Is Your Dad Ron Swanson? (via Blooper2112)

AO3 Etiquette -UPDATED

Based on both decent and not so decent replies, I have made some changes to my original post below.

It would seem a whole new kind of AO3 reader/writer is emerging and it is becoming clear not everyone quite understands how the website community works. Here is some basic guidance on how most people expect you to go about using AO3 to keep this a fun community archive that funtions correctly:

Kudos is for when the story was interesting enough to make you finish reading. If it sucked or was badly written, you probably left. If you finished it, you liked it - so kudos.

If you really liked it, you should comment. It can be long and detailed or a literal keysmash. Writers don't care, we just love comments.

No critisism unless the author has specifically asked or agreed to hear it. Even constructive critisism is a no-no unless an author note tells you it's okay. No, posting it online is not an open invitation for that. Many people write as a fun hobby or a way to cope with, among other things, insecurity and just want to share. Don't ruin that for them.

Do not comment to ask the author to write/update something else. It's tacky and off-putting and will probably have the opposite effect than the one you want.

There is no algorithm, it's an archive. Use the search and filter function to add/remove the pairings/characters/tropes etc. you want to read about and it will find you the fics that fit the bill.

For this to work, writers must tag and rate stories. This avoids readers finding the wrong things and missing the stuff they want. I don't care how cringy that trope is in your eyes - it gets tagged.

Character A/Character B means a ROMANTIC or SEXUAL relationship of some kind. Character A&Character B is PLANTONIC, like friendship or family.

Nothing is banned. This is an implicit rule because banning one thing is a slipperly slope to banning another and another, until nothing is allowed anymore. Do not expect anyone to censor for you. Because of the tags system, you are responsible for your own reading experience.

People can create new chapters and sequels/fic series any time after they "complete" a story. So it's considered perfectly normal to subscribe, even to a finished story. You can even subscribe to the author instead just to cover your bases.

Do not repost stories or change the publishing date without an extremely good reason (like a complete top to bottom rewrite). It's an archive, not social media. No one cares what's the most recent, only what fits their tag needs.

Try to avoid deleting a story you wrote if you hate it - make it anonymous or orphan it so others can still enjoy it, without it being connected to your name anymore.

It's come to my attention that metaworks ARE allowed on AO3, which is something I wasn't aware of. So if you do post an essay or theory, please tag it as such so others can choose to search for it or exclude it.

The only reason this archive works is because NON ONE PROFITS. Do not link to your ko-fi or patreon or mention monetary gain in any way or you violate the terms and risk having your account removed.

I KNOW there's plenty more I missed but I'm trying to cover most of the basics that people seem to be struggling with.

I invite anyone to add to this, but please explain, don't berate.

creating this mostly for myself for when i need this but also because several people have asked me how i find jobs! so here’s a list of seasonal/outdoor work job boards for yall/my future self-

coolworks- this is the “staple” job board- it’s lighter on the conservation side and heavier on the seasonal work- think more housekeeping, guest services, etc. but it sometimes has good stuff and is a great way to break into the outdoor job world! also if you’re ever in a housing pinch, they have a section of jobs with housing, which is a great way to escape your living situation if you need.

texas a&m university- this is a natural resources job board & conservation specific. lots of volunteer positions & lots of openings for biology things.

conservation job board- what it says on the tin. also contains some more ‘indoors’ type jobs that are still conservation- think grant writing, etc.

usa jobs- anything government. you need an account and a usa jobs specific resume.

good food jobs- more farm/food jobs and less conservation. if you have restaurant experience you’ll find stuff here, but it has a lot of farm things too! seemingly constantly updating. you need to make an account to apply.

backdoorjobs- coolworks but more obscure and a little harder to navigate. things seem to be better paying on there but stuff is posted less often and stays on there after the position’s been filled.

farm and ranch jobs- what it says on the tin.

agriculture careers- this is ag jobs but much more career focused, and you need to make an account to really view anything.

farm job list- what it says on the tin.

farm job search- what it says on the tin.

good luck and happy job hunting!

All I can hear is Merida from brave 😂

Where the Sky Met the Sea - Chapter 1: Sleep on the Floor

Series Masterlist | Cross-Published on AO3

Pairing: Sugar Daddy!Ezra (from the 2018 movie Prospect) x F!Reader

Summary: Returning from the Green Moon with more wealth than he could ever fathom, Ezra expected life to be as rich as his bank account now was. Instead, he and his adopted daughter, Cee, struggles with the crippling loneliness that comes with people only wanting to know you for your money.

Desperate to find a genuine place to call home, Ezra drags himself and Cee across the galaxy until they stumble upon a small planet and settle into a quaint seaside town that honors tradition and hard work in a way that feels almost primitive, but welcome after being suffocated by robotic tech.

Expecting the same monotony he had experienced on other planets, Ezra is shocked to find the town and its people have secrets as deep and dark as the sea and the cure to his loneliness may be found in the town's struggling bookshop owner.

Warnings: mild sexual content, mild violence.

Chapter Rating: T

Word count: 2,722

"Pack yourself a toothbrush, dear, Pack yourself a favorite blouse. Take a withdrawal slip, Take all of your savings out. 'Cause if we don't leave this town We might never make it out."

- Sleep on the Floor by The Lumineers

When they had returned from the Green with more Aurelac gems than they imagined possible, Ezra had expected a rich life filled with opportunities and comforts he had only ever read of in his stories. He could get a new arm, and he could buy a house for himself and Cee. Hell, he could send her to school if it was what she wished. 

When they returned to The Pug and turned in their haul, Ezra had expected enough money to not have to worry about work for a good while. But he hadn’t expected the gems to gift them riches so deep he and Cee couldn’t see the bottom of their new prosperous well. Not only would he and Cee not have to work for a while, but they’d also never have to work or worry about anything ever again. 

Bringing home one Auerlac was impressive, but bringing back as many as he and Cee had was unheard of. So he wasn’t surprised when word got out that the one armed man and his “daughter” struck it rich. He wasn’t expecting himself and Cee to be celebrated, perhaps a moment of intensity that would die out when the next soul brought back their own wealth and life would move on.

But he had been wrong.

Ezra should have picked up on something being wrong when he was fitted with the latest prosthetic to replace his arm. The nurses and technicians hadn’t been the warmest, but he had caught enough wandering side eyes and hushed whispers to feel unease. An unease that didn’t leave him even after he had left.

It was Cee who pointed out that they were often the center of attention wherever they went, regardless of what they were doing. It had been the same as it was when Ezra got his new arm, with side eyes watching their every move and vocal conversations suddenly hushing when they enter a room. 

But unlike the techs and nurses, when Ezra lifted his head to catch the stares and stillness, the patrons would be back to focusing on the person their with or what they’re doing. It was only when he returned his focus to Cee or his food that he noticed the people around them going back to staring and whispering that he could only see in his peripherals, but never straight on.

Ezra did end up buying himself and Cee a house like he had originally planned. It was the nicest condo he had ever seen let alone lived in, and he spared no expense to get the best quality furniture for himself and the girl. They had a gorgeous view of the city with floor to ceiling windows and the best security they could buy. But that didn’t stop the harassment or the unbridled desire the public had out for them.

He had been thrilled when Cee had made friends, going out often as teenage girls do. And Ezra kept busy buying art he had always wanted but never could afford, along with finding and collecting the rarest books he never knew existed. And when he got lonely and Cee was unavailable for their family movie nights, Ezra went to the classiest bars and restaurants and indulged himself in the finest wine and whatever company caught his eye.

The first instance Ezra realized things hadn’t died down for him and Cee was when the girl came home crying one day. He had tried to get answers from her, but she only shook her head and locked herself in her room. She’d only come out to eat and join him for their family movie nights, but she kept to the other side of the couch, eyes sunken in as if she hadn’t slept properly in days.

The second instance was when Ezra made the mistake of bringing home a date after what he considered a wonderful night out. Dinner at the lake, dancing under the stars, sipping wine while listening to a live band play… It was only logical to bring an exquisite woman like her back for an appropriate finale. 

Ezra had fucked her passionately, his tongue and teeth leaving no patch of skin left unloved. But he had woken up sometime in the night to find her rummaging through his things, unashamed of the mess she made while silently tearing apart his room for Kevva knows what.

Ezra had kicked her out with what she came with (and nothing more), but despite nipping the problem in the bud he still felt restless. As if sensing his unease, Cee left her room and they both in silence agreement sat on the couch to watch movies until the sun peeked over the horizon. He never said it out loud, and he knew he didn’t have to, but he was grateful for Cee’s 6th sense in knowing when he needed company. 

What he thought was one bad date turned into numerous more. If his dates weren’t trying to pick his pockets while he slept after a passionate night, they would verbally degrade him for declining them every one of their whims whether it was bottles of the most expensive liquor or item on the menu. 

It wasn’t that Ezra was cheap, he was happy to spend his money on the finest things available for the finest company, but he noticed a pattern where his dates and one night stands would only focus on the most expensive things available. Him declining was a test to their temperament and intentions. One that each and every one of them failed.

At first he hadn’t planned on telling Cee any of this, not wanting to worry her. But it became too much too soon and he realized this impacted her as well regardless if he liked it or not. He told her as much as he felt was appropriate, and it was then that Cee opened up about her own reclusive behaviors.

The girls she befriended had ended up like the people he dated and slept with. Warm and comforting until they didn’t get what they wanted. And when Cee explained to them that she was only sixteen and wasn’t comfortable with buying anything expensive without her “father’s” permission, they lashed out. They had isolated her and turned her into a modern day pariah, unable to go anywhere without being rejected by businesses or potential friendships. 

The final straw was when someone tried to break into their condo.

It had been the middle of the night and the alarms had startled him out of a deep sleep. Ezra barely registered Cee running into his room and throwing herself into his bed, clinging to him with tears streaking down her face. The water leaking from her eyes and the panic on her face was enough to sober him into action.

The security protocol blared and then eerily shut off without Ezra turning it off himself. He had barely made it to the door to initiate the emergency locking system himself when he heard the sound of gunshots go off, ricocheting off the door. He had called the police and was shocked when they brushed him off. No one was sent out, and no one bothered to check in on them. Even when he told them he had a teenage daughter, even when he said he had a child. It wasn’t enough. 

Ezra initiated the lock screens over the windows, bullet proof sheets that kept the city lights out. Even in the armored shell he put himself and Cee in, he still felt unsafe. And he felt like an absolute failure to not have nipped this in the bud sooner.

He and Cee rearranged the furniture and had the couch facing the front door. They sat on it, Ezra armed with his rifle, Cee tucked into his side and holding her knees to her chest. She had grabbed a knife from the kitchen and her knuckles turned white from gripping it so hard. But Ezra didn’t have it in him to take it away from her or tell her to ease up. He didn’t blame her. 

They sat like that all night, unblinkingly staring at the door for a threat that never resurfaced. But they weren’t going to test their luck. The moment the morning light stretched across the sky, they were gone.

Ezra and Cee packed everything they could into their bags and left, unbothered with what they left behind. Ezra left the keys on the coffee table and the door wide open, an invitation to whoever wanted to live there could do so for free. Furniture and all.

When they made it to the docking port, the city started to stir awake and Ezra bought the first pod that was offered to them. A glorified space mini-van with enough room for the both of them without being smothered by the other’s presence, but small enough to go mostly unnoticed. 

The moment the paperwork was signed and he was given the keys, Ezra and Cee took off to the stars and left the misery they experienced on The Pug behind. They had found their way to Central, close enough to fly to without a lot of stress or resources, but far enough to where their reputation and spoils couldn’t follow them.

But buying a condo on Central, furnishing it, and going about their lives as if what happened on The Pug never happened felt… not wrong, but not right, either. It was too familiar, a beautiful love letter to Deja Vu if Ezra ever read one. 

It wasn’t too long after they had made themselves comfortable and dropped their guards did the horrors of The Pug begin to repeat themselves in their new home. Friendships gone sour, dates gone bad, side eyed stares turning into ogling unabashedly. Ezra didn’t fuck around, he bought the best security and the moment it was threatened he and Cee packed what they could, sold their old pod, bought another, and were gone before the sun peered over the horizon.

It was like that with The Ephrate, every habitable planet they landed on being as hostile as the last. They had stopped fully moving in to their abodes, sleeping on bare mattresses and living off of half assed furniture. There were many nights wide awake, waiting for the shoe to drop. Days and weeks dragged by where they anxiously waited to see if the spirits of their wealth would find them and continue to haunt them in their new homes. 

After the 6th planet in less than a year, and with Cee nearly getting stabbed and robbed, Ezra was done. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. He had Cee pack one last time and they escaped into the night even before first light.

When they reached the port, Ezra stopped Cee from going to their pod and shook his head. 

“Let it burn, Birdie. There’s nothing left for us there."

Cee didn’t fight it. They took what they could from the pod and then dropped the keys. Cee used a lipstick she had to write “FREE TO WHOEVER” along the side and as big as she physically could. 

When she was done, Ezra snuck her through the port, blending in with the shadows until they stood before a small Long-Haul Space Freighter intended to carry supplies and very little crew. 

Ezra checked a port monitor and was thankful that the ship was going to a planet he had never heard of, one so far it was almost in Wild Space. The shipments told him there was at least some sort of population, but as to how many people or the climate, Ezra could only guess. But it was their last hope to finally find the peace Ezra had longed for him and his adopted daughter after a year of absolute agony.

They made themselves comfortable in the hull and waited. They held their breath when they heard activity in the port and sighed in relief when the haul was shut tight and pressed into one another when the ship took off. Hands clasped together, Ezra’s head on Cee’s, they waited to see if the hull would pressurize with air or if they’d have little to no oxygen on their trip to the unknown. A sad but poetic end to the life they had briefly lived. 

But the hull did pressurize and Ezra and Cee could finally collapse into themselves with relief, giddy to have escaped the horrors behind them, but equally unsure of what awaited them.

The trip took about two weeks, and Ezra and Cee lived off of their own rations until they had to steal from one of the boxes to survive. They took turns sleeping, and waited until the ship was in night mode before sneaking off to use the bathroom and freshen up. It reminded Ezra of the hardships they had endured on the Green, but more glamours with the food they found and the lack of suits needed to breathe.

When they felt the ship descend into the planet’s atmosphere, Ezra couldn’t deny the way his heart sped up. It was akin to the time he had his first crush, that hopeful excitement of something new. Something good. But something equally terrifying and unknown.

They didn’t bother to wait for the crew to unpack to sneak off the ship. They stood proudly at the entrance as the ramp descended to momentarily blind them with the planet’s sun. But when they blinked away the sensitivity forced upon their eyes, neither could stop themselves from staring with their mouths ajar.

The planet’s name was Ecyria, if Ezra remembered correctly. It was big enough to be considered a planet but small enough to be the wallpaper of planets, overlooked and under appreciated by those exploring Wild Space. And it was nothing they had ever seen before.

Before them was a never ending ocean where the horizon bled into the sea with a sunset made of vivid shades of reds, oranges, and pinks. The port was open air, small enough to have only a handful of mid-sized ships, if that.

There was only one path leading to and from the port and it snaked down over rolling green hills to a village made of stone and wood, surrounded by green trees and sat on top of a cliff overlooking the water’s edge where wooden docks could be seen for old sailing ships that looked straight from one of Ezra’s novels. The whole village did.

“Ez…” Cee breathed, unable to tear her eyes away.

“I know, Birdie. I know.” Ezra said with an equal amount of awe in his voice.

Without looking, they found each other’s hands and held them tightly, looking out at their new home as crew from the ship and crew from the planet worked around them, giving them odd looks. But not with the same hostility they grew accustomed used to.

This was a planet that embraced modern technology but cradled old traditions and way of life that felt so primitive compared to what Ezra and Cee had lived through all their lives. A way of life that felt forgotten, but was still greatly appreciated by the two space travelers and clearly those local to the planet.

Somewhere nearby, Cee could smell freshly baked pastries, and as the day died before them and night took its place, Ezra could hear the sound of live music followed by singing and laughter. 

The village came to life, windows glowing warm and welcoming and old lamps turning a flame on by themselves with modern technology to light the path from the port to the village. The trees in the village sparkled to life and shimmered much like the infinite stars that shine down on them clear as day. Ezra could stare at the expanse of space for all eternity, caught up in supernovas and shooting stars and galaxies he didn’t know could be so beautiful.

But Cee, as usual, was his anchor. She tugged on his hand, bringing him back down from the stars, and he let her lead them to their new home with hope in their hearts for the first time. It was only a matter of time before they could know for sure if this would be a safe haven or just another nail in their coffins, but for now, live music and fresh food awaited them and for the first time in far too long, they were home. 

Next Chapter: Coming soon!

Imagine ranting to Din while he repairs the Razor Crest.

finally, it’s written! this request has been sat on my list for a while, so to those who requested it, thank you for your patience! requested by: @ackermanbitch​ and an anon! written by: archie

this is inspired by @yournewwriter‘s gentle prompts: moving you by the waist.

If there was one thing you could do, it was talk.

At first, Din hated it. He hated how you’d walked into the Crest like it was your home when he was only offering you a lift to a nearby system, he’d hated how you’d talked the whole time… and he hated how he’d accidentally grown fond of you.

He became glad to offer you a temporary place by his side when your situation shifted and you needed a residence, but there was no way he was expecting you to stick around for this long and still have so many stories to tell.

Somehow, tuning into your rambles both passed the time and helped him focus. He could fly easily with your words taking up a different space in his brain, and all the hours felt so much shorter, like he’d been travelling the universe beside you. You somehow kept him cheerful and engaged, even in the tough times. You had a natural knack for knowing what kind of story to tell, how to echo and fix his moods with your own experiences, which gave him an outlet for his own emotions. 

And that’s how it was right now, his mood utterly foul as he worked on repairing the Crest after a sticky run-in, but his scowl was placed on hold. Or at least, directed to Mr Narvo, your old, snail-esque colleague in that restaurant on Corellia.

“I swear, I hadn’t done a thing wrong. The order was correct, I did everything to match what the stupid customer had asked for, but he really just– You know what?” You wandered by him as you talked, frustrated and pacing as all the irritation from working at that restaurant came right back. “I think he’d decided that it would be a bad day for me already. He slithered in and just knew he was gonna try and get me fired.”

You paused your pacing, facing the beskar-clad warrior as he retracted an arm from inside the ship’s panel.

“-And he just kinda blinked at me. You know that eye thing?” Your hands, which had been flapping around animatedly, lifted to hold invisible spheres above your head. “Like the antennae lean forward and just look at you and squint and- honestly it’s so annoying because I can feel how he’s judging me but like? At least my eyeballs aren’t half a metre above from my head, right?”

“Right,” came Din’s voice as he dipped into a toolbox, proceeding to reach back into the side of his ship and twist some valves. His voice was a dry monotone, but he hadn’t once told you to shut up yet, so that was all you needed to continue your spiel.

“Right! So I just- I don’t mean to be rude, but I kinda do- I couldn’t keep it in, okay?” Din halted your pacing and handed you the metal tool, reaching into the Crest again. “… I told him to go stick his eyeballs in the dishwasher.”

Din paused. He turned to look at you. You were almost sure he’d tell you that it was a low blow, or that it wasn’t worth such a threat, but his modulated voice rose with a question. “And did he?”

“Wh- No, Din. Why would he-“

He shrugged one shoulder, stepping away to rummage in the toolkit once more. “That guy was purposely villainizing you, day after day. The least he could do would be-“

“If the universe was a decent place he’d be blinking bubbles, I know,” you chattered on, wandering once again. “But unfortunately, the universe is horrible, Narvo is still out there terrorising colleagues and-“ You stopped dead, peering down at the helmeted man, busy with his tools. “He got me fired.”

Din stopped his hands, visor raised up at you. Of course you couldn’t see his expression, but you didn’t need to as his disbelief met your ears. “It worked?”

“I know!?” You toyed with the tool, the weight falling from hand to hand, gripping it with each as if to decide which hand would better suit hitting Narvo in the eyeball with it, mouth running a mile a minute all the while. “He went straight to the manager, clearly he’d been building up some bullshit case of all the things I’d apparently done wrong— which I always had a particular reason for, by the way, and they were never even against the rules—”

The irritation still buzzed in your veins, even if it was months ago. What started as your attempt to take Din’s mind off the frustration from a damaged ship had turned into a surprise therapy session that seemed to uproot some sort of inferiority complex, and now you were just airing out your issues without even being aware of Din bustling around you.

“Like, I’m a good worker, you know? I take pride in that because I actually care about what I put into the universe, I strive to make this shitty place better for the people, unlike Narvo. He was just there to feed his own-”

Gentle hands on your waist had you startled, and your gaze shot up to the visor, eyes wide and an unmistakable heat to your cheeks. He’d never touched you like this before.

You couldn’t help leaning into his hold, heart beating like crazy-

A gentle pressure from one hand had you stepping aside, and then it was gone.

He leant past you, reaching into the metal hood of the ship. You’d parked right in front of it without even noticing, far too wrapped up in the fury of your tale.

“Keep going,” he spoke, and you fumbled to find your words again, fiddling with the tool in your hands.

“Wh- What was I saying again?”

A gloved hand reached back to take the tool from your hands. “He was just feeding his ego by preying on you. It’s better to keep away from characters like that.”

Your stride finally came back to you and the story continued in your mind, but the sure flutter in your chest was going at full force. “Right, I learned that by now.”

“You want me to put a hit on him?”

You scoffed. “Din, please. …But if we stop off at Corellia, he’ll shit himself when he sees me with a Mandalorian.”

A soft breath of laughter, so quiet you almost missed it. “Then that’s our next stop.”

The Before and After - Masterlist

The Before and After (E)

The Middle - Part 1 (E) - Coming Soon

The Middle - Part 2 (E) - Coming Soon

Pedro Pascal SNL + Jimmy Fallon Thots

I decided to put my opinions about both with a score beneath the break in case anyone hasn't seen either yet.

Jimmy Fallon: 1/5 Stars

Pedro looked great, but boy Fallon fumbled the ball a bit with his interview questions. I was texting one of my BFFs about it while we watched together and I was shocked that it was over so quickly. The questions were weak and I felt like didn't give the man much to work on, so aside from looking good it was just hard to watch as a SW/TLOU fan.

SNL: 3/5 Stars

Honestly, the Mario/TLOU mashup had me in tears. But aside from that, I wasn't that impressed with this episode. Pedro felt like he was just... there. Involved but not as a host, which was a weird feeling as a long-time SNL fan. I also felt like they lost out on a LOT of opportunities for TLOU, Mando, and even GOT skits they easily could have made fun of the fact that his characters keep dying horrible deaths and being reluctant father figures. The skits felt like anyone would have been in them and not tailored to him and it was a little disappointing. Especially with Mando coming back in a month.

The other hot take that I'll probably get backlash for but it's whatever is that I thought the hospital and Italian restaurant scenes were really poor taste. As a disabled person who's had nerve and brain damage from injuries as a kid that left me with a speech impediment, I was horrified that they'd make fun of something like that regardless of how funny the accent he used was. I constantly deal/dealt with people making fun of the way I talk because I slur certain words and if I didn't have the self-esteem of a god I probably would have stopped talking altogether. There are ways to make funny skits around that that don't make fun of disabled people. Same with the Italian restaurant scene, it was really uncomfortable watching a woman get ganged up like that. I just couldn't find the humor in either skit.

But the others I did enjoy, especially Mami Pedro. As a Spanish speaker, the skit had me in tears. And even the steak scene, it happened with a former black college roommate of mine who only ever ordered steak extra well and with catsup so I had a lot of great flashbacks to that. But other than those and the TLOU sketch, I felt like this episode just lacked a lot. There was so much potential that I felt like was thrown away and I wish Pedro had been more involved, but it wasn't horrible. I hope SNL and even Pedro do better regarding jokes at the expense of historically underrepresented people moving forward.

"Haha, of course there's a teacher shortage, they're all learning their worth and quitting! Good for them!"

A quick Google search for "teacher covid deaths" turns up pages and pages and pages of articles about dead teachers.

They're not quitting. They're dying.

Love, Intertwined

Once upon a time…no, that’s not how your fairy tale goes. Din might have saved you that fateful day, but he was no knight in shining beskar armor. But the universe has a funny way of pushing people apart and bringing them back together again. 

I. Prequel - Coming 8/4

II. I See You

III. I See Us

IV. Sequel - TBD

Go to bed MJ and wake up a little early to write, you deserve the rest as much as you also deserve a safe space to write!

I want to write but brain too sleepy