I Really Hate A Lot Of The Advice On The Internet About Taming Birds.

The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

*celebrates october by taking off my pants, squatting to the ground, and with extraordinary delicacy and precision, sensually dipping my ass into a fairy circle*

everyone at work was all “omg you look so tired” and “are you alright?” and “i dont know what it is you just look over life” but only my mum had the balls to tell me that “your lazy eyelid is extra lazy today”

sorry, can't today. the narrative forces aren't aligned

if you’re in my asks telling me that i’m defending sexual assault. if your only two settings are “none of my boundaries have ever been violated” and “sexual assault” then you are not a safe person. you are the person that post is about and for. you are the person i am begging to understand nuance. i’m thinking about like. i don’t like having my butt touched. sometimes in the heat of a moment an excited partner grabs my ass. that’s a violation of a boundary. but i’m not gonna fuckin break up with them for it. and this concept branches out. i tried bottoming a few times for partners. i thought id like it, i didn’t, and i felt kind of uncomfortable with the interaction later. those partners didn’t “assault” me, we tried something and it didn’t work. once or twice a partner has tapped out and i didn’t notice at first so they had to tap harder. this isn’t assault, they didn’t accuse me of abuse, we had a conversation and they understood it was a mistake. all of these are circumstances where a boundary has been broken or a line has been crossed, but not a situation of intentional harm, assault, or abuse.

despite what popular opinion may lead you to believe, some rocks actually do have scientifically-proven auras! Unfortunately, those rocks are uranium and the aura is cancer. 

we really devolved as a society when we stopped using fully painted pictures on romance novels and started using cheap photoshop instead 

jumped in excitement without thinking when mythbusters made the tennis volley on the airplane, hit my hand pretty hard on my ceiling fan

good thing i also just watched the “fans can decapitate you” myth get busted 😬