I COULD BE ENOUGH, ATSUMU MIYA
DESCRIPTION: four years ago, you broke up with atsumu. out of fear or out of hope for his future, you’re not sure. running into him in the grocery store was never planned, but neither was you getting pregnant, right?
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: teenage pregnancy. pro vball player!atsumu. profanity. a little bit of angst. hidden pregnancy. flower symbolism if you squint. hamilton references (not sorry for this). 21-24 yr old!atsumu. implied marriage.
word count: 1,998. (shoutout to @pmgranate for beta reading).
“atsumu?”
the man in front of you looks nothing like the boy you once knew. taller, broader, more rugged than you ever imagine him to be—but the smile on his face is more familiar than anything else you’ve ever experienced. there’s another man hanging on his shoulder, a wide grin on his face as well. he’s shorter, bright orange hair falling messily against his forehead. he looks vaguely familiar as well, but you can’t think about anything other than the fact that atsumu is standing right in front of you.
“y/n.” his smile falters slightly and he squares his shoulders, seemingly trying to make himself look bigger. “uh, hey. holy shit, yeah, hey. i didn’t know you . . .” he trails off, gaze dropping to the little brunette girl tugging on the hem of your hoodie. “oh, i mean crap. sorry, didn’t see her. are you, uh, babysitting?” he shrugs and you can tell he’s trying to make small talk, trying not to make things awkward.
“mommy, can i get candy?”
his eyes widen, and so do his friends. “mommy?” he repeats quietly, meeting your eyes again. “you-“
your palms start to sweat. you’ve imagined this day thousands of times, practiced what you were going to say, but now, as the moment finally arrives, you’re speechless. with no words to explain yourself, you turn to your daughter, smiling softly. “of course, sweetie. do you want to meet my friend first?”
she looks up at the two men and nods. she’s always been shy when meeting new people—you suppose she got that from you. “hi,” she whispers, waving at them.
“dude, she looks-“
“hi,” atsumu says softly, cutting off his friend. he crouches down to her height and lets out a shaky breath. “i’m atsumu. what’s your name?”
she hums and wraps her arms around one of your legs, trying to hide behind it. “ayu. you’re my mommy’s friend?”
“mhm.” he nods, glancing up at you for a moment. “we met a long time ago, probably just a little bit older than you. how- uh, how old are you?”
she looks up at you and you bite the inside of your cheek. you reach down, lifting her up and settling her on your hip. atsumu stands as you do so. “she’s four,” you say, refusing to meet his eyes. “almost five; next month.”
you see gears turning in his head. he was never good at math, but the moment it clicks for him, his face drops. he opens his mouth to say something, but the words die in his throat. he looks at his friend, who looks confused. your daughter puts her face in your neck and lets out a yawn. you hadn’t even realized it was almost one o’clock—past her nap time.
“listen,” you start, finally looking at him, “my number hasn’t changed. i know what you’re thinking and-“ you sigh. “and, yes, you are. i need to get her down for a nap, but we’ll . . . talk about this. i know it’s a lot to process.”
he blinks at you, his jaw slack. you pick up the basket you had previously sat on the ground and smile, tight-lipped and brief. “goodbye, atsumu.”
[atsumu, 2:01 PM]: Can I come by on Saturday? It’s Atsumu btw You probably knew that
yes. does 12 work for you?
[atsumu, 2:07 PM]: Yeah See ya then
on saturday, you wake up early and deep clean your house. ayu wakes up when you start vacuuming, and you would feel bad if she didn’t look so adorable with her bed head and puffy cheeks. it reminds you of atsumu—how she sleeps like a rock, drooling and snoring. you put on an outfit that makes it look like you kind of have it together and sit on the couch with ayu until your doorbell rings at 12:17 in the afternoon.
your head whips towards the door, chest rising and falling imperceptibly faster. ayu doesn’t look away from the TV, too engaged in the episode of bluey playing on the screen. you stand, albeit a little wobbly, and walk to the door. before opening it, you take a deep breath and exhale out of your nose.
it’s now or never, right?
“hey,” atsumu says as you open the door, sounding breathless. he’s holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand, his other tucked into the pocket of his beige pants. the hoodie he’s wearing looks familiar and worn—he’s had it since high school, you think. he holds out the flowers to you and smiles sheepishly. “i, uh, got you these. i don't know if that’s . . weird, sorry.”
you take them with a smile. “orchids are my favorite.”
“i know.” his eyes soften and your knees feel weak. it surprises you that he’s still able to make you feel this way even after all these years.
you stand there for another moment, just staring at each other, but a loud noise from the TV snaps you from your daze. “oh, um, yes, come in, please.” you step to the side and he walks in, eyes set on ayu, wrapped in a blanket.
he turns to you as you close the door. “so,” he hesitates, wiping his hands on his pants. he’s just as nervous as you are. “she’s, um, she’s mine? i- i mean i’m her . . . dad?”
your smile falters. you knew you were going to have to talk about it, but you weren’t quite as prepared as you thought you were. you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear and walk across the living room in the kitchen. atsumu follows.
“i got pregnant in the middle of our third year,” you start, reaching up into a cabinet to pull out a vase. you turn to the sink and start filling it with water. “i knew that you were on track to become a professional volleyball player, but i also knew that you . . . that you would have dropped everything to support ayu and i.” you pause, spacing off as the water fills the vase. water dribbles down the side, pricking your fingers, and you sigh, turning the faucet off and turning to him. “volleyball was your passion—is your passion. i didn’t want to prevent you from chasing your dreams. so i broke up with you. i hid my pregnancy under big jackets and, well, i gave birth to ayu just as i started university. it was hard taking care of a bag by myself—uh, my parents . . .” you trail off hoping he gets the point.
he swallows hard, adam's apple bobbing as he does. he nods, gesturing for you to continue. you’re not sure he knows what to say. you wouldn’t.
“i had to drop out to get a job and care for ayu.” your gaze drifts to your daughter, sucking on her thumb. you’ve tried to get her to stop, but nothing seems to work. “i’m not . . .” again, you sigh. “i’m not telling you this because i want anything from you, atsumu.” you look at him and nearly melt. his eyes are glossy with tears; he’s always been emotional. “there was no more hiding it after running into you at the store.”
he looks down at the floor, fingers twitching at his sides. it’s quiet for a long, long moment. finally, he looks back up at you, brows furrowed. “y/n, you should have told me.”
“i know,” you sigh. you place the flowers in the vase and stare at them for a second. “i just- you would have quit volleyball, gotten a job at some minimum wage place. you . . . that’s who you are, atsumu. you . . . you would have been a good dad, but you’re an amazing volleyball player.”
“i can still be a good dad.” it comes out almost involuntarily, you think, based on the look on atsumu’s face after he says it. “i- i mean.” he swallows and takes a step. “i’d like to, if you’d let me. i already missed four years—nearly five. i don’t want to miss any more.”
your brows furrow, but not in frustration or confusion. the emotion swirling in your stomach is one of indescribable feelings. you sigh quietly and walk around the island to the living room, gently sitting on the edge near ayu.
“hi, sweetie.”
she looks at you and smiles, wide and innocent. “hi, mommy.”
“ayu, do you remember what i told you about your daddy?” you’re so afraid, so scared that this won’t work out. scared that you’ll run away again. scared that atsumu won’t want to do this once he finds out how hard it is.
she thinks for a moment, humming quietly. “that he was- was off on an adventure.” she doesn’t quite say adventure right, but you don’t correct her.
“yes, exactly.” you nod. you glance back at atsumu and nod your head towards the couch. he takes tentative steps and sits down on the other side of ayu. “and you remember my friend from the other day? atsumu?”
she nods, eyeing the blonde hesitantly.
“okay, that’s good. you’re so smart, ayu.” you smile and pinch her cheek lightly. she giggles, swatting at your hand. “atsumu, do you want to . . .”
his eyes widen a fraction and fear flashes across his face. okay, he’s scared too, you think. he turns to ayu and opens his mouth. nothing comes out. he blinks at her, eyes roaming her chubby face. “i’m . . . back from my adventure?”
you can’t stop the giggle that bubbles out. atsumu sends you a panicked look and it only makes you laugh more. “atsu, just be truthful.” the nickname slips out before you even have time to think about it.
he smiles nervously and takes a deep breath. “ayu,” he starts. she looks at him, eyes wide and curious. “i’m your dad.”
there’s a beat of silence before ayu looks at you and juts her bottom lip out, eyes glossing over. “he’s back from his adventure?” she whispers, lip wobbling. when you nod, she looks at atsumu and stares at him. “hi, daddy.”
he barks out a laugh, wet and involuntary. “hi, ayu.”
“daddy, i want the purple one!”
the image before you is picturesque. your daughter, on the hip of your soon to be husband. they don’t seem to care that seven is too old to be carried, and, honestly, neither do you.
after the day that it all came out, things fell into place quite easily. atsumu was in your life again, dropping by unexpectedly, always with a bouquet of orchids. you started bringing ayu to his games—she always cheered the loudest for him. and somewhere along the way, atsumu became more than just ayu’s dad. late nights on the couch, sharing leftover pasta, reminiscing high school memories. somewhere along the way, late nights became staying the night. sharing pasta became sharing kisses. reminiscing became making new memories.
like this, a weekend at the zoo. you had spent over an hour at the tiger exhibit—ayu’s favorite animal. she rattled off fact after fact and atsumu listened to every single one, even if they were wrong.
“okay, princess, we can get the purple one.” atsumu reaches out and snatches a purple teddy bear off the shelf. he turns to you and winks and you feel your face heat up. “what should we get for mommy, hm? you think she wants a matching teddy bear?”
ayu hums and glances around the store before pointing at another shelf, full of tiger plushies. “we should get her a tiger! she loves tigers.”
you walk up to them, first placing a kiss on ayu’s cheek, then atsumu’s. “i love tigers,” you confirm with a nod. “and i love you.” you reach out and pinch her cheek and she giggles, squirming in atsumu’s arms.
“aw,” atsumu pouts, jutting his lip out dramatically. “what about me, huh? you love me too, right?”
“maybe.” you shrug playfully. he smiles widely and leans forward, pecking your lips quickly. “okay,” you relent, “fine. i love you, i suppose.”
he hums, eyes softening. “good. i love you too.”
@dearru @earier
F1 AU mclaren's annoying driver lol oikage hate(love) this man
ty for the tag cid!
anyone can join!!
was tagged in two wonderful tag games by @jeonwiixard. ty for the tags, jazz!
read your colour
which little plushie are you?
tagging @mahowaga, @admiringlove, @garten-of-eden & anyone else who wants to do this!
twins
I need to sink my teeth into hinata shoyo
ZOMBIE AU SOMBIE AU
WILL BE READING SOON OMGOMG
navigation : midnight records! the moonlight album! the jjk album!
BEFORE SUNRISE ft. Zen'in Toji
synopsis : tokyo, may 1995. she doesn’t want to go home. he doesn’t have one. what starts as a strange encounter becomes a night of wandering until sunrise. and sometimes, one night is enough to remember someone forever.
contains : before sunrise au. soft angst. fluff. right person wrong time. strangers to almost lovers.
warnings : mentions of alcohol/smoking. language. themes of transience and loneliness. mentions of family trauma. suggestivity.
✷ masterlist — chapter two
✷ CHAPTER ONE. / 8:00 PM - Last Train
You left work late. Again.
One of the speakers had blown and you stayed back after close, rewinding the same ten seconds of a scratched L’ArcenCiel CD until the bassline stopped rattling. It didn’t. You gave up.
The street was already leaning toward night when you stepped out, city lights blinking like they were pretending to care. You didn’t check the time. You knew if you looked, you’d start running. And running meant you still gave a shit.
So of course, you ran.
Boots not meant for sprinting. Shoulder bag slipping down your arm every five seconds. You cut through two alleys, jaywalked across an empty intersection, and whispered “sorry” to a taxi that almost hit you, though you weren’t. The wind hit your face like a reminder that you didn’t put on powder before you left. You’d gone a little heavy on the mascara this morning and now it was probably smudged. Fine, whatever.
The station came into view like a mirage of bad timing. You took the stairs two at a time. Your breath caught somewhere just behind your ribs, and right as your foot hit the platform — the train doors slid shut. You didn’t even get the satisfaction of a dramatic noise. They just clicked. Indifferent. Clinical. The train pulled away from the platform as you watched it go, hands on your hips, chest rising too fast, trying to look like you hadn’t just sprinted six blocks and lost.
Cool.
You tried to make your breath quieter. You tried not to look like someone who still cared about missing things. But your legs were buzzing and the strap of your bag had carved a mark across your shoulder and honestly, the worst part was that you ran at all. You could’ve left five minutes earlier. You could’ve not cared. But you ran. Because sometimes, even when you’ve got nothing urgent to get home to — you just want to get there first.
And now you weren’t there. You were here. Sweating slightly under your collar, trying to look normal under the flat glow of station lights. You pulled your coat tighter. Not because you were cold. Just because you needed to do something with your hands.
You decide to lean back against the wall to avoid looking awkward longer. Your shoulder bag tugs at your arm, heavy with too many little things — a mazzy star cassette tape you didn’t put back in its case, half a sandwich you forgot to eat, a receipt you didn’t throw out because it felt like proof of something. You pretend to check the next train time. It's thirty-two minutes. Which is just long enough to feel like a punishment.
The vending machine glows from across the platform — garish in a way nothing ever is during the day. You walk toward it. Not because you’re thirsty. Just because it's something to do that isn’t standing still and thinking about how out of breath you still are. You press the first button you see. A can thunks into the tray like it’s mildly annoyed with you. You open it without looking and take a sip. Lukewarm. Bitter. Tastes like shit and regret. It makes sense. You're not sure what else you expected.
You bring the can up again and catch movement out of the corner of your eye. Not movement, really — just presence. Someone standing across the platform, maybe six paces off. Leaning against a concrete column like he’s been there the whole time. Like he was built into the structure. You didn’t see him when you got here. Or maybe you did, and your body was too busy trying not to collapse in front of a closing train door to register it.
He’s tall. Really tall. Black jacket a little too heavy for the weather, dark jeans that are not too large but not too tight. Cigarette between his fingers, not smoked so much as held. You can’t see his eyes from here, but you feel them. Not in a creepy way. Like he’s not looking at you. But he’s not not looking, either.
He doesn’t shift. Doesn’t even seem bored. Just stands there like someone who doesn’t feel the need to fill silence. Or maybe someone who’s too used to it to bother anymore.
You glance away. Sip again. Grimace. The coffee still tastes like shit.
You wonder what he’s waiting for. If he’s waiting. If he even missed a train or if this is just where he ended up tonight. You think about saying something. Then think better of it. You haven’t had enough sleep this week to make decent small talk. You haven’t had a full conversation in three days that wasn’t about a refund, a release date, or which side of the sleeve is supposed to face out on a display rack.
Besides, he looks like the kind of man who doesn’t answer questions. Not because he’s mysterious, but because he doesn’t see the point.
You exhale through your nose and shift your weight again, not because you’re uncomfortable — just because standing still makes you feel too obvious. You glance over one more time. He hasn’t moved. You don’t know what makes you finally speak. Maybe boredom. Maybe impulse. Whatever it is, the words come out before you think them through. “You always look this constipated?” It comes out low, flat, not even trying to be funny. Just something to toss into the space so it doesn’t keep swallowing you whole.
He doesn’t flinch. Just shifts his gaze slightly, enough to let you know he heard. His face doesn’t change much — except for the smallest twitch near the corner of his mouth, like something pulled tight out of habit is deciding whether or not to let go. “You always talk this much to strangers?” he asks, tone dry, almost bored. Just matter-of-fact.
You shrug, turning your attention back to the can in your hand like it might give you an excuse not to answer. “Only the ones who stare. And see me lose.” You walk back toward the bench without looking at him. You sit, cross your legs and sip the coffee again just to make your mouth stop moving. Still disgusting. Still better than being alone with your thoughts.
He doesn’t come closer but he doesn’t leave either.
“You always smoke that slow?” you ask, watching the red tip of the cigarette hover near his fingers. “Only when I’m not in a hurry.”
“Well shit, guess I ruined your vibe.”
Still nothing. Or maybe silence is just how he answers when he doesn’t feel like lying. You don’t push. But you don’t stop too. “I thought I had more time,” you say, like that’s something normal to admit to a stranger. You keep your eyes on the machines across the track. “I didn’t, apparently.”
He flicks ash without looking at you. “Can’t tell if you’re making conversation or confessing something.” You smile, faintly. “Why not both?” That’s the first time he really looks at you. Not long or searching. Like something about the way you say it doesn’t match what he expected. You sit with that. The station hums in the background. One of the lights overhead buzzes like it’s threatening to die.
“You live around here?” he asks after a beat. It’s not casual, but it isn’t probing either. You don’t look at him when you answer. Just tilt your head, eyes still on the vending machine like it might give you an exit. “Far enough to miss the train. Close enough to pretend I didn’t mean to catch it.”
Another pause. Then you add, softer, because it’s true, and you’re too tired to lie about small things: “Not that I was rushing to get home.” He doesn’t react. But that doesn’t surprise you. He’s got the kind of face that probably doesn’t shift for much. You wonder if that’s something he learned, or if it just grew that way.
You lean back against the bench, feeling the cold press of metal through your coat. The coffee can’s almost empty, and you can’t decide if you’re disappointed or relieved. “It's not that I hate it,” you say, mostly to yourself. “The place is fine. Small. My first appartment.” You swirl the can once before setting it on the ground by your feet. “But sometimes it feels like the walls get closer when I close the door behind me.”
He doesn’t say anything. You weren’t expecting him to. That might be part of the reason you said it. It’s easier to speak when the other person doesn’t try to fill in the blanks. He drops what’s left of his cigarette and crushes it under his boot with a slow, clean scrape. Doesn’t rush the motion. Doesn’t say anything for a while after.
Then: “Let’s walk.”
Just like that. Not a question. Not a command. Just a line drawn across the platform, and you’re the one who has to decide whether to cross it. You look at him. For the first time, fully. And he meets it — not challenging, not inviting. Waiting, like he’s already on the other side of the choice.
You cross your arms, weight shifting to one leg. “You could be a serial killer.” He nods, like that’s reasonable. “I could.” There’s something about the way he says it that doesn’t feel dangerous. He's ridiculously honest. Which is maybe worse.
You look toward the exit, then back at him. “You’re not gonna smile and say ‘I’m not that kind of guy’?”
“No.”
You let out a breath. Not quite a laugh. “Points for consistency.” He doesn’t move, doesn’t gesture for you to follow. He just starts walking. Like the night was already his and you’re just deciding whether or not to step into it.
And for a few seconds, you stay still. You think about your apartment. About the cold floor, the quiet, the leftover curry you didn’t finish last night. You think about how the silence there doesn’t even echo — it just lands. You should stay. You should wait for the next train. You should go home. But you don’t want to go home. So you move.
The doors hiss shut behind you. You step into air that’s cooler than it felt five minutes ago. City air, late air — the kind that smells like warm metal and leftover ramen and just enough night to make you feel like maybe something’s still possible.
You stand there for a second. On the curb. He’s a few feet ahead of you, not looking back, hands in his pockets. He doesn’t ask if you’re coming. He already knows.
You shift your weight. The vending machine buzz follows you out. A cat darts across the street and disappears between buildings like it’s got somewhere more urgent to be. You glance toward him, then forward again. “If I end up in a missing person’s case,” you say, mostly to the sidewalk, “I really hope they use a decent photo.”
He doesn’t turn, but you catch it — the ghost of something near his mouth. Not a smile. Just a suggestion of one. “Guess that depends on what gets you reported missing.” You shake your head, drag your hands deeper into your coat pockets. “You’re really not big on comfort, are you?”
“I don’t sell anything I can’t afford.”
That gets a small exhale out of you. Not a laugh. But enough to loosen the knot in your chest. You both stay still for a minute. Not walking yet. Not really standing, either. Then, without looking at him, you ask: “So, we just gonna walk until sunrise?”
His voice doesn’t shift when he answers. “Unless you’ve got somewhere better to be.” You don’t but you don’t say that. You just stay where you are. The street humming somewhere behind your left shoulder. The sky half-closed. A taxi slows but doesn’t stop. And the night — strange, quiet, almost patient — lets you be undecided.
2025 © NANASRKIVES. / do not copy, repost, edit, plagiarize, or translate any of my works on any platforms, including ai.
TAGLIST (OPEN). / @ayatakanosstuff @buckcherried @andysteve1311 @arwawawa2 @itsmeaudrieee @angelkiyo @stargazsblog @seren-dipitt @loverofthingsnsuch
"I promise you it gets better" LIAR 🫵🏽🫵🏽🫵🏽🫵🏽 my bby yuji is a FUGITIVE
hi i woke up rn and IM SORRY 😞 but in the ending it is better (in some way.) pls understand
okay guyssss we’re backkkk did you miss us? cuz we missed you ex tumblr user cherrysurf
i think they definitely missed us 😼 happy to have YOU back, you don’t freaking know how happy i am rn omgeee
confession. i make extra blogs with usernames that i think r cool just incase i ever want to change my user 😇😇
why do ppl not let me retire from cherrysurf 😭😭?? anons need to leave me alone….