I Want To Shut Up Forever But I’m Always Thinking Of More Dumb Shit To Say

And I get a little bit Genghis Kahnghis I don’t want you to get it onghis Nobody else but me (ooooh) With nobody else but MeeeeMe

I get a little bit Danghis Dahn Don’t want you to Genghis on with Nobody else but Mingus Nobody else but Mingus Kingus

i am supposed to have the energy… to do stuff...?

appreciate your bat pokemon today and everyday.

the turkey swiss on rye incident

was reminded of that youtube channel that records footage of that bridge that scalps trucks today. one of the fascinating developments that's happened since i last heard about it is that, in one of their many attempts to stop the trucks from being can-opened, they installed a traffic light that detects when a vehicle that's over the allowed height is coming and turns red so the driver can stop and hopefully notice the signage all around that's screaming "YOUR VEHICLE IS OVERHEIGHT TURN AROUND" and avoid an accident. However as a result sometimes drivers see the light turning yellow and IMMEDIATELY start flooring it to avoid having to stop, ensuring that the roof of their truck just gets fucking annihilated instantly. Really beautiful stuff you should check it out

I don't think I've ever shared this story before but I desperately need to

So my family- Me, two of my parents, and my swarm of brothers- were out for a day in the city, right? And we came across this juggling busker dressed as Darth Vader

And all my brothers LOVE star wars, so of course we stop

And Vader says something during his performance, right? And one of my brothers- maybe about seven years old at the time- asks what's wrong with his voice. Because he doesn't have the classic Vader voice.

And the buskers says- in what I assume was his best impression- "My voice modulator has been compromised"

And my brother- who is, again, about seven years old- stone-faced and without even a HINT of amusement- tells him, "You have failed me for the last time" and raises his hand to force-choke the guy

Dude fucking CHOKES and falls to the ground. No hesitation. Drops everything. Full-on Shakespeare performance. Apologizes to my brother like he's fucking Palpatine

And my brother doesn't laugh. Just nods solemnly to this grown ass man while we all lose it, and then "lets him go".

And then we leave, the moment cemented into the family lore forever

Anyhoe God bless you juggling Darth Vader, may the force be with you

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

(don’t mind the shit grammar I edited this right after waking up)