Hey Babe, Heard You Like Pathetic Men. Well I Just Accidentally Spilled A Glass Of Water Down My Front

every day i die and then i am resurrected but i never come back quite right, this is why i am so fun and charming.

here's one i found a while back while sharing a box of these with my friend, brought me great joy

did you know they started printing contrasting words on either side of sweettarts? like bold and calm, local and global, head and heart? i did not, so you can imagine how startled i was to look down while eating my discount candy and see this:

of course ur fuckin trans, you were obsessed with the emo guy from abc3s nowhere boys.

the turbidity is low and the ph is neutral, things are looking up the the world

honestly i might be feeling depressed but i cant focus on that if im busy testing the water quality of local rivers

if i were a supervillain i would make escape rooms and lock people in them. i wouldn’t kill them or anything, id supply them with food and water and such, id just wait and see how long it took them to get out. id also do experiments on people such as kidnapping someone and dumping them on an island with a language completely unfamiliar to them (seperate origin too) and seeing if the critical period of child language acquisition is real. i would never do these things as i do in fact have morals and a general desire for others to be happy HOWEVER if i got hit with evil-serum i would be a mostly harmless but very irritating villain. i just need someone to do my little rat races but hamsters cant understand morse code so alas unless i lose all my morals i am stuck. im like the riddler with a slightly different brand of autism.

it’s my birthday, im high, im dressed like a pirate, i just got back from a punk gig, im carrying a big pot of peeled potatoes, and my uber just rearended a car

Let’s be shown off by mama

sometimes in the middle of imagining something i forget what a character looks like and need to look at a reference which makes me feel like im a fake fan or something but i literally just had to do the same thing with myself so i feel like there’s actually a different issue going on there

rip Nathan ford you would’ve probably loved what’s going on with United Healthcare rn

very stereotypical white guy thing to say but i genuinely think i would be significantly happier if i could eat large quantities of mayonnaise without getting sick