DARLING DERRINGER MERYL 🤍❕

#175

---

Quintessence, part I

This is a two-part comprehensive post on quintessence. I figured I should gather my thoughts regarding quintessence, its functions and role within the narrative of Voltron: Legendary Defender (VLD), and its effects on particular key characters - Zarkon, Haggar, Lotor, Allura, Shiro, and Keith. There is a lot of information to sift through, so bear with me (images can be better viewed on another tab after right-clicking (PC) or control+clicking (mac) on them, then choosing “Open Image in New Tab”). As with any analysis, these are my interpretations of the text and not meant to be treated as canon, though I strive to support my readings with canonical evidence. This post contains spoilers for all aired six seasons.

Quintessence is woven ubiquitously throughout the series’ mythos, but we only have it properly defined around the tail end of the first season: “[...] [T]he substance with the highest known energy per unit volume in the universe.” (1.10)

Essentially, it is the VLD universe’s “life force”, a self-generating power source that provides fuel, longevity, and restoration. Zarkon’s dominating empire relies heavily on it as standardized fuel, colonizing and mining countless planets in order to harvest its power. Within the present timeline, Haggar successfully constructs and brandishes a device called the komar, capable of consuming an entire planet’s quintessence in minutes. (1.06)

We have seen it heal lifeforms. (1.10)

Confirmed when we see that Honerva administered an ailing Kova to live beyond his life expectancy, it is the elixir keeping Zarkon and Haggar alive over 10,000 years. (3.07)

Ultimately, quintessence drives Zarkon’s obsession to seize Voltron in order to create a new rift and attain unlimited access to the purest kind of quintessence which comes from the zone between realities. (1.11, 3.07)

It is why Voltron’s return after its absence did not deter Lotor; his means to enter the quintessence field (again) was within reach. (3.03, 3.04) 

The main, overarching conflict of the series stems from quintessence acquisition. (5.05)

The properties found within quintessence can be broadly defined within two categories - healing and transmutation. It can be divided into subcategories by color: yellow for raw, purple for refined, blue-tinged white for concentrated/pure. The following are visual examples. The first is Zarkon’s quintessence-infusion ritual conducted by Haggar and her druids sprinkled across the first season; Zarkon then has them enhance his paladin-lion link to track down the Black Lion across great distances. (1.03, 2.06, 2.03)

Next, is the results of Haggar performing her tests on the komar and using it in combat. (1.06, 2.13) The container which housed an entire planet’s worth of quintessence could not withstand Voltron’s, implying that Voltron’s quintessence greatly exceeds the amount found within a planet, and there are still some remnants left even after the extraction. Removal of quintessence begets death.

In contrast, immersion of quintessence promotes life. (1.08) (Too much of it, however, can be addictive and poisonous; I’ll touch more on this later.) 

After raw quintessence is refined into fuel, it powers Galra technology and grossly augments or sustains biology. (1.10, 2.10, 2.13, 5.02, 5.05)

Enriched quintessence makes its presence known in recent seasons, once even overloading Kolivan’s sensors while gathering intelligence. 

Keith becomes adamant that this new form of quintessence has something to do with Lotor, and rightfully so. (4.01)

His search leads him to one of Zarkon’s commanders, Ranveig, who intercepted a shipment containing the unusual quintessence. 

Ranveig experiments with the quintessence in order to create an incredibly powerful superweapon whose whereabouts are currently unknown. (5.05, 6.02)

I was with Ranveig when an unmarked cargo ship passed into his region. When we checked it out, there was no crew aboard. The ship had been nearly torn to pieces, but inside, a single vat of quintessence remained. It was unlike any other quintessence we’d seen.

Later, it is revealed conveniently insinuated by Romelle and Keith that one source of this type of quintessence comes from Alteans harvested by Lotor. (6.04)

As they explained their mission to me, we knew there must have been a connection between the missing Alteans and the pure strain of quintessence.

No! Petrulius! What’s happening to them? These people were supposed to be headed to the colony! Lotor is harvesting their quintessence. 

He uses concentrated quintessence to unsuccessfully traverse through the inter-reality gate before he recalibrates his plans. (4.05) It is uncertain if he used this type of quintessence for any other purpose, but the existence of large amounts of it, which are transported through clandestine, sometimes rigged routes, raises some suspicions.

Without quintessence, Voltron would not have ever existed. (5.01)

The inception of Voltron came from a comet that pierces through Daibazaal’s atmosphere and leaves a tear across reality in its wake. (3.07)

These tears, or rifts, radiate pure quintessence because quintessence resides in the layers between realities; these openings can lead to the quintessence field. (3.07, 3.04)

Alfor’s research into the quintessence-fused ore uncovers the secrets of life, encouraging further exploration to synthesize industrial uses for the universe’s sustenance. A single drop of quintessence can energize machines with no lapse in performance, a principle that Alfor implements to supply the Lions with endless energy and one that Zarkon seeks after for his own purposes. 

Quintessence also seemingly grants a sense of sentience to the Lions, which offers them a way to communicate with their chosen paladins. 

Alfor’s experiment with the ore in all likelihood led to his discovery of Oriande, the birthplace of Altean alchemy; the knowledge gained there is used on the Lions. Magical engineering grants machines remarkable resilience, demonstrated throughout the story.

When spacecraft made from the mysterious comet are successfully imbued with quintessence via Altean alchemy, they obtain the ability to traverse between realities. (3.07, 3.04, 5.05)

Voltron and the Sincline ships benefit from Allura’s abilities and alchemic knowledge, making the quintessence field accessible to them. (5.06, 6.02, 6.07)

Your father, King Alfor, was a gifted alchemist, whose unique ability allowed him to infuse the Voltron ore with Altean energy, granting it and the paladins access to the quintessence field. Now you, Allura, possess that same gift.

Our visit to Oriande has taught me more than I ever thought possible. 

How can he just disappear like that? He’s entering the quintessence field at will. Didn’t we blow up the gate? How is he entering without it? Because I gave his ships the ability.

Form sword. 

Being neither inherently good nor evil, quintessence is pure and malleable. External factors can determine its usefulness. Alfor and Zarkon’s ideological differences and goals for quintessence exemplify this: Alfor wanted quintessence to be used as clean energy dispersed throughout the universe whereas Zarkon aggressively coveted it because of his greed for power, mirroring Honerva’s insatiable pursuit for knowledge. (3.07)

Allura and Lotor repeat this polarization: Allura shows reasonable fear towards this ultimate power, while Lotor eventually abuses it for his own selfish agenda. (Is he truly autonomous, or is his agency compromised as well? Another point to tackle later in this post.) (6.04, 6.07) 

In the hands of the wrong person, this power could easily corrupt.

I can feel the quintessence coursing through me.  It’s like my spirit, my whole being, is more alive. 

Poor Allura! All the power in the universe at your fingertips and you still fear using it. 

Caution should be exercised when handling quintessence; like medicine, too much quintessence can deteriorate the mind and body. (3.07) Quintessence overdose also accentuates the negative aspects of the individual misusing it, leading to fatal consequences. 

(As an aside, clever in hindsight to have Shiro - his clone, yes, but still ultimately another Shiro - mention inner darkness as his own is involuntarily perverted by Haggar’s hand, once again drawing narrative parallels between the fallen hero and antagonist.) (6.04)

But even if they do reach the quintessence field, then what? That last time anyone got in there, it turned Zarkon evil. [...] Zarkon fell prey to his own evil instincts. The quintessence field didn’t create them, it revealed them. 

Hints scattered across the show illustrate this: Zarkon has always shown a sense of ethnocentrism and superiority based on social hierarchy and strength. His detestation for weakness means he has no qualms with looking down on those he deems lesser and extinguishing them. This is highlighted by his prejudice towards Alteans warping into unadulterated hatred for the entire Altean species after his resurrection. (3.07, 1.01) Remorselessly, Zarkon destroys Altea in retaliation to Alfor destroying Daibaazal. He shows zero hesitation in killing his own kin if their actions read as a threat of usurpation. (5.02)

Honerva gradually discards ethics and morality in the name of science, viewing anything living as expendable and only worth her attention if it advances her research. As Haggar, her sadism knows no limits. (3.07, 6.05)

However, you’ve continued the work I started all that time ago and have indeed seen it through to heights I could have only imagined. Your never-ending pursuit of knowledge is truly-- [...] You are an abomination. A twisted perversion of what was once so pure and beautiful. 

Lotor’s fear of yielding to his enemies morphs into a frenzied determination to wipe out all of his foes, boasting his status as a pseudo-god. The story emphasizes that Lotor’s all-consuming, infectious violence felt within the quintessence field stems from prolonged exposure to it. No one is immune to it. (6.06, 6.07)

Once I wipe out Voltron, I’m going to start a new Altea. An Altea that will never know of Princess Allura or King Alfor. Nor will they know of the Lions of Voltron. All they’ll know is me, their great leader! I’m ready to wipe the universe clean of all my enemies. Voltron, Haggar and the rest of the Galra.

Let’s end this! Finish him! Let’s destroy that guy! We have to get out of here. What are you talking about? This is exactly what happened to Zarkon. Exposure to all this quintessence turned him into a monster!

If we’d stayed in the quintessence field, we would’ve kept fighting until we destroyed ourselves. Just like Lotor. 

It may explain why Alfor kept the location of the second trans-reality comet (the one from which Lotor built the Sincline ships) a secret, to avoid it from falling into the wrong hands again. (3.04)

Similarly to quintessence-infused vessels, strange, shapeshifting creatures are capable of safely traversing between realities. (3.07)

Do they reside in the quintessence field? Or do they come from the particular reality neighboring the core one? Oddly enough, when Voltron and the Sincline ships fight within the quintessence field, no dark creatures appeared, which may mean they reside elsewhere yet still have the ability to traverse through the field… In any case, these creatures affected Zarkon and Honverva when they exposed themselves to pure quintessence, and perhaps give reason as to how they returned from the dead. (3.07)

Would they also explain the growing fractures in sanity experienced by Honerva, Zarkon, and eventually even Lotor, the latter with whom was exposed to the rift creatures in utero? Perhaps the rift creatures leech off of quintessence for sustenance; the more quintessence overdosing a living being partakes, the more the rift creatures consume, poisoning the being’s mind. As she writhed in pain, all Honerva could utter (likely under the influence of the rift creatures) was quintessence and the one thing that could ultimately wrest even more of the addictive substance - Voltron. 

During Shiro’s astral trip down memory lane, Zarkon’s eyes are glowing, unlike his former self before Honerva’s research, suggesting he was affected by quintessence and/or rift exposure but not to the extent that Honerva’s constant contact within her lab perpetuated (2.07).

Continue to part two here.

Edit: After reading up some theories that we don’t know the full story regarding Lotor, the Altean colonies, and Romelle’s suspicious, biased account, I altered some claims I made regarding Lotor.

---

i think this does get critiqued sometimes like I think we're supposed to see naruto's enduring loyalty to Sasuke as overall a noble/good thing but in the case of the uchiha massacre the uchiha's disloyalty to the village is used to justify their deaths and Itachi putting the village first is seen as a good thing i.e. loyalty to comrades is only good when they are loyal to the state which is deeply disturbing

I think it’s interesting how Shikamaru is basically saying that Sasuke is worth risking their lives for because he is a shinobi from the hidden leaf and therefore a comrade, instead of it being because he’s a kid who’s essentially being abducted by an incredibly dangerous enemy. He’s not a comrade in the sense of being someone he knows in a dangerous situation, but in the sense of being loyal to the hidden leaf, implying that once he fully cuts those ties to the village he will no longer be worthy of help/protection, which is exactly how he gets treated by Shikamaru and most of the Konoha 11 when he becomes a rogue ninja. Even the core ideas of loyalty and protecting one another are wrapped up in the nationalism of the show.

---

Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in Fandom Community Spaces

One of my fandom servers recently imploded. I didn’t just want to post my immediate reactions and spend the next 3-5 business years litigating my feelings, so I took a few months to deconstruct what happened. Now I’m reconstructing everything into a case study on white supremacy culture in progressive spaces.

Below the poll, I’ve spelled out 17 traits of white supremacy culture, as they appear in progressive spaces, organized into four categories. I relied predominantly on the works of Tema Okun and Robin DiAngelo, whose works and websites expand upon everything I talk about.

I don’t want anyone to beat each other (or themselves) up if they’ve noticed these traits. Just fix it.

My goals with this guide:

Fans can put names to their observations.

Mods/Leaders of fandom spaces ask themselves, “how many of these have I done?”

Everyone gets an idea for what can be done about these traits.

Each listed trait has:

Definition of the trait

Common or fandom-specific examples

Suggestions to begin fixing it

Additional Commentary specific to this particular server incident

That makes this post very long, but it should be easy to skip over sections.

(If you are thinking of sending someone this post because they expressed a lot of these traits, first take a moment and identify how many of these traits you have practiced.

If someone sent you this post as an accusation, show them the above paragraph and ask what traits they recognize in their own behavior. If they say "none," ignore that person. I have will not facilitate the use of anti-racism as a smokescreen for bullying.)

I wasn't able to put this poll at the bottom of the post. I encourage you to wait until you get to the end and then answer the poll.

Because Tumblr polls expire in a week, I also encourage you to answer the same poll here on StrawPoll.

White Supremacy Culture Traits

Context (Basic Outline of What Happened)

In late Oct. 2023, someone on this server made an insensitive joke regarding Native American spirituality. They were quickly corrected by another member, and a third, indigenous member defended the gravity of their culture.

In DMs, a server mod (without the knowledge of the rest of the mod team) rebuked that indigenous server member for mini-modding, but claimed they would also moderate the person who made the joke in the first place; that person who made the joke was this mod’s friend.

This Inciting Incident Mod never did moderate their friend. When this came to light for the rest of the mod team in early Dec. 2023, the Inciting Incident Mod left before they could be ‘fired.’ Meanwhile, the Server Owner tried to cover up the preceding mess when announcing this mod’s departure.

The Indigenous Server Member used @everyone to explain to the server what had happened, dropped screenshots, and left the server.

When the community at large, including other mods, demanded more accountability and action from the mod team and the admins, the Server Owner doubled down on their defensiveness and denials for the next month.

Behind the scenes/in mod chats, the rest of the mods tried to advocate for the same things that the community was demanding. Most of their suggestions were shot down and input disregarded (primarily by the Server Owner).

Ultimately, all the mods were “let go” (fired), leaving only two admins. The second Admin largely followed the lead of the Server Owner, who was the one posting most of the announcements and engaging in the discourse.

The Admins unilaterally froze the server mid-conversations in late Jan. 2024.

They deleted the server on March 4th, 2024.

I. White Fragility

White fragility is the various phenomena by which white fans’ distress at discussions of racism take precedence over the actual occurrences of racism. This is not a conscious tactic, but the result of the layers of insulation from irl racism that white people are conditioned with, combined with white culture and experience being so pervasive as to become invisible.

1: Right To Comfort

Believing that white fans’ requirement for comfort in fandom spaces is more important than the on-going discomfort fans of color experience in the same spaces.

Examples:

Prioritizing the emotional and psychological comfort of some fans over the on-going experiences of other fans.

Scapegoating those who named the racism in the community and accusing them of ‘rocking the boat.’

These might sound familiar:

"This is just supposed to be a fun hobby."

"Can we get back to the good vibes?"

"Why can't we all just get along?"

“Hobbies/Fun shouldn’t be this much work.”

Treating any and all discussion of racism as acts of antagonism.

Fixes:

Learn to sit with discomfort before responding or (re)acting, especially if faced with an accusation. It’s an opportunity for growth, not an opening for attack.

Avoid taking criticisms personally, and avoid treating feedback as accusations. Yes, some accusations and call-outs are personal, but most are not. Even the ones that are personal need not be treated as final value judgments nor the end of the world.

Additional Commentary:

The white fan who’d made the insensitive joke in the first place did not lash out at being corrected. The discomfort was predominantly from some white mods who interpreted all mentions of racism as a conflict.

This trait is frequently found the trait called ‘Urgency.’

2: Defensiveness

Reacting to criticisms as if they were personal attacks, prioritizing comfort over growth, and using hurt feelings to derail discussions.

As author @xiranjayzhao put it in their video discussing a similar incident in the publishing industry, “If you are more concerned at being called racist than racism itself, that is an active hindrance to dismantling racism.”

Examples:

Treating criticism as threatening, inappropriate, or rude.

Focusing on making sure one’s own feelings or the feelings of community leaders are not getting hurt. This process often takes up more time and energy than addressing the actual problems do.

Spend energy defending against charges of racism instead of examining how racism might actually be happening.

White fans targeted by other oppressions (I.e. sexism, homophobia, etc.) express resentment because they feel that the naming of racism is erasing their experiences of marginalization from their other identities. This is especially prevalent in fandom as our communities are dominated by women and queer people.

Fixes:

Identify and understand the link between defensiveness and fear. When you recognize your own defensiveness, ask yourself what you are defending, and what you feel that you are defending against.

Develop culture of naming defensiveness when it arises.

Be honest with yourself and with the community about the power dynamics in the situation and respond thoughtfully. The person with greater power has the greater responsibility to name and move through their own defensiveness.

This is most important for small, online community leaders (I.e. Discord server mods). However little power we feel like we have, we still have more power than all the other members.

Additional Commentary:

Defensiveness was ultimately the biggest problem in this particular server’s implosion, and continues to be the most prevalent problem I observe in many other communities. The majority of the problems in these communities came not from actual acts of racism or patterns of insensitivity, but a few white fans’ defensiveness when these were named.

3: Fear of Open Conflict

When discomfort with talking about racism begets outright avoidance. This becomes “toxic positivity,” creating a pattern of suppressing any and all disagreements with a fixation on “keeping the peace.”

Examples:

Ignoring or deflecting conflict, no matter how minor.

Emphasis on tone, performing friendliness, and on everyone ‘calming down’ once even a hint of conflict arises.

Scapegoating people who bring up racism or equating criticisms with ‘rudeness.’

Fixes:

Role play, discuss, or plan for ways to handle conflict before it happens.

Don't require hard issues to be raised in `acceptable' ways.

Once a conflict is resolved, revisit it and see how it might have been handled differently.

Additional Commentary:

This particular server’s admin team was understandably hypersensitive to conflict; the server had been previously wracked by fandom dramas unrelated to racism. However, this sympathetic feeling metastasized into an unsympathetic habit of total conflict suppression. Had that Inciting Incident Mod not reacted to that faint hint of friction, or had the admins later been willing to name and acknowledge mistakes from the moderation team as an unintended instance of racism, almost none of this final drama would have happened.

4: Denial

Insistence that racism is an individual problem that requires intent; refusal to see or acknowledge systemic problems brought to one’s attention.

Examples:

A pattern of downplaying or denying what POC are saying about their experiences.

Insisting intent is more important than impact.

Insisting that if someone did not mean to be racist, then the harms they perpetuated cannot have been serious.

Insisting that a person or group can free from racialized conditioning, leading to statements like "I don't see color," “I don’t care what anyone’s race is,” “we can’t even tell race on the Internet,” and "we're all the same."

Fixes:

Learn to acknowledge any fear that naming racism brings up; the feeling is not wrong or right.­ Move through the feeling and address what has been raised.

Assume that any naming of racism is on target. Instead of asking, “is it racism,” ask, “how is it racism?”

Learn not to take accusations of racism or white supremacy culture as personal attacks or criticisms.

Get into the habit of saying, “tell me more,” instead of jumping to denial and counter arguments.

II. Exceptionalism

AKA “the Illusion of Control.” The belief, conscious or subconscious, that one knows the right way to do things and is uniquely qualified implement it. This might literally mean one’s self, or just people similar to one’s self.

5: Paternalism

The belief that one can dictate what is ‘best’ for everyone or make decisions on others’ behalf without their input.

Examples:

Deeming it unnecessary to understand the viewpoints and experiences of people for whom one is making decisions.

Labeling people for whom one is making decisions as unqualified.

Majority of community members get marginalized from decision-making processes. Either there is no mechanism for community input, or community input is disregarded by those in power.

Frequently, these decisions also have the most outsized impact on those with the least power, e.x. members who don’t have personal friendships with mods.

Fixes:

Realize that everyone has a worldview, including you. No one’s experiences or education (or lack thereof) disqualifies them from having agency in your community.

Always include those most affected by community decisions in the brainstorming and decision-making processes.

Build in an understanding that every approach yields unintended consequences; even the most strategically made decisions will have unanticipated consequences.

Additional Commentary:

The Server Owner consistently made unilateral decisions on other people’s behalf. They also required members to be 21+ in this server, despite the show it was for only being 18+

In the interest of living up to my own standards, I must acknowledge that I was also being paternalistic.

When I first joined the server, I questioned that age requirement. The Server Owner claimed that they felt uncomfortable talking about mature topics around 18-20 year olds…and “joked” that they viewed 18-20 year olds like children. Their defensiveness reminded me of elementary school children insisting kids in the grade immediately below them are babies. On the spot, I thought the Server Owner must be in their early 20s at the oldest. With zero evidence but a lot of confirmation bias, this feeling cemented into an assumption due to some of their moderation choices (e.x. pinning messages by their whims, thus confusing newcomers). I even wondered if they grew up in a cult environment due to unusual gaps in their knowledge (e.x. being surprised that it didn’t snow in most of Thailand). I thought I could and should, over time, convince them of 'better' ways to moderate, and attributed my disagreements with some of their moderation choices to their youth.

Then the Server Owner mentioned having been to uni nearly 20 years ago, making them almost double the age I’d assumed they were.

Looking back, this was an act of paternalism on my part that spanned over a year and a half. I’m not proud of this, and I would like to think I would still come to be ashamed of this even if the Server Owner actually had been as young as I thought they were. Regardless of their actual age, this was an incredibly paternalistic viewpoint for me to have about any adult.

6: Power Hoarding

People scrabbling to hold onto whatever little power they have; resisting anything which makes them feel threatened in their position of leadership or influence.

Examples:

Feeling threatened when someone suggests changes in how things should be done in the community.

Suggestions for change often get taken as an indicator of poor leadership.

People with power insisting they do not feel threatened or defensive in the face of suggestions for change.

Assuming that anyone wanting a change are ill-informed or malicious.

“Blaming the messenger,” such as focusing on the person advocating for change rather than the substance of what change they are trying to make.

Fixes:

Leaders should expect challenges and change and learn to see this a sign that someone cares about the community enough to want to stay and reform it. Because our spaces are predominantly for hobbies, people have less need to stay, even if they have a strong desire to. If someone truly thought we were hopeless leaders, they would not be advocating for change; they would just leave.

Adopt a “tell me more” approach when someone suggests a change or challenges an existing structure * even if the thing they are trying to change is something you care deeply about preserving.

Make friends with your ego. Everyone has one. You’ll do better in the long run when you know what will automatically kick up your defensiveness; don’t try to pretend nothing will.

Additional Commentary:

The admins caused many of their own problems by consistently disregarding others’ input; they not only ignored the criticisms of the community, they ‘fired’ the entire rest of the mod team for giving suggestions that the admins did not want to hear.

7: Individualism

Believing that one can be immune from social conditioning and systemic biases, or that individual actions are sufficient to change a community.

Examples:

Believing that one can be “isolated” from the conditioning of the culture they were raised in.

Not seeing the ways dominant identities * in gender, class, sexuality, religion, able-bodiedness, age, etc. * are informed by belonging to a group that shapes cultural norms and behavior.

This one is also hard for people in fandom to recognize. Many of us are marginalized in one aspect of our identity, and marginalization in one area can make it incredibly difficult to recognize or acknowledge privilege in another.

Accusing people advocating for change of “not being team players,” because one does not recognize the large groups on whose behalf they are advocating for.

Focusing on whether or not an individual “is racist,” while ignoring systemic racism in the community’s culture or leadership.

Fixes:

Get into the habit of acknowledging both your marginalizations and your privileges. For example, I am a queer woman of color, which are three traits of marginalization. I was also raised middle-class, I have a college degree, and I am cis; three traits of privilege. All these traits inform my experiences and world view and make me subjective in different ways.

Learn how our dominant identities and how our membership in dominant identity groups informs us both overtly and covertly (while realizing too that these identities do not have to define us).

Realize we all have internalized conditioning, including racist conditioning. Commitment to anti-racism is not about being ‘good’ or ‘bad;’ it’s a commit to challenge one’s own conditioning and subconscious biases on an on-going basis.

Focus on collective accountability as much as individual accountability.

Because many people, especially on social media, use ‘accountability’ as a euphemism for ‘punishment,’ I want to be clear that this does not mean collective punishment. It means recognizing that people react to their peers (dis)approval on even the smallest scale, that people want to fit in, and that people often fear standing out. We are often not making individual decisions so much as “going with their gut” or “going with the flow.” When that’s the case, that means we need to re-condition what our gut tells us and change where that flow is going * both of which are community actions, not individual ones.

Additional Commentary:

In the Individualism page on her website, Tema Okun shared a personal story about how her upbringing had blinded her to the very real risks her POC colleagues faced even while working with well-intentioned white leaders. This story resonated with me and my experience in this fandom server.

The white admins either did not understand (or did not care) what it would cost a POC like me to try to help them. I was attempting to mediate rather than prosecute, and speaking gently as I did - which I was only doing to try to balance the need for change against the admins’ need for white comfort. Multiple people blocked me during this time period, and most did not see what came after. I try not to assume I’m more important or relevant than I am, but I and many others noticed the drastic change in the admins’ behavior once my rhetoric shifted from ‘benefit of the doubt’ to ‘naming mistakes and suggesting changes.’ I was trying to help the admins, but it came out to nothing and I still ended up paying a price and losing friends.

8: I'm The Only One

The assumption that one knows best; therefore, they have the unique right and responsibility to take unilateral action.

Examples:

Believing that the only way to get something done right is to do it one’s self. (Related to ‘One Right Way.’)

Believing that only one person is entitled or qualified to determine the right way and take action, typically in isolation from the people who will be impacted by our decisions.

Often goes hand-in-hand with micro-management (or in the case of online communities, micro-moderation).

Attempting to downplay or cover-up flaws or mistakes in leadership, fearing that the community cannot survive people discovering leadership isn’t perfect.

Fixes:

Hold ourselves and each other accountable for mistakes without assuming that we need to be perfect to lead.

Focus on collaborative and collective strategies for responding to mistakes, including accountability but also growth and inner development.

Leaders should make an effort to take in input from as many sources as possible, including the people saying things they do not like, do not want to hear or are challenging their leadership.

Especially the individuals who hold the most power, such as server admins and owners (who have more power than other mods). The higher up in this hierarchy that we are, the more likely that anyone who truly thinks we’re hopeless would simply opt to leave…which means the higher up in the hierarchy we are, the more likely that anyone who is challenging us still expects both themselves and us to stay where we are. Their challenges are not a threat, but an opportunity for growth.

Additional Commentary:

Those last two bullet points under Examples and Instances are what kicked off the entire server-ending drama in the first place. Even though the Inciting Incident Mod made a truly disappointing mistake, I don’t actually see them as having made the biggest misstep in this mess. This mod micro-managed someone and abused their power to shield a friend, but had the admins been willing to acknowledge those mistakes directly, most of the ensuing drama would not have happened.

When I asked the Server Owner to let someone else take over the server instead of closing it off completely, they claimed all the people I suggested were not equipped to handle the server. The only person they were willing to let take over the server was someone who had uncritically supported them during all the discourse. (Though I later found out that this entire discussion was never in good faith to begin with; explanation in the Final Feelings section below.)

9: Entitlement.

Assuming a right to something without any consideration for the possibility that one may not have the right. This assumption frequently is unidirectional and/or implicitly only functions as long as most other people do not have a similar right.

This trait was not core to either Tema Okun’s work on white supremacy culture nor Robin DiAngelo’s work on white fragility. However, it is an underlying component of racism (who is entitled to what), white supremacy culture (entitlement to other people’s works), and white fragility (entitlement to comfort).

Examples:

Assuming that one does not need to ask (or wait for an answer) to use someone else’s work for one’s own purposes. (Related to the trait ‘Urgency.’)

Believing that people’s boundaries regarding their work or creations do not matter. I hope I don’t need to spell out why this problem gets so in fanfic-based fandom spaces. That can of worms would need its own post and I’m already exhausted from this post.

Related to Right to Comfort: believing one is entitled to a peaceful community, even when it comes at the expense of everyone else’s sense of safety and belonging.

Fixes:

Assume one does not have permission until and unless told you do.

Graciousness if someone does not want you to use their works.

Their reasons may have nothing to do with you, so also learn not take someone else’s refusal personally.

When you do assume a right, take a moment to imagine it’s reversal (I.e. everyone else having the same rights to your work or output). How comfortable are you with this prospect of everyone ‘borrowing’ from you that which you are currently trying to borrow from someone else?

Additional Commentary:

I detailed my direct experience with the admins' entitlement down below under the trait titled ‘Urgency.’

This trend continued with their behaviors towards what server content they did and didn’t delete prior to deleting the whole server. When fans who left or were banned insisted all their own messages in the server be deleted, they were refused on the basis of ‘preserving’ the server. Yet the admins had no problems deleting every channel that had even a shred of discourse in it. They later deleted a few other channels on the grounds of people’s personal information potentially being in those channels and putting members at risk…except that if there was any such information, it had always been present in this channels; why did it suddenly matter now? I concede that they eventually deleted the individual members’ messages per their requests, and that the fear-mongering about private information came from another member altogether. However, between nebulous accusations that an admin had been party to a past doxxing of this member in the first place and the on-going problem of the admins behaving with false urgency (another trait below), I’m having a very hard time being sympathetic about this or giving them any more benefit of the doubt. Their selection of which channels to delete look less like protecting server members and more like a failed attempted to protect their own reputations.

III. Binary Thinking

This is not just a futile attempt to simplify reality, but an entitlement to a simplified reality and a habit of attempting to force others into one’s own dualistic constructions.

10: Either/Or

Polarization of issues and assumptions, categorical thinking, and viewing everything through this binary lens.

Examples:

Positioning or presenting options or issues as either/or -- good/bad, right/wrong, with us/against us, pro/anti, good/evil, safe/dangerous, etc.

Related to Perfectionism: a suggested solution must be either perfect or it’s useless.

Tendency to escalate instead of de-escalating, especially in a context where de-escalating is viewed as dismissing a problem.

Generalizing individual experiences or statements to the collective, or attempting to dismiss a claim because it is coming from an individual; either “everyone” is saying something or “no one” is saying it.

Fixes:

Cultivate a habit or community culture of looking for multiple ‘takes,’ viewpoints, and conclusions.

Break the habit of trying to sort people and ideas into two or a few categories.

Practice taking situations with seemingly only two possibilities and identifying points between them or alternative options altogether.

Be willing to set a future date or deadline for continuing a disagreement in order to de-escalate emotions in the moment. We have more options than either fixing everything in the moment or ignoring problems forever.

Additional Commentary:

When asked for transparency, this server’s Admins acted as if mistakes had to be either ignored or turned into a big production. This left no room to acknowledge a mistake, learn, and move on, since that was neither ignoring the mistake nor treating it with sufficient drama.

11: Perfectionism

Belief that there is a single right way to accomplish something. Belief that individuals must implement only correct, successful actions (and that missteps and mistakes represent fundamental character flaws).

Examples:

Mistakes are seen as personal, i.e. they reflect badly on the person making them.

Making a mistake is confused with being a mistake; doing wrong is confused with being wrong.

Believing a problem can be permanently resolved with the correct or ‘perfect’ course of action.

Fixes:

Develop a community where the expectation is that everyone will make mistakes, but those mistakes are opportunities for learning, not value judgments.

Accept that, when faced with a systemic or deeply entrenched issues, community leaders will need time to address the problems.

They will probably need to try multiple ideas, some of which might not work. That’s okay; it does not have to be a failure if you learn from it and try again.

Additional Commentary:

In the case of this server’s implosion, perfectionism appeared with the Admins’ fixation on looking for a solution that would ‘put the matter to rest.’ They ignored or actively derided suggestions that did not ‘solve’ the problem in its entirety.

12: One Right Way

The belief that there is a particular correct or ideal way of doing this (and that fault lies with others for not following this particular correct way).

Examples:

Assuming that once people are introduced to the right way, they will ‘see the light’ and adopt it.

Believing that when one’s way is not working, the fault lies with everyone else for not ‘converting,’ not the method itself.

Related to perfectionism: believing there is a singular or permanent solution to on-going, systemic problems.

Believing only certain people are qualified to address or resolve problems. This is especially prevalent among people whose post-secondary education was mostly institutional (i.e. college).

Fixes:

Create a culture of support that recognizes how mistakes sometimes lead to positive results.

Challenge notions of what constitutes the "right way" and what defines a "mistake."

Catch our internalized assumptions about being ‘qualified’ to fix a problem on our own or take on a large responsibility.

Additional Commentary:

Once again, in the interests of living up to my own standards, that means admitting when I’m doing or did the very habits I’m castigating. While my intent was not to behave as if I thought there was One Right Way, I recognize that my actions had the same impact as if I did believe in One Right Way. I presented a solution (collection of rules, guides, and channels) from a server I owned in another fandom entirely, and implied that there was only one right way to ‘fix’ the server.

That said, their conduct in utilizing this also reflected Entitlement and Urgency (which is where I elaborated).

13: (Belief in) Objectivity

The belief that there is some neutral, unbiased experience or viewpoint a person can have.

Because patriarchy so often uses claims of emotionality to dismiss women, many women become oversensitive to claims of subjectivity or identity-based bias. This can make recognizing the invalidity of objectivity difficult in communities whose leadership is dominated by women, especially white women (as white men tend to be most likely to rely on accusations of excess emotion in the first place).

Examples:

Fixation on prioritizing facts over feelings, or thinking feelings can be disregarded and ignored.

Requiring people to think in a linear fashion or otherwise expecting others to perform only the type of logic validated by those in power.

Those in power get to be scared, hurt, or angry and still viewed as rational/logical, while marginalized people who are visibly scared, hurt, or angry are deemed irrational/illogical.

Refusal to acknowledge when a certain line of logic is covering an emotional bias, perspective, or agenda.

Fixes:

Own up to one’s subjectivity; instead of assuming that one can have some arch-neutral worldview, be clear about your background, experiences, and potential biases (whether you believe you actually have these biases or not).

Recognize your own worldview will be as subjective as everybody else’s. If your view of society is also part of the dominant view of society (e.x. if you are white and/or cis and/or male and/or…), this means you were probably conditioned to believe certain assumptions are objective when they are actually subjective.

There is no way to be human without being biased by one’s identity and experience; some identities are just so privileged or normalized by institutions that they are the “invisible” default or norm.

Get into the habit of trying to determine what a situation you are in looks like from the outside, what information others do and do not have, or getting diverse perspectives on various situations.

By “get into the habit,” I mean we should practice doing this even in situations without confrontation, crisis, or argument. Analyze successful incidents and events this way to get the practice for handling unsuccessful incidents and crises.

Utilize ‘I’ statements and make sure not to assume that your personal experience is the same as everyone else’s experiences.

Community leaders have to take extra special care with what we say about our communities and how we present our assumptions and experiences. When we claim a community is trustworthy or safe, we just make it even less trustworthy or safe for anyone feels otherwise, because this disconnect between our experiences (that we generalize) and theirs (that we individualize) creates a barrier against further feedback.

Additional Commentary:

This was also related to at least one admin struggling to disconnect their own experiences with everyone else’s experiences. To the admin, because so much of their own time was consumed by this discourse, they spoke and behaved as if this were consuming the entire server. They did not realize that most of the members of the server had nothing to do with this discourse, and many did not even know it was happening…until the admin started repeatedly utilizing @everyone. This implies the admin viewed their own experience as “objective” and thus projected their own experience onto everybody else.

VI. Validation Seeking

I called this collection of traits ‘validation seeking’ because they all trace back to appeals to external authorities or claims of external pressures.

14: Progress = More

Assuming solutions always require “more” of something; never considering that existing resources could be sufficient or that “less” might be a solution.

Examples:

Assuming the goal is always to grow membership, rather than maintaining an enjoyable community

Assuming that “more” will fix a problem (e.x. more moderators will fix a moderation problem)

Disregarding the costs of growth (such as how increased number of channels can make a community overwhelming to newcomers)

Valuing people who have achieved a certain milestone or objective metric of progress more than those who have not (e.x. valuing older members over younger ones, valuing college-educated members over those without college education, etc.)

Fixes:

Try to make sustainable decisions, with an aim not for endless growth but maintaining the actual goal of the community.

When pursuing “more” of something to solve a problem, first evaluate what you actually need and determine why the existing number of resources is no longer sufficient when it previously had been.

For example, are you actually pursuing more moderators because there is an increase in activity and the existing moderation team feels burnt out and falling behind? Or are you just assuming that you need more moderators regardless of activity levels?

15: Quantity Over Quality

Believing that only things that can be numerically measured have value (and that things which cannot be measured have little to no value).

Examples:

Fixation on things like number of members in a community (quantity) over the members’ relationships and experiences in said community (quality)

Treating quantified milestones as a goal in their own right, rather than means to an end or a guideline (e.x. acquiring a certain number of moderators or maintaining a certain number of channels in a server)

Discomfort with emotions and feelings (as they cannot be measured objectively)

Fixes:

Determine traits and practices important to your community which cannot be easily quantatively (safety, respect, mutualism, etc.) and think of ways to evaluate them (for example: open-ended questions in a survey instead of relying exclusively on numerical ratings or menu options)

Focus less on output goals and more on process goals, such as how many new ideas were considered or how many people felt fully heard in a meeting. Even if, in the short run, this feels like leading to a bunch of unproductive meetings, in the long run this creates a more robust decision-making process.

Treat ‘accountability’ not as a euphemism for punishment (which social media tends to do), but as an opening for receiving support.

Additional Commentary:

The admins fixated on obtaining more moderators, but the reality is that the problems facing the community did not need more moderators, but rather a shift in culture altogether - a thing which could have easily been engendered by the admins on their own, even without additional moderators.

16: Worshiping the Written Word

Fixation on knowledge provided by institutions over people’s lived experiences and on-going, dynamic realities.

This one is hard to recognize in virtual communities because most or all of our interactions are “written” in chats and social media.

Examples:

Attempting to use dictionary definitions of words as arguments in and of themselves or treating them as the end of an argument.

Refusing to acknowledge that the way people use a word in daily living may not match up to the institutional definition.

Using errors in spelling, grammar, or language to justify dismissing someone’s arguments.

Over-valuing people who can write well (or just write a lot), and undervaluing the contributions from people who rely on other media formats or informal documentation.

Fixes:

Treat encyclopedia articles and dictionary definitions as a conversation starter, not an argument ender, e.x. “This is my understanding of that word; what’s yours?” or “In what ways does this ‘official’ definition fall short?”

Focus less on using resources (articles, videos, guides, etc.) as an appeal to authority in an argument, and more as a starting point from which you develop your own community guidelines.

Additional Commentary:

I had an out-sized impact on discourse simply because I could write a lot in one go. Some of that was me anonymously relaying other people’s words on their behalf and some was original on my part; most of what I said simply reiterated what others had already conveyed. However, as I did so in a pseudo-academic manner, my word was given more weight.

Sharing of resources like educational articles or videos were treated as the end of a discussion, rather than the start of one.

17: Urgency

Applying extremely short deadlines to action, giving no time for rest or consideration. Utilizing the overarching urgency of racism as an excuse for short-sighted, short-term actions.

Examples:

Related to Quality Over Quantity: prioritizes measurable actions over impact.

Fixation on appearing to address racism moreso than actually doing it.

Uses expediency to justify poor-decision making processes or lack of consideration (related to Entitlement, Power Hoarding, and Conflict Aversion).

Often relies on perpetuating the idea that racism can be “solved” (which in turn implies that future accusations of racism cannot be made, nor community problems discussed).

Creating a culture of anxiety as people believe they must act immediately or they will never get to act at all.

Related to Right to Comfort: rushing decision-making in order to rush towards an idealized state of no further conflict.

Fixes:

When the feeling of urgency arises, slow down and encourage people pause, restate the goal, and dive deeper into alternatives.

Avoid making decisions under extreme pressure.

Work to distinguish what is actual pressure and what is pressure that you or others are creating.

Establish plans ahead of time for how decisions will be made during times of urgency, and how crises can be handled in the short-term while leaders evaluate ideas for long-term change.

This is related to Conflict Avoidance. When community leaders are uncomfortable with conflict, this also means not wanting to think about potential conflicts, and thus having no plans when conflict arises anyway. Becoming comfortable with conflict also allows planning for conflict management.

Additional Commentary:

When I showed the admins my fandom wank resolving set-up from another server (as mentioned in my additional commentary on One Right Way), they asked me if they could just use it as it was. However, they were too impatient to actually wait for an answer and used it, anyway, before I could respond. It was very clear that my answer never actually mattered to them. Had they waited, I would have explained how this exact set-up was not a good fit for this community and its current problems; I was sharing it assuming they would use it as a source of inspiration to brainstorm their own ideas for their own server. In addition, while I did not mind sharing, these were not my sole creation, but the product of a team of mods in my other server. Even if it had been a good fit, I would have checked with other mods whose labor had gone into this set-up to see if they were also alright with its wholesale reuse.

My experience is only one example. Ultimately, the admins kept fumbling, and increasingly claimed it was all due to the pressure and demands from the community that they ‘handle it’ - refusing to acknowledge that community members weren’t asking for an immediate solution to every problem. This urgency was self-inflicted. The server admins disregarded all their remaining mods’ suggestions that would have given them more time to address these problems carefully. Server-wide slow-downs, channel trimming, temporary server freeze, etc. - the admins had multiple ideas given to them, but shot them all down. The admins’ goal was not to address the problems, but to suppress discussions of racism as fast as possible because they were uncomfortable with admitting its existence in the first place (see Right to Comfort at the top).

Final Feelings

What Took Me So Long To Say Anything?

I didn’t want to risk the admins prematurely deleting the server out of spite. They were already unilaterally and suddenly taking away a community space from hundreds of fans entirely for their own benefit. I could not count on them being above robbing people the final opportunity to recover the last shreds of their materials and memories from the server.

I also, quite frankly, just had a lot going on in my offline life.

I continued to take my time even after they deleted the server because I was hurt and furious. I needed time to turn what was originally a soliloquy of my sorrows into an educational guide.

This was exacerbated by finding out that the admins faked the ‘death’ of the server:

As you can imagine, I was furious - and to be honest, I still am. That anger was precisely why I made myself slow down. I did not want to burn down the fandom for the sake of keeping only myself warm.

Complicated Feelings

I feel hurt and betrayed by the Admins and disappointed in the Inciting Incident Mod…but one thing I will say for them is that they expressed interest in learning the language and culture of the country that our fandom’s show came from.

They showed far more interest than that aforementioned Indigenous Server Member ever did.

I don’t begrudge this indigenous fan for defending their cultural tradition, nor their anger over how it was handled. I also acknowledge that in fandom and irl, Asian diaspora often end up partaking in white supremacy culture and entitlements. However, I do find this fan's umbrage at the initial ignorance to be tremendously hypocritical given this fan’s approach to Asian cultures, traditions, and histories. Their fanfics, server interactions, and other fanworks in this Asian media fandom demonstrated incredible disregard about Asian cultures - one which this fan never showed any interest in undoing or challenging.

I doubt it was a coincidence that this fan blocked me on Discord right around the time I started talking about the westernization of eastern characters and settings. Even if it was, that doesn’t lessen the pervasive apathy towards Asian culture in their fandom activities.

I routinely see fans call for the decolonization fandom when it comes to BIPOC people settings, only for these same fans to turn around and perpetuate the colonization of fandom when it comes to Asian people and settings.

This does not mean western fans shouldn’t participate in an eastern fandom! This participation is the best way to learn about a new culture. Mistakes and missteps are parts of the learning process, both at the individual level and at the collective level.

This is also not to pass a judgment on that specific fan or their creative works. That would be hypocritical of me in turn, given I’ve enjoyed some of those stories and fanworks, anyway.

I am bringing this up to demonstrate why solidarity is difficult for fans of color.

As an Asian diaspora fan in particular, I hate feeling like my choices are “BIPOC fans with ignorance and apathy that they don’t want to unpack” and “white fans with supremacy culture that they don’t want to unpack.” Either way, I’m going to have to put up with a ton of entitlement (never mind the rampant fetishization of Asians from all sides, which is its own can of worms I can’t even open right now).

And if I try to speak up about any of this, I will get blocked or I will be accused of being an anti-fandom killjoy.

Again.

Final Thoughts

People change for the better, and communities change for the better.

I know fandom can change because I’ve seen how it’s already changed. Fans take social justice issues and racial justice issues far more seriously than they did 20, 10, or even 5 years ago, and that’s just my own living memory of fandom.

We should always take a moment to recognize and celebrate how much better we are today than we were in the metaphorical yesterday.

But being better than yesterday does not mean being good enough for tomorrow.

And we still have a long way to go.

-

Thank you for reading this monstrously long post all the way to the end. Please remember to answer the poll at the top. Please reblog, and I encourage you to add your own experiences when you do.

“With fandom the kind of racism that you most commonly see isn’t things like racial slurs and hate speech and white hoods. What you really see is a constant communal prioritization of white people and white characters, even when there are non-white characters in major roles. This is a trend across almost all fandoms.”

— Holly Quinn in Episode 22A of Fansplaining

---

reunion?

---

Flowing Energies, part 1

Dedicated to my partner in SouHaru Sin, @izumikouhei, who also was an immense help with these analyses and their proofreading. 

English translations from sunnyskies and janeypeixies from Nanowave Translations

I think it prudent to analyze the interactions between Nanase Haruka and Yamazaki Sousuke chronologically, mainly to dissect their dynamic and development, parts which were underwritten in the show. There are some discrepancies between High Speed! (HS), its sequel High Speed! 2 (HS2), and Free: Eternal Summer (FES), which will be noted. Fair warning the following is quote- and picture-heavy, broken into two parts – novel and anime. As with any analysis, these are my interpretations of the text and not meant to be treated as canon, though I strive to support my readings with canonical evidence. (Though I am aware of the show’s staff providing their own interpretations, intentions and opinions of Ohji Kouji’s characters and groundwork, I do not treat them as strictly authoritative, nor do I find them absolutely significant to what I am discussing.)

Although Sousuke has a brief appearance in High Speed!, introduced as Rin’s classmate from Sano Elementary and a member of Sano’s Swimming Club, it is interesting that he and Haruka share an indirect parallel by asking the same question about Rin’s deceased father to Rin:

“Same as usual, I guess. That aside, did you get to meet your father?” (HS, 7)

“Did you get to meet your father?” Haruka uttered the same words that Sousuke did at that time. (HS, 8)

Not too significant to be constituted as an interaction, but nonetheless, Ohji draws the comparison between the two.

Fast forward to a couple of months later, with Haruka attending Iwatobi Middle School (IMS). With Rin overseas, Makoto in a different class with different extracurricular activities and Nagisa in an entirely different grade level altogether, Haruka keenly feels loneliness but chooses not to dwell on it; ruminating on his vulnerabilities disconcerts him. He chooses to distract himself with Makkou, a stray dog he reluctantly takes as a pet. For a few days this makes him too busy to regularly attend Iwatobi’s Swimming Club (ISC), where Nagisa has been left behind. Haruka decides to visit ISC and promises to cheer for Nagisa in an upcoming tournament, which he and Makoto are not entering. Eventually, Haruka gets roped into joining his school’s swim club, steadily acclimating to duties and practices.

The last day of Golden Week finds Haruka and Makoto at the Hiyori Swimming Stadium to support Nagisa’s efforts. During one of the events, they see a familiar tall, lanky figure – Sousuke. Next Sunday, IMS’ swim club will face Sano Middle School’s (SMS) swim club, as is their annual tradition to promote camaraderie. The tournament ends; Nagisa laments over his lousy performance until his teammates encourage Nagisa to improve and swim in the relay with them for the next tournament. Nagisa leaves with his fellow sixth graders, energized. Before Makoto and Haruka leave as well, a voice calls out Nanase – it is Sousuke, demanding why Haruka had not entered the tournament; despite it being the first time they have exchanged words with each other, Sousuke speaks to Haruka “as if they’ve known each other from before. No greetings or self-introduction, either.” Haruka becomes puzzled and miffed by Sousuke’s inconvenient “rival spirit towards” him, since there exists “a bunch of guys faster than Sousuke” as consequence of transitioning from the elementary school age group to the middle school age group. Sousuke throws his contempt at Haruka for starting club activities and at the club seniors, with Makoto acting as the flustered spectator-mediator. Notice that it is only after Sousuke insults one of Haruka’s upperclassmen does Haruka offer a retort: 

Sousuke snorted derisively. “Doesn’t that mean that he’s not very good at swimming so he was turned into a trainer?” Something snapped and surged up within Haruka. “Don’t say something so underestimating.” “Who’s underestimating who!” Sousuke responded to Haruka’s words. Without even trying to hide it, he bared his emotions. “Have you guys even thought about Rin’s feelings? Have you thought about what kind of feelings he’s swimming with right now? Can you be faster with that? Did you think Rin would be satisfied with that!” When left exposed by Sousuke’s strong gaze, without Haruka aiming to do so, energy released from his body out of its own will. “It’s not like I’m swimming for the sake of pleasing Rin in particular. I swim for myself. It has nothing to do with you.” Sousuke pushed back against that energy.“– Don’t screw with me!” 

Before parting, Sousuke punctuates his resentment: “Don’t forget it. Rin’s feelings of wanting to swim with you guys. I won’t forgive you if you do something halfhearted, just to be clear.” His words incite the same irritating ripples in Haruka’s chest that Rin did; as if summoning calmness, Haruka's eyes gaze at the same sky Sousuke sees as he reflects over his outburst:

Taking a deep breath, Haruka looked up at the sky just once.

It was a blue sky, Sousuke thought. After he parted from Haruka and Makoto, Sousuke looked up at the sky while walking down the path lined with plane trees. When he let his breath out together with what had accumulated in his chest, his feelings calmed down just a little.

Haruka tends to look up at the sky, as if seeking an escape from the roiling emotions found within (“While thinking about things like that, he looked up the blue sky that seems to be sucking him in.“ HS2, 1). Sousuke’s introspection includes awareness of his unfair treatment towards Haruka – such as projecting onto Haruka Sousuke’s stunted rivalry with Rin; the contents of his last conversations with Rin before his transfer to Iwatobi Elementary; and a yearning for reconnection:

He wondered why he ended up getting so worked up over it. Perhaps it had irritated him that they didn’t enter? Perhaps he had felt a sense of lacking from them starting something like club activities? No, it wasn’t just that. He had felt resentment towards himself that with a loss against Rin, he even ended up losing the chance to repay the debt. Then he ended up overlapping Rin with Haruka. Without knowing it, Sousuke smiled bitterly. At best, he took it out on Haruka for no reason. From Haruka’s point of view, what a terrible backlash it was. However, when he thought of Rin’s feelings, he couldn’t stand to not say it after all.

Sousuke looked up again at the blue sky that the plane trees narrowed. He wondered how far this sky could be stretching. He was sure that it could stretch endlessly. He thought – that it could stretch. (HS2, 4)

This confrontation exposes several things about Sousuke’s character: his loyalties to Rin warp his better judgment, causing him to misdirect his anger (the main source of conflict between Sousuke and Haruka); his tendency to be overcritical, quickly flinging disapproval based on incomplete knowledge; he values rivalries and harbors regret with regards to his friendship/rivalry with Rin and channels it; and he is capable of self-reflection over his unsavory behavior. Sousuke immediately recognizes post-altercation that he misfired his frustrations and pessimism over Rin’s transfer/departure (“[Rin] should at least be a little more apologetic about it.” HS2, 4) and his inability to pay back his loss against Rin from last year’s tournament (“Whoever lost today would be carrying around those feelings of frustration for years.” HS, 7) onto Haruka. From Sousuke’s limited perspective, Haruka has “insulted” Rin’s dedication to their rivalry by declining competitions and diverting his attention elsewhere (club activities). 

Furthermore, Sousuke may be envious that he cannot share the same rivalry with Rin ever since Haruka entered the picture – Rin chased after Haruka to Iwatobi Elementary School and then dashed off overseas, leaving Sousuke behind, dreamless and rival-less. Instead of addressing all of this to Rin, Sousuke bottles it up until something that threatens his friend in any way – in this case, Haruka’s ostensible indifference and half-hearted investment in Rin’s rivalry – unleashes those repressed emotions. It seems easier to vent his emotional vulnerability on Haruka, a stranger, than on Rin. Because Sousuke understands Rin the most, he ends up clamping his mouth shut of the things he wants to say, playing the role of an alter-ego than that of a friend:

“…… I see, got it.” He felt like there were a lot of things he wanted to say, things he wanted to ask. But he knew the words Rin would reply with to what he says, and reality wouldn’t change by what he asks. It was just that Sousuke should come to terms with it inside himself. [...] Sousuke didn’t talk to him at all. He didn’t know what he should say anyways and it felt like they had already talked about everything that they ought to. After they left the Swimming Club, too, he walked with Rin in silence. Maybe Rin was thinking the same thing? He was probably thinking it. That was why he didn’t say anything. There was no need to talk about anything. (HS2, 4)

“Because we understand each other too well. [Sousuke]’s even more theoretical than I am, we often quarreled. So, we settled on it that the faster way is always correct, but our competitive spirit wasn’t half-baked anymore. It’s a hard thing, being birds of a feather.” [...] “I still think of him as the person who understands me the most. But sometimes, it becomes difficult to be together… When I end up understanding his feelings, I end up not being able to say the things that I want to. I can no longer seriously go up against him. That’s not a friend, it’s like an alter-ego, isn’t it? You don’t like or hate your alter-ego. Ending up like that, no longer thinking of them as a friend, it’s really painful…” (HS, 7)

“Because we know each other too well. Sousuke is way more theory-based than me, so we got into a lot of arguments. In the end, he’d calm down when I’d say the fastest would win the race, but it always took something out of my competitive spirit. [...] In fact, even now, I think he understands me better than anyone else.” (FES, 4)

There is ample, concrete evidence that supports that this presumption is not a one-way street. The comfort and history of their friendship replaces and hinders productive communication from both their ends. Sousuke’s observations of the sky may represent his thoughts on his own endurance. Could his suppressed feelings reach Rin through this endless sky that stretches to his friend’s side of the world?

Haruka’s days continue on with mishaps and curious encounters, library duties and club activities interspersed between. A ride to the third station away from Iwatobi leads to SMC on the day of their joint practice match. Prior to their arrival, grave news looms over them: Shouta, a second-year member and Yazaki Aki’s older brother, has been banned from club activities after swimming in the river, even involving the police. He panicked after losing to Haruka in a one-on-one swimming competition, due to his fear of being replaced by a first-year. Though Aki insists that her brother’s foolhardy actions are not Haruka’s responsibility, Haruka blames his own involvement in the club, on his preference for swimming freestyle – via his promise to swim only in freestyle events – for cornering Shouta; had Haruka either quit the team or refused to participate in the one-on-one match, Shouta would not have been driven by impatience. This is significant because it exhibits Haruka’s guilty conscience and his understanding of and even criticisms towards one’s pride, foreshadowing many events which later transpire. Though it is the other swimmer’s denial of their self-perpetuated limitations which trap them, nevertheless Haruka internalizes the pain his skill unintentionally brings. Such a burden clouds his mind, leading to self-destruction. It would not be presumptuous to claim that Haruka feels responsible for ruining other swimmers; it is a defining characteristic which may tie into the necessity of maintaining distance from people, as he is perturbed by the effect he has on others.

The joint practice match commences, allowing the first years to gain experience at the start of the season and mingle between the two middle schools. Three familiar people – including Sousuke and Kisumi – walk up and greet Haruka:

Sousuke’s gaze remained fixed on Haruka for a while now. “I’m only in the 100 free today. Can’t say’s a surprise, since I just joined.” It seemed that Sousuke had joined after that tournament. His motive was clear. Quite the trouble he went through, Haruka thought. “I’m in the 100, too.” When Haruka said that, Sousuke showed a happy smile. “I see, looking forward to it.” He held out his right hand. It’s a huge hand, Haruka thought. There was no reason to refuse. He grabbed his hand. He felt their energies flowing into each other’s body.

Sousuke's clear motive is to challenge Haruka directly through their respective swim clubs. Disregarding his initial contempt, Sousuke joined SMS’s swim club some time after their confrontation and anticipates his budding rivalry with Haruka, which Haruka hesitantly receives.

An awkward event occurs between another IMS swim club member, named Asahi, and as a diversion, Makoto asks Kisumi if he knew of Rin during his time at Sano, since they both attended the same sixth grade class: 

“What do you mean know him, we were in the same class. Until partway through sixth grade, though. Right, Sousuke?” “Uh huh, until he went to your place.”  [...] Makoto cheerfully spoke. “Really? What an incredible coincidence, huh. What was Rin like?” Kisumi and Sousuke looked at each other. “In a word, easily gets carried away, I guess?” When Kisumi said it, Sousuke nodded and took over. “Yeah. And he was kind of an irritating guy.” “Right. Kinda irritating, huh? Rin.” Kisumi agreed. On that matter, Haruka had the same sentiment, too. [...] Kisumi got a thoughtful look on his face, and with that expression, he spoke in a murmur. “Self-centered, and hates to lose.” “That’s for sure. For someone who cries right away, he always spoke his mind.” Haruka agreed with Sousuke’s supplement, too. “Ah, and also……?” Makoto, who was bad at giving up, asked again. Could he be hoping for a beautiful memory or something? Makoto should just try recalling his own memories. On top of twisting them around his little finger as he liked, Rin did as he pleased and went off somewhere. Supposing that there was some kind of good memory, it was obvious that something like that washed away long ago. “That’s right. He was always trying to show off in front of girls, wasn’t he? Sousuke.” “Aah, that’s right. Also, he got mad when we called him ‘Rin-chan’.” No objection to that. That was about it for memories with Rin. These two have truly perceived Rin correctly.

After a hilarious roasting of Rin's immature and competitive personality courtesy of Kisumi and Sousuke (with Haruka's silent assent), the boys' 50m freestyle event is held; Haruka wins easily, starting the practice match with IMS leading. He has six more events to compete. Despite finishing first in his next event, the 200m, Haruka gauges a sharp decrease in his speed and an increase in exertion, perhaps due to his leisurable practices and inexperience with the new technique – the biaxial crawl. As Haruka watches his teammates' races, he recalls Asahi's accusations of Haruka hindering Asahi’s ability to swim freestyle; Haruka contemplates over his interactions with Asahi that could possibly support the accusation but comes up blank, which segues to a miserable performance in the 400m freestyle event.

Overcompensating inexperience with brute force, Haruka depletes his waning stamina quickly, resulting in a loss and no applause. Given a slight break before his next event, Haruka's eyes meet the dark gaze of Ikuya, a club latecomer who does not welcome Haruka's presence on the team. Haruka assumes Ikuya's disdain stems from envy that he cannot participate in this competition and Haruka receiving special treatment, as he is swimming in multiple events. Ikuya is ignorant of Haruka's promise with Natsuya, captain of the swim club and Ikuya's older brother, and Haruka believes it is all a terrible misunderstanding. Under the condition of only swimming free during his time in the club, Natsuya made Haruka promise to participate in every freestyle event for competitions (“But I only swim free.” “That’s just like you, huh. When you swim, you at least hear rumors. – Fine. In exchange, I’ll have you enter in all the free events.” HS2, 3). Haruka, confused by and underestimating the gravity of such a request, nonetheless is merely fulfilling it diligently.

However, Haruka's efforts are made in vain. Swimming through the 1500m proves disastrous, Haruka moving forward to merely remain "afloat with difficulty," muscles in excruciating pain, lungs demanding oxygen, heart on the verge of breaking. Bitterly Haruka relives the memory of one of his early performances in last year's relay (HS, 7), how he rejected the water, utterly humiliated by his inadequate swimming. To rub salt on the wound, Natsuya pulls Haruka out of one of the relay events with a second year; Haruka becomes chagrined:

Could he have been concerned about him being tired? Or perhaps, could he be scorning him for making an unfulfillable promise? That guys who couldn’t even keep their promises shouldn’t have cocky obsessions……. “I will swim. I can still swim.” [...] “I will go for the medley relay.” “What’s a guy who can’t swim saying? That’s rude towards your opponent.” Haruka sank in the humiliation. Endlessly, endlessly to the bottom of the chaotic swamp……He thought of his lack of physical strength as cowardly. He wondered if becoming fixated on it was ridiculous pride. Haruka unconsciously chewed his lip. “Swim just the 100 free.” “Eh?” “It’s their wish. They want to swim with Nanase no matter what.” Sousuke was where Natsuya was looking. He looked at Haruka with glaring eyes. He wondered if he could swim it. He wondered if he could swim in a way that would satisfy Sousuke. Would he have enough strength left for just that? Staring at his right hand, he tried to clench it. “……Yes.” There was no strength in it. 

In spite of Haruka's hesitance in viewing Sousuke as a rival, Haruka shows concern in the possibility of disappointing Sousuke in the same manner he has disappointed Natsuya, which seems related to Haruka’s perfectionism and heightened emotional empathy. Haruka reproaches himself for being the arrogant underclassman making unfathomable promises, subsequently suffering the backlash and self-devaluation. Haruka may lack strength in his grip, but he still wants to race Sousuke, is not deterred by his glare, by his own heavy limbs. The one who myopically claims he swims for himself, that his swimming has nothing to do with Sousuke, questions his ability to satisfactorily respond to Sousuke’s wish.

The 100m free event caps the end of the competition, as the highlight of the practice match. Haruka's lackluster "swimming" leaves a bad taste in everyone's mouth. Ashamed, Haruka climbs out of the pool without Makoto's assistance and rushes for an escape from prying, worrying eyes:

Suddenly, someone stood in Haruka’s way. When he lifted his face that he had cast down, Sousuke’s lanky body was there. Without even a smirk, he held out his right hand to Haruka. It’s a huge hand.  When Haruka tried to lift his heavy arms, seizing his hand by force, Sousuke jerked him close. “Come with me for a bit.” Saying it in a voice low enough so only Haruka could hear, Sousuke started walking towards the changing room.

Haruka makes a failed attempt to grasp Sousuke's proffered hand because he has no strength left. Sousuke grabs Haruka’s hand and leads him to somewhere more private. Makoto showing his habitual concern for Haruka’s state flares irritation towards “his cowardly self”, for needing to be pitied and coddled, for being weak.

There was no one in the changing room. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. The announcement of the results were held now. Haruka stepped into the changing room and Makoto followed after him. “What’s the meaning of this? Nanase.” Sousuke said it while taking something out of his locker. Haruka couldn’t answer. It was impossible to answer. As he stayed silent, Sousuke walked up to him and stood face to face with Haruka. Then he stretched out the fingertips of his right hand and placed them on Haruka’s left shoulder. They were long and thin fingers. Wondering what he was trying to do, when Haruka tried to brush off that hand, Sousuke’s fingertips tapped Haruka. His balance slightly breaking, he tried to withstand it, but standing firmly on his feet weren’t working, and his center of gravity drifted backward. Taking two, three steps backward, the back of his knees hit the bench. Dropping his waist and sitting down like that, he almost fell backwards with too much force remaining. “Haru!” Supported by Makoto, he somehow managed to avoid falling down, but he ended up making a terribly sorry display of himself. “You sure had the gall to swim against me like that.” He grit his teeth in humiliation. It would only be an excuse, no matter how he tried to patch it up. It was all caused by Haruka’s trivial fixation. There’s nothing for him to do other than grit his teeth. “’I swim for myself.’ Nanase said it that time, didn’t he? To think of what kind of swimming it is… If you’re just playing, do it elsewhere. When you’re up against me, come at me with all you’ve got!” He didn’t care what Sousuke said. He just swims for himself. He couldn’t stand it when people arbitrarily created illusions and pushed them on him. Or could he be intending to scorn him? If it’s humiliation, he’s had enough of a taste to the point of hating it. (HS2, 7)

Before Haruka leaves the changing room, Sousuke gives him Rin’s letter to read, perhaps to solve Haruka’s reliance on mere talent and lack of drive in hard work (“‘There’s no talent that can surpass hard work.’ It’s what Rin said before going to Australia.” HS2, 7). Sousuke assumes these are Haruka’s problems hindering his athleticism, when in actuality Haruka has too much drive, causing him to overestimate his own ability and over-think its effect on those around him, which are merely reinforced by everyone and himself. Sousuke throws back Haruka’s previous words – that Haruka would swim on his own terms – which frankly leave Sousuke dissatisfied after witnessing Haruka swim beyond his limitations. Sousuke’s disapproval reflects Haruka’s inner critical commentary running through his head. Instead of condemning Haruka as a waste, Sousuke forces Haruka to confront his complacency, his rigidity, his frustrations, because Sousuke – perhaps not fully, but a small part of him, believes in Rin’s faith in Haruka as an ideal swimmer. Sousuke himself is curious in Haruka’s ability. Though Haruka remains impassive towards winning and times, he becomes despondent when he fails to meet others’ expectations, something that unsettles his very core. Contrary to his fiercely independent spirit, Haruka is sensitive to his surroundings, strongly influenced by the emotions of his friends/teammates and opponents – almost to a fault.

Returning to the lull of his daily life, Haruka attends school and practice with minor complications. On his way home he stops by the supermarket alone, purchasing a pack of croquettes. He halts when he stumbles upon Sousuke sitting at the bottom of the steps leading to his house, waiting for Haruka: 

“Hey.” A keychain dangled from [Sousuke’s] raised right hand. A familiar, flat dolphin plate swayed. It was the one [Haruka] bought on the school trip to the aquarium. It was supposed to be attached to his house key…… When he looked at it suspiciously, Sousuke slowly stood up and threw the keychain back to Haruka. “Dropped it in the changing room yesterday.” Receiving it, he turned over the dolphin. Haruka’s name and address were written on it. “Did you go out of your way to bring it to me?” “On the same occasion as paying a sympathy visit. I thought Nanase might still be conked out.”

For someone who has a rather unfavorable opinion of Haruka, Sousuke went out of his way to not only restore Haruka’s possession, but to also check up on his recuperation. Haruka easily invites Sousuke over to share the croquettes as thanks for returning Haruka’s keychain, and Sousuke obliges. Sousuke learns that Haruka’s parents work, thus leaving Haruka alone to his own devices. Haruka treats him hospitably, offering him leftovers he cooked:

“I made it yesterday.” Sousuke’s chopsticks stopped, he looked up fixedly at Haruka’s face. “……Nanase made it?” “That’s right.” “This?” “Uh huh.” [...] Sousuke stared intently at the inside of the tupperware. Then, he took his eyes off of it in a huff and sank his teeth into the croquette again. “I hate bamboo shoots and butterburs,” he said, bluntly. Haruka pulled back the tupperware, and after turning his back to Sousuke, he picked up a bamboo shoot between his fingers and put it in his mouth. [...] After Haruka put the tupperware into the refrigerator, not feeling like looking at Sousuke’s face, he gazed at the recipe. Looked like it would be sweet-and-sour pork tonight.

Sousuke takes a long pause to refuse food he seemingly hates, making certain that Haruka indeed cooked them; whereas Haruka in his dismay, refuses to meet Sousuke’s eyes, reassuring himself that his cooking tastes fine. As Sousuke finishes his meal, he admits that the letter from Rin was actually meant for Haruka, as attested by the writing’s one-sidedness and the faint “you” imprinted underneath the “him” in the line, “I wanna swim as fast as him — as fast as Haru!” With Sousuke being the dutiful type, evident in his returning Haruka’s keyholder and the year he spent under the tutelage of Rin despite finding him to be infuriating, Sousuke predicts Rin expected him to show the letter to Haruka; according to Haruka, it is a self-serving form of encouragement, confounding as ever, that Rin. (“Could [Rin] be telling him to swim? For as much as [Rin] was suffering, could he be requesting for Haruka to swim, too? Could [Rin] be telling [Haruka] to keep swimming in front of [him]? As always, he’s a self-indulgent guy, [Haruka] thought.” HS2, 8)

Putting the last piece in his mouth, Sousuke washed it down with barley tea. “Aah, that was delicious. Thanks for the meal. Oh right, Nanase was doing biaxial, huh?” “Only for about a week so far, though.” “Wow, getting that far in a week, that’s very good.” “Don’t really get it, though.” “So, that start, what is it?”

Sousuke means the start Nao – student coach of Haruka’s swim club – drills into the first years. Haruka demonstrates the secret to the technique – the karuta grab, where two people sit on their knees facing each other, with their hands pushing down on the ground and waist slightly lifted; the first to swipe away a bottle cap sitting between them wins. Sousuke does not contain his wonder and excitement at the display as Haruka teaches it to him. In each implementation, Haruka beats Sousuke, whose hands remain unmoved.

“The rest is learning by repetition.” Picking up the cap, [Haruka] brought the ‘karuta grabbing’ to an end. “Oh, oh. Awesome. The coach at Nanase’s place is awesome!” “He’s manager and trainer.” “Sorry!” Keeping the ‘karuta grabbing’ posture, Sousuke lowered his head. Before, he had looked down on Nao. He was probably apologizing for that, but he didn’t need to go as far as kneeling down. “I’ll tell you in exchange–” Sousuke raised his head. “I’m practicing the biaxial now, too, give the ‘2LR stroke’ a try. It’s a practice where you do the stroke twice left and twice right at a time. You can’t do it unless you put your weight on the axis, so it’s perfect to capture the feel of it.” Haruka raised the corner of his mouth a little. “Sure you should be telling me that? Don’t blame me if you lose.” Standing up while he kept his eyes glued to Haruka, Sousuke raised the corner of his mouth, too. “Who’s gonna lose? Come at me with all you’ve got next time.” The right hand he held out is huge, he thought. He didn’t want to have a heated handshake with such a hand, but he had no reason to decline, either. When he grabbed his hand, Haruka’s energy and Sousuke’s energy flew into each other’s body and he heated up, all the way to his chest. They recognized each other as opponents they couldn’t lose to. That was why he didn’t want to shake hands. Seeing off Sousuke until the front entrance, they parted with a ‘see you later’. The setting sun started to sink into the horizon. He remembered that he had to feed Makkou and go outside. From between the dogwood and longstalk hollies, he could see Sousuke running through the port. His long and lanky shadow grew even longer and swayed. (HS2, 8)

As mentioned before, Sousuke holds himself accountable whenever his misjudgments get the best of him. He performs dogeza, an elegant albeit submissive bow of a person who is irrevocably in the wrong and sincerely apologizes for it. Because the action is perceived by Haruka, it is not made explicit whether Sousuke begs for forgiveness for his belittlement of Nao or for his brusque treatment towards Haruka or for both. By initiating a challenge against Sousuke – a feat unprecedented on Haruka’s end – despite their rocky start and then shaking his hand, Haruka readily acknowledges Sousuke and the energy transmitting from him, which ignites Haruka. They cannot deny the effect they have on each other; Sousuke and Haruka mutually view the other as a potentially worthy rival. They even trade swimming tips, something Haruka normally does not do; Haruka usually does not contribute to discussion regarding the mechanics of swimming, as most of his thoughts are left internalized. Gradually, Sousuke’s negative impressions of Haruka shift, as Haruka’s acceptance of Sousuke as his peer burgeons, cultivating genuine and proactive reciprocation.

Time passes. Haruka practices Sousuke’s 2LR stroke, which corrects his swimming form during the biaxial crawl. Club activities temporarily cease as exam period goes underway. Hospital visits, companionships fumbling as they form and reform, Haruka steadily moves forward...to arrive at Hiyori Swimming Stadium for another tournament, this time with Haruka participating.

Sousuke stood in front of the locker room, leaning his back against the wall. Folding his long arms like he’s finding them to be slightly unmanageable, he was slightly smiling. “Yo.” His gaze fastened onto Haruka. [...] “Uh huh.” Reluctantly just giving a reply, he passed by in front of him. “To Rin –” It seemed that [Sousuke] wouldn’t let them get away with passing by. Stopping, he looked up at Sousuke’s face. “I wrote a letter. About the competition.” “So what?” “That Nanase’s not a big deal.” “And then?” “A reply came from Rin.” “What was it?” “He said not to make light of you so much.” “Then, you shouldn’t. We –” Haruka’s gaze became a strong energy and pierced through Sousuke. Sweating only a single drop, Sousuke withstood it. “Today, it’s the 100 free and medley relay for me. For Nanase?” “The 50 and 100 free. Also, the relay and medley relay.” “Don’t completely exhaust yourself again.” “The start?” “I’ve made it my own.” “Alright then.” Haruka cautiously removed his gaze from Sousuke and went inside the locker room. [...] His heartbeat was awfully agitated. He couldn’t restrain the thing squirming deep in his body. When he thought that perhaps Sousuke had stirred him up, there was vexation as well, but he thought that it also resembled the exhilarating feeling after he swims with full force. It seemed like it wouldn’t calm down for a while.

Their concern for each other – Sousuke preemptively warning Haruka not to tucker himself out and Haruka asking Sousuke on the status of the start Haruka passed down to him – further exemplifies the healthy mutuality of their rivalry. Although Sousuke has not seen a worthwhile performance from Haruka aside from last year’s relay, he approaches Haruka on multiple occasions. If neither mattered to the other, their words and actions would not leave such deep impressions. Though annoyed by how heavily affected he is by Sousuke’s competitive edge, Haruka finds it thrilling, heart-racing. Using his teammates’ feelings, Haruka creates resolve for himself, resolve that turns into energy filling his entire body. Spurred by the encouragements from his friends cheering on the sidelines, Haruka soars, landing in the water’s welcoming arms; he wins and shatters the first-years’ tournament record. Afterwards, is the 100m freestyle event:

In the neighboring lane, – was Sousuke. “Yo, that was perfect.” “I wonder how it would’ve been, if you were there.” Haruka diplomatically told him that it would’ve been a close match if Sousuke had swam. “Pff, I’ll prove it to you.” He was saying that in the race they were going to swim now, he would prove to [Haruka] that his real ability was greater than his. “I won’t lose, though.” H[aruka] has no intention to be fixated on winning or losing. It just meant that if Sousuke wished it, he would swim for real. “That’s good.” [Sousuke] meant to come at him in that spirit. It meant that it wouldn’t be interesting if he didn’t. [...] His reaction time was approximately simultaneous with Sousuke’s. They float in midair like they had synchronized. Raising small splashes, he landed in the water. Dolphin kick from the streamline. Haruka narrowly pulled ahead. However, Sousuke’s true value was from here on out; just when he thought that he forcefully came gaining on him, he easily jumped in front of Haruka. – He felt him. He felt Sousuke to the extent that his skin tingled with electricity. And he understood from the undulations being transmitted that Sousuke was feeling Haruka, too. Sousuke made the turn ahead of him. For a moment, their eyes met. – Come. Sousuke provoked Haruka. He didn’t even need to be told. He released all of his energy at once. He was being heated up. His hands, his feet, his body were burning red. All the water that touched him instantly evaporates.

Because Sousuke and Rin are so alike they are almost treated as alter egos and Haruka’s analytical mind observes through comparisons based on past experiences, Haruka briefly superimposes Rin’s image onto Sousuke. To overtake one, Haruka overtakes the other; overtaking one means he overtakes the counterpart. Since Haruka swims ahead of Rin, he cannot lose to Sousuke.

Furthermore, Sousuke gleefully congratulates on Haruka’s achievement, while Haruka explicitly expresses a yearning to swim against Sousuke, to truly engage in the challenge. Haruka wants to prove himself to Sousuke, and the sentiment is shared:

Touching the goal with his hand, Haruka lifted his face. In the neighboring lane, Sousuke lifted his face as well and breathed in deeply. Sousuke held out his hand over the rope. When he grasped it, while thinking that as always, it’s a huge hand, he felt Sousuke’s lingering energy flowing into him. Again, Sousuke was supposed to be feeling the same thing, too. 

When the time came to enter the course soon, Sousuke called out to Haruka. “Rin’s feelings, I finally understood them.” “What?” “The pressure of being gained on by Nanase.” “That is?” “While swimming, my skin tingled. That was the first time.” “So?” “– But, I’ve already experienced it. Next time, I won’t let you overtake me!” “Only if you can swim ahead of me.” After lightly saying it, Haruka raised the corner of his mouth. Responding to that, Sousuke also smiled fearlessly. After staring into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, prompted by the whistle, they split up and went towards each of their courses. 

While waiting for Asahi on the starting block, Haruka had his eyes turned towards Sousuke, who was in the same heat. The Sousuke he saw through his goggles was lankier than usual. – Sorry. I’ll be making the start first. (HS2, 12)

Unlike his anime counterpart for most of its run, Sousuke in HS2 readily acknowledges Haruka as a swimmer and seeks him out as an opponent, but he neither obsesses over Haruka’s talent nor renders Haruka unattainable. Because their rivalry is not rooted in idealization, it stimulates improvement and frankness beneficial for both individuals. Sousuke makes a declaration of war, and Haruka wholeheartedly meets him halfway. Technically speaking, it is Haruka who reopens the rivalry after the air is clear of misunderstandings, an auspicious moment for him seeing as Haruka has frequently viewed rivalries as wasteful, vexing and thus undesirable.

It wasn't a name that he'd known before, but now that he knew it, it didn't make much difference. Haruka just wanted to remember him: the opponent who had annoyed him so. (HS, 1)

At the idea that there was someone in front of him who could feel the water more than he did, his body had grown hot. The heat had flowed all through him. He hadn't even felt like trying to hold back.

Even after he had climbed up onto the poolside, he continued to smolder, unable to burn off all of his energy. […] And when he thought that someone like Rin had thrown his emotions into disarray like that, he was disgusted with himself. Deeply regretting that he'd let himself be provoked and gotten so thoroughly carried away, Haruka left the pool. (HS, 2)

It was just that there might be someone who could swim faster than Haruka, and that might mean that he could feel the water more than Haruka could, and it was a fact that this left a small knot of worry in Haruka's heart. (HS, 2)

Haruka wasn't going to deny that there was someone who could swim faster than him. But he wasn't going to acknowledge it so easily, either. It wasn't that he wanted to win, or that he hated losing; it was just that he couldn't simply accept that there was someone who could feel the water more than he could. (HS, 3) 

“Yup, I go to Bandou SC and Haru goes to Iwatobi SC, though. Well, it’s like that. What they call rivals.” When [Haruka] thought of Asahi considering them as such, his mood fell another level. (HS2, 2)

Sousuke didn’t avert his gaze from Haruka. The same as Sakuyuki earlier. Every last one of them looked at him with challenging eyes. He can’t stand to take on every single one of them. (HS2, 4)

“I think he’s being impatient. The first years are all experienced, he might be worried that his spot as varsity swimmer will be taken. Like when he was playing soccer……” Ridiculous, [Haruka] thought. He’s not swimming because he wanted to be a varsity swimmer. If [Shouta] wanted that, [Haruka] would let him have it. (HS2, 6)

Making the turn, he passed by Shouta. That made him remember, he was swimming with Shouta. It’s not that he forgot. It’s just that he didn’t feel him. It was only the two of them in the pool, but he couldn’t feel Shouta. What could Shouta be feeling, thinking in the water? Or could it be that he wasn’t feeling anything? If Shouta were to harbor some kind of emotions towards the water, even if they were feeble, they should be conveyed to Haruka. But he didn’t feel anything. Nothing was being conveyed to him. It was a sensation as if he were swimming with a mechanical doll. (HS2, 6)

Backtrack to Haruka’s first experiences with having Rin challenge him – a novelty for Haruka which rankled him deeply – and others subsequently challenging Haruka, and compare those reactions to the ones he has when facing Sousuke. One will see that – according to Ohji’s writing – Haruka’s rivalry with Sousuke is special in its own way, as Sousuke instills a keen thrill within Haruka that he is not only receptive towards, but also attempts to match in response.

I find the anime’s adaptation of Sousuke’s and Haruka’s rivalry paltry, undermining the significance of their development and competition as merely background noise; the show even failed to write a satisfactory conclusion for their conflict. The next part of the series – an analysis on the anime scenes – will go more in-depth on the differences between Ohji’s interpretations versus Kyoani’s interpretations of these characters. 

---

stryfewood week day 6: memorial