I Need Fictional Men So Bad I Fear Im Unwell

Habitica

An ADHD saviour

You gain points for finishing tasks and building habits.

You can get eggs and potions to hatch pets and earn food to grow your pets.

DOPAMINE!!!

You can enter challenges to get gems to join special challenges

You can join parties to work together on quests and have group accountability

You can log achievements and convince yourself to do the things you need to do (this is also great for spoonies, without it I would just never get out of bed with exhaustion)

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

yes

jason's the only person who can win in an argument against damian and nobody knows how until one day the boys get into a debate about whose plan to use for a case and damian threatens that if they don't listen to his plan and let him take the lead in an attack he'll make their lives a living hell forever and dick and tim don't know how to get him to step down until jason goes out of nowhere 'yeah ok demon brat why don't you take the lead and while you all fight i'll go have sex with your mom again how about that?'

silence for fifteen seconds. damian agrees to do jason's plan. dick and tim are fucking terrified.

---

MASTERLIST

hope you enjoy <3

!! = my favs

# = smut

⋆｡‧˚⋆ ʚ 💌 ɞ ⋆ ˚‧｡⋆

LANDO NORRIS

do not disturb

just friends

don’t cry over spilt coffee

thigh highs

we’re live

worship me

he’s sick of it

who?

bikini ties

that kiddish grin

want me in red !! #

silverware !!

series

trouble pt.1

trouble pt.2

trouble pt.3

across the hall pt.1

‘24⤵️

rule no.1 !!

take it off

obviously oblivious

go out with me !!

life imitates art

the booth

winning kiss

a type of love

drunk thoughts

they don’t know it

cassanova

ok put my number !!

call me whenever

let them see

six times too many (or just enough?)

walk me like a runway

looking good

your initials on my hat

drown it out

meet me in the library

slim pickins

hide your name not your team

curb flirting !!

doomed for one another

unconventional

tattooed on my body

⋆｡‧˚⋆

series!

cat parents - pt.1

cat parents - pt.2

cat parents - pt.3

messy - pt.1 !!

messy - pt.2 !!

savior - pt.1

savior - pt.2

alls fair in love and war - pt.1

alls fair in love and war - pt.2

alls fair in love and war pt.3

alls fair in love and war pt.4

⋆｡‧˚⋆

smau!

2 hands

⋆｡‧˚⋆

requests!

ill and annoyed

careful

you and i

caught

k i s s i n g

prick and a tease

new doo

act of peace

fuck with my head

hate me

c’mere

FRANCO COLAPINTO

that pretty blonde

‘24⤵️

good side

getaway

⋆｡‧˚⋆

requests

comfortable !!

jealously

yell and fly

he can understand

KIMI ANTONELLI

like a dream !!

the first person

little sisters are unknowingly great match makers !

swinging around

i knew it !!

in the way !!

‘24⤵️

for the plot

fireworks

tell me if you hate me

dragged and dripping !!

three days. two confessions.

LANDOSCAR

marks on your body

APRIL FOOLS SPECIAL ‘25 ln4, ka12, fc43, op81!

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL ‘24 ln4, ka12.

Okay I need to know if this is an incredibly stupid thing to do because this might be my brain being dumb and like “I mean this is objectively true based on what they’re asking” but it’s not what you should do

So I’m doing college applications and shit right, and common app has you write an essay and one of the prompts is “what is something that fascinates you so much you lose track of time?” And for me that is like dungeons and daddies but like would that be stupid to write about?? Like would colleges think that is a stupid thing to write about and just write me off a weird nerd who likes this podcast to much. Like I intend to write about how the themes pass through each of the families and how it by extent represents the greater theme of generational trauma the podcast as a whole deals with

So like people who are in/went to college and had to write an essay like this would it be better if I picked something else or would this like “make me stand out” to colleges

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH PLEASE TATTOO IT INTO MY EYEBALL SO I ALWAYS HAVE IT WITH ME

How to get fined and expose people | CL16

Charles Leclerc x detective! Reader

Summary: This is the story of how Charles Leclerc finds love, and brings down an entire corrupt organisation, but that's just the background plot. Not really though. Come for the plot, stay for the rookies.

Warning(s): Mild Language, Drivers being idiots, plotting schemes, the FIA is shit? But we've been known about that. Driver shenanigans. Y/N will be introduced next chapter actually.

Part 1 ~Series Masterlist~

"I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top."

Charles didn’t know why he agreed to this.

Probably because Carlos texted “mandatory group therapy at Lando's, bring snacks or fuck off” and then followed it with a thumbs-up emoji.

And Charles, being the responsible, curious idiot he was, thought "yes, therapy sounds lovely."

Instead, he found himself in the middle of a Monaco flat that smelled suspiciously spring rolls, and something that could only be described as “boy.”

Carlos was already there, legs stretched across Lando’s coffee table like he paid the mortgage.

Alex had brought a six-pack of something suspiciously non-alcoholic, which Max was side-eyeing like it had personally insulted his mother.

“So,” Lando said, flopping onto the couch beside Charles, “have you heard of this fucking absurdity they’re actually pushing forward with now?”

Max, who had his entire upper body halfway into the fridge, let out a groan. “You mean the swearing thing? Godverdomme. Bunch of fuckers," he poked his head out the fridge, "Lando! There’s no Red Bull in here. I hate this place.”

Lando didn’t even look up. “We don’t carry Red Bull in this house. This is a Monster Energy zone.”

“Fuck you, mate.” Max slammed the fridge door and grabbed a questionable-looking apple. “Hope your sink clogs.”

"Eat shit, Max"

Charles rubbed his face. “So we get fined for swearing ? Like... for real? Real money?”

“Real our money,” Alex chimed in. “Forty grand for a ‘fuck.’ Eighty if you say it while looking too sexy.”

Carlos snorted. “I’d be broke by lunch.”

“Cabrón,” Lando wheezed, “you’d be fined just for existing with that hair.”

That was when Charles looked over. Carlos’ hair really was… suspiciously shiny. Glossy, not greasy. Regal, almost. Did it move in the light? Was that a beam of sunshine catching it just so? It was giving shampoo commercial in the best, most infuriating way.

Carlos noticed him staring. Flicked his head just slightly, like a slow-mo ad.

“Don’t even try, mate. It’s genetics. L'Oréal Paris tried to bottle this, saying it was them.” He smirked.

“They failed. Obviously. No shampoo can handle this kind of fabulous.”

Alex nearly spit his drink. “Don’t let George hear you say that. He’ll sob into his Dyson.”

Carlos scoffed. “George can do all the Dyson-sponsored TikToks he wants. But this,” he gestured dramatically to his hair,

“this is art.”

“More like black magic,” Charles muttered.

Why did it feel like he was in an alternate reality?

Then, slightly louder, “Do you think they’d fine me if I told the FIA to go fuck themselves in song?”

“They’d probably double it,” Lando said. “Add royalties.”

“FIA peuvent aller se faire foutre,” Charles said, with all the elegance of a penguin.

“That’s the spirit!” Alex raised his glass. “European flair with a hint of rage.”

Max bit into his sad apple and frowned. “Seriously, where is the money going? Like... forty grand? For saying what 'shit'?”

He looked around. “That’s a new set of tires. That’s a Rolex. That’s a very, very expensive escort in Amsterdam.”

"....................."

Max shrugged. “What? I googled.”

“They never tell us anything,” Charles muttered. “All these fines. These ‘regulations.’ And not once do they show us receipts.”

There was a pause. Then, deadpan, Charles added, “Gosh, I wish we could just, you know, secretly pay someone to find out what the fuck they’re doing with our money.”

That got murmurs of agreement. Alex said something about shady Swiss bank accounts.

Then the Thai muttered, “bet they’re using it for private jet charters and...uh..body wax. Yes.”

Lando, unusually quiet, sat forward.

He looked at all of them, dead serious—well, as serious as Lando Norris could look while wearing socks with little racecars on them.

“I actually might know someone who can help us.”

Everyone froze. Even Max stopped chewing.

“You’re not joking,” Charles said, brow raised.

“No,” Lando said, eyes gleaming. “Not even a little bit.”

“Who?” Alex asked, suddenly intrigued.

Lando just grinned like the cat that swallowed the paddock. “Let’s just say… they’ve got the skills. And zero respect for authority.”

Charles leaned forward. “Are they hot?”

“Obviously,” Lando said. “I don’t work with amateurs.”

Max pointed the apple core at him. “If they get us arrested, I’m blaming you.”

“You’re Dutch. You’ll probably be the one who gets us in jail.”

"Why are you being racist towards me, oh my god"

"Shut up guys" Carlos groans.

Charles, for his part, leaned back and stared at the ceiling. This was insane. Utterly idiotic. Deeply illegal, maybe.

But also…

"I'm in" He says as he looks around at the faces of the drivers around him, all slowly starting to smile.

If I didn't know what was going on, I'd think it was creepy if they started smiling at me at the same time.

"Want a monster, Max?"

"Fuck off, Norris"

"I've got a monster, it's in my pa—"

"CARLOS!"

_________________________

From his window seat near the front of the jet, Charles Leclerc glanced over at the quietest part of the plane—a square foot of peace occupied by Jack Doohan, fully unconscious, hoodie over his face, and completely unaffected by the circus onboard.

Unfortunately, the rest of the jet was a violently different experience.

“I can literally just ask him,” Max growled, shoving a Red Bull can into the cupholder like it personally offended him. “He works for me. I pay him.”

“Ugh, you’re such a Libra,” Lando groaned, sprawled across his seat sideways, his feet on Carlos' lap, like a particularly irritating cat.

“That’s not the point, Maxie. It’s my secret mission. You get to be the muscle.”

“I’m literally a four-time world champion.”

“And yet you’ve got the mystery-solving skills of a wet paper towel.”

Max threw an empty redbull can at him. Lando caught it and aimed it perfectly at a bin, all while grinning at Max.

Max thinks if he kills Lando right now, everyone in the jet would be considered an accomplice and he wouldn't be alone in prison.

But the rookies have such bright futures ahead. His brain whispered to him. It sounded like GP.

So he just leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, trying to calm down.

één...twee..drie

Nearby, Oscar was curled up by the window, fast asleep like an angel in a hoodie.

Alex was standing in the aisle infront of his seat, camera up, trying desperately to snap embarrassing shots of Oscar sleeping—but George, unfortunately, was in the background of every shot, adjusting his own angles and muttering under his breath.

“Why do I look like a melted Victorian candle in every photo?” George scowled at his reflection in the mirror of his phone.

“Maybe you just have that vibe,” Alex said cheerfully. “Haunted British antique. Sort of works for you.”

“Oh, shut it.”

Meanwhile, the rookies had claimed the back half of the jet like a boarding school on wheels.

Kimi Antonelli and Ollie Bearman had found the mini wine bar and were crouched in front of it like they were preparing for battle.

Gabriel Bortoleto stood behind them, arms crossed, clearly helping—though his version of help might’ve just been reading the French labels out loud and offering strong opinions on corks.

“Guys, I’m just saying, this Bordeaux is probably older than us,” Gabriel murmured.

“Perfect,” Kimi said, yanking on the wine fridge handle like it had wronged him in a past life, it wouldn't budge.

Ollie opened another fridge and blinked at the vast array of redbull cans in it, "this bitch empty, just redbull," he turned to Kimi, "keep going, whatever is in there, it's sure to be iconic"

“It's sure to be Illegal,” muttered Liam Lawson from nearby, but he was distracted—he and Isack Hadjar were both gazing around the jet like tourists on a class trip. “I think this jet is bigger than my first apartment.”

“Mate, I think this jet is bigger than my entire family tree,” Isack replied.

Max sighed loudly, watching them from the aisle with arms crossed. “This is the first time my jet has ever felt so.… full.”

Lando didn’t even glance up from his phone. “That’s because you have no friends.”

“Fuck you, Lando.”

“See, this is why you don’t get invited to things.”

“You’re in my jet!”

“Yeah, and somehow still regretting letting you convince me to take it.”

Next to a silently cursing Max, Charles was doing his best not to lose his mind while getting absolutely obliterated by Carlos at chess.

“I don’t even know why you try anymore,” Carlos said smugly, adjusting a bishop with entirely too much confidence.

“You're not even that good,” Charles muttered, glaring at the board like it had personally insulted his family. “You just talk so much I forget what my next move is.”

“You’re doing amazing, sweetie,” Carlos cooed in a faux-dramatic voice, it reminded Charles of that one clip with Kris and Kylie Jenner.

“You already said that to Alex.”

Carlos smirked. “Are you jealous?”

Charles made a noise that was definitely not a denial and absolutely not a pout, then turned his attention toward Oscar, still asleep, and Alex, who was trying to get a picture of him,

but kept being photobombed by George adjusting his jawline and moving his hand through his hair.

“You’re ruining the shot with your hair, George,” Alex whined.

“My hair is the shot!” George snapped.

From the back, Ollie raised his voice over the chaos. “Guys! I can’t believe we’re actually doing this! Like, full-blown operation.”

The rookies nodded solemnly around him like this was the Avengers assembling.

“I heard about the driver strike,” Isack whispered reverently.

“Same,” Liam said. “Absolute carnage.”

The older drivers exchanged glances across the cabin.

Silent, knowing. They hadn’t meant to bring the rookies.

In fact, they'd specifically tried not to tell them. But somehow, all five of them had been at the airport when the group arrived—already packed, caffeinated, and suspiciously ready.

They probably have a group chat.

“Just how bad can it be?” Max muttered to no one in particular.

Which, in their language, meant incredibly bad. Catastrophic. Delicious.

Charles leaned toward Lando, still scowling from his chess loss, and asked, “This person we’re staying with... do they at least have air conditioning?”

Lando just smiled, far too pleased with himself.

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

Charles blinked. “You’re enjoying this too much.”

“Me?” Lando said. “Never.”

Max leaned over. “Can we please just land already. I swear if I don’t get on land soon, I’ll throw Lando out the door.”

“You wouldn’t,” the brit said, grinning. “You love me too much.”

Max growled. “I’d aim for the rocks.”

From the back of the jet came a loud crash.

“WHO GAVE KIMI A CORKSCREW?” someone yelled.

Charles closed his eyes.

This was fine. This was normal. It's only been two hours since the sunrise. This is normal.

This was definitely going to blow up on their faces.

________________________

The plane landed with a subtle bump and an ominous silence.

It wasn’t the silence of anticipation, or awe, or respect.

It was the silence of what the fuck is this.

Charles looked out the window, squinting against the blinding daylight.

Grass. Dirt. More grass. A single squirrel, maybe. And in the far, far distance—what looked like a manor? Or possibly a haunted vineyard. It was hard to say.

“Did we crash into a farm?” Max’s voice cut through the cabin, sharp and offended.

“Is this someone's private field? Where are the buildings? Where are the people? Why does it smell like hay?”

Charles blinked. “I think there’s an estate over there.” He pointed vaguely, like that would solve anything.

Carlos leaned over Charles’s shoulder. “Big house. Very big. Like… murder-for-inheritance-big.”

“Definitely too big,” Alex muttered. “It’s like, really far, two days of walking maybe.”

“You didn’t even bring extra snacks!” Isaack groaned, dragging his hoodie over his head like a defeated blanket ghost.

“My phone won’t load anything!” Liam added.

“Do you guys… not have Wi-Fi?” Gabriel asked, looking horrified, like someone had just said “dial-up internet.”

“Lando,” Carlos said calmly, turning in his seat, “you didn’t get us a driver’s lounge receiver?”

“You didn’t even ask for it, and because we’re not at a normal airport,” Lando said cheerfully. “We’re on a secret mission."

Then he frowned at everyone. “God, you’re all so entitled.”

Max looked like he was ready to commit violence. “You kidnapped me from my home and flew me to a barn.”

“It's not a barn,” Lando sniffed, perking up. “Oh! Look, the van's here.”

Everyone turned.

A huge black van rumbled down the dirt road, kicking up dust like it had emerged from the void. It was the kind of van that looked suspicious in a very Netflix docuseries sort of way.

Lando, inexplicably cheerful, clapped his hands. “Alright! Group up! Bags—well, don’t bother, they’ll get delivered. Everyone count off.”

He started pointing as the drivers started moving towards the exit. “Max, Jack, Carlos—rookies with Carlos please—they're you go Kimi —Carlos hold on to Ollie, he looks a bit peaky—Isack, Gabriel, Alex, George, Charles—” he hesitated.

Someone cleared their throat.

“Uh… guys?” said Liam awkwardly from the back. “I think Oscar’s still asleep.”

There was a beat of silence.

Carlos blinked. “We were going to leave a man behind.”

“Typical,” Max grunted. “McLaren drivers. Useless.”

“I’m right here,” Lando said.

“Exactly, I'm not talking about Oscar.”

"Gosh Max, you're so rude to me."

Jack yawned so hard his jaw cracked. Isack stumbled into Gabriel, who stumbled into Kimi, who was holding a bottle of Max’s $800 wine like it was a sippy cup.

Ollie was giggling at nothing.

Charles gave them all a long, quiet stare.

They were flushed. Sweaty. Slightly glassy-eyed. He could practically see the wine fumes floating around them like ghosts of bad decisions.

He pressed his fingers to his temples.

If one of these kids died of alcohol poisoning on his watch, he’d have to personally call their parents. Explaining things in English to Isaack Hadjar’s French-Algerian mother? He shuddered. He didn’t have the range.

But then he looked again.

They were… fine. A little wobbly. Very jetlagged. Possibly wine-poisoned. But alive.

“Surprisingly resilient,” he murmured.

“I once saw Kimi eat a whole jalapeño pepper at a press event,” George, whispered. “He’s built different.”

“Do we get Oscar or just—leave him?” Liam asked, visibly considering it.

“Oh my god,” Alex groaned. “We are the worst people.”

“I’ll get him,” Max said, turning back toward the jet.

“Wait,” Charles called. "Give him a bottle of water. And maybe tim tams, they're in my bag. He gets violent when he wakes up hungry.”

“I’m awake,” Oscar’s voice mumbled faintly from behind them, blanket around his shoulders like a sleepy gremlin.

“Jesus,” Max jumped. “Where did you come from?”

“Dreamland,” Oscar muttered. “Why is the ground moving?”

“It’s...not,” George said.

Oscar blinked. “Oh.”

The van honked.

Lando gestured like he was conducting an orchestra. “Alright, children. Into the mystery van. We’re going to meet someone very special.”

“Is it Santa?” Ollie asked, slightly slurring.

“I hope it’s a doctor,” Isack said.

“Or a therapist,” Gabriel muttered.

“Can I lie down?” Jack asked no one in particular.

Max pushed past everyone. “I swear to god, if this place we're staying at, doesn't have Redbull I’m suing you, Lando.”

Charles stepped off the jet last, the warm sun hitting him like a slap in the face. Dirt underfoot. Weird smells. A probably-haunted manor in the distance.

He sighed.

Carlos stood next to him, yawning. “So, do we trust this van?”

“No,” Charles said immediately. “But I’m too tired to care.”

Lando stood infront of all the drivers, and beamed at them.

“Welcome to phase two, bitches!”

Charles closed his eyes and whispered a prayer.

_______________________

Vrrrroooom.

The van jerked forward, spitting up gravel, and took off down the path like it had somewhere much more important to be.

Charles watched it vanish down the road with a rising sense of unease. “He just—he just left.”

“He LEFT?” Lando echoed, stepping out and raising his hands dramatically.

“I mean, yeah, obviously he left. That was the plan.”

“Wait, what do you mean that was the plan?” Carlos asked, frowning.

“I told him to drop us off and go. Y’know. In case someone was following us.”

“Following us?” Charles turned so fast he nearly pulled something. “Why would someone be following us? Lando what the actual fu—”

“I don’t know,” Lando shrugged. “Felt dramatic. Adds to the vibes.”

“Vibes?” Alex said, voice cracking. “We’re eleven drivers, some of whom are legally still teenagers, abandoned outside a giant murder mansion with no Wi-Fi or food, and your priority is vibes?”

The silence that followed was broken only by the distant sound of someone’s stomach growling. Possibly Isaack’s. Or Charles’, Hard to say.

The wind picked up. The ivy rustled.

The manor stood still and silent before them. Waiting.

Charles shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and sighed.

“Fucking brilliant,” he muttered. “This is how horror movies start. And we’re the dumbass cast.”

"You think they will make a documentary about us if we go missing?" It was one of the rookies, one who didn't sound drunk, so maybe Jack or Liam.

Charles wasn't sure anymore.

He groaned out loud again.

It wasn't even noon yet.

___________________________________________

Thank you for reading!

If you liked this part, please leave a like, a comment and a reblog!

I wrote this before I got into the accident, and now I've decided this is going to be my coping muse. I'm doing better now, getting the electroshock therapy and I have gained a weird obsession with yogurt of all things. Love you all.

Also, for anyone who didn't see the post, the Taglist is closed (Don't want to make another one, I'm way too tired for all of that)

As an alternate option, You can follow the tag "Julie's F1 rambles" this tag will only have my works.

Jules♡

Taglist: @anamiad00msday @evie-119 @that-one-little-soybean @six-call @stressed-cherry @il0vereadingstuff @whatevenisthisxxxxx  @freyathehuntress @verstappen-leclerc-inchident @allthings-fandoms @larastark3107 @myescapefromthislife  @wertyuizxcvbnm @halleest @hs2016 @lucyysthings @justaf1girl @bernelflo @mendes-bae @chelseyyouraverageluigi @llando4norris @sid-is-gr8 @henna006 @hurtblossom @quinquinquincy @ts1mp0ne @spidercat-soccerfan @kodzuvk @wherethefuckisthething @hellowgoodbye @prttylight @l4ndonorizz @edgyficuselastica @charlesgirl16 @chloes-book-corner @1mverstappen @inchidentofftrack @blackmage24 @angelluv16 @alice-went-away @teamnovalak  @wierdflowerpower @sunshine-and-midnight-rain @maxswhore33 @glow-ish @lazybot @weekendlusting @milky-rose2 @sugarfreerbr @prttylight @martygraciesversion381

ᯓ★ rec list !

hello! i don't know why but the links have decided to disappear from the rec list, I'll fix this soon!!

FORMULA ONE

oscar piastri

my girl- @no-144444

first dinners- (^)

stick around- @scuderiahoney

in disguise- @p1astr81

let's have a baby, baby- @norrizzandpia

oscar drabble- @maxlarens

oscar blurb- @theemporium

she's no ordinary girl- (^)

max verstappen

not so secret santa- @pomegranatesarchive

franco colapinto

i like me better- @taasgirl

carlos sainz

hungry eyes- @ham1lton

charles leclerc

wrong number- @ham1lton

jenson button

he says to be cool (i don't know how yet)- @ham1lton

lando norris

total wipe out- @no-144444

thigh highs @mywritersmind

other

x marks the spot- @ham1lton (retired f1 drivers)

PR nightmare- @pha55ed (oscar, lando, charles, carlos)

REVERSE TROPE WRITING PROMPTS

Too many beds

Accidentally kidnapping a mafia boss

Really nice guy who hates only you

Academic rivals except it’s two teachers who compete to have the best class

Divorce of convenience

Too much communication

True hate’s kiss (only kissing your enemy can break a curse)

Dating your enemy’s sibling

Lovers to enemies

Hate at first sight

Love triangle where the two love interests get together instead

Fake amnesia

Soulmates who are fated to kill each other

Strangers to enemies

Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating

Too hot to cuddle

Love interest CEO is a himbo/bimbo who runs their company into the ground

Nursing home au

it’s the way I felt so fucking called out for me

i just need a father figure

NOBODY FUCKING MOVE.