If You Ask Me, The Guy Who Put The Sword INTO The Stone Should Be King, Not The Chucklefuck Who Got It

"fuck it we ball" is for stress about the future "it is what it is" is for stress about the past and "this too shall pass" is for stress about the present thank you for coming to my TED talk

I hate that thing some people do where it's like. "I left my wallet on the table to see if you'd say anything" or "I wanted to see if you'd wash the car if I stopped doing it"

Cause like

I dont know about anyone else

But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering

And if I don't notice, because I won't, because why would I, because not much bothers me and if you don't say anything to indicate you are bothered then how would I KNOW

I told my students they're allowed to be creative and don't have to be factual when writing about themselves in German because I keep getting questions like "what if I don't have roommates or what if I don't have hobbies" and I'm like guys just make something up! Have fun! I won't fact check you!

So now I am grading homework where a student is claiming to be from North Korea and his hobby is tax fraud

[spelunking] sniff sniff... ACHOO! something in this Cave is triggering my Allegories...

if i told you what rhis sounded ljke i dont think youd believe me so just listen

I’m at Trader Joe’s and wtf I don’t feel like I belong here…. Only one generic bag of “Mexican cheese blend” no chunk of queso…… I’m scared

In celebration of pizzamas coming up next month, I present low quality pizza john with pizza potato. I feel like its giving pepa pig for some reason? If I have time i may try to diy a shirt out of it lol. DFTBA