It’s The Little Things That Pass As Amusement To Me.

Petition for people to stop asking Sebastian Stan about Bucky and for Sebastian Stan to stop making me cry 2k16

This is why I love these people.

Trying to take back myself

Well, I haven't been looking on Tumblr for months now much less posted anything. A short while after my last post (back in October 2010) I was unexpectedly released by my Master. It was a complete blindside for me. When I had talked to him on Friday things were fine. Monday morning he released me.

I do understand his reasons and they had nothing to do with *me* but with his immediate family situation. Yes, I did know what had been going on with it but he didn't give me any idea that he was going to so abruptly make this decision. So no real warning at all for it for me. And it was while I was at work. By YahooIM. 

It's been THIS long (now the beginning of March 2011) for me to really realize just how badly hurt I was and the extent of the affect it has had on me. And the affect it is having on my other relationships. 

It completely shattered my self confidence and ability to trust or be secure in a relationship. I've been a neurotic mess for months. I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful husband who has been trying to help me as well as a Dom I was allowed to still play with by my ex-Master who was also a good friend, and has become one of my best friends by this time. They both didn't let me curl up in my bed and completely draw away from everything to do with the lifestyle. I love them both beyond words for everything they've done for me and all their patience with me through the past months.

Now, I'm *finally* in a place with myself that I am starting what is I'm sure will be a long road to rebuild myself and my confidence in myself so that I can be happy again and a less neurotic train wreck. (hey, I'm not perfect! I'm sure I'll still have my bad days.) It's a daunting thing to consider how much work I think I'll be needing to do to get my confidence back, but it will be worth it. For me and for them. We will all be happier. I have absolutely no doubt about that. 

So, as part of remaking myself I am going to be taking my Tumblr back for myself as well. I had set it up for myself and it turned into something I did for the ex. I'm sure I'll end up posting things having to do with what I want done to me by my friend who is also now my Dominant as well. 

I've gone back and forth over removing my past posts having directly to do with the ex. But (at least for now) have decided not to. They were part of my life at that time so while I might not want to think about it right now, they are a good reminder of the things I am capable of. At least, what I'm capable of when I'm a whole person and not the badly damaged mess I still am right now.

I will get back to the person I was then and be the better for it as well since I am now going to have a better understanding of myself through having to identify and rebuild the damaged parts of myself. I will have a better foundation for my sense of self and confidence. 

So while this sucks sweaty dirty donkey balls right now and I'm sure will for some time, I want myself back. I used to generally *like* myself. I don't right now. I don't like the person I've become. So I will fix it. The process will probably be quite unpleasant at times, but I want to like myself again and be happy with who I am. 

And I will.

Hello there. I saw you followed my writing tumblr and thought to check out yours. Very awesome, thought I'd share my opinion.

Thanks! I like yours too. Wonderfully dark. Perfectly suits some of my moods. If I ever reblog something you write and have matched it with a pic you find objectionable just let me know and I'll take it off. Vampire bunny kisses! 

Why is it that when I think things are going allright and I'm pretty happy that no one else feels that way and when every one else is happy and thinks I'm doing better and working hard that I feel most depressed and unhappy? 

Seriously. 

WTF?

Happy Hanukkah, everyone, from these two jerks! I’m posting this a little early this year. Line art by the amazing Ro Stein & Ted Brandt, and colour art by @deecunniffe. 

I want to point out what a technical achievement this story is on the art side. There’s a real joy to creating a whole story in eight panels, but this? This is some magic. We introduce four new characters. In panel 5, SIX PEOPLE are talking. SIX. In the world of comics, that’s almost un-doable. 

Yet Ro and Ted arranged everything so the conversations flow and are sensibly grouped, all the “acting” is fantastic, and then Dee laid on top these beautiful, almost fairytale colours – look at the subtle work, the blush in Henry’s cheeks, Frank’s five o-clock shadow, the shine of the wine bottle’s glass surface, the light texturing in the backgrounds… and of course the snow! This is some first-class illustration work on an incredibly hard script. (I fear Ro and Ted always get me at my worst – my very formalist script for them in the 24 Panels anthology was no cakewalk either. (The problem is, they’re just so damn good at it… check out their work on the Image comic Crowded!)

As always, if you like what we do in Hells Kitchen Movie Club, consider donating a little to a veteran’s charity. 

(I also have a thriller novel I’m crowdfunding, please check it out, we are more than halfway there. The book is all written…)

Previously in Hell: cover image // 01 // 02 // 03 // Xmas // 04 // 05 // 06 // 07 // Hanukkah // That time the Punisher’s creator gave us a thumbs-up // twitter // insta

Last week I sent this to my current Master and asked if he would do this to me. Unfortunately he won't be here until the first week of August. Sigh. Such a long time.

Well, I'm sure I'll be able to come across more fun pictures of things I want him to do to me that I can send in the meantime...

(via willingsubmission, tomsmith65)