Please Don’t Watch This

Spread the word!

Listen up Sherlockians, when or if the show comes back, we all have to be like "LAZURUS IS GO" because I've just been reminded that we're all being Reichenbached and if or when the show comes back, we need to come back with a bang.

You've heard of the Mishapocolypse, let's do a Sherlockalypse. We'll find the most ridiculous photo of Benedict Cabbagepatch as our pfp too.

A Study In Pink [Sherlock] : what I retained

John: life is shit

Psy: ok

John: war

Psy: ok thank u now pay me

*some war nightmares and a gun later, in a park*

John: *life is shit face*

Mike: hey im the fat dude remember

John: hey life is shit, also war

Mike: cool, lemme introduce you to my sociopath gay friend who is not my friend because i dissappear from the whole serie after I make you two fall in love forever

John: what

Mike: eheh

*in a room with a dead body, a sociopath and a rejected girl loving dead bodies and sociopaths*

Mike: yo

Sherlock: *gay look towards the new pretty soldier* im interested but not showing it cause im a queen

John: here take my phone and all my clothes if you need

Sherlock: oW

Sherlock: afghanistan or Iraq

Sherlock: also Molly lol you ugly

John: * .....has stop working....*

Mike: eheh

Sherlock: i like cute blond army soldiers lets live together and do everything together from now

John: sounds good i dont find this creepy at all

Sherlock: *winks*

John:♡o♡

Mike: eheh

*new home*

Sherlock: call me by my first name but you can call me how you want i dont care. love me please

Mrs.Hudson: look at my gay baby boys

John: no

Sherlock: thank you

John: what a shit decoration taste

John: also you're pretty but you're website is shit

Sherlock: this was rude but you're cute

Sherlock: wanna see a corpse

John: wow so romantic im coming

*around a corpse*

Sherlock: deductions deductions deductions

John: how marvelous

John: take me

Lestrade: im out

Donovan: the psycho is a bitch

John: no you

*somewhere we dont care in london*

Mycroft: im the master of cameras

John: Ridiculous. I wanna find my new boyfriend

Mycroft: also the master of mysterious cabs

John: ok

John: hey you're a girl so im flirting with you because im not gay and im not into the cheekbones guy

Anthea: do i look like i give a shit

John: *entering another dark place* ridiculous.

Mycroft: i wanna scare you

John: ridiculous

Mycroft: look at my pretty umbrella

John: i just wanna go home you weirdo

Mycroft: i know everything about you

John: lol big coat man already did that im not impressed anymore

John: also war

Sherlock: *texting his new boyfriend*

John: gotta go, bye bitches

John: jusg taking my gun on my way

Anthea: do I look like I give a shit

*with pretty boyfriend*

Sherlock: lol nothing just wanted to see you

John: i find this perfectly normal

Sherlock: text a serial killer please

John: okay

John: wait wha-

Sherlock: you're better looking than my skull friend

Sherlock: date?

John: YES

John: I mean no because im not gay but YES

*during the not gay date*

Angelo: you cute and gay

Sherlock: thank you

John: no

Sherlock: eat

John: ok

Angelo: here some gay candles

John: no

Sherlock: thank you

John: you single?

Sherlock: this is literally a date

John: no

Sherlock: i dont like girls

John: cool

John: I keep that information

John: for no gay reason

John: *bi lipslicking*

Sherlock: RUN

John: WHEREVER YOU GO

Sherlock: lol it was a test, means you dont need your cane

John: what cane?

Sherlock: why are there idiots in our flat

Anderson: *idiots stuff*

Sherlock: *clash*

John: dats my boy

Sherlock: I solved the case

Cabbie: cool now come so i can kill you

Sherlock: no

Cabbie: but it's fun

Sherlock: ok

John: why the hell nobody noticed that the super annoying good looking detective left

Anderson: he is a psycho

John: oh you're the boyfriend of the bitch you bitch

*somewhere lost and dark that we can easily find with a gps*

Sherlock: im smarter

Cabbie: im smarter

Sherlock: this is a fake gun

Cabbie: you're smarter

Sherlock: but im playing your game anyway because my life is boring and death is fun

Cabbie: *gets shot*

Sherlock: oh no but this is not fun

Sherlock: how do i know if im the smarter now

Dying cabbie: moriarty

Sherlock: lets go for two seasons then

Sherlock: means 5 more episodes lol

*among useless policemen and police cars doing beep beep*

Lestrade: put the blanket on

Sherlock: I dont need a blanket dad i worked hard dad

Lestrade: who shot

Sherlock: my deduction skills tell me it's a cute blond army doctor but ive no idea who

John: *is here and good looking but still no gay*

Sherlock: oops

Lestrade: can you repeat everything because I'm cute and nice but not very smart

Sherlock: nope

Sherlock: but im putting the blanket on, look dad

Lestrade: it's all fine then

Sherlock: *throws the blanket away to look good in front of cute blond army doctor*

John: look at my innocent face

Sherlock: this shot was quite badass

John: okay it was me

Sherlock: hot

John: I know right

Mycroft: and now do i scare you

John: youve got a serious problem

Sherlock: stop playing with my date you little shit bro im the queen

John: okay weird fam

John: you idiot

Sherlock: ok but you're so cute when you say that

Sherlock: take me

John: what

Sherlock: another not gay date?

John: yes yes yes yes

John: with candles

Mycroft: ok i ship them

Anthean: do I look like I give a shit again

Ben as Louis Wain

JUST LOOK HOW PERFECT HE IS, I CAN NOT

work still in progress

---

ok, but… ahm… ben… i’m in shock

what… 

the fuck what

S: and proving a point

J: what point?

S: you

“Johnlock is just a strong friendship.”

I guess I see your point. I mean, if you removed:

the scene at Bart’s where they met

Mrs. Hudson’s “if you’ll be needing two.”

“… for you, and your date.”

the scene at Angelo’s with “No, not really my area.”

the scene where Sherlock fixed John’s limp

“Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?”

the scene where John shot a man for Sherlock

the “Dinner? Starving.” scene

basically all of ASiP

the scene where Sherlock says “That’s what I was suggesting.”

the scene where Sherlock invites himself to John’s date

“You and John Watson. Just platonic? I’ll take that as a no.”

the pool scene

when John tries to sacrifice himself for Sherlock

THE POOL SCENE

when they agree to die together

THE. POOL. SCENE.

the way Sherlock reacted when John went all “captain-mode”

the way Sherlock got defensive when he thought John doubted him

“…as a conductor of light, you are unbeatable!”

Sherlock staring at John like THAT when he was apologising

John getting jealous over Irene

Sherlock obviously expressing disinterest in women

John counting fifty-seven text messages

Sherlock getting jealous of John’s girlfriends

Sherlock not bothering to remember John’s girlfriend’s names

“You’re a great boyfriend. And Sherlock Holmes is a very lucky man.”

John mixing up his girlfriends

Sherlock “dying” for John

Sherlock taking two years of torture for John

Sherlock looking at John like THAT when he saw him after he returned

John shaving his moustache for Sherlock

Sherlock’s best man speech

“All the nice girls like a soldier.”

Sherlock putting John’s face onto the Vitruvian Man

Sherlock leaving John’s wedding early

Sherlock taking drugs again BECAUSE JOHN GOT MARRIED

John getting jealous over Janine

John’s face when Sherlock and Janine kissed

John’s face when Sherlock “proposed” to Janine

John’s reaction when Sherlock got shot

“John Watson is definitely in danger.”

Sherlock forgiving Mary for KILLING HIM because she’s John’s wife

Sherlock convincing John to stay with Mary even after she killed him

Sherlock shooting a man for John

There is soooo much more I could add… But yeah. I guess you have a point.

Fun Fact: in one month (1/1/23), all Sherlock Holmes stories hit the public domain and the Conan Doyle Estate can't do shit! I say this for absolutely no reason but also congrats in advance to the happy couple.

how The Hounds of Baskerville should have gone

My phone did a thing.