As I Empty The Clip | "A Return To Love."

As I Empty The Clip | "A Return To Love."

February 19, 2020

"Be patient with me.

Im doing my best to open up and surrender my vulnerability with you but it takes time

Understanding my feelings don’t come so easy to me as it may to you but I’m eager to know them

But-

I mess up sometimes, I hurt other times, I laugh, and sing and shout with joy, but I also cry sometimes

And it may not be all that you’re seeking and I don’t expect you to but respect my timing is all I’m asking for

I love really hard and I care very deeply but I worry if that same passion would be returned to me 10 fold,

would it be misunderstood? Would it be too much? Things like that

I'm unlearning old habits of fleeing in the midst of confusion and misunderstanding or just shutting off

completely

I know its not healthy but I’m doing the work of seeing myself

But do not think that this is my call for help, I’ve done that a long time ago,

just a letter for deeper understanding so you can know partially, why I do the things I do.

That it isn’t out of spite but a trauma response

I am not my trauma

I can change

My past doesn’t define me

Nor does your vision of me

So be easy with my unbecoming or don’t be here at all

Challenge me but don’t abuse my soft spots

I've been through enough of that already

I’m due for new

I’m due for some proper loving,

So on the days when I don’t feel so whole or together ask me, in what ways do you need to be loved today?

And I’ll tell you open and honestly

But only if you are patient with me."