I Literally Cannot Stop Thinking About This

Oh. My. God.

get you a man who'd lie to the cops about your forgery to obtain narcotics

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

i cant even blame house for falling in love with wilson at first sight. i did too.

House s2 e17, All In, fills me with primal animalistic lust because why do they all look so good

GOD DAMNNNN

I NEED an edit of james wilson to "sharp dressed man" by zz top

everytime I hear that song all I can think of is wilson

i want to take this moment to appreciate the way that the actors say their lines in such comedic ways

BILLY JOEL AND WILSON HOW WILL I SURVIVE

& the most she will do is throw shadows at you (but she’s always a woman to me)

“hes obsessed with you. which is ridiculous, because he doesn’t even like you. he thinks.”

synopsis: wilson has always been a little too good at self-deception. until you come along and ruin it.

he’s not sure when it started.

maybe it was the third time you rolled your eyes at him during rounds.

or the fifth time you said, “that’s an interesting opinion,” in a tone that made it clear it wasn’t.

maybe it was when you laughed at him in that specific way — sharp and amused and teeth-baring — and walked off without another word.

whatever the cause, the effect is this:

he’s obsessed with you.

which is ridiculous, because he doesn’t even like you.

he thinks.

⸻

you’re impossible.

he tells himself that often.

you’re careless with your words. you’re smug when you’re right.

you point out inconsistencies in his logic, question his methods, act like his years of experience are a mild inconvenience to your brilliance.

you’re not cruel. just —

confident. disarming.

and so, so infuriatingly competent.

he can’t stand it.

he also can’t stop thinking about it.

⸻

“you’ve got that look again,” house says, leaning into his office like a vulture.

“what look?” wilson asks, not looking up from the file in front of him.

“like you’re planning a murder. or writing a love letter.”

“i’m working.”

“you’re sulking,” house corrects.

wilson sighs, saying nothing.

⸻

the problem is, you’re not wrong about him.

you see right through the charm, the practiced calm, the emotional sleight of hand.

you don’t call him out on it. you just look at him.

like you know.

like it’s obvious.

he hates it.

he hates you.

he also, somehow, wants you to do it again.

⸻

he thinks about you in places he shouldn’t.

at night, when he’s brushing his teeth.

in the car, waiting at red lights.

during meetings, when you’re not even there.

sometimes he imagines arguing with you just to see what you’d say. other times he imagines you kissing him mid-sentence to shut him up.

... he doesn’t like admitting this to himself.

doesn’t like what it says about him.

⸻

“you’re patient,” cuddy told him once. “you’re the nice one.” he thinks about that a lot.

he wonders what she’d say if she saw him now; biting his tongue until it bleeds, because you made a comment about his latest consult. it was technically accurate, but also humiliating and he kind of wants to die and/or kiss you about it.

he wonders what you’d say if he snapped.

(he won’t.)

(probably.)

⸻

one day you stop by his office to borrow a file.

you knock once, step inside without waiting, and say something so neutral and mundane that it shouldn’t make his chest ache, but it does.

your voice is calm. your sleeves are rolled up. you don’t even glance at him as you flip through the papers on his desk.

he watches you for maybe two seconds too long.

you notice.

you raise an eyebrow. “what?”

he says, “you’re exhausting.”

you blink. then smile. “likewise.”

and you leave. like nothing just happened.

⸻

he puts his head in his hands and laughs.

he hates you. god, he hates you.

he wants you to ruin his life.

(he suspects you already have.)

Girls don't want money, girls want Robert Sean Leonard as James Wilson