with this wave is that they're using real AO3 usernames to do it.

I learned about this when another writer contacted me after receiving the following comment on their story:

Now, while that is my username, I DEFINITELY did not leave this comment (and anyone who would leave something like that on a fic should be slapped! What an awful thing to post). This fic is in a completely unrelated fandom that I have never participated in, nor has that author participated in any of my fandoms, so the probability of it being some intentional fandom drama thing to make me look bad is also low.

The writer whose fic the comment was left on enlisted the aid of some friends and tracked down other guest comments with unrelated usernames attached, which is pretty strong evidence that they are being left by bots at random.

The TL;DR: If you receive a cruel comment from a (Guest) with an actual AO3 username attached, it's most likely from a bot. Please do not lash out at or dogpile the AO3 user who owns that name, and who in all likelihood has no idea that their name has been hijacked for evil.

If finding this kind of comment on a fic, even left by a bot, is likely to upset you, I would recommend changing your comment settings so that only users who are logged in can leave comments. To do this, edit your story settings, and under "Privacy," select the radio button that says "Only registered users can comment," as shown below.

Please spread the word to other AO3 users! And if you see mean guest comments on other fics, maybe let the author know that it's probably from a bot and not a real person who thinks their writing is bad.

I bet the person who said to the TV Producer “Hey, let’s let the unknown guy from Kazakhstan go first. How bad could that turn out?” got fired so hard for this. Turn on the sound. You will NOT regret it. For those who don’t know, this is a singing competition in China in 2017. They brought in the best singers around China and decided to bring in a “Wild Card” to spice up the competition. That wild card was Dimash Kudaibergen. No one was ready for him. And the look of absolute SHOCK on the other contestants faces is a joy.

Update!

Oii, como vai? Vou ter que dar um tempinho na escrita. Sei que meu texto não está muito bom e que faltam no máximo uns dez capítulos para terminarmos a história. Porém, tenho que pensar melhor em como encerrá-la.

Eu estava planejando trazer o Jason para o enredo, como um amigo do Nico na Itália, e mostrar mais do Luke (ele tem um crush no Nico, mas o Percy chegou primeiro^^) e também mais algumas cenas do passado. Vou ter que deixar essas cenas para a revisão/segunda versão da história, porque agora estou focando em chegar ao fim dela.

Também tenho em mente algumas cenas do Percy e do Nico na Itália. Na verdade, o clímax deveria ser dramático. O que eu faço se não estou no clima para escrever algo assim? srsrs É por isso que vou dar uma parada, para ver se recupero o drama e a angústia dentro de mim. Eu estava pensando em fazer alguns posts sobre escrita criativa, alguém interessado?

Relato de uma Suicida #original

Sinopse: Esse é meu relato. Um relato de uma alma perdida e torturada, já esquecida pelo tempo. Quando você a achar, já não estarei aqui. Só peço que você leia, me entenda e não conte para ninguém. Porque no fundo ninguém gosta da verdade.

Carta a Alguém

Dói muito. Não me deixe ir, por favor. Onde você está? Não deixe com que eu me afogue, eu não aguento mais. Quanta dor alguém pode suportar? Quantas frustrações e desespero são necessários para que o alívio venha? Talvez eu nunca saiba, embora o conhecimento desse fato me liberte de alguma forma

Sim, foi o que você leu. Morte. A doce e serena paz.

Mas eu quero que você entenda, chegou um momento em que foi insuportável continuar, então eu fiz o que nunca tinha pensado, o que meus pais e amigos nunca perdoariam; tomei um vidro inteiro de calmantes e me deitei sob o manto majestoso da água, esperei que até que ela fizesse seu trajeto e que em sua dolorosa lerdeza, entrasse por meus pulmões e trouxesse a liberdade que eu precisava. E por um mísero momento foi puro êxtase, sentia que minha hora finalmente chegava; meu corpo tremia de excitação e meu coração disparava, eu estava tão perto, enfim teria meu descanso.

Mas, então, havia você.

Você não deixou, me resgatou da minha felicidade eminente, da minha paz, do único sossego que eu poderia ter.

Mas, você… você não tinha o direito. Abriu a porta do banheiro e apenas tomou minha vontade de viver em suas mãos, tratando como se fosse a sua própria, me puxou para cima em direção a superfície e para fora da água, liberando meu pulmão para que o oxigênio pudesse circular.

Você não tinha o direito.

Ainda me lembro de suas palavras ríspidas e mãos desesperadas percorrendo meu corpo em busca de um pulso, de qualquer sinal de vida; um doce momento de agonia, um maldito momento de sorte; com o primeiro folego de ar circulando meu corpo veio a dor, minha garganta queimou e minha vergonha apareceu, eu não pude olhar nos seus olhos, não pude te encarar, mas lá estava você, sua voz rouca de tanto gritar me pedindo para voltar, me pedindo para acordar. Entretanto, eu não queria, e por um longo tempo tive minha paz. Mas como eu poderia continuar dormindo se você continuou ali, do meu lado, segurando minha mão? Implorando dia após dia ‘você tem que acordar, querida. Volte para mim.’ E foi o que fiz, abri os olhos e a luz branca do quarto de hospital me cegou por um momento, porém sua mão na minha me trouxe de volta como ela sempre trazia. Eu olhei para você e sorri, era bom sorrir novamente. Você me disse ‘oi’ e aquela simples palavra o suficiente para trazer lágrimas aos meus olhos, iguais aos seus. Eu suspirei e continuei olhando para você porque era a única coisa que eu poderia fazer, porque eu estava viva e que porque alguém se importava. Foi o dia que eu entendi, eu precisava de ajuda. Você não precisava me dizer outra vez, eu sabia que precisava. Eu estou aqui, não estou? Em meio a seus gritos e suplicas de amor. Estou aqui enfim pedindo abrigo, de peito aberto e cabeça baixa, da forma mais clara e concisa que eu poderia usar.

Não era essa a sinceridade que você tanto pediu? Essa é minha tentativa de te dizer. Quero que você saiba de tudo, o que passei e o que ainda vou passar. EU preciso de você, preciso do seu corpo quente para me esquentar nas noites escuras e do seu ombro para chorar quando o mundo for um lugar grande demais para mim. Espero que não seja tarde demais e que você saiba que não importa o que o aconteça comigo, mesmo que eu faça tudo errado e acabe por mudar de uma forma irreversível e irreconhecível, que me perca em mim mesma e no meu mundinho estreito e miúdo, repleto de fantasias e monstros, onde tudo há um começo, um meio e um fim. Quero que você sabia de tudo isso e que possa me perdoar. Você vai ficar comigo e fazer tudo dar certo?

Eu sei que você vai, porque não é sempre o que acontece? Nessa nossa fantasia de mundo real, essa experiência momentânea que chamamos de vida? Para melhor ou para pior, é tudo o que temos. Eu queria poder dizer o que acontece a seguir. No enredo perfeito eu saberia exatamente como termina a nossa história, você seguraria minha mão e juntos continuaríamos nossa jornada, sem dor ou obstáculos, porque enfim chegaríamos ao nosso almejado final feliz.

Será que depois de tudo isso você pode entender? Será que pode me perdoar? Eu nunca saberei ao certo, pois você não me diz nada. Mesmo você estando ao meu lado nesse exato momento estamos há galáxias de distância. Você pode me escutar? Pode escutar meu coração batendo rápido cada vez que você me olha? A cada vez que segura minha mão? Como ela treme e eu finjo que nada acontece?

Você sabe o que faz comigo?

Não, eu não peço muito. Será que você pode fazer isso por mim? Só preciso de uma migalha, de uma promessa, só uma, apenas uma garantia de que tudo vai ficar bem e você vai continuar aqui, num gesto que pode salvar vidas, que pode salvar a minha vida. Me prometa que quando as coisas ficarem difíceis você não vai pensar em nada além de me estender a mão, sem pretensão ou obrigação alguma, só porque você quer. Você vai me segurar em seus braços e dizer que tudo vai ficar bem? Eu preciso saber.

Então, pense bem, apenas por um momento. Você vai me salvar?

Me prometa. É só o que eu peço.

E não se esqueça, não importa o quão longe eu pareça estar e o quão isolada eu deseje ficar, apenas se deite aqui, bem do meu lado, onde nenhum monstro possa nos alcançar. Palavras não são necessárias, muito menos atos grandiosos. Apenas se deite ao meu lado, me abrace bem forte e beije meu pescoço. Só isso. Eu vou respirar fundo e fingir que não há nada a temer, que os monstros atrás da porta, me torturando lentamente, são só isso, ficção da minha mente, ilusões ocas sem sentido. Mas, veja bem, seu eu jogar isso tudo fora o que me restará? Migalhas de sentimentos? Meios-termos nunca completos?

Eu acho que não. Eu seria apenas mais um copo meio cheio, meio cheio de nada, cheio de vazio. É por isso que pego esse meu relato e guardo para mim, bem escondido no fundo do guarda-roupa para que ninguém perceba, ninguém além de você, quando o peso do mundo me obriga a mostrar o que há dentro de mim. Afinal, quem iria quer uma coisa tão quebrada, tão sem uso como eu? Pois, agora, enquanto me deito entre seus braços no fim do dia, não me resta nada além de me contentar com o que eu sou. Espero que no fim, você ainda me queira pelo menos uma fração do que eu te quero.

Esse é o meu relato.

Ei, como é que vai? Foi meio pesado, ne? Eu sei. E não se preocupe, estou bem. Esse foi um conto que escrevi nos anos de 2010 a 2015. Sabe aquela musica “How to save a life, do The Fray“? Foi inspirada nela. As vezes, é interessante escrever algo diferente, algo que você pode experimentar sem ter que se tornar real. Espero que essa história possa te proporcionar isso.

Até a próxima!