Everytime I Try To Lock In But Can't I Say I'm Locked Out

Trying to figure out my gender is confusing. Womanhood is like wearing socks (I hate wearing socks but the world isn't set up for someone to not be wearing socks) and I'm definitely not anywhere like being a man. I'm pretty okay with my body but sometimes my boobs weird me out. I like that my face is a little more androgynous and makeup no longer feels like me. I think femininity and masculinity are completely made up and I'm outside of whatever they're supposed to be. I'm some type of nonbinary then, but I feel like I need to understand it beyond being not a man or woman.

I'm a Person first. I feel like a solar system, cosmic and vast. Not fully understood. Not able to be held. Everything orbiting around. My body is made of stardust as well as my soul.

I'm not sure why I'm not a woman, and I'll probably always be seen as one. But I think it would eat away at me to put myself in that box

Hello show I should’ve watched a long time ago

I want to phase AGAB language out of my normal use because I'm not intersex and AGAB was meant for intersex people. Does anyone have any good alternatives? I use "person with a uterus" or "person with a penis" or any other anatomy based language when it's relevant to the conversation but there are aspects of my body and experience I want to talk about that aren't just about my organs.

I'm a person who is perceived as a woman. I check off all the boxes for what is considered "standard female anatomy" (big quotes here, I don't think a standard should define us) I grew up raised as a girl, I haven't physically transitioned at all, etc etc etc

I want to be able to acknowledge and expand on these parts of my existence without referring to myself as a woman bc I'm not. I also don't want to be put in the "woman-lite" category. I don't see my body as being gendered even if other people perceive it as being woman gendered. I've considered the term "female-bodied' to describe me but my worry is that language could be used against trans people. I don't like the terms masc or fem for me either because I don't feel masculine or feminine. I don't connect to those terms.

I constantly feel like when I try to explain my experience I run into all sorts of linguistics barriers and it's deeply frustrating to me

So as someone who's taken a college biology class with an entire unit dedicated to sex differentiation it's been bugging me immensely to see so many people (mostly on threads) say that "we're all female at conception" There's some truth to female anatomy being the "default baby" because it takes less developmental energy to create/maintain but "we're all female to start" is a way oversimplification of this to the point it's just not true. I'm not claiming to be an expert by any means but I would like to spread the knowledge I do have bc I think it's honestly cool as hell

To start I've seen this talked about a lot in relation to Trump trying to sign an executive order that categorizes people's sex by "the gametes they have at conception" There's so many issues with this. A zygote is not producing gametes at conception, it's a single cell. A zygote carries the genetic coding for which sex you are but genes are not the final determination and only make up part of your sex. For example, you may have an SRY gene which is the catalyst for male development but it may be damaged and not expressed. A person may present entirely as one sex but not be able to produce gametes, Sex isn't just one characteristic.

Once a fetus begins developing its organs it doesn't just start out with female anatomy which can then "become male anatomy if you have the genes for it" We actually start out with undifferentiated gonads (which are still not producing gametes) and two duct systems, one that can become the female reproductive organs and one that can become the male. They're called the Müllerian and Wolffian ducts. (Science illustration so you know I'm not just pulling this out of my ass)

This is where our genes come into play deciding if our gonads become ova or testes and which ducts develop into our reproductive organs. Shout out to all my intersex folks, a lot of intersex conditions become expressed at this stage of development. For example, a person with androgen insensitivity syndrome would have XY chromosomes but would have missing or non-functioning androgen receptors. This means their gonads become testes and the hormone that degrades the Mullerian ducts is released, but their body cannot use any androgens to continue male development. This means without androgens the wolffian ducts also degrade and the person would have external female genitalia and internal testes. My knowledge on the more micro-biology and chemical reactions part of sex determination is more limited so I can't really talk about it in a comprehensive way but I just wanted to share this really cool human fact.

Thinking about death being a part of the cycle of life. Not in the "all things must die" way but that death itself brings new life.

The whale fall feeds the ocean, feeding life from it's death. The old fallen tree provides habitat, food, and gets broken down and returned to the earth. An animal dies and the vultures clean its corpse, not just feeding themselves but reducing disease for those still alive.

Death is so integral to our life, there is not one without the other. We are all in this system, no matter how hard humanity tried to escape it.

really not sure when it happened or why but personally I'm pissed that the queer community at large seems to have given up ground on the "people with penises/vulvas/testes/ovaries" language to sex & gender essentialists in exchange for the much less precise, much more demeaning "AGAB" language.

is it because you're scared of the word vulva? of acknowledging out loud that some people have penises? of recognising that many many people, including but certainly not limited to trans people, have mixed sex characteristics that cannot be accurately summarised by "afab/amab" as shorthand for "female/male"?

"in [GENITAL RELATED] situation AFABs will need to do X and AMABs will need to do Y" there are "afabs" with penises and "amabs" with vulvas. Saying this shit makes you look so unserious & honestly transphobic (given the ongoing erasure of post-op trans people within broader community). Intersex people and GRS have both existed for long enough (fucking forever and, decades, respectively) that we should well past making this basic fucking mistake.

quit referring to people by a vague & often violent event that happened at their birth as though it defines ANYTHING about how they & their body currently operate, and start using precise language so you at least look like you know what you're fucking talking about.

Getting back into traditional sketching and working on my shapes!

Absolutely losing my mind listening to bodys by car seat headrest over and over, this is what I'm alive to do

no matter how hard i try i will always be that little girl wondering why everyone is better friends with eachother than her and begging to be loved