featuring: *goodnight paul, say goodnight john, goodnight paul, goodnight* *neeoeooow* *unintelligible fake german stuff* *Eins, Zwei, Viertel nach Drei* *I suddenly discovered I was halfway out of tune, but I continued playing because I'm no goon* *pling* *get off yer bum" *I lost a bass note somewhere* *ow* *Are we supposed to giggle in the solo?* *yeah* *okay*
in myyyy life...
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and lastly:
(Pt.2) (Pt.3)
Something I really love about John is how he nakedly objectified Paul.. like a Neanderthal caveman. None of this âIâm attracted to your beautiful mindâ crap, he really was like;
âWhat that mouth do?â
âWhat that ass do?â
âWhat that ass look like in stockings and suspenders?â
âWhat that ass look like in a gingham pinny making my tea?â
Heâs nothing if not consistent!
:^)
The real tragedy isnât that John and Paul didnât fuck. John and Paul were each otherâs security blanket soulmates for 11 years and a sexual relationship wouldnât have saved them or solved any underlying problems they had individually. They were naughty trauma-bonded emotionally stunted immature brilliant horny little lost boys who didnât know how to take off the animal suits and grow up without growing apart.
I think itâs *because* John took action and ripped away Paulâs security blanket after India that Paul (after acting out + a horrible nervous breakdown) was finally able to embrace adulthood at age 26, commit to Linda, and became emotionally *ready* to let John go as his security blanket. He still wanted John in the healthy adult wayâas best friend and creative partnerâbut John said âNo, I want a divorce instead.â He took their lucky break and broke it in two. Now what can be done for him? Paul emerged from his chrysalis in 1970 after months away from John to spread his wings (lol) and wished for John to get there as well.
John never got to that point because Yoko never helped him evolve, she just enabled John to remain the traumatized little boy needing her as his security blanket instead. She didnât care about John and Paulâs friendship at all. I think Johnâs hurt goes far beyond Paul not having sex with himâJohn was SO resentful that Paul grew up and didnât âneedâ him anymore, he was stuck in his ideal of Paul as his security blanket and thatâs why John could NEVER let Paul go in his mind or his heart. In 1980 I think he was finally starting to realize the healthy adulthood Paul had wanted for him for the last decade and was just about to embark on his ADULT life when a crazy bastard took it all away.
I had to capture Paul's body language while listening to Beautiful Boy as one of his choices on Desert Island Discs in 1982. He says the song is 'very moving' for himâyou can listen to the whole thing here and watch the actual video captured in these gifs here.
Desert Island Discs is a radio programme, so I wonder if Paul wasnât expecting cameras, or perhaps he knew there would be one but wasnât prepared for his own emotional response once the song started playing. His body language is incredibly poignant to watch, and while I'm no expert, this feels like the rawest I've ever seen him captured on film, even more so than the most difficult parts of Get Back/Let It Be.
It starts when the songs starts playing: his eyes are everywhere, and he puffs his cheeks and bites his lips. He clearly knows the lyrics, you can tell througout this video that he does, but he keeps himself from singing along out loud.
Then, when John sings, âAnd your daddyâs here,â he puffs his cheeks again and fully turns his back to the camera to collect himself, flicking his hair, and starts rocking back and forth.
His eye are EVERYWHERE at that point, with some more hair flicks. Also, you can't hear in the gif, but there's a second or two of him tapping along with his hands on a table or his thighs, perhaps in discomfort or a nervious tick, and then he stops.
And just when you think heâs composed himself, he turns his back to the camera again and stays like that for a good while. To clarify, the showâs host is sitting right next to him, shoulder-to-shoulder and elbow-to-elbow on Paulâs right, but Paul is clearly avoiding eye contact and communication altogether.
This continues for several more seconds until John sings, âItâs getting better and better.â That's a hint to Paul's own line from Sgt. Pepper, I think we can all agree to that. Then, the camera operatorâperhaps taking pity or simply doing their job wellâpans the camera and focuses on something even more telling; after tapping along and swiveling, he's now hugging himself.
And that's when the camera cuts, thankfully. I can imagine this is exactly how he must have spent hours in the early eighties, listening to Double Fantasy and the Real Love/Free as a Bird/Now and Then demos and taking it all in.
And herein lies what I think is Paul's greatest tragedy: if, as he's claimed for decades, they were never knowingly or consciously romantically or physically involved while John was alive, I wonder if the understanding of what they actually had crept up on him after John's death, especially in moments like these. It could be argued that it's reflected in songs and lyrics throughout his solo careerâa progression of moments, memories, and conversations, all deciphered and processed in a new light.
How heartbreaking.
If you knew me on deviantart circa 2012, no you didn'tJessi - 28 - he/they - Paul coded
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