“I Knew If They Ever Found Out About Me, I’d End Up Like Johnny Yablonsky. Johnny Was Soft, He Was

“I Knew If They Ever Found Out About Me, I’d End Up Like Johnny Yablonsky. Johnny Was Soft, He Was

“I knew if they ever found out about me, I’d end up like Johnny Yablonsky. Johnny was soft, he was feminine, he was clearly gay. The neighborhood guys would make him blow them; then beat the shit out of him. He always had a lot of bruises, and absenteeism. He was so defeated. I’ve always assumed he killed himself. And I didn’t want the same thing to happen to me. It was a lot of fear, and shame. The fucking shame. I participated in my own self-negation. I laughed at all the jokes. I tried to tighten up on the masculine stuff. I’d stand in front of the mirror. I’d practice my walk, my diction, the movement of my hands. Somehow I managed to make it out of that town alive. During our first Christmas break at college, I went with my friend Howie to visit his family in Long Island. Afterward he dropped me off at the airport. He thought I was flying home. But I caught the Greyhound Bus to New York City. I put all my stuff in a luggage locker and started walking down 5th Avenue. It was night. It wasn’t lit up like today. All the storefronts were dark; it was like lyric poetry to me. Unopened boxes full of mystery. All I knew was I had to get to Greenwich Village. I kept asking people—is this the village, is this the village? They kept saying: further south, further south. Finally I get to the corner of 8th Street and 6th Avenue, and I’m waiting for the light to change. And this guy starts hitting on me. A few years older than me, good looking. His name was Charlie. And he put a spell on me immediately. From the very first moment, I had a hard-on for Charlie Bacchus. I felt safe with him. He took me to my first gay bar. Then afterward we went to his mom’s loft apartment on Washington Square. She happened to be in Rome. So it was just me and Charlie Bacchus, in this gorgeous apartment, with the door closed, cut off from the rest of the world. There was sex, beautiful sex. First time I’d ever had sex with my shoes off. The next morning I came out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around me. Charlie said: ‘What are you doing? Take that off. You’re beautiful.’ He said it so gently, like someone looking at a painting. And it was my first profound lesson in shedding shame.”

More Posts from Bellaluna2 and Others

3 years ago

Press footage of the original Broadway cast of Sunday in the Park with George (1984)

1 year ago

Astrology placements and aspects that are stronger than the US Marines:

1. Saturn in 1H

2. Moon in Capricorn

3. L7 in 12H

4. L11 in 12H

5. Venus/Saturn

6. Mars/Saturn

7. Pisces Rising

8. Aquarius Rising

9. Venus in 1H

10. Stellium anywhere

11. Mars in 7H

12. Scorpio Rising

(more to be added)

1 year ago

🥵Scorpio Mars🥵

💥Knew about s3x from an early age

💥Secret s3xal encounters

💥everyone is attracted to them secretly

💥Naturally a bad a$$

💥Don’t fck with them, bc THEY WILL go off with out pause (natural fighter)

💥Ooze s3xuality with out even trying

💥Knows how to make you O (just knows)

💥Obsessed with their object of affection and WILL obtain them no matter how long it takes (seriously willing to obsess for over two decades)

💥Oh you broke up with them? You’re dead to them now. You never existed.

💥SKILLED AT EVERYTHING

💥NATURAL RESEARCHER will find out EVERYTHING on their crushes

💥Knows everything about your crushes, too.

💥Knows everything about everyone

💥Naturally psychic

💥Acts on instincts

💥Not afraid to act

💥Has no fear

💪One of the most powerful mars signs, so watch out 💋

🥵Scorpio Mars🥵
3 years ago
1 year ago

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ astro notes ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘

pluto in 1st house/☌ asc

˚ ༘・❥・🗝️⋆。˚ women ˚ ༘ 🗝️・❥・⋆。˚

 ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ Astro Notes ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

these women are popular loners. you only have a close circle of people that you trust, but somehow everyone is always up in your business and want to know everything about you.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you might notice that you scare off men or give them a vibe that you’re not someone to be messed with. men, who are usually disrespectful, might feel threatened by your presence and suddenly act respectful towards you.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you have a piercing gaze. resting bitch face. dark, exotic and sharp features. magnetic but also threatening aura.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you might attract obsessive people, stalkers, people who would like to know your every step. people who constantly check your social media. these can be friends, lovers and strangers. but the same thing can be applied to you, when you’re a woman in love.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you always carry receipts with you. many people have wronged you in your life, but you do not forgive nor forget and tell them off. you have the ability to cut everyone off and move on like nothing happened. this is the power that you hold.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

traumatic experiences have formed you into an independent and powerful women. you hold onto your power and are afraid to lose it.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

hey girl, unclench your jaw and drop your shoulders. I know you’re holding a lot of anxiety in your body due to the things you have experienced, it is hard for you to relax. not only for your body, but also your mind. constantly in fight or flight mode.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

have people told you that they felt an invisible string pulling them closer to you physically or are you not a plutonian woman?

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

cold hands and feet all the time. you probably also like the cold, alone time and dark places.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

interest in the occult. the unknown. mysteries. crime. taboo. conspiracies. love for the night, for the sensual things in life, but also for the brutal and extreme things.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

people have probably told you, that they thought you were mean, rude, arrogant or scary before meeting you. they also have high expectations of you, because they see you as someone very powerful.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you are great with secrets. you do not only keep your own secrets and your next step hidden, but also the ones people trusted you with. because trust plays a big role in your set of values.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you might bring out the worst in people. or you can just see through them. people who were known as kind and unproblematic, might have shown their dark and rude side to you, but are somehow able to keep their mask on.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

how can you attract people, but at the same time push them away. people have a hard time figuring out if they hate you or love you. and even for you, there is a fine line between hate and love.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you are passionate and might have known early on what you want to do in your life and who you want to become. though you may go through many transformations in your life, your goals always stay the same.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

probably was an ugly duckling, who transformed into a swan. this transformation has left people in your past speechless and sometimes even jealous.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you had a phase in your life, where you became your worst self, your shadow self. this could be due to people in your life that had been demonising you constantly without a reason and you decided to finally give them a reason, because they would antagonise you anyways.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

you might have had trouble with authority figures, because you were not ready to give your power away or be overpowered by other people. You go your own way and do not want to be lead.

☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊

there is also extreme stubbornness, because you think your way is the best way and when people don’t support you, you will do it by yourself. and when people forbid you it, you will do it in secret.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

 ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ⋆·˚ ༘ Astro Notes ☽。⋆ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
1 year ago

wake up.

wake tf up right now. arent you sick of not feeling how you want to feel??? not looking how you want to look??? not being who you want to be? WAKE UP. stop complaining, stop complaining about not seeing movement about things not going your way etc. its okay to be in unfavourable circumstances, that's not your fault. but you have control. you have the power to change them in an instant. so get up and start acting like the most powerful person in the universe yk why? because YOU ARE. stop being like "oh nooo i'll wait till a full moon i'll do it tomorrow" shut your goofy ass up time isnt an excuse to not have your dream life. so youre here now and you're thinking, "what do i do?" what have you learnt??? AFFIRM AND PERSIST. do what makes you feel fulfilled and trust that you're doing everything right. even if youre doubtful keep persisting.

loass sayings that make it click for me

your subconscious doesn't have eyes.

the 3d is a mirror. your thoughts must move in order for the 3d to move.

manifesting is instant. the moment you decide that it's yours, it is. the 3d has no choice but to conform to your desires.

the only thing stopping you is you.

if you want it, you can have it.

what are you waiting for? start acting like you have everything you want. no limitations!

1 year ago
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