You want to fall on your knees.
You want to scream and beg about everything, that's wrong. Everything that's right and still wrong. What you should be. What you want to be. How your whole body hurts and the pain seems to go beyond. How it makes the whole world hurt. You plead for death or life or anything but this. You are chocking on your words as you realize... This is not how it works.
And your deity takes your hand. They hold you tight as they say
Do not kneel.
I walk with you. Help you. Teach you all I can. I care for you. But do not kneel in front of me and plead.
You have to stand so I can walk with you.
I almost went to sleep, but then Hermes said this:
"Avoiding your gods because you feel unworthy is the beginning of a downward spiral. We improve what we touch, and make worthy those whom we love."
So, if you got there in your head, too, just an FYI.
Isn't it actually so beautiful that deities take the time to try and guide and teach us? How wonderful is it that they care for us so deeply that they'd share their wisdom, knowledge, and insight so freely? I think a deity's love is something to be cherished, and I cherish this. đ§Ąâš
âAt last I have found my calling! My calling is love!â
â St. Therese of Lisieux (via sahumerios)
... Sing on! sing on! and Bacchus will be here Astride upon his gorgeous Indian throne, And over whimpering tigers shake the spear ...
... With yellow ivy crowned and gummy cone, While at his side the wanton Bassarid Will throw the lion by the mane and catch the mountain kid! ...
âBacchusâ // Michelangelo // Bargello Museum // Florence, Italy âThe Burden of Itysâ // Oscar Wilde
And you should, as the core of it all, let go of expectations for your Deities. Let go of what youâve consumed from the books, let go of authorities, let go of explanations, let go of the neatness - and embrace chaos. Embrace the wilderness which is in itself God, call a name and wait for an answer. What voice sounds like home?
Gods will come multifaceted, iridescent, impalpable. Gods will break rules and expand where a mind burdened by expectations canât follow. A chimera of a myriad faces might not want to always show only one side. Gods will change. Gods will surprise.
If the nature is untamed, so are its Deities. The wilderness has many names for each of them, a prism to choose a side of. Feeling over explaining, embracing over conforming, preparing over expecting.