So I Wait.

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

Able bodied people seem to be under the assumption that if they do everything right that they’re immune to developing a chronic condition

That’s not how it works.

I can’t count the amount of times I’ve tried to explain to people that their health isn’t a sure thing, one day you can wake up sick and just never get better….

The hardest thing for me to accept since becoming disabled is the fact that my progress in the majority of things that I do will be so much slower than it is for everyone else.

I'm trying to reframe my thinking and start being grateful when I can partake in hobbies and just enjoy the process instead of being focused on how quickly I'm progressing compared to able bodied people.

I've always been an "all or nothing" type of person and that type of thinking really doesn't work now when I have to pace myself and allocate my energy each day depending on what needs to get done

choosing to allocate spoons to hanging out and having a good time at the cost of perfectly completing all your work is not a failing it is in fact an act of survival. “too sick to work = too sick to play” is in fact ableist bullshit that you don’t have to buy into. and the fact that leisure time is treated like a privilege is a fucking travesty

People tend to think that when you're not able to do work because of chronic illness or disability (taking days off, not doing housework, being unemployed etc.) that you're just able to have fun and chill out like it's a holiday but that's so far from the truth.

The symptoms preventing you from working usually also prevent you from doing things you enjoy, or at least make doing those things significantly harder and less enjoyable.

It may seem like someone not working due to an illness has lots of free time, but that's not correct. The time is not free, the time is being used to rest and recover, which is really a task in its own right.

When I'm in a state where I can't go to school, I usually can't do much else either. I'm too fatigued, or in too much pain to make art or play games, too fatigued to read and actually comprehend what I've read. The only thing I can really do is lie down and scroll social media or watch TV, anything I don't need to actually think about or put physical effort into.

And it's not enjoyable. I'm still suffering from symptoms. I want to do other things, but I can't.

I would much rather feel healthy and work than be ill and stay home

(Disclaimer: this isn't to say that everyone with a chronic illness or disability is always suffering and unable to do anything or that disabled people can't have fun or that anyone who is able to participate in hobbies and fun things must be well enough to work, just that it's frustrating to see people think disabled people are "lucky to not have to work". Wanted to say this in case anyone gets the wrong idea or feels invalidated - you don't need to suffer greatly to be valid in your illness)

I think if she pulled me into a bathroom, pressed me against the wall and started kissing me it’d fix all my problems actually