No One Talks About This Enough Please

Silly request but imagine helping Bill "groom" his triangle self. Gently wipe him with a cloth. Carefully dip it in the little space between the bricks, can't leave that zone unclean! Alternatively, a classic soapy bubble bath. Silly straws included, what the hell, he's probably drinking the bath water and listing the chemical ingredients back at you while you gently rub him clean. Fun times

The Bug Collector

1.1k words,, Bill Cipher x reader

a/n — Procrastination killed my soul during this, I think it turned out okay, though! Sorry for typos, your girl is tired.

warnings — SFW, post!weirdmaggedon, as ‘fluffy’ as you can get with Bill cipher, he is his own warning, kinda toxic relationships, fluff and bill being pathetic

summary — Reader assists a recently fallen Bill Cipher in self care, despite his general all-mighty asshole-ness.

The exoskeleton of a bug was practical, a water-tight barrier most commonly known for muscle attachments, and its use to shelter and protect the insects gushy insides from its harsh environment. 

The exoskeleton of a triangle was for mostly for aesthetics, as the underneath was far more horrifying than anything in the harsh environment around it. Or so the triangle claims.

You dipped a soapy sponge into the bucket in front of you, as bill propped his feet up on the bathtub. 

“You conquer worlds and destroy planets, but yeah, why not draw the line at cleaning yourself.”

“Please, what better way to make use out of my new human pet— partner, than this?” He corrected loudly and purposefully. Then looking to the side, he mumbled, “And besides, kid, you have no idea how hard it is to clean between the bricks. Euck— So many blind spots.”

The first part was a throwaway reminder that he had far more power than you in this dynamic, something you’d picked up on Bill casually doing in his time with you. 

Being roommates with a butt-hurt demon, given the ending of weirdmaggedon, allowed you the privilege of being more cautious than previous humans were with Bill. For example, you’ve taken to keeping track of his repeated habits and patterns. 

On of which, just so happened to be reminding you how small you were compared to him. 

You jabbed the sponge in-between on of the bricks, “Ow!” He narrowed his eye at you, “Watch it, pal. I’m starting to think you’ve never cleaned a triangle before.”

“I’d hate to give that impression.” You softened your hold on him, “Delicate work, I always say.”

And it was delicate work. After his defeat, he’d been roughed up a surprising bit, powers even weakened. 

Weakened.

“Not too delicate,” he shot you glance. Guess he’d heard that thought process. 

Although, most days he’d seemed to be in a thought process of his own. Weird.

You cleared your throat, “How often does this even need to be done?”

He blinked, “Well, let’s see. Once every—“ he waved his hand around “—few hundred years. Very high maintenance, do not recommend it.”

High maintenance, yeah. At this point, Bill had taken to talking about some other topic, you hadn’t been really listening, something about intergalactic food joints.

Every once and a while he’d bring up something that happened with one of his ‘henchmaniacs’ before getting slightly irritated at the lack of presence in his life now, and changing the subject. 

Bill was interesting to study, you couldn’t lie. His eyelashes curled away from each other, like the mangled legs of a recently dead spider. His hands were very present when he talked, like most people of business. His body flicked side to side slightly at certain moments. 

You became more gentle naturally, taking care of every crevice, and for some reason Bill becomes gradually quieter.

“Something wrong?” You asked, not stopping.

Bill blinked, “Eh, been a minute since i’ve had a human servant. Maybe, I was thinking of other things you can help with!”

You sigh, “Yeah, because i’m your servant. As if.” In your mind, your thinking do the fact he was your roommate, in your house, eating your food. 

“Hey, don’t get all butt-hurt. You’re all ants to me, buddy, nothing to be ashamed of!” His eye flicked back and forth between you and the room.

Then you stop scrubbing, “Bill, I might as well be your landlord.” You know he can read your thoughts, so you make a point to justify yourself. Already weakened from his failed apocalypse, anything other than vague respect for you would land him homeless. Most likely, his response to this would be killing you, but there’s only so much he can do afterwards. 

He’d have a place to stay, but with no electricity or heating, and in his damaged physical form he actively does need those things. And trying to get a new human would be a hassle, and unlike you, no guarantee they’d let him stay there without calling the authorities.

“Yeesh,” Bill remarks, “Buzzkill… You are still a bug compared to me, though—“

You drop the sponge in the bucket, “I think you’re done.”

He looks taken aback when you pull away, “What? Come on, over the bug comment? Jeez, buddy—“

“No I mean you’re actually done,” you gesture to his body, now shining and slick with soap suds. “I got everything, there’s nothing else to do.”

You go to turn around before you feel a small hand grabbing for the back of your shirt. 

“Wait, wait!” He breathes, eye flicking from side to side, “… You have to dry me off first.”

He looked slightly panicked, like if you stopped taking care of him now, you’d leave and never come back. Your thought process earlier couldn’t have helped. 

The way he scurried and gasped for you was reminiscent of panicked earwig and a rock is lifted up. The comparison should have grossed you out, but it kinda just made you feel a little bad.

If he was paying attention to your thoughts, he didn’t show it. This would have usually given you the impression he’d wanted you to be thinking the way you were, but he seemed a little wrapped up in his own head. 

“Come on, kid. Don’t tell me you’re gonna kick me out because I asked you to dry me off. One last thing and then you don’t even have to talk to me the rest of the night! Sounds like a good deal, right?” 

His slightly desperate looking sales pitch was met with a sigh, you picked up a dry towel and began to pat the soap suds off of him. His body slowly breathed in, making it look like he was sighing, but no noise came out.

You wondered then if he was actually touch-starved, but cut your thoughts there because this time he had nothing better to do then pay attention to what you were thinking. 

“Ouch, i’m not that desperate, pal.” But he was.

His exoskeleton was dry, but you didn’t stop patting him down. His eyelid shut slowly, and the spider-legs on them curled into each other once more. 

The exoskeleton of a bug was practical, but one of a triangle seemed to simply be for aesthetics. 

However, on some rare occasions, it possesses the same desire for love as human bodies. Only, when very desperate, of course. 

Pls elaborate when u say Mr puzzle takes it in the ass. PLEASE

Lowkey have not seen any Mr. Puzzles smut yet so… i dunno I guess I AM the first of the generation, it is scary but.. somebody’s gotta do it. (the middle picture was actually me when I got this request)

So we all saw the arch, right? I feel like he actually doesn’t have a lot of experience or maybe none at all. He’s been pretty lonely in the friend department since childhood so I can only assume the same for significant others. He definitely wants to be romanced the hell out of before you fuck him.

I feel like he would want to look at you while you do it, so most times you’d end up with his legs draped over your shoulders. But as long as you’re giving him (his ass) attention, he’ll enjoy any position. Said this in the last post, he heavily enjoys princess treatment, so praise while you fuck into him is a yes.

OI just realized we're short on Stanley headcanon! Please feed us more of this strangely hot old man.

ooooo i do not have nearly enough stanley pines requests, send some in! I already have a smut one in drafts sooo fluff?? i feel like i’ve been doing to much smut and stan is my comfort character

rereading american pyscho, oh how i would love to dom patrick bateman.

”want a pretty femme under me while i squeeze her neck and rut into her with my biggest strap” THE HARLEY QUINN COMMENT. i’m gone. No because she would want the biggest strap too UHDHSHH elaborate pls id love to hear that for research 😁😁

🥀A/n: im going to platonically kiss u through the screen for putting this in my inbox i literally need to elaborate AURGH SHES SOOOO

🥀(based off this post)

🥀Cw: smut, fem!reader, wlw smut, strap, soorta size kink, bratty sub!Harley

🥀men and minors dni

now, Harley is very intelligent, but you can't tell me Harley wouldn't be soooo bratty- just for funsies! like she would try her best to piss you off, make you jealous, tease you and act all ditzy and airheaded when questioned about it all in the hopes of getting fucked stupid- and it works!!

she's sobbing as your silicone dick splits her in half, pawing at your tits and toying with your nipples while you fuck her until she's babbling- she's loud too, all whiny and pissed about how your going too slow, not fucking her hard enough, and the only way to shut her up is a firm hand around her throat- and oh does she love it

i just know Harley would drag one of your hands (that were placed so firmly on her hips just moments prior) up towards her neck, begging you with wide eyes to squeeze

"are you sure?" "toots, if you don't fuck me right now i swear-"

she loves being gagged, manhandled, slapped and fucked silly. her fave position is mating press, solely so she can simultaneously watch your tits jiggle and your cock slide in and out of her pretty pussy!

i also think she's partial to doggy style, Harley has a nice ass and she knows it. loves when your forcing her to arch her back, her ass rippling with every thrust as she drools into the sheets, your strap so deep inside her she's seeing stars

size is definitely a factor for Harley- not only does she want your biggest strap, she would want your weirdest and kinkiest strap too. she would buy one of those ridiculous monster cocks, tentacles, veins, ridges, the whole nine yards, and would beg you to fuck her with it

"o-oh! ffuck me harder, can y-you? please-" Harley babbles, holding up her legs with ease as you fuck her cunt with your strap. the sloppy thwap! of her pussy squelching around your silicone dick fills the room, only fueling your lust.

you tighten your grip on her neck, watching the nasty grin on her face widen as she struggles to breathe. you both know she's aching to be marked, covered, and painted in bruises from your rough treatment, and your happy to oblige. tears stream down her face from the addicting mixture of pain and pleasure as her mind grows foggy from her nearing orgasm.

your free hand trails down towards her clit, pressing down hard on her aching pearl. Harley's eyes roll back into her head as she squeals your name, makeup all smudged from crying. the tightening in her abdomen is almost unbearable, she's so so close-

your pace slows, and your grip on her neck loosens enough for her to take a few deep breaths. she lets out an indignant whine, trying to rock harder against your strap, but you keep to your slower pace. it's not enough to push her to the edge, but not too little for her orgasm to fade entirely.

"how many times have you cum tonight, honey?" your words are sickeningly sweet, but she knows that this is a test.

"ssssix..?" Harley slurs, looking up at your face and giving a dopey smile. "your so prettyy, 'need you s'bad, i wanna cum," she pleads, rolling her hips against yours.

you chuckle, leaning down to kiss her before speeding up your pace, rewarding her for her correct answer.

"good job, baby, you did so good f'me. you can cum again, now, how many times will that be?"

"s-seven- ffuck-"

"oh, good girl-" you speed up even more, circling her clit with precision. Harley's thighs clench as the cord in her stomach draws taught, and then snaps. her sobs and moans fill the room as her orgasm ripples throughout her entire body. she screams your name like a prayer, pussy drooling all over your strap as she squirts, covering your lower half in her slick.

as she begins to come down from her high, you coo softly, waiting for her to come back to the present. you know she gets lost in subspace more often than not, and needs a few minutes to recover. in that time, you slide out gently, admiring the slick and cum coating your strap.

"you okay, baby?" you whisper, and Harley nods.

"mhm. c'mere, i wanna cuddle," Harley pouts as you shake your head, removing your harness and standing up. "we should clean up first, you made a bit of a mess," you tease, and Harley whines, but obliges. you lean in to press a kiss to her forehead.

"i love you, y'know that?"

"yeah, yeah, toots, i love ya too. now let's get a bath running, i feel a little.. sticky- bleh".

sorry this is lowkey short n the ending is horrendous im fighting for my life trying to characterize her ♥️ i love you harley quinn you deserve the world but you'll have to accept my mid fanfics instead 😔

I crave Stanley pines carnally and ur writing is so incredibly good so if u wrote literally anything about him I would start jumping for joy and skipping around giddily btw

a/n — I LOVE YOU STANLEY PINES, I need more requests of him so bad.

summary — [FLUFF] Stanley Pines x Reader headcanons

۫ ꣑ৎ I feel like a relationship with this man would be relatively low maintenance, like as long as he’s with you, he can’t complain.

۫ ꣑ৎ He would absolutely love to buy you things, gift giving would be his main love language. Even, especially, gifts he doesn’t have the money for.

ex. Stan holds out a beautiful pearl necklace, dangling it in front of you, chest puffed.

“Stan, you shouldn’t have!” You examine the necklace further, “You really shouldn’t have.. wait, where’d you get this?”

He looked to the side, “Borrowed it. From a friend of a friend… ‘s house— What am I, made of answers? I dunno, it fell from the sky or something.”

۫ ꣑ৎ I also don’t think he’d necessarily be the mushiest or partners. He makes it clear he loves you in other ways.

۫ ꣑ৎ That being said, he likes pet names, but only in private and is severely embarrassed about it.

۫ ꣑ৎ It would never be boring with him. I mean the entire pines family but especially him.

۫ ꣑ৎ Watch a fancy dinner escalate into smuggling pugs across the boarder while being chased by old prison ‘buddies.’

۫ ꣑ৎ Other nights being cuddled up watching terrible soap operas by the tv, trying to match Stan’s intensely involved energy.

۫ ꣑ৎ All that aside, he’d treat you so nice, and then act like it’s nothing.

ex. “Aw, are those flowers for me?”

“Oh yeah, the color reminded me of your eyes, kinda. It’s not much, take ‘em before I change my mind.”

۫ ꣑ৎ He’s actually pretty good at flirting but he thinks he’s so absolutely slick that it ends up being more cute then hot.

۫ ꣑ৎ Honestly, will literally never let anything happen to you, and is probably pretty protective.

۫ ꣑ৎ Reacts in weirdly emotional ways to genuine affection, might even tear up.

HELO I FORGOT TO SAY THANK YOU, YOU LITERALLY SAID MY WRITING WAS GOOD AND I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING BACK 😅 thank you so much babes!!

MROE MORE MORE MORE I I JSUT NEED MORE STANLEY BILL STANFORD AND FIDDLEFORD YOUR WIRIRNT IS SO FUCKIMG GOOD OH MY GOD KEEEP ON WRITING DONT STOP WHY R YOU SO TSENTEED!.!!,!,,, PIT ME IN A ROOM WITH ALL OF THEM AND I WONT BE THE ONE COMING OUT ORGENEATN OH MY FUKCJNG GODDD YOU AWTE SO AWRSOME

I love you and your writing, please do not suddenly disappear off the face of the earth. (ゝз○`)

I LOVE YOUR ENTHUSIASM. Also I’m going to take this request, since you seem to be specifically excited at the thought of more content, to talk about things i’ve been wanting to write!

[lalala PLEASE SEND REQUESTS lalala]

Bill with equally/exeedingly powerful reader is so interesting to me, there’d be so much competition there and the fact it’d probably be one sided on his part.

ANYTHING with young fiddleford, he’s such a cutie!! From his little hillbilly town omgmgmgmg he’s such a cute little nerd, I love him.

A full Stanford fic, those headcanons did pretty well so if I get a specific enough request i’d literally be ON IT.

I also have a fluffy Bill fic in drafts and that’s all i’ll say about that!

Alternatively in drafts, I have princess bubblegum headcanons. STARVING for adventure time requests, that kept me fed.

Also I’d like to do more with Stanley.. maybe smut this time?

OH and aside from gravity falls, Diego Hargreaves. Would love to fuck him. Him as a sub? Literally, i’m busting.

Lastly… pegging bill? I have nothing planned or in mind, but maybe this could go with the powerful reader. Dunno, but have ideas!

Hello,my name is Sakina, a 32 year old mother of a three month old baby, Said, who is a type 2 diabetic. After Israeli bulldozers destroyed our home we resorted to living in a tent beside a grimy public toilet infested with frisking pests since it’s the only option. Said urgently needs insulin, milk, and diapers, which I cannot afford. My parents also require medical attention. We have a chance to escape to Egypt for safety. Please consider donating and sharing our fundraiser pinned in this post. Any help is greatly appreciated❤️

^^

Ok, but we neeeed to see Brett Hand first time (also first time in his life) letting it slip and calling his gf "mommy".

He only felt safe and completely happy with her. In college he never felt pleasure because he had to be the dom in order to satisfy the girls and he was a people pleaser, you know. He just didn't dare to call her that to not make it weird and it just slips when he is melting, completely being a puddle in her hands. It surprises both of them.

There would be a moment where he froze after saying it and she would be like: "wh- what did you call me ? 😮😳" ( In a shocked gentle manner, not a mean one because she understands that he struggled growing up with his parents affection and she doesn't want to hurt him emotionally).

Oof I crave to see this so bad!!!

Brett Hand/Reader 18+

Awe, poor baby would be so embarrassed at first.

Imagine making him feel so good, giving him all your attention. You’ve already made him cum multiple times, blow jobs, hand jobs, etc. And he gets too comfortable, so he just slips out a “Mommy, please—“

He’d never been taken care of like this! When it came to sex he always just did what his partner wanted, but now you’re making him feel so good, and he barely has to lift a finger? He let his guard down!

Once he realized what he said, his hand would come up to his mouth and he’d wait for your reaction.

“what did you call me?” You ask, eyes wide.

“Uh— nothing. Unless your into it then I guess I did say something, but if you didn’t hear anything at all then I didn’t really say anything,” he squirms in place, “Haha, please still like me..—“

“No, Brett—“ You run your hand comfortingly up and down his arm, “I’m into it. Actually, say it again.”

“Uh..” He blushed red. If you like it, then what’s the harm? He doesn’t have to feel weird about it. “Y-yes, mommy.”

You smile, before placing your hand on his shaft once again, “Oh, good boy.”

ROSE, START WRITING FOR GRAVITY FALLS, AMD MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

saw in a post that you read the book of bill — would you ever consider writing for gravity falls? i’m in LOVE with ford bro he’s so silly i need him SO BAD 😭 ong and bill actually tbh they’re both so babygirl, put me in a room with those two and one of us is coming out pregnant (it’s NOT ME) HELP anyways I hope you have a nice vacation, and i’d love to hear your thoughts on the show and the new book regardless!

— an old friend of the blog 💕

AAAA HEYYY!!!!!)!)!)1!!!

i am definitely considering it ngl- ive always been a huge gravity falls fan but URGHH the new content is so good.

also, loving ford and bill is so real- theyre actually both sooo fine.

tysm for reaching out, im def considering it and i'll lyk if/when i do start writing for gravity falls!! pls feel free to send in asks anytime ! ♥️♥️♥️