Cruelty Is So Easy. Youre Not Special For Choosing It

your life is not an optimization problem

earnestly I think the spread of the paradigm that someone is either abuser or abused, either privileged or oppressed, either exploiter or exploited, and that this is a mathematically calculable measure of ideological purity, has done more to damage basic capacity for left wing organising than just about anything else in the modern era bar active surveillance and union busting

when i was a kid, a new family moved into our neighborhood. my parents wanted to welcome them, so my dad made a bowl of salsa and went over with my mom to introduce themselves. the husband of the new family was very excited when he got the salsa—he was a professional chef and as such no one ever made food for him because they always assumed he’d think it was bad, just because he was a good cook.

the moral of the story: give your artist friends art! give your writing friends writing! and give your chef friends food! even if they’re “better” at it than you. i can assure you that they’ll love it regardless because it came from you.

stolen from bluesky.

a very good lesson my therapist helped me with was changing “should” to “want to”

example:

“I should shower.” -> moral, weighty, often an addition to the chorus of shit you are already struggling with. a dead end! guilt and shame are not sustainable motivators.

“I want to shower.” -> acknowledgement of a need and desire, now we can move forward!

often, when we’re stuck, it’s unlikely that we are choosing it. even if you have the “i could do this if i just got off my ass” running through your head, that doesn’t mean it’s correct. something is stopping you. something is preventing you. moving forward looks like figuring out what that blockage is.

there are infinite reasons we get stuck or don’t do something. often, these reasons have little places we can push back on.

with our example, here are some reasons that have interfered with my hygiene, and what i tell/ask myself when they come up. my therapist recommended getting curious with the feeling, not judgmental. genuinely, gently: why is this thing stopping you?

i don’t like my skin being damp, it’s really uncomfortable -> the discomfort will suck, and i’ll feel better once i’m dry. is the post-shower dampness more uncomfortable than feeling icky right now?

i can’t stand up that long and making it to the shower is too fucking hard -> i can sit on the side of the tub / i don’t have to shower right now, i can rest for a bit and see where i’m at after

i haven’t done that much, so i’m not that dirty -> i still don’t feel very good, maybe a shower would help reset. even if i don’t feel better, at least i don’t have to add sensory ick to the bad feeling.

i forgot and now it’s time for bed and i can’t sleep with wet hair -> i can shower in the morning! / i can do a body wash and take care of my hair in the morning

and listen, sometimes the reason for not doing something you want to do is very fucking compelling. sometimes you just can’t fucking shower. and you learn to stock hygiene wipes on the grocery list and keep a stack of clean washcloths by the sink, and you buy a shower chair for the days you need to sit down.

and if you get to a place where you want something and won’t give it to yourself (not can’t!), you need to ask why you’re depriving yourself of something you want.

i find that is often more helpful than railing against yourself for something you should be doing.

First of all, how dare you

This is going to fucking suck but I will not do my enemies’ work for them. I will not just roll over and fucking die.

To the ones who want to vote 3rd party, or don't want to vote at all

I reblog political stuff, but I rarely make my own posts on this kind of thing, mostly because for as much as I read and I try to understand the U.S. Political system, I know I don't know everything and so I try to keep my mouth shut.

But I'm feeling so depressed and despondent today, after the Supreme Court ruling, and so I feel the need to make this post.

If you're someone who's wanting to vote 3rd party this November, or if you're not planning on voting at all because "Both sides bad", I deeply, deeply encourage you to do 2 things.

Look up Project 2025: Highly recommend watching this video in particular, but if it's too long or you don't want to watch, please look it up. It is very real, it is coming, and it should concern you.

Please consider your friends and family. Even if you yourself will not be directly affected by the Project 2025 plans, chances are very, very good that you know someone who will be directly affected by these plans.

I get it. You don't like either of them. I don't either. Biden isn't the best choice. Biden isn't someone you necessarily want in office. But our country is presently operating on a two party system. It's wildly unfair, but abolishment of the Electoral College and two party system is not this year's fight. No matter how fervently someone may believe their third party vote could change things, I guarantee you that this time, this election? It won't.

If you don't like either candidate, think about your family. Think about your friends. Think about what's at stake for those people. Even if you don't like either candidate, there's probably one you hate more.

To all of my disenfranchised, tired, hopeless, apathetic peers who feel like nothing matters and that they don't care about two old men fighting for the white house, I beg of you... Now is not the time to stop caring. Revolution can and will come. Radical change can and will come. But it has to start with creating a space that allows radical change.